Sordid Jester
Educated
- Joined
- May 15, 2011
- Messages
- 136
Arulco is in peril! A bitch queen, Deidranna, has usurped the throne and thrown the small county into a state of disarray, and the only resistance force has been whittled down to uselessness! Deidranna siphons the country's abundant rich-metal resource into private weapon research and amassing her own private army, leaving the locals in strict poverty. There is nothing left in the country to help the innocent, so they called him in...
Extreme Shepard guest stars in:
--
Now, a tiny disclaimer before we begin: Explosives, machine guns, knives and day missions. This will not be efficient. Deidranna will know what's going to hit her, for about a second, before she explodes into bitchy chunks across her throne. You have other Let's Plays for efficiency, and you probably know the ropes well enough yourself. This Let's Play isn't here for that.
We're here to blow shit up and gun fuckers down.
I have edited the weapons progression to slow down, some, so it's a little bit more of a challenge. Drassen counter is off. The bugs will be on.
Chapter One: First Attempt! In this very post.
Chapter Two: Second Attempt! So Close, Yet So Far.
Chapter Three: Third Time's The Charm! And we're off!
--
Let's get it on!
Here are the settings we'll be going by, but of course, and here are the statistics on this version of Extreme Shepard:
This Shepard is nothing less than a Soldier, trained for gunning the shit out of the bad-guys whether they're a mile off into the horizon, or invading his personal space a mere ten feet away. Medicine and wrenches are for pussies, the only skills Shepard cares about revolve around guns, grenades, and guns that shoot grenades. He's also a bit of a crappy leader, but he's going to be better than most dead weights that'll pack alongside him.
Due to terrible funds of merely $15,000, Shepard decides to go straight for the hardcore, and hire two of the beefiest motherfuckers he can think of:
Shepard's expectations are high with these two. High strength means big guns, big guns mean big bullets, and big bullets mean big death for the bad guys. Steroid and Bull can also take a lot of damage, so they can keep on gunning where lesser men would have fallen. Steroid can even fix shit! Nothing can go wrong, right?
...Right?
...Fuck, it does.
Before even landing his feet on the ground, Shepard's given the option to surrender while the other two still climb down the rope. Any other man would have probably done so, here and now, given that they're already face to face with two enemies, but Shepard isn't that kind of man. Shepard gives the army the finger and threatens to collar-grab every mother fucker in the vicinity, resulting in immediate retaliation.
Steroid takes a full burst round, and then a cheeky single shot, nearly ending his life before any of Shepard's team get a go! Were he anyone else - even Shepard himself - he'd be bleeding out on the floor, but because it's Steroid, he's ready for more! Clearly, Shepard knows how to pick them.
Seeking revenge for his comrade, Shepard unloads three shots into the closest guy's head, claiming his first kill in the very first round. This is a good sign, Shepard's accurate and with a gun powerful enough to score quick and easy kills. Unfortunately, this doesn't make up for relatively stupid mistakes his team then makes:
Bull has taken cover by the sandbags, in a position I thought would protect him when prone. Steroid runs off to the north, with a plan to hide in the house, and flank the remaining enemy that we can see. This was a mistake, I probably should have moved them, or at least Bull, to the building you see in the middle left.
Shepard decides to make the same mistake, after being shot in the enemy's last turn. This was a doubly horrible mistake, because I forgot to calculate the extra backpack weight affecting all movement. Shepard doesn't have enough points to kneel down, he's an open target.
In his last turn, Bull sprayed seven shots towards the enemy and missed every single one. He wasn't so lucky when it came to the enemy's go, who lands three shots on Bull, the harder target between Shepard and him. Shepard isn't complaining.
You might notice Steroid laying on the floor at the top. He tried to hop the fence, and ran out of energy on the other side. I guess getting shot seven or so times takes the wind out of you.
Shepard takes a shot and actually hits the guy, and then I make him prone to avoid further fire, and do the same with Bull, expecting it to help.
