Episode 9141:B - The Curse of Imgur-yan Part 1
"I am not at all shocked to find myself at the set of the live action version of the Jetsons whom I know nothing about. Let's have a look around!"
"Nit-ro-gen? A new brand of painkiller, maybe? I best keep this around in case I get a headache."
"A barrel? I wonder if the herb guy's been... oh, it's a rifle barrel. Nevermind."
"A middle section and a butt. I'm starting to like time travel!"
"I know exactly what to do despite being from the 1930s!"
And thus the impractical incarnation of McGyver went to work...
"If I spit on the battery and then tie my shoelaces around I should be able to create a makeshift flail which will shock anybody I hit it with! ... but if I take this paper clip and short-circuit the battery I can turn it into an IED which will be-"
SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP! Put it in the slit so I can be done with this shit.
"[Perception] Something's telling me that I should put it in the slit..."
Now press the awesome button.
"And now to improbably put every large part of a gun into this machine which seemingly has no slots for doing so in it and then I'll retrieve a fully-functional gun."
That will never work.
I hate you so much.
"Another computer! I'll go over to it, kick it and use its-"
"In 1937, my father John Parker, escaped from the schlossaddler polar base thanks to the mysterious intervention of a certain.... Ryan."
"Nobody believed his story of the Prisoners of Ice. He got married, and I was born just before the world was plunged into chaos."
"It was then that my father decided to impart all of his knowledge to me. I became a specialist in the myths of Cthulhu and I inherited a magical stone capable of invoking the necronomicon."
"In 1989, following total chaos, I headed a group of survivors and entered the ruins of schlossaddler, hoping to find the secret of the Prisoners of Ice. I invented a weapon capable of coming to grip with the monsters..."
"... the freeze and destroy."
"But there were too many of the creatures so I made copies of the solar disc my father had found and dispatched my son, Yan, into the past accompanied by Lt. Shelfton."
"I have placed a steel plate with his name on it around my sons neck, Parker Yan. A Prisoner of Ice attacked Yan and Shelfton during the transfer..."
"But only succeeded in getting away with a piece of Yan's plate."
"If anyone sees this message then my son Yan has arrived safe and sound in London with Shelfton and humanity can still be saved."
"OH MY GOD"
I know, it's pretty significa-
KYLE REESE! Why the hell didn't I get his autograph?!"
"..."
"Damn... I wish I could read."
Shut up and go blow up that rock back there.
The solar disc and a mysterious stone.
"Mine. All mine."
"Looks like there's nothing more to snatch here so I suppose it's time to step through the portal again. The 80s ended too soon..."
As did this update.