The errands, they are a constant in every RPG
So, the party buys some equipment, and get's out of the tavern to find some goblins
Just to see equipment throw on the ground.
We find some goblins.
- It's a wonder those things can do any damage at all. Look, I can just stand here while he "beats" me, and I'm just fine. Maybe they should be made pets or something.
- Somebody would need to bath them first. They smell a peculiar mixture of sweat, farts, and sewage, with a unexpected hint of pine.
- What do you think they eat?
- Well, it must be meat of course, look at their teeth.
- Barbaric! holds one of the goblins heads and pulls it's mouth open -
- Yeah, but this one is hitting you for five minutes straight, and it has not been able to even scratch you.
- Yes, it's a wonder.
The party goes around the town, slaughtering the goblinoids
While finding more equipment thrown away
The party enters the warehouse
- I would rather enter the whorehouse.
- Indeed.
We encounter some goblins
And proceed to the obvious conclusion
And to loot the place, finding nothing of useful
But the day is not yet lost, because we find a DEAD CAT!
We enter the basement, to find this series of caverns.
I really don't think these are any fun for you guys to watch. It is not fun for me to do. Just goblins.
- I think I know how these goblins eat
- How?
- They keep going at you until you are too fatigued to kill them, and when you drop of exhaustion, they eat you.
- That's a very real possibility
We process* a goblin sapper
*process = find, kill, loot
And find this. It will be useful, especially while Wizerella can't cast.
Stupid goblins can't even explode things properly
Our first "not stupidly easy" fight. But still ridiculously easy.
I try to position Mortimer to take advantage of his sneak attack. I don't think he does the deed this fight, but regardless, the battle ends quickly
Stupid non-identified scroll
- Wizerella, can you, ahem, identify this scroll?
- ... No
Having finished our business down there, we return...
And report our findings. The guy tell us nothing important, just to look for Ulbrec
We decide to enter this place. It's a pain in the arse to go around killing goblins.
To sum it up, this guys, by the means of around 57 to 76 screens of dialog, tells us to loot the place, because it's an emergency. And while we loot the place, guess what happens? An ogre enters the place, followed by a few orc shamans and orc warriors.
Not really. Just some goblins.
- Where's Mortimer? -Screams- MORTIMER, WHERE ARE YOU?
- -Screams back- JUST A SECOND, LOOTING THE PLACE.
- Bloody thief -Screams to Mortimer- JUST DON'T GET BITTEN IN THE LEGS, WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO PUT YOU TO SLEEP
- -Imitates horse-
- These bloody goblins have nothing on their pockets. We look down, and their pockets are bulging, but there's only lint, rocks and 1 or 2 coins. The effort to loot their corpses is bigger than the trouble to kill them!
- Yes, I'm not so young anymore, crouching is killing my knees. Much more so than those goblin blows.
And indeed, the extra two clicks to collect the gold are not worth the effect in game.
We loot the place, and find these Iron Rations, that restore 3 hp, and Lamp Oil
Here we see that you can sneak attack a barrel. Those things can detect you, so you can sneak past them?
What about crates? Can they look at you too?
BEWARE, a barrel might be watching you masturbate!
The party leaves the lower town, or whatever that's called, and goes to the upper side.
- -Scooby-Doo style - GH-GH-GH-GHOOOOST!!
- -Scooby-Doo style - GH-GH-GH-GHOOOOST!!
- -Scooby-Doo style - GH-GH-GH-GHOOOOST!!
- -Scooby-Doo style - GH-GH-GH-GHOOOOST!!
- -Scooby-Doo style - GH-GH-GH-GHOOOOST!!
The party leaves the building.
Whole party - LET'S NAIL THIS DOOR SHUT
Whole party - AGREED!
- Let's never talk about that incident again. Especially if it's dark.
- What incident?
- Exactly
We enter the Inn and talk to the bartender
- Jesus, that indicated a lot of pain in his underside.
Loot ...
The place...
And because I deleted the screenshots (trust me, there was NOTHING to be seen in them), we teleport to Ulrec's place
It seems we did not deal with all the goblins yet.
Groans
We leave...
And enter this house...
To talk to this guy
And the fight starts
How, nice, a sleep spell that doesn't allow saving!
And this is the result. First reload
This time, I use the lamp oil.
And the forgot it's name that also explodes. And...
Incline?
Not really. The oils kill most of the goblins, but the sleep spell goes off anyway.
And Barbaric is killed by a level 1 spell doing 18 damage. 1 shotted by a level 1 spell. A barbarian with 18 of con.
Who said my party was overpowered?
Second reload.
This time, knowing the sleep will go off anyway, I try to scatter the party.
Looks good, all minus one of the goblins are dead, only two of my guys are sleeping.
But you guys will have to trust me on this one, because I did not SS it, but someone suffers a gruesome death, and I had to reload. Third time.
The start of the fight.
Party scattered
And the bastard is down! Hurray!
- Finally that bugger went down! Let's loot the place.
- Hmm, a locked container. Where's Mortimer?
- BLOODY HELL, the bugger is still asleep!
Sir Dwarfington kicks Mortimer
- Wake up you bugger, there are locks to be picked!
- Uh? What? Oh, calm down man, I was resting the eyes a bit
- Resting!? Fuck rest, do you want to stay in this prologue ultill the end of time? MOVE!
- Jesus, slavery is over, didn't you hear?
- I'm not even black, for christ sakes...
The party rests, and leaves the building, it's night time
We find Oswald Fiddlebender, and we skip his long and pointless chatter. Really, nobody goes to the point in this game.
We take a look at his shop
- What?! 87 gold pieces for a healing potion? This is highway robbery!
- And I might add, if there's something I know about, it's highway robbery!
- Let's go, I wouldn't buy a potion here, even if my mother, had I not sold her, needed it to cure cancer or something
- You sold your mother?
- Yes.
- But... How? Who would buy a mother?
- C'mon, there are plenty of orphans in the world, anyone of them would give a lot to have a mother.
- Yes, but... You can't become someone's son just because you bought a mother. This is nonsense!
- And orphans hardly have any money at all, I doubt you would sell anything cheap, much less your mother!
- Do you really want to know about it?
- ... I don't.
I forgot to take a look at Phen's loot. We find this, and equip it in Wizerella. Also, we finish the slaughtering of goblins and report to Ulric.
Next update "This goddamn prologue thing never ends!"