The trip goes on without any interruptions.
Behold, the temple of the smug.
The human hand is not capable of creating things like that. I think what we're seeing is an example of the dormant magical powers within the land.
Bull. A few thousand slaves and overseers built the pyramids, I think they used the same methods here.
You are wrong, lady. Completely wrong
You don't even know what you don't know.
Hans, do you know their customs? What should we avoid?
Oh dear. Berserk monks ahead.
Don't worry, they won't even know we're here.
Our request to translate the document will surely arouse their attention.
They have no quick way of communication. Before the message goes any further, we will be gone.
There is a solution.
We could kidnap a monk at night...
I like her way of thinking.
Then you'll have your way with him and he'll tell us everything. Do you want to break his vow of chastity?
Time for Margaret to put on her rapeface
Do you have a better idea?
The only solution is to be sincere. We'll tell them why we came here and they'll have to help us.
And if it doesn't help, we can always run for our lives.
From a bunch of monks? What can they do? Meditate us to death? Let's enter the monastery.
WHEN SUDDENLY
Some sort of force field blocks the bridge.
And some ol' hippie appears
Nice trick. How did you get here?
IT'S KRISHNA HIMSELF
We were going to the monastery, but something strange has stopped us. It probably has something to do with you.
Hahaha, yes, you are right! Strange things are happening here. But not all of them are as strange as they might seem. I'm the guardian of this bridge, not everyone can cross it.
Anyway, we're trying to get to the monastery!
You lack patience, wanderer. I didn't say I wouldn't let you through. You carry the wanderer's amulet, the bridge is open to you. But I must test your friends first...
Master Yoda will let Grom pass thanks to the amulet the villagers gave him in the last update. Now his treacherous bros will have to pay the price for not aiding him before
I don't think they'll like that. What's the test?
Let them come here.
Did you hear him? Go, let's see what the test is.
So we have to go and our heroic leader will stand aside and watch us be tested? What's that amulet the old guy was talking about?
A little gift.
Well, come on, Hans, let's go. What do we have to do?
When you close your eyes, the world ceases to exist. Throw away the veil covering your eyes. Sit down next to me... and by no means, don't leave the place!
So we sit down...
WHEN SUDDENLY A YETI APPEARS. I GUESS WE HAVE TO SHOOT IT, EH?
Since it's just a single yeti, it falls quickly... but wait, something weird happens
Then I was right. You are not courageous enough and you cannot calm your thoughts. I'll do yet another test...
Now two yetis appear. But we're steadfast and take the beating without reacting. Passive aggression, bitches.
You may go through...
If we failed this test too, we would have to leave our guns at the bridge before proceeding. And this is a BIG no-no, which you'll see soon.
Sup monk bros.
Greetings!
Let the heavens support your quest for the truth.
It seems we've found what we're looking for. We must get to the monastery.
'Demons'? That's probably some wacky metaphor, right?
Demons? What do they want from you?
Oh my.
Oh yeah, sure, let's go back in a month, sounds like a p. good deal.
All right, we'll defeat the demons.
You are great warriors. Let the prayers of the great Lamas protect you. We'll come back here again when it's safe.
But you know, something puzzles me. If they can't open the gates AT ALL, even for a second to let three strangers slip through, then how are these guys guarding the gate? Their bros throw food and stuff at them from the walls and they're camping in front of the gate for a month?
But whatever, let's defeat those 'demons'. Yeah, heh, 'demons'. Superstitious bullshit.
HOLY SHIT
Those little pests are pretty annoying. They might not hit too hard, but are rather tough, and the way they keep flying around the place is irritating.
As one great Lama would say: never underestimate the power of stupid things in large numbers.
But soon they're all dead.
No problem.
Then the gate will open for you.
Cool.
Thank you for your hospitality, but we've got an important matter to settle. We need help.
You must wait.
We just want to translate an old document.
Please, show some patience. As soon as the great Lama finishes his prayers, I'll talk to him.
He moves away to the central monk and returns.
The great Lama has considered your request but he is not sure if he can help you.
What? We came here such a long way.
Forgive my audacity, but tomorrow you'll have to measure your strength against our Lama.
In a gentleman's duel, probably. That is, who looks away first.
Measure our strength against the great Lama? I thought you didn't fight.
I apologise I didn't make myself clear. I mean a sacred traditional discussion of two contestants.
'Lol newfag'
'Butthurt detected'
I can't do anything more for you today. You can go to your room now, please do not
feed disturb the monks. Everything will be clear tomorrow.
We follow the guy to our chambers.
All right, now tell us what's going on.
I'm ready for your questions.
So we're just going to stand and talk? Piece of cake.
Forgive me, I forgot that you don't know the ceremony of the discussion. Then listen...
Uhm... 277 gestures? Sounds promising.
Tell me one more thing... What are these demons that are trying to get to the monastery?