It didn't. Bull is shot and hit three times in auto-fire by the enemy east and, worse, two more enemies come from the west, and south. Sherpard is shot once by the woman from the south, and so takes a new position - amdist the sandbags - to take a new target, while Bull sprays and prays on the eastern enemy.
Shepard lands two hits, one of them essentially unaimed. Bull lands a single shot out of a seven bullet spray. Shepard gravely wounds his target, and Bull doesn't even land a proper dent. Shepard begins to notice his mistake in hiring Bull.
Another three turns pass. Shepard kills the woman and begins firing on two more targets; another new one that appeared from the north, and the man that had come from the west. He hits the man twice, who then retreats behind the building in a critical state. He hits the woman to the north once, as well, to show that no distance is too great to save you from the Extreme.
Bull fires off a burst every single round, and actually empties his chamber before killing the guy. Shepard kills people in three shots. Bull kills them in thirty. Shepard begins to seriously consider sending Bull upfront to simply punch the guys - which is his expertise - and it looked like a plausible idea when every single shot the enemy takes misses over their last few turns.
Steroid makes his flank attack, only to realize the target's dead.
Oh.. Shit. Two more enemies have entered the fray, and in their latest turn, managed to clip Shepard and burst spray Bull, again. Bull retaliates on the closest guy, but misses every single shot. Shepard doesn't, landing several shots over two turns, but unfortunately, none of them enough to claim the kill. Steroid fires around all over the place, uselessly - even scoring an interrupt, but he's simply too wounded, and with too shitty a pistol to do anything but make noise.
It's not looking good. They try their best to take new positions. Shepard's sweating, but it isn't over yet. He's still hitting people, and he simply has to endure four opponents (one of them hidden, as none of the crew are looking north.). Four! Mere humans! In the future, Shepard has to fight the goddamn reapers, and he's collar-grabbed and killed people, aliens and robots in the hundreds! It's not time to start shitting bricks ye-
Oh..
..Shit.
Oh well, at least Shepard has Dynamo and Shank to make his prison bitches. Maybe he could even warm the warden over - she seems like his kind of girl. Never fear, Shepard's story isn't over, yet!
Well, maybe this one is, but there's always Bioware's favourite weapon; The Retcon!
Next time: Shepard tries again!
Extreme Shepard guest stars in:
--
Now, a tiny disclaimer before we begin: Explosives, machine guns, knives and day missions. This will not be efficient. Deidranna will know what's going to hit her, for about a second, before she explodes into bitchy chunks across her throne. You have other Let's Plays for efficiency, and you probably know the ropes well enough yourself. This Let's Play isn't here for that.
We're here to blow shit up and gun fuckers down.
I have edited the weapons progression to slow down, some, so it's a little bit more of a challenge. Drassen counter is off. The bugs will be on.
Chapter One: First Attempt! In this very post.
Chapter Two: Second Attempt! So Close, Yet So Far.
Chapter Three: Third Time's The Charm! And we're off!
--
Let's get it on!
Here are the settings we'll be going by, but of course, and here are the statistics on this version of Extreme Shepard:
This Shepard is nothing less than a Soldier, trained for gunning the shit out of the bad-guys whether they're a mile off into the horizon, or invading his personal space a mere ten feet away. Medicine and wrenches are for pussies, the only skills Shepard cares about revolve around guns, grenades, and guns that shoot grenades. He's also a bit of a crappy leader, but he's going to be better than most dead weights that'll pack alongside him.
Due to terrible funds of merely $15,000, Shepard decides to go straight for the hardcore, and hire two of the beefiest motherfuckers he can think of:
Shepard's expectations are high with these two. High strength means big guns, big guns mean big bullets, and big bullets mean big death for the bad guys. Steroid and Bull can also take a lot of damage, so they can keep on gunning where lesser men would have fallen. Steroid can even fix shit! Nothing can go wrong, right?
...Right?
...Fuck, it does.
Before even landing his feet on the ground, Shepard's given the option to surrender while the other two still climb down the rope. Any other man would have probably done so, here and now, given that they're already face to face with two enemies, but Shepard isn't that kind of man. Shepard gives the army the finger and threatens to collar-grab every mother fucker in the vicinity, resulting in immediate retaliation.
