Chapter 5: Man, Dis Shit Is Startin' Ta Piss Me Off!
Chapter 5: Man, Dis Shit Is Startin' Ta Piss Me Off!
Why you gettin' so timely-like on dese updates?
I don't know. I guess I'm bored.
Perhaps, your boredom is a manifestation of your sexual frustration? Tell me have you been wetting the bed lately?
Stop trying to psychoanalyze me, Freud!
Anyway, even though I have already beaten the damn game, Oblivion is still annoying me.
Definitely sexual tension... *writes down notes*
AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Let's just press ahead at full speed.
Do you have the Amulet?
Errrrrrr............
Well, do you or don't you?
Well ........... not really.
You hocked it for crack money, didn't you?
No! Cameron flew de coop befo' I could beat his ass!
Do you have any good news?
Well, I got this
Mysterium Xarxes shit.
Well, take it to Martin.
I see you have bad news?
I didn't get de Amulet, aight! Cameron flew de coop! I already told this shit several times! All I got is this Mysterium Xerxes or some shit!
Calm down! Maybe I can use the Mysterium
Xarxes to open a portal to Mankar Cameron's paradise. However, it will conveniently take some time. Why don't you go do some random filler quests for Jauffre for a while.
YEEEEEE!!
We find Jauffre in the courtyard.
Let's get started ....
... but first, let's help ourselves to some loot!
Now let's travel to the shrine!
Here is the corpse of one of the two spies. On it, we find a key to her house. The other one did not appear at first, and I ended up going through most of this quest until I realized I needed to kill both spies and had to do most of it over again. God damn, that sucks!
Anyway, we continue on to Bruma to search her house.
Here is a photo of the Temple of Akatosh!
Man! Dat looks like something out of a vampire movie or some shit!
No kidding!
Inside, we find a basement door partially covered by a rug.
Man, dat is just sloppy!
I know, but the Oblivion engine could not handle it any other way!
Inside, we find a bunch of Mythic Dawn propaganda and a letter.
So, they know Martin is here, and they are going to attack the city of Bruma as well!
Let's report back to Jauffre.
The visuals in this game can sometimes amaze you! Of course, it doesn't make up for the rest of the shit!
Jauffre goes to warn the Countess of Bruma of the impending attack and mentions we should speak to Martin.
The Xarxes mentions four items needed for the ritual, but so far I have only deciphered one of them: the 'blood of a Daedra Lord.'
Where will we get that!
In fact, daedric artifacts are known to be formed from the essence of a Daedric Lord, from whence they derive their great power.
Not an easy thing to come by, obviously, but we will need a daedric artifact. Bring it to me when you have acquired one.
The book "Modern Heretics" is the best introduction to daedric cults. The library here has a copy if you need it.
Aw hell! Not more reading an' shit!
So, I guess Azura's Star is the easiest to get to. Unfortunately, I am still at Level 1! Well, I will travel to Bravil anyway, since it is the closest city to the shrine!
Apparently, Oblivion Gates have started springing up in the countryside!
Whoopie! I have ascended to Level 2! Now I can do the quest!
Glowdust can be found from the bodies of Wisps. Luckily, there are some wisps nearby...
At dawn, I offer the Glowdust to the shrine of Azura.
Aw hell! Not bloodsuckers!
Well, we have to get the Star, so let's head to the Gutted Mine.
After a not very long journey ....
... we arrive at the Gutted Mine.
Now, vampires are probably a bit out of my league right now, but since I don't want to waste time getting more items, I decide to press ahead, anyway. The fights mostly involve casting whatever magic scrolls I have managed to scrounge up in my quest. After the first three encounters, I decide to say 'to hell with it' and set the difficulty to Easy since I just wanted to finish the damn game! The only real danger now is to make sure I don't get diseased. In this game, if you get a disease from vampires, then you will become one within a few days if you don't treat it. Since we just care about the main quest, we want to avoid that. To learn more about Vampirism in Oblivion, read
this.
Vamps have this annoying habit of turning invisible on you.
You have to pull this rope to find the last two vampires.
Above are the bodies of two of the vampires.
Having put the vampires to rest, I head back to Azura.
Basically, Azura's Star is just a soul gem that can hold the soul of
ANY defeated enemy. To learn more about soul gems in Oblivion, read
this.
Now, I head back to Martin.
Dis travelling is givin' me a headache!
You and me both, Snails!
All I had to do was kill some vampires! It was no problem!
Maybe for you white boy, but I had to do de work!
It was good for you!
YEEEEEEE!!!!!
Quiet! Both of you!
Are you ready to give me the artifact? Remember, the ritual will consume its physical form. It won't be seen again on Tamriel for many years.
Mothafucka!
Do you want to get through with this game or not, Snails?
Mothafucka!!
Ah, Azura's Star ... as beautiful as all the tales tell.
You should talk to Jauffre. He needs your help. Trouble down in Bruma, I think.
Apparently, Oblivion Gates are forming, but we will leave that for next time.
Same Bat Time! Same Bat Channel!
GODAMNIT, SHUT UP WEST!!!!!