I heard about your fight with the demons of the evil sky. We have horrible stories related to them. Much chaos was caused by a demon that hid within our monastery.
What?
Nothing can be done about it because the monks are not warriors. Nobody can kill the demon of fire and give the jewels back to the flying demons.
Maybe we could help you?
Grom!
Miss Margaret, calm down, please, problems are my specialty.
I thought it was stupidity.
We've dealt with several problems, haven't we? We can defeat this demon and maybe it will make the Lama friendlier to us. As a reward, he could help us.
That may be possible.
So?
Wait a moment, please, I've got to talk to the Lama.
He sits down and does some mofo meditation.
I have good news, the Lama has agreed.
That's nice. But what about our request for help?
That's not determined yet. The great Lama must think it over.
MP40s +1 incoming.
All right, I guess it will be me. But I'd rather wait for the decision about our document before we go...
Forgive me, I'll be back soon.
He leaves the room and Margaret is butthurt again.
Well, our bold hero will risk his life again. It seems that before we complete our mission, brave colonel Grom will save half the world.
Margaret, keep cool. It seems that we need the favour of this Lama - this way we can settle this immediately instead of going through the discussion.
Grom is scared of /gd/
I wouldn't count on that. Lama just wants to use us, after you defeat the demon he probably won't help us at all.
Quiet, the monk's coming back.
Here, this should be helpful, take what you want.
Tell me first if the Lama has decided whether he will help us or not.
The Lama said that if you defeat the demon of fire and make it back in one piece, he will reduce the number of gestures to a few basic ones so that you could have a conversation with him.
Eh, that's good, I guess?
So before, I didn't have any chances?
There is no time now. I must speak with the Lama so we can transfer you to the demon's room. Choose what you need to take with you and tell me when you're ready.
Loot!
Oh... some super duper magic items, alright. But I'll take the blunderbuss and healing stuff, it should be useful.
We are teleported into the room that made KalosKagathos ragequit.
There are 6 rooms filled with strange biomechanical 'guardians' and the demon itself.
The bastard throws fireballs that take down 100 hp. He's also tough as shit.
I go into one room, get stuck in the doorway and die. Uh... let's reload.
Damaging the guardians also damages the demon. Killing a guardian takes down a whopping 400 hp.
We keep rampaging through the rooms. The blunderbuss is p. good at eliminating the guardians.
And soon...
Wooo!
This is remedied fairly quickly.
We're brought back to our room.
Now I leave you here... Get some rest and we'll meet tomorrow during the ceremony.
Cool.
Time passes fast, and we're brought before THE GREAT LAMA.
The contestants must come to me. Rest of you must stand aside and watch.
Now the Lama will come. I'll take my place on the ceremonial stool and give the signal to start the game. If you win, the Lama will fulfill your request.
And if I lose?
You'll be able to try once more.
Convenient.
And now get ready, I must ask everybody to be quiet.
Greetings, venerable. I want to ensure you that I support your actions and that I'm waiting for the day when my suffering disappears.
Wut.
Did you get a permission from Dalai Lama to stay in Tibet?
Well, guess we better play true
Do you know that staying in our country without permission is punished by death?
What would you do with a wanderer that comes to your home without invitation and acts according to his own rules?
Why do people from Europe stick their noses into everyone else's business?
And now, gentle readers, we have something that is, quite possibly, the cheesiest minigame in existence.
Symbols pop up on the ground.
You have to stand on them and choose a proper kung-fu stance that is highlighted in the menu to the left.
You got to the higher stage. Now we start the second stage of questions.
Woooo!
I'm ready, we can start.
Can you clap with one hand?
It's not really possible to 'fail' those questions. I guess the way you respond queues different stances in the following minigame.
What's the greatest enemy of our mind?
No 'inane questions' option. Pff.
Are you afraid?
Finally, do you want to tell me something?
More kung-fu follows.
I am full of admiration for your skills.
I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.
Where did you get that ancient document from?
Why do you think we can help you?
Why should I trust you?
If we help you, what will you do with this information?
What will you do if we don't help you or sentence you to death?
Everybody was kung-fu fighting...
These cats were fast as lightning.
Hell yeah
We have an ancient document. We know it's a map, but we can't read it.
Show me... well, many generations have passed since the reign of Arjuna. What a powerful king he was... This map shows the localisation of one of the ancient cities. It's probably also a place where ancient treasure has been hidden
We already have that information. Tell us what we don't know: what is written on this map and where could this city be?
Ancient treasure, knowledge about power, objects giving you the power. The document warns you not to reveal the secret to weak, power-hungry people.
I know a few such people. The only thing I want is for King Arjuna's treasures to be left in peace, but that's why I must get there before others.
I'm really grateful to you.
Leave this document in our monastery. We will hide it well so that nobody can find it. Our monks will show you the way back. Goodbye to you...
Excellent. That's one less objective to worry about.