Game 4: The return of Goatse
Semifinals in the newbies cup. The goats are back. We've been really lucky with the oponents we had in this cup, as Chaos are notoriously bad at low Team Values and elves are a soft starter. If we'd had Orcs, Lizards or Dwarves in our starting group, things may have looked different. Even a human blitzer with mighty blow could've ruined our day.
Our starting lineup. Silellak returns to us. Our goal for ths game is to try and get him 2 touchdowns, as a st2 lineman not much use to us without a skill.
The goats are back. Hopefully they haven't brought a minotaur. Those guys hurt.
Well, fuck. The strange setup is because the game apparently decided I had spent too long taking pretty pictures. Your set-up sends abruptly, with no visible timer or warning if you take too long.
Oh hell yes!
Pipka drags a goat down with him, ending the chaos teams turn prematurely and badly out of position
Lightbane shows he means business, delivering udder destruction to the ÜberCow. This may very well win us the match!
Since the ref is out, we decide to see how many goats we can gangfoul off the pitch
Flying Spaghetti Monster gets his first casualty. He collects a fistful of teeth as a trophy
Our attempt to knock the ball free is a flashback to last match. No matter, we've got their cage contained.
The next few turns nothing much happen. All attempts to knock the ball free are met with pushbacks
Silellak moves into position to score the moment the goats slip up
Azira finally knocks the ball free, but it scatters into the hands of his teammate. Crap!
Meanwhile, ComradeCommisar hatches a cunning plan...
With Mike Jahn blocking off the only route of escape, the beastman is shoved off the pitch and into the waiting arms of BetesdaLove, who knocks him out with a bench! Now that's teamwork!
To those wondering what Elwro's been up to, he spends the entire half making sure the goats can't pass to their receiver
Lightbane finally frees the ball
It's the last turn before halftime. A 2+ pickup and a single 2+ Go For It is all that stands betweeen Silellak and a touchdown. Oh the suspense...
All right, Rapists. I see how it is. You're not elves at all. You're just reguar fags and trannies with pointy ears. But you know what? You're MY fags and trannies, and I believe we can make this work. Their CowZilla is out and we're recieving. As of right now, finesse is right out. We're going to go out there and
pummel them into submission. We're not going to lose the game to a bunch of furries.
Rapists - once more into the breach!
The kickoff scatters off the pitch. Against all logic, I give the ball to the weakest player on the line of scrimmage.
Since Elwro basically spent the entire last half resting in our endzone, he has plenty of energy left. A vicious uppercut sends a goat off to his Happy Place.
Pipka proves once agian that you're not really elves. A failed 2+ dodge, but our cage is secure.
We punch through their defenses. The endzone is in sight
The goats try to sneak a receiver into our endzone. This strategy works surprisingy well, because the crappy default camera only shows about half the pitch. After 3-4 turns, you forget about him. You can zoom out or move it, but every turn it resets to default.
Mike Jahn was listening to my halftime peptalk. A well-placed elbow drop sends a goat off the pitch to recuperate.
I get greedy. Fortunately we have a reroll.
A single 2+ Go For it is all that stands between Silellak and a touchdown again... I'm not sure want to see this...
WOO! FUCK YEAH!
Leetle Goats theer eez no eeschape! Ghentleemen, Theer Weel Be Rape!
I think she likes you, Silellak.
With 5 turns remaining and 11 emofags vs 9 goats, things are looking good
Make that 11 vs 8. Flying Spaghetti Monster makes up for missing the first 2 matches
Mike Jahn circles around the mid-pitch mosh pit and prepares to get physical with the carrier...
Brother None snatches up the ball while everyone's distracted by the carnage
Silellak makes like an elf, dodging twice to complete the cage
A sickening crunch echoes around the stadium! A beastman clutches the bloody, mangled remains of his hand!
Wow. You're not pulling those punches, Spaghetti Monster
ComradeCommisar joins in on the fun. This is madness!
Meanwhile, Azira's still trying to play elfball, with predictable results
Last turn, victory looms on the horizon. Silellak needs to succeed on a 2+ pickup to score his second touchdown and ensure he gets a skill
Aww yeah!
Winners are rewarded with gratuitous crotch shots
Decent winnings. We advance to the finals
Meet our new Illegal Procedure Specialist. He'll be taking care of the opposistions best and brightest as soon as they're prone.
