In the modern gaming industry, there was a publisher so exceedingly fond of profitable games that he spent all his money on buying popular IPs and marketing. He cared nothing about checking on his developers, trying out the games himself, or checking on development progress, except to get a feature list that he could use for the hype. He published a new game for every month of the year.
In the great city where he lived, life was always gay. Every day many strangers came to town, and among them one day came two swindlers. They let it be known they were game developers, and they said they could develop the most magnificent Role Playing Game imaginable. Not only were their graphics and animations uncommonly fine, but games made in their engine had a wonderful way of being accessible for everyone while still retaining all the complexities and fine nuances of a proper RPG. Only a retard would believe this game to be anything but the best thing since sliced bread.
"Those would be just the game for me," thought the publisher. "If I released it I would be able to discover how much money I can make with an RPG. And I could tell how profitable it is to streamline this usually very complex genre. Yes, I certainly must get some of the stuff developed for me right away." He paid the two swindlers a large sum of money to start work at once.
They set up two computers and pretended to program and design, though they only copied already existing assets. All the development funds which they demanded were blown on booze and whores, while they worked on copypasting far into the night.
"I'd like to know how those developers are getting on with the game," the publisher thought, but he felt slightly uncomfortable when he remembered that only a retard would believe the game to be anything but the best game ever. Since he had no idea at all about computer games, let alone RPGs, he thought he'd rather send someone else to see how things were going. The whole town knew about the game's peculiar quality, and all were impatient to find out how stupid their neighbors were.
"I'll send my honest old marketing manager to the weavers," the publisher decided. "He'll be the best one to tell me how the game plays, for he's a sensible man and no one does his duty better."
So the honest old manager went to the room where the two swindlers sat working away at copypasting dungeons and fabricating scripted trailer videos showing off non-existant features.
"Heaven help me," he thought as his eyes flew wide open, "This game looks like the most shoddily made dumbed-down abomination ever made". But he did not say so.
Both the swindlers begged him to be so kind as to come near to approve the excellent artificial intelligence, the beautiful graphics. They pointed to their screens where they playtested an alpha version, and the poor old manager stared as hard as he dared. He couldn't see anything, because there was nothing to see. The NPCs where just standing around and walking into walls, while the landscape looked empty and the textures were low-res. "Heaven have mercy," he thought. "Can it be that I'm a fool? I'd have never guessed it, and not a soul must know. Am I unfit to be the manager? It would never do to let on that I believe the game is shit."
"Don't hesitate to tell us what you think of it," said one of the developers.
"Oh, it's beautiful -it's enchanting." The old manager peered through his spectacles. "Such an excellent AI, what graphics! I'll be sure to tell the publisher how delighted I am with it."
"We're pleased to hear that," the swindlers said. They proceeded to list all the features and to explain the intricate AI patterns. The old manager paid the closest attention, so that he could tell it all to the publisher. And so he did.
The swindlers at once asked for more funds to get on with the development. But they blew it all on hiring big name voice actors. Not a cent went into the content, though they worked at their copypasting as hard as ever.
The publisher presently sent another trustworthy official to see how the work progressed and how soon it would be ready. The same thing happened to him that had happened to the manager. He looked and he looked, but as all the content was copypasted and the AI almost non-existant, he thought it to be shit.
"Isn't it a beautiful Role Playing Game?" the swindlers asked him, as they displayed and described their imaginary occasions of emergent gameplay.
"I know I'm not stupid," the man thought, "so it must be that I'm unworthy of my good office. That's strange. I mustn't let anyone find it out, though." So he praised the excellent design he did not see. He declared he was delighted with the beautiful graphics and the exquisite dungeon design. To the publisher he said, "It held me spellbound."
All the town was talking of this splendid game, and the publisher wanted to see it for himself while it was still in development. Attended by a band of chosen men, among whom were his two old trusted officials - the ones who had looked at the development progress - he set out to see the two swindlers. He found them programming and designing with might and main, but without any high quality content on their screens.
"Magnificent," said the two officials already duped. "Just look, boss, what graphics! What a design!" They pointed to the copypasted areas, each supposing that the others could see how great the AI was and how intricate the dungeon design.
"What's this?" thought the Emperor. "I can't see anything good about this. This is terrible! Am I a fool? Am I unfit to be a publisher? What a thing to happen to me of all people!"
"Oh! It's very pretty," he said. "It has my highest approval." And he nodded approbation at the level scaling and dumbfuck AI. Nothing could make him say that he couldn't see any proper features.
His whole retinue stared and stared. One saw no higher quality textures and intelligent AI movement than another, but they all joined the publisher in exclaiming, "Oh! It's very pretty," and they advised him to show off this game on the great Games Convention that was soon to be held. "Magnificent! Excellent! Unsurpassed!" were bandied from mouth to mouth, and everyone did his best to seem well pleased. The publisher gave each of the swindlers a cross to wear in his buttonhole, and the title of "Sir Developer."
