Let us play Nox.

[Dire Roach]

Nox is an <s>Action RPG</s> Fantasy Action Game developed by Westwood Studios, complete with a sountrack composed by Frank Klepacki. It was released in the two-thousandth Year of Our Lord and is better known as "yet another Diablo clone". Let's take a look at the box cover, shall we?



Looks like some cultist trippin' on LSD. The lack of chainmail bikinis and elf boobs is a big let-down, but the yellow starburst promises "ACTION PACKED soloplay and multiplay (up to 32 players)". Nox is, indeed, one of the twitchiest and fastest-paced PC-exclusive games ever to have been labeled as an RPG.

Here we see a bizarre incarnation of the Westwood Studios logo along with a reminder of their status as EA bitches. Amazingly enough, the game does not include a separate, unskippable EA logo screen.



Shwing! When in doubt, always include eye-searing bloom effects in your game's animated logo screen.



Some goth womyn appears to be enslaving nations with necr0mancy.



Meanwhile, trouble is brewing at our hero's trailer park home...



Jack's TV is not working properly. He tries to fix it the way most household problems should be solved: by slamming it with his fist repeatedly.



Suddenly a portal opens!



Jack, his TV, and a glowing orb of unknown origin that was sitting on top of the TV for purely decorative purposes are sucked through a wormhole.



The wormhole leads to a region of the universe where Newton's laws do not necessarily apply.



Jack lands unharmed on an airship's deck...



While the the she-necromancer lols after having successfully removed the orb from Jack's inventory.



The airship's captain threatens to rape Jack with a telescope.



There is fear in the hero's eyes.



Unfortunately, the cap'n does not rape Jack. He offers to spare Jack's life in exchange for his broken TV.



Jack says he wants to go home to eat his girlfriend's bacon, but the cap'n has other plans for him...



If you fancy watching the whole intro sequence, it can be viewed here.

Welcome to the class selection screen. Class is the only meaningful choice in the whole game aside from running noxuninstall.exe. The game is completely linear and you will always visit each major town and dungeon regardless of your class. However, each class gets to visit a handful of locations that the other two don't, and each class also has a very different ending sequence. Warriors will be attacked on sight at the Wizard city and vice-versa, while Conjurers are gayfully neutral.



Pros:
*Bestowed with chiseled six pack abs.
*Can handle shiny armors and big melee weapons.
Cons:
*Most likely suffers from Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder.
*Afraid of sparkly magic stuff.



Pros:
*Extremely high charisma score.
*Can sit back and relax while everyone else does his work for him.
Cons:
*Draws cartoons featuring anthropomorphic animals with huge tits.
*Prone to random episodes of bestiality.



Pros:
*Has a photographic memory and is good with numbers.
*Makes pretty colors dance in the air.
Cons:
*Socially inept, cannot grasp the concept of hygiene.
*Writes erotic Harry Potter fanfics.

Just as in Planescape: Torment and The Witcher, it is impossible to play as a female character in Nox! Ironically, even though the game's intro sequence gives the hero a specific name and appearance, you can still change these things after choosing a class.



As you can see, there is a dazzling array of color combinations to choose from, ranging from pure Aryan white with a bright green mustache to purple skin with blue sideburns and magenta sneakers.



Which path will our hero follow? Will he become a generic warrior, a run-of-the-mill conjurer, or a cliché wizard? You decide! Name/appearance suggestions are welcome.

 

[Saint_Proverbius]

Conjurer and Warrior were my favorite two classes. The Conjurer is pretty sweet considering you can make nifty little traps and walking bombs. I was on a level that was a bit too tough for me, so I hid in a corner and made traps and walking bombs in order to thin the herd for me.

Warrior can jump over some pitfalls and such, and can whack things up. He's a good secondary choice.

Nox is a pretty decent game. It's a shame Westwood never released the map editor for it. NoxQuest is about as close to having a modern day Gauntlet over the internet. It rocks, but only having a dozen maps for it makes it kind of boring once you figure the maps out.

 

[Darth Roxor]

Hm, Conjurer is my favourite, I believe. Shooting stuff with uberbows and meanwhile sending bombers filled with fists of vengeace into incoming mobs was great fun. The maps were also kind of interesting and filled with secrets, so my inner explorer was satisfied. I actually like Nox a lot, and return to it quite often

Oh, and of course, every possible NPC speaks BRITISH o_@

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

I say the ADD Warrior. Provided he can be EXTREME.

 

[JrK]

I liked the Wizace the most; biggest variety in tactics due to many spells.

 

[St. Toxic]

Another vote for the Conjurer here. It would be interesting to see a non-XTREME character do some grinding for a change. Also, Nox > Diablo.

