Well, here we start.
We start in a fight. This one was preceeded by a bit of dialogue, but it was Liberal/Andhaira level of inanity, and I decided to omit it.
What you mean, lazy bastard?
Do you know how many one liners that thing was? The screenshot numeration went from 4 to 20! I would have 15 pages to cut a piece and paste! And there was around 500 screenshots in the folder after I was done playing.
Yes, I don't use all of them, but it gives you an idea of the work. There was a crapload of dialogue in this one!
I know 20-4 = 16! I'm a goddamn engineering student. The first screenshot doesn't need to be cut, just pasted upon.
Yes, education in the third world is bad, but not that bad! You can be sure that every engineer here knows how to subtract.
I mean, I think so. There are some dumb fuckers at the uni, but all of them gotta know how to add.
What? It was subtract? Yes, I know. It's that every subtraction is an addition with a negative number.
And every division is a multiplication by the inverse of the number you are dividing by.
You didn't know that? Well, you are welcome.
What, you were being ironic? Why you little fucker! Come back here so I can beat you!
Ahem. After that very well descripted encounter we find ourselves here. We move east a bit to find...
An village elder? How original.
- Should we go talk to this woman? I mean don't we have more important things to do?
- We could ask her about this place. I'm kinda guiding you blindly here.
- Guiding us where exactly?
- That's the problem, I don't know!
- So, for all we know, we could be walking in circles?
- Well, no. We are on a sure path. I just don't know where to.
- What the hell woman? We should go back to Targos to collect our reward and get another mission!
- Yes, and I tought you knew that and was setting the direction for me to find a path for.
- No, I was just acompanying you!
- And I you!
- ...Let's talk to the woman.
But before party reaches the village elder:
Nym - It's something that requires some discretion. I expect you to keep it under the blankets.
Nym - I saw you distinct lady, and I wondered if you required some assistence in matters... Maternal.
- I'm sorry?
Nym - I want to sell to you this item, it's a mint-condition, hardly used mother.
Nym - She has a lot of space in her heart, she is about fifty years old, so she surely has a few good years ahead of her
Nym - So what do you say?
- She looks like a really good mother...
Nym - She even bakes cookies.
- ...But I still have mine, and I have no plans of trading her.
Nym - Oh. Are you sure? Did I mention her series included acceptance of all sexual identities?
- Err, thank you, but I'm satisfied with my current mother.
- Ha, he needs a few pointers, but I'm sure this kid has talent. I think I will give him a few tips.
- For free?
- What? Of course not.
Mortimer goes talk to Nym. After a while.
- That chap will do great. And he got a nice deal too, I charged only 10% of all his mother-related business.
After that, we finally find the village elder.
Village Elder - Nym? Nice fellow. Sold me an aunt recently. Only 60 payments.
- Right...
- Can you tell us a way back to Targos?
Village Elder - You are going to Targos? Well, unless you go the way you came, there's no way there from here without an absurd amount of travel.
- We can't go the way you came, our ship crashed just after we had crossed a mountain range.
Village Elder - Ship?
- Long story. Listen how do we get out of here?
Village Elder - Well, if the way you came is blocked, then the only way is through the Fell Woods.
- Crap, Fell Woods. It's never the Happy Rainbow Woods. Or the Beer Woods.
- I heard of a Happy Rainbow Woods, but it's quite dangerous, unless you enter it dressing fabulously.
Village Elder - Anyway, the place is a maze, you will never pass through it without my guidance.
- Well, could you teach us to go through it then?
Village Elder - I could, but this are bad times...
- Oh, no...
Village Elder - ...The village is in disarray...
- Not this...
Village Elder - ...I could help you if you help us with some... errands.
- NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Village Elder - Go see the Healer. She mentioned a problem earlier.
Venla the Healer - I have no clues. They were just doing those things children these days do.
Venla the Healer - You know, doing drugs, having unprotected sex and disrespecting their elders...
Venla the Healer - Then they vanished! They used to hang out east of here, if it helps.
- I hope it does. Let's move.
We leave the village.
And go to the east. It's a place between the village and the Fell Woods.
Some enemies. Andhaira and Liberal having a discussion.
They call Cloaked Figure and Prosper to their help. (I actually went to GD to remember more troll names)
I'm very good at aiming Fireballs. To the point that sometimes I can get the monsters in melee with my fighters and not the fighters themselves.
But I suck at aiming Flamestrikes. I think I hit my guys on this one, I'm not sure.
I told my fighters to hit the Shaman. That fucker killed one of my guys, this is actually a reload.
He is down. You guys must already have noticed, but Wizerella still can't cast.
I send Mortimer to give some support.
The only way to finish them off is either with a Flamestrike or hitting them with Barbaric!, who has a flaming weapon.
The Codex does things to your head. "Flaming weapon" sounds like a reference to a gay guy's dong. Anyway, the trolls are dead.
After patching up, we move and find this hut.
And those guys.
This is a pretty straight forward fight.
They are all melee fighters, and with no casters.
That blue thing you saw over them in one of the SSs above was them using rage, I imagine.
I try to get some sneak attacks, but without much sucess.
Soon they start to fall. I had to use a few potions, if I'm not mistaken.
Oh yeah. That was when I used the potions.
Pulled Barbaric! back a bit.
And finished them off.