Steroid takes a full burst round, and then a cheeky single shot, nearly ending his life before any of Shepard's team get a go! Were he anyone else - even Shepard himself - he'd be bleeding out on the floor, but because it's Steroid, he's ready for more! Clearly, Shepard knows how to pick them.
Seeking revenge for his comrade, Shepard unloads three shots into the closest guy's head, claiming his first kill in the very first round. This is a good sign, Shepard's accurate and with a gun powerful enough to score quick and easy kills. Unfortunately, this doesn't make up for relatively stupid mistakes his team then makes:
Bull has taken cover by the sandbags, in a position I thought would protect him when prone. Steroid runs off to the north, with a plan to hide in the house, and flank the remaining enemy that we can see. This was a mistake, I probably should have moved them, or at least Bull, to the building you see in the middle left.
Shepard decides to make the same mistake, after being shot in the enemy's last turn. This was a doubly horrible mistake, because I forgot to calculate the extra backpack weight affecting all movement. Shepard doesn't have enough points to kneel down, he's an open target.
In his last turn, Bull sprayed seven shots towards the enemy and missed every single one. He wasn't so lucky when it came to the enemy's go, who lands three shots on Bull, the harder target between Shepard and him. Shepard isn't complaining.
You might notice Steroid laying on the floor at the top. He tried to hop the fence, and ran out of energy on the other side. I guess getting shot seven or so times takes the wind out of you.
Shepard takes a shot and actually hits the guy, and then I make him prone to avoid further fire, and do the same with Bull, expecting it to help.
It didn't. Bull is shot and hit three times in auto-fire by the enemy east and, worse, two more enemies come from the west, and south. Sherpard is shot once by the woman from the south, and so takes a new position - amdist the sandbags - to take a new target, while Bull sprays and prays on the eastern enemy.
Shepard lands two hits, one of them essentially unaimed. Bull lands a single shot out of a seven bullet spray. Shepard gravely wounds his target, and Bull doesn't even land a proper dent. Shepard begins to notice his mistake in hiring Bull.
Another three turns pass. Shepard kills the woman and begins firing on two more targets; another new one that appeared from the north, and the man that had come from the west. He hits the man twice, who then retreats behind the building in a critical state. He hits the woman to the north once, as well, to show that no distance is too great to save you from the Extreme.
Bull fires off a burst every single round, and actually empties his chamber before killing the guy. Shepard kills people in three shots. Bull kills them in thirty. Shepard begins to seriously consider sending Bull upfront to simply punch the guys - which is his expertise - and it looked like a plausible idea when every single shot the enemy takes misses over their last few turns.
Steroid makes his flank attack, only to realize the target's dead.
Oh.. Shit. Two more enemies have entered the fray, and in their latest turn, managed to clip Shepard and burst spray Bull, again. Bull retaliates on the closest guy, but misses every single shot. Shepard doesn't, landing several shots over two turns, but unfortunately, none of them enough to claim the kill. Steroid fires around all over the place, uselessly - even scoring an interrupt, but he's simply too wounded, and with too shitty a pistol to do anything but make noise.
It's not looking good. They try their best to take new positions. Shepard's sweating, but it isn't over yet. He's still hitting people, and he simply has to endure four opponents (one of them hidden, as none of the crew are looking north.). Four! Mere humans! In the future, Shepard has to fight the goddamn reapers, and he's collar-grabbed and killed people, aliens and robots in the hundreds! It's not time to start shitting bricks ye-
Oh..
..Shit.
Oh well, at least Shepard has Dynamo and Shank to make his prison bitches. Maybe he could even warm the warden over - she seems like his kind of girl. Never fear, Shepard's story isn't over, yet!
Well, maybe this one is, but there's always Bioware's favourite weapon; The Retcon!
Next time: Shepard tries again!
Good going, Droog-kun!~
That's a little extreme commander. I suggest a tactical retreat.
We're going to make sure we demolish half of Deidranna's estate once we get there.