 

[Kingston]

Nox was a really fun game. I'd say conjurer, as it'd be the most fun to follow, although a wizard is good if you wanna go HC (the beginning areas are a lot tougher iirc).

 

[ghostdog]

Conjurer.

Also, does NOX have the same portrait artist with BG who got bored and drew the same faces , or is it a sinister case of plagiarism? The warrior is definitely Minsc.

 

[Micmu]

Conjurer, yes. Hmm... Isn't the Conjurer the one who expells the evil spirit from that hot Hecubah chick (main villain) and not kills her? Then he walks with her into the sunset...

 

[Darth Roxor]

Hm, I believe the wizzard exorcises Hecubah. The conjurer crushes her in some moving walls, I think?

 

[dragonfk]

I vote for Conjurner. Never played him.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Conjurer because, exactly what Saint said, traps are fun.

 

[Radisshu]

I vote for whichever class is the most brave/diplomatic.

 

[Darth Roxor]

I vote for whichever class is the most brave/diplomatic.

That would be the conjurer I guess. You can use brave diplomacy to charm creatures and make them fight for you \o_O/

 

[Dire Roach]

Also, does NOX have the same portrait artist with BG who got bored and drew the same faces , or is it a sinister case of plagiarism? The warrior is definitely Minsc.

I just checked the credits for both games and they share no artists in common. But hey, Picasso said good artists borrow while great artists steal.

I vote for whichever class is the most brave/diplomatic.

Sorry, it is impossible to totally avoid combat in Nox, although rats are peace-loving creatures in this game.

I reckon our journey into Conjurerhood will begin tomorrow unless the kingcomrade option manages to catch up by then.

 

[Saint_Proverbius]

Nox is also one of the first games where you could interact with the environment. You could set off a bomb in a room, and chairs and such go flying around the room.

Nox was really well done. It's a shame many people passed on it.

 

[sqeecoo]

Yep, it's a pretty good game. My only problem is that the warrior's equipment deteriorates way too fast.

So I always played a wizard.

 

[Radisshu]

In that case, the conjurer gets my vote.

 

[Vibalist]

Wizard. As far as I remember, the areas you got to visit as a wizard were the most fun.

 

[Dire Roach]

Welcome back to this here Nox el pee thread, folks!

At the end of the intro sequence, the airship captain asked Jack for an unspecified favor. We can safely assume that it was a homoerotic carnal act since the cap'n seems to have been flying solo for quite some time. After that, the cap'n apparently forced Jack to choose and train in one of the three heroic careers available to the peoples of Nox. Being the cowardly furfag he is, Jack naturally picked the Way of The Conjurer.



Note: All NPC dialogue in this game is fully voiced. No exceptions. No mercy.

Airship Captain: "When following your destiny’s particular path, the Way of the Conjurer, a discrete and undetected arrival is more often the best policy, lad. Here, at the abandoned Mana mines, you’ll find a tunnel which takes you into the very heart of the Village of Ix. Once there you must find the Master Conjurer of Ix: Aldwyn."

Aiming to be as discrete as possible, Jack decides to disguise himself...



Nobody fucks with a blond, colorblind negro!



I think the cap'n won't take us any closer to the village 'cause he's a closet homo who's scared of being seen with another man aboard his airship. We take his anti-diplomatic biting stick and begin our epic journey.



Here we can see our inventory and stats. Every time you level up in Nox, your stats increase by a predetermined amount automatically. There are no perks to choose, no skill percentages, and no point allocation nonsense. There's really no need to check your stats at all other than to compare the numbers with other classes. That's how we roll in Nox, son.



Goddamn! Shut your fucking mouth, whitey! Asshole.



In the land of Nox, eating apples and raw steaks will heal nasty wounds in the blink of an eye. Good thing there was a sign here in the middle of nowhere to inform us! Into the mines we go.



I'm starting to think I'm not the first man the captain has dropped off here. Many naive boys have probably met their fate in this deathtrap dungeon so the cap'n could keep his sexuality a secret. But... he told me I'm special and that I have an epic destiny ahead of me. I'm not gonna die here like the rest of those chumps! Who's the clever one now, bitch?



Whoa, cutscene paralysis! The path behind me collapses...



A grizzly bear! I'm fucked! Damn you, captaaaain!



A boulder lands on its head, killing it instantly. Damn, that was so close... it felt kinda like a Disney ride!



A human skeleton and a pot of gold coins are found in the bear's dwelling. Probably some idiot who didn't stay put until the ride was over. His stupidity resulted in my profit so I'm glad he got killed.



I'm feelin' lucky. Bring it on, abandoned mineshaft!



Shit, it would probably have taken me ages to figure that out on my own.



Wait a minute, this looks an awful lot like one of those "Free Bird Seed" traps from a roadrunner cartoon. Fuck it, I'll bite.



