Fuck yeah, it's the most SERIOUS Witcher-review ever!

[Darth Roxor]

That was... chaotic, alright.

 

[Elwro]

But it was Chaotic Good.

 

[Major_Boobage]

Omg why have you changed your avatar Andy?

 

[Wyrmlord]

So anyway, a list of the best Witcher reviews ever written.

1. Ouugh.Blogspot's review
2. DarkUnderlord's Year In Retrospect review
3. And Andyman's SERIOUS review

Although it all just leaves me convinced not to buy the game, I have to say that this hilarity would never have existed were it not for the Witcher. Amazing how things work out.

 

[Demnogonis Saastuttaja]

I liked TW, it had nice atmosphere and certain richness about it. But I have mostly the same beefs with it. It would have been a lot better if I was allowed to create my own fat, ugly homosexual withcher who rapes small boys and has to fight vengeful mothers, teens and revenants, while getting money from the much safer business of being a thug for hire rather than slaying monsters.

 

[JarlFrank]

The only thing I didn't like about The Witcher were the FUCKING LONG WAYS TO WALK.

Ugh.

Everything else was p. good and I thoroughly enjoyed the game.

 

[quasimodo]

Great review Andy, I really love your style. Please continue to review games and don't forget to liberally premedicate yourself beforehand.

ps. Bring back the horse avatar.

 

[racofer]

Who among us dared to kiss Andyman and turn him into prince charming?

I want our horse back.

 

[Jaesun]

Who among us dared to kiss Andyman and turn him into prince charming?

I want our horse back.

 

[OSK]

I just picked this game up.

And holy shit is the combat annoying as fuck.

 

[Applegate's Breasts]

I just picked this game up.

And holy shit is the combat annoying as fuck.

It's tolerable if you close your eyes while doing combos and it sounds like Geralt is fucking you and building up to his climax.


Oh, and gute review Andyman! :salutay:

 

[Satori (original)]

And holy shit is the combat annoying as fuck.

Do it on hard mode, it's actually for fun since you concentrate on his moves instead of the flashing icon.

 

[DarkUnderlord]

In terms of combat I actually didn't mind the actual clicking so much (playing on Hard). What I did find annoying was the whole three-styles bullshit and having to use all of them (thus making it all moot and kinda silly) and there being little other weapon choice (in that, you were worse off using the other weapons than sticking with the default swords the entire game).

The flipping out like a Ninja was way over-the-top though but at least the timed-clicking it was different to the standard "hold the mouse button down until the bad thing dies" Diablo II method. I just wish doing combo's involved more buttons like holding shift to block or ctrl to do a power attack or alt to do some other attack or something and being able to use all those styles on an enemy, not just matching the style with the enemy.

 

[Jaime Lannister]

Do it on hard mode, it's actually for fun since you concentrate on his moves instead of the flashing icon.

He still twirls his sword twice though, there's really no way to give TWitcher good combat.

 

[made]

Dear Andyman, your analysis of "The Witcher - Game of the Year 2007, 2008, 2009 Edition" is invalid because you haven't played the game the way it's meant to be played - in Polish. Please do so and rewrite your review accordingly. After all, you wouldn't dig out an obscure Azerbaijanian translation of PS:T and presume to pass judgement based on that.

Your biggest fan,
made

 

[Wyrmlord]

Yes. A Polish version will improve the core gameplay mechanics of the game.

That makes complete sense.

 

[ghostdog]

Even the first translation of the game wasn't that bad. Compared to the Fallout3 shittiness, Witcher's writing looks like a literary masterpiece. Yes, sometimes the grammar and sentence construction was not good, but at least you understood what they waere trying to say and most of the time the meaning was not FO3's retarded stuff. I think most non-english speakers did not have a big problem with the translation.

Anyway, I consider Witcher to be a good game and the only worthwhile RPG-ish pc game since Bloodlines. (yes MOTB too, but it's an expansion.)