Finally, a non orc-centric update.
Well, screw it. I will post it on this page. If possible, I will move it later.
After selling our useless stuff, we get ready to fight.
- Finally we're going to kill this bugger.
- You can say that again.
We retreat a bit, and start peppering them with arrows.
Very soon, they swarm our melee fighters.
We go thinning their numbers without much trouble.
I take Mortimer, equip him with his dagger, and try to get a sneak attack, to speed things up.
The orcs end up taking him as a target. He does not land a single sneak attack, since they turn to face him.
And forget about hiding, that never works.
Shit, earlier I said a thief is 1/2 of a fighter. Forget that. It's probably closer to 1/10.
The damage dealers of the party (read, everybody that is not Mortimer) ended up killing everybody while I was messing with Mortimer. We find some loot.
A leather armor +1, useless. Mortimer is already with studded leather, with has a higher AC, and everybody else who uses armor is with medium or heavy armor.
And a +1 Battle axe. That actually has some use. I give it to Barbaric!, while it has less damage than his greataxe, it lets him use a shield.
And a key that lets us move on.
We move on. In this camp there are a couple of barrels with more useless stuff.
And more orcs, obviously. But these are just cannon fodder.
Sir Dwarfington was in the back of those tents because one of the barrels was there.
Barbaric! and the archers (of the party, not the orc archers) attack...
And we finish up.
- Poor goblins. They were kinda cute. If a bit smelly.
- Even when they were trying to bust your kneecaps?
- Especially then! It made me want to rub their bellies and ask "Who is an evil goblin? Who is an evil goblin?"
We enter the cave.
- Guys, I think we found the porn stash.
- What makes you say that?
- Oh, nothing, just that puddle of sticky goo. Green sticky goo. Orc green.
- Ew!
- I think you should be on your guards, because I think I saw the puddle move!
- EW!
We quickly dispose of the
puddle of orc cum Slime.
And move a bit north, to find...
- Guys, I really don't think I want to continue exploring that cave.
- What in the nine hells is that!?
- What sort of disgusting fetish produced something like that?
- How does a bloke dies from being jizzed on?
- Liz, is orc jizz actually poisonous?
- AH! I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT! STOP ASKING ME ABOUT GROSS STUFF!
- I heard that stuff like that happens in some land to the east, but never heard tales of nobody dying from it.
- These orc sure are sick buggers.
- Is he actually dead?
- I don't know, but if he isn't I'm sure he wants to be put out of his misery.
We shoot him a bit, then get close.
These things are actually pretty tough to kill. They resist piercing and slashing. Didn't try bludgeoning. I had a warhammer that I completely forgot about.
After a bit of hacking away, it, er, dies.
We move a bit further, only to find two more.
I retreat a bit, and position Wizerella to...
Aganazzar's Scorcher!
We mop up.
And find this Olive slime.
What's the deal with slime colors? They behave the same.
And what kind of color is olive? Some homossexual named this, probably. Real men only know one shade of green, GREEN!
Well, it is soon a dead slime anyway.
Patching up.
One more (soon to be dead) slime.
A carrion Crawler. This cave has more variety of enemies than the whole game prior to this point.
I don't know if the Crawler has some special attack or ability, but he dies before having the chance to use it anyway.
- Those things look like a giant joint from afar
After we explore a bit, we find this +1 Axe. It causes bludgeoning damage, and can be throw. I give it to Barbaric!, as a spare weapon.
- Guys, look what I found close to this corpse.
(Not made by me, found it on the net)
- Then these things we are fighting... Ew, I think I need a bath.
- Me too.
- Me too.
- Me too.
Exploring a bit more, we end up talking to these guys.
- Perverts.
We go further south...
Alright, big fight.
I use Alicorn Lance, on the orc shaman. I don't want anything being summoned, or chant being cast.
Should've done something else, because the crappy spell only does 5 damage. Meanwhile the enemies get close, and those two perverts get down to the fray
I charm one of them, and move Wizerella a down a bit.
I'm trying to kill the shaman...
He dies, and Wizerella takes one already battered orc down with a magic missile.
A couple more orcs die.
And finally it's only the troll.
Everytime I look to see how much damage the sneak attack has done, I see a critical by Sir Dwarfington. That does has done much, much more damage.
The orc in this SS is the one previously charmed.
- What did the priestess said about killing the troll?
- Wasn't something about a stake to his heart?
- But where's his heart?
- Have you looked in the place a heart should be?
- Of course I looked. There's only green crap in there.
- I think she said to use a silver stake.
- Where are we gonna find a silver stake?
- It was fire.
- It has to be silver AND on fire?! No wonder those things are unkillable!
- And we still have to find it's heart!
- No, just throw the oil on him.
- Oh, right.
- Wait a second, let me just stab him in the balls one more time.
We loot the corpses, and the container with the blade.
Pretty decent, but nobody in the party can use it. Everybody is chaotic neutral.
We leave the place.
We rest and start leaving this area
- You know the orcs are dead, right? You are free now!
Villager - Oh, why, thank you, let's all go back to our village now! Wait, it was ransacked and burnt to the ground.
- Well, can't you rebuild?
Villagers - After the slaughter you made? Do you have any idea the amount of wolves, carrion birds, hyenas and other scavengers are there? Do you want us poor villages to get eaten?
- Well, no, but I think you are exaggerating a bit. Hyenas live in savannas, the lands are covered with snow here!
Villager - Well, THAT'S THE SIZE OF THE CARNAGE YOU MADE! It attracts scavengers from around the globe! I think I saw elephants too. In fact a whole bloody ecosystem was stabilished there!
- Well, it seems you want to participate in this new ecosystem.
Villager - Oh, and why do you say that?
- You act like you want to be made into fertilizer.
Villager - On the bright side, we still have our lives, eh?
- Let's move.
We change maps, and a Highland snake attacks us.
- It's all tangled, I want to sneak attack it, but I can't figure out where it's back is!
Despite not being sneak attacked, the snake is quickly dispatched.
We move...
That fucker blocks our way. Forcing us to detour about 50 meters.
At least you he could argue that the
aspies harpies could kill us.
Soon, from some hole in the ground, appear orcs, wererats, wereboars, werebadgers, weremother-in-laws...
I decided to use that oil.
Some magic missiles.
And their numbers thin a bit.
I sincerely have no clue on what happend in this SS
Finally, Mortimer manages to deal damage in the double digits
Cleanin'
Lootin'
Movin'
Fightin'
Clusterfuckin'
Aganazzar's Schorcer is always fun to use. The ray burns whoever is in it's path, including allies if you are careless, and the ray moves as the primary target moves.
For some reason, these fuckers decide to not step on the entangle spell.
That thing affecting the enemies is chant. It buffs the allies, and puts a negative buff on the enemies. I mean, the allies and enemies of the caster. If I had a cleric, I could cast it too, it's actually pretty good from what I remember.
Tough fight, look at my party hp.
I try to run away with Mortimer, and manage to get him out of sight. But not by hiding, obviously, because thief skills never work.
Lizzie is still in danger tough.
Dwarfington sends a wererat to hell, and comes down bringing the pain!
I tell him to attack those archers, while praying for Lizzie to remain alive.
She does.
Looting, and in we stop here. This area is cleared, in the next update we move on, to finally reach Shaengarne Bridge.