Before the Games Convention the swindlers sat up all night and burned more than six candles, to show how busy they were finishing the publisher's new RPG. They pretended to write AI algorithms and wrote on the feature-list "trust us, it will be awesome", despite the removal of many highly requested features. They made cuts in the feature-list, removing everything that took more than minimal effort to design. And at last they said, "Now the publisher's new RPG is ready for him."
Then the publisher himself came with his noblest associates, and the swindlers each pointed to the screen as if something awesome was happening. They said, "These are the graphics, here's the persuasion minigame, and this is the combat," naming each feature. "All of them are as streamlined as a dolphin. One would almost think they would not exist, but that's what makes them so fine."
"Exactly," all the associates agreed, though they could see no features, for there were none to see.
The developers showed the gameplay to the publisher, and pretended that it was awesome while it was much worse than similar games released five or even ten years ago, and lacked features that had almost become standard in the genre.
"How well this new game looks. Isn't it wonderful!" He heard on all sides, "That AI, so perfect! Those graphics, so detailed! It is a magnificent RPG."
Then the marketing manager announced: "The Games Convention is already beginning outside."
"Well, the game is supposed to be ready," the Emperor said, and turned again for one last look at the screen. "It is a remarkable Role Playing Game, isn't it?" He seemed to regard the game with the greatest interest.
The associates who were to present the game took the game and prepared to playtest it in front of the audience. They didn't dare admit there was nothing to do in the game except for virtual LARPing.
So off went the publisher in procession under his splendid canopy. Everyone in the streets and the windows said, "Oh, how fine is the publisher's new game! Doesn't it have beautiful graphics? And see this splendid gameplay!" Nobody would confess that he couldn't see anything of interest, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. No game the publisher had ever released before had been such a success.
"But the game doesn't have any gameplay," a little child said.
"Did you ever hear such innocent prattle?" said its father. And one person whispered to another what the child had said, "The game doesn't have any proper gameplay. A child says the game is utter shit."
"But the game is utter shit!" the whole town cried out at last.
The publisher shivered, for he suspected they were right. But he thought, "This presentation has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his marketing department praised features that weren't actually there.
The two swindlers however, who had developed this game with copypaste design that did not deliver any of the promised features because they were cut in the last minute, devised a clever plan of hype that would convince everyone that the game was actually good, and gained so many fanboys that the people who saw the truth could not be heard under all the praise.
In the town, however, the game became so unpopular due to its lack of features that neither publisher nor swindling developers dared visit it again, and even forbade their fans to even talk about the place.
In the great city where he lived, life was always gay. Every day many strangers came to town, and among them one day came two swindlers. They let it be known they were game developers, and they said they could develop the most magnificent Role Playing Game imaginable. Not only were their graphics and animations uncommonly fine, but games made in their engine had a wonderful way of being accessible for everyone while still retaining all the complexities and fine nuances of a proper RPG. Only a retard would believe this game to be anything but the best thing since sliced bread.
"Those would be just the game for me," thought the publisher. "If I released it I would be able to discover how much money I can make with an RPG. And I could tell how profitable it is to streamline this usually very complex genre. Yes, I certainly must get some of the stuff developed for me right away." He paid the two swindlers a large sum of money to start work at once.
They set up two computers and pretended to program and design, though they only copied already existing assets. All the development funds which they demanded were blown on booze and whores, while they worked on copypasting far into the night.
"I'd like to know how those developers are getting on with the game," the publisher thought, but he felt slightly uncomfortable when he remembered that only a retard would believe the game to be anything but the best game ever. Since he had no idea at all about computer games, let alone RPGs, he thought he'd rather send someone else to see how things were going. The whole town knew about the game's peculiar quality, and all were impatient to find out how stupid their neighbors were.
"I'll send my honest old marketing manager to the weavers," the publisher decided. "He'll be the best one to tell me how the game plays, for he's a sensible man and no one does his duty better."
So the honest old manager went to the room where the two swindlers sat working away at copypasting dungeons and fabricating scripted trailer videos showing off non-existant features.
"Heaven help me," he thought as his eyes flew wide open, "This game looks like the most shoddily made dumbed-down abomination ever made". But he did not say so.
Both the swindlers begged him to be so kind as to come near to approve the excellent artificial intelligence, the beautiful graphics. They pointed to their screens where they playtested an alpha version, and the poor old manager stared as hard as he dared. He couldn't see anything, because there was nothing to see. The NPCs where just standing around and walking into walls, while the landscape looked empty and the textures were low-res. "Heaven have mercy," he thought. "Can it be that I'm a fool? I'd have never guessed it, and not a soul must know. Am I unfit to be the manager? It would never do to let on that I believe the game is shit."
"Don't hesitate to tell us what you think of it," said one of the developers.
"Oh, it's beautiful -it's enchanting." The old manager peered through his spectacles. "Such an excellent AI, what graphics! I'll be sure to tell the publisher how delighted I am with it."