Pixie Swarm? WTF kinda gay spell is that shit?! I knew it was too good to be true.



So I cast it and now my mana bar is almost half empty. It's taking forever to go back up, how do I...



OIC. The crystal hums when I stand next to it and my mana is restored quickly. Now I'm convinced I died and was sent to some sort of hell where all that New Age hippie shit is real.



Orly?



I smell a conspiracy aimed at the black man.



Goodies, it says. I bet it's fried chicken and watermelon laced with cyanide.



More pots 'o gold? Is this some kind of twisted Jew joke?



A white spider! Time to unleash my Nubian fury on that cracka!



As the rage swells within my black veins, the pixies I summoned earlier hurl themselves at the spider. The pixie-spider collision results in the brutal, mutual death of both pixie and spider. All that rage built up for nothing! Goddamn kamikaze pixies...



I spot a small humanoid. It mocks me with its laughter and starts throwing rocks at me. As I charge at it, the creature starts running away and the remaining pixie steals my kill! Fuck!



I spot the first piece of equippable loot.



Their armor value is greater than my old kicks so I equip them immediately. This ain't no fashion show, nigga; you need to protect yo' ass when there's fucking bears around and no glocks in sight.



Yes folks, this is an isometric game where you can jump by hitting the spacebar!



Can't... move... must... watch...



Rocks... crushing... explosive... barrels...



A tutorial puzzle! I can either push the oh-so-conveniently-placed water barrels into the fire or jump over the flames. The staggering amount of choices overwhelms my next-gen-trained brain; I lose all sense of purpose and direction for several minutes.



Further down the corridor we find our second spellbook in a suspicious chest with no signs around it. Thanks to Lesser Heal, food is now pretty much obsolete!



A bat! No fucking pixie's gonna steal my kill this time.



I need a Silver key to unlock this door. I know the key needs to be made specifically out of silver 'cause of my deductive powers of reasoning 'n shit. I am the black Sherlock Holmes, bitch.



Whew! Good thing there happens to be a chest with a silver key just a few steps away from that door. Otherwise I probably would have given up the search a few seconds later.



Hey, what's this big rollable rock doing here?



I am able to get the massive boulder rolling thanks my genetically superior physique, but I end up falling through a hole. Is it a trap?



Not for me, at least. Looks like some other sucka fell here and broke his leg...



Leaving behind some body armor for me to loot!



After walking a bit more and killing a few bats and spiders, I locate a chest that contains flimsy leather armbands. I am fucking invincible now.



The elevator that takes me out of this place has been turned off. A nearby switch takes care of that little problem.



Daylight! How do you like them apples, Captain? I survived your sinister boy-killing tutorial dungeon and your secret ain't safe no more! But wait, what's this? More signs? Shit, looks like I'm not safe yet.



Red potion = health, blue potion = mana. This knowledge is automatically passed on to our offspring.



The two guards outside the village entrance eye me suspiciously. Fucking pigs.



That's right, guide the negro straight toward the bottle. It'll be easier to beat the shit out of blackie once the vast amounts of malt liquor take effect. Gosh officer, you sure don't look an inbred Klansman at all with that slumped alcohol-fetus-syndrome forehead and handlebar mustache!



Archery contest? Ain't no nigga ever shoot no damn arrows, honkey! Now if you'll excuse me, I'ma enter the village and make yo womans faint by showin' em mah 13-inch black snake.


On the next episode of Let's Play Nox-
*Hot necromancer-on-villager action!
*Barmaid bitches!
*Professionally charmed wolves!
*Barefoot bridge-less bridge guards!
*Much, much moar!

Let me know if you think the in-game text is too small to read in the screenshots.

 

[BethesdaLove]

"and no glocks in sight." ROFL

Dire Roach is a nigga himself! No way could he imagine that text!

 

[Kraszu]

I started playing whit warrior and the game is fun for a hack&slash ability to charge make combat more interesting. (when you hit wall instead of enemy you got stunned and you loose some hp)

As for fast equipment deterioration I just use weapon that my enemies leave + charge don't take into account weapon that you use.

 

[Radisshu]

this game actually looks pretty fun (in a mindless way), though I don't see the point of making a diablo clone that won't let you control your character's leveling.

 

[St. Toxic]

this game actually looks pretty fun (in a mindless way), though I don't see the point of making a diablo clone that won't let you control your character's leveling.

It's centered alot more around the players skills. You hit air with l-click, not monsters, and run around with r-click'n'hold, and you jump around and use different combinations of skills / spells. The stats are there just to define the different classes basically, everything else is down to equipment and skill. Besides, Diablo is just a paradoxially bad clone of Nox anyway.

 

[Nedrah]

Don't know about the game, but in the name of cyanide laced watermelons and fried chicken - continue this story!