In the temple, I was SWIMMING in potions. I don't know when I used them all, but while playing this part I run out of them. I was a bit surprised when I searched and found none.
Upon entering this house, the party meets a beautiful pale redheaded woman.
- Good day. We are... uh, looking for some...
- What are we looking for?
- Children.
- Yes, children!
- Have you seen any boobs? I mean, children?
- No, I haven't seen any children around.
- It was told to us that they hanged around just outside your house.
- I've seen some youths around, but they haven't shown up for a few days.
- Right... Nice skull you have in that pike. Seems quite... small.
- Oh, it's a replica.
- But it seems very real. In fact the teeth...
- Shut up Lizzie. The nice lady said it was a replica.
- But...
- It's a replica Liz! Stop being such a troublemaker.
- What? Ok, ok...
- I hate to leave so soon, but we have to find those children...
- It's getting kinda late, you can rest here if you want.
- Great idea!
- But we rested a couple hours ago!
- I still feel tired!
- So do I! That troll hit hard. My back hurts.
- That's settled, let's rest, we resume our seach later.
After resting, we leave the tent and go east a bit, entering the Fell Wood.
So it's one of those mazelike places eh?
The secret for navigating it is very simple really. Going to the west repeatedly will get you to this place. And to advance, all you need is...
...And after that you can get around safely, without becoming lost.
Some wolves here.
We kill them without breaking a sweat, and move.
Some Restless dead. They die even more quickly then the wolves. They are ridiculously easy.
Some more Useless dead.
They aren't worth the SSs.
After we deal with them, this lady appears.
Carynara the Dryad - Children? Well, a woman that lives a hut to the west sometimes take children inside her home.
- Replica my ass.
- She seemed so nice.
- How would you know? You didn't look at her FACE!
We get back. Let's confront the woman.
I'm no fool, so I position my casters away from the Ogre.
- I'm not kidnapping them...
- Well, if you put it like this I believe you are innocent.
- Me too.
- ...I suck their life energy, to keep myself young...
- I tought you were their drug dealer, but that is bad too.
- ...And after that, I turn them into minks, and release them in the wild.
- You, MONSTER!
- You know how much mink pelts are worth? You are throwing money away!
- This is the ass end of the world. Nobody here buy mink pelts.
- I can give you a contact so you can sell those pelts.
- Great!
- I only want 70% of the profits.
- Mortimer, this morally questionable. 70% is obscene.
- And the deaths of those children is bad as well.
- I give you 30%.
- 65%.
- I think I will beat your contact out of you and give you 0%.
- And I think I will stab you in the face.
She teleports out of the hut, and her Ogre gets agressive towards us.
It's quite easily dispatched. We patch up and leave the tent.
There she is.
She summons a fuckload of trolls casts Grease and teleport.
Those things aren't the hardest hitting things we encountered, but they aren't pushover either. And there's many of them.
Clusterfuck. Doesn't seem that bad, the casters are safe...
I left Dwarfington there alone...
...To hit one of those.
I expected more stuff to die.
Whatever was left, was weakened. Dwarfington kills some.
And the group finishes the rest.
We still have to kill the witch.
A Salamander?
Holy crap, she summoned an army! They are even fighting between themselves.
I remember I had some those oils left. This one is like a fireball in range, 5d6 in damage.
I used two. Mortimer and Dwarfington had one each.
Shit, things are looking ugly.
This is that wave magic. Does a lot of bludgeoning damage, but takes a LONG time to cast. TOO DAMN LONG.
It ends up missing almost all the monsters. 47 damage to one guy, and a chance to stun. If not for the half hour we have to wait for it to come out, it would be a great spell.
Confusion affects 3 of our party. Only Dwarfington and Barbaric! are controllable now.
Thankfully, confusion doesn't make my guys turn on each other. They attack a random target, which might be another party member, but for now they are attacking the monsters. Of course it's still VERY bad, because I can't move them out of harm's way, nor focus fire, nor cast spells.
That swirl on Dwarfington on the other hand, means he is dominated. We are quite fucked.
I pull everybody back. Right now, I can only control Barbaric!
He killed a couple of monsters pretty quick I think.
He takes a Melf's Acid Arrow, and is charmed.
And just after that, Mortimer bites the bullet. Another Melf's Acid Arrow, it seems.
I haven't been showing losing battles for various reasons, but I wanted to show this one. It was pretty intense, and different than usual. And I think it does some good if you guys aren't too sure that every battle is a victory, it may perhaps help the narration.
Reloading
Grease and summons again. But this time I go right after the cunt.
She teleports to summon another army.
But no you don't.
Take that, bitch! You won't charm any party with you boob power no more.
There's the matter of the trolls tough. Like I said, not the toughest, but not weaklings.
I have no clue on what's happening.
Well, most of them fell. It seems we are close to a victory.
Those ones are refusing to die.
Mortimer takes a lot of damage. I pull him back.
Barbaric! and Dwarfington kill their troll, but now we gotta save Mortimer.
Cue Wacky Sax!
I actually hate this.
It finally change targets, and Barbaric! can attack it. And it dies. Fucker.
We move on. Let's report the case of the missing children.
- Yes, they are safe. Until it's winter season in Luskan...
- You don't know how to turn them into minks.
- Oh, right.
Next errand coming up.
But on the next update.