"We're pleased to hear that," the swindlers said. They proceeded to list all the features and to explain the intricate AI patterns. The old manager paid the closest attention, so that he could tell it all to the publisher. And so he did.
The swindlers at once asked for more funds to get on with the development. But they blew it all on hiring big name voice actors. Not a cent went into the content, though they worked at their copypasting as hard as ever.
The publisher presently sent another trustworthy official to see how the work progressed and how soon it would be ready. The same thing happened to him that had happened to the manager. He looked and he looked, but as all the content was copypasted and the AI almost non-existant, he thought it to be shit.
"Isn't it a beautiful Role Playing Game?" the swindlers asked him, as they displayed and described their imaginary occasions of emergent gameplay.
"I know I'm not stupid," the man thought, "so it must be that I'm unworthy of my good office. That's strange. I mustn't let anyone find it out, though." So he praised the excellent design he did not see. He declared he was delighted with the beautiful graphics and the exquisite dungeon design. To the publisher he said, "It held me spellbound."
All the town was talking of this splendid game, and the publisher wanted to see it for himself while it was still in development. Attended by a band of chosen men, among whom were his two old trusted officials - the ones who had looked at the development progress - he set out to see the two swindlers. He found them programming and designing with might and main, but without any high quality content on their screens.
"Magnificent," said the two officials already duped. "Just look, boss, what graphics! What a design!" They pointed to the copypasted areas, each supposing that the others could see how great the AI was and how intricate the dungeon design.
"What's this?" thought the Emperor. "I can't see anything good about this. This is terrible! Am I a fool? Am I unfit to be a publisher? What a thing to happen to me of all people!"
"Oh! It's very pretty," he said. "It has my highest approval." And he nodded approbation at the level scaling and dumbfuck AI. Nothing could make him say that he couldn't see any proper features.
His whole retinue stared and stared. One saw no higher quality textures and intelligent AI movement than another, but they all joined the publisher in exclaiming, "Oh! It's very pretty," and they advised him to show off this game on the great Games Convention that was soon to be held. "Magnificent! Excellent! Unsurpassed!" were bandied from mouth to mouth, and everyone did his best to seem well pleased. The publisher gave each of the swindlers a cross to wear in his buttonhole, and the title of "Sir Developer."
Before the Games Convention the swindlers sat up all night and burned more than six candles, to show how busy they were finishing the publisher's new RPG. They pretended to write AI algorithms and wrote on the feature-list "trust us, it will be awesome", despite the removal of many highly requested features. They made cuts in the feature-list, removing everything that took more than minimal effort to design. And at last they said, "Now the publisher's new RPG is ready for him."
Then the publisher himself came with his noblest associates, and the swindlers each pointed to the screen as if something awesome was happening. They said, "These are the graphics, here's the persuasion minigame, and this is the combat," naming each feature. "All of them are as streamlined as a dolphin. One would almost think they would not exist, but that's what makes them so fine."
"Exactly," all the associates agreed, though they could see no features, for there were none to see.
The developers showed the gameplay to the publisher, and pretended that it was awesome while it was much worse than similar games released five or even ten years ago, and lacked features that had almost become standard in the genre.
"How well this new game looks. Isn't it wonderful!" He heard on all sides, "That AI, so perfect! Those graphics, so detailed! It is a magnificent RPG."
Then the marketing manager announced: "The Games Convention is already beginning outside."
"Well, the game is supposed to be ready," the Emperor said, and turned again for one last look at the screen. "It is a remarkable Role Playing Game, isn't it?" He seemed to regard the game with the greatest interest.
The associates who were to present the game took the game and prepared to playtest it in front of the audience. They didn't dare admit there was nothing to do in the game except for virtual LARPing.
So off went the publisher in procession under his splendid canopy. Everyone in the streets and the windows said, "Oh, how fine is the publisher's new game! Doesn't it have beautiful graphics? And see this splendid gameplay!" Nobody would confess that he couldn't see anything of interest, for that would prove him either unfit for his position, or a fool. No game the publisher had ever released before had been such a success.
"But the game doesn't have any gameplay," a little child said.
"Did you ever hear such innocent prattle?" said its father. And one person whispered to another what the child had said, "The game doesn't have any proper gameplay. A child says the game is utter shit."
"But the game is utter shit!" the whole town cried out at last.
The publisher shivered, for he suspected they were right. But he thought, "This presentation has got to go on." So he walked more proudly than ever, as his marketing department praised features that weren't actually there.
The two swindlers however, who had developed this game with copypaste design that did not deliver any of the promised features because they were cut in the last minute, devised a clever plan of hype that would convince everyone that the game was actually good, and gained so many fanboys that the people who saw the truth could not be heard under all the praise.
In the town, however, the game became so unpopular due to its lack of features that neither publisher nor swindling developers dared visit it again, and even forbade their fans to even talk about the place.
