Top Hat
Scholar
- Joined
- May 24, 2006
- Messages
- 476
Tips Top Hat. Greetings!
Recent events over at the Elder Scrolls Forums and some mentions of the topic here have given me an idea. The characters are either fictional or based on actual personae, but the accuracy of their portrayals is not going to be overly accurate, since I'm trying to fit a satire into a parody and have only about an hour free a day to do so.
Clearly respect must be paid to Alan Moore and David Lloyd for their original.
Unfortunately, my graphics skills are no good. If anyone wishes to supply the pictures, feel free to volunteer.
And now for the commencement of...
V FOR VAULT DWELLER
<<Shot of the Elder Scrolls Website>>
VO: Welcome to www.elderscrolls.com, the official website of the Elder Scrolls Forums.
<<Shot of the ESF Section; RPG Codex symbol with crossed-out circle over with words FOR YOUR PROTECTION written underneath>>
VO: Regular forum-goers are advised that the I love Oblivion threads have been closed as of today. This is due to their inappropriate language and links to political and illicit materials. It is suggested that these threads be avoided for reasons of mental well-being.
<<Shot of RitaPGirl's ESF Login>>
VO: We're pleased to inform you that, if sales of the Horse Armor mod continue at this rate, we may be able to drop the cost of the next mod to $1.95. This good news follows similar announcement of good sales of our other mods.
<<Shot of Vault Dweller's Codex Login>>
VO: Forum administrators have had to ban several ISPs for linking to the I love Oblivion website. Twenty people, eight of them women, have had their accounts deleted. This is Pete, signing off.
CHAPTER ONE: The Villain
<<Shot of Rita trying to discuss some points of logic on the forums>>
VO: Bethesda's cold shadow falls on the ESF, and her hand hovers above the keyboard. There was discussion here once. Discussions about people's opinions on RPGs. *Her* discussions, *her* opinions, seem insignificant, they represent no one
RitaPGirl: But don't you think Oblivion would have been better if...
VO: but her.
RitaPGirl: ...they had made mods that were good...I mean...uh...for money?
Spring: Welcome to the forums! Are you a new poster?
RitaPGirl: I must seem pretty stupid. Yes, I am a new poster. You're the first person I've...
Spring: ...replied to?
RitaPGirl: Yeah. I've got Oblivion, but the game is, you know, it's not good enough. Look I was just wondering if you could tell me about the RPG Codex. I know how to...
Spring: No, you don't know how...
<<Spring reveals that she is an alt for Summer>>
Summer: ...because if you *did* you wouldn't have tried suggesting Oblivion isn't TEH BEST GAEM EVAR!!!
RitaPGirl: Oh Christ, you're a moderator!
Summer: That's right, and these are my colleagues.
<<Shot of moderator list>>
Summer: You know discussion of the I love Oblivion is for ...oh, my teapot is boiling. Toodles!s like you. So now we can do what we like to your account.
RitaPGirl: Oh no, please. All I want to do is learn about Gothic! I'll do anything you want. Please don't ban me!
Summer: You've got it wrong, Rita! You'll say "OBLIVION IS TEH BEST GAME EVAR" and *then* we'll ban you! That our moderator-power.
RitaPGirl: Oh please no!
<<Vince has logged on.>>
Vince: "War... War never changes."
Freddo: WTF?
Vince: "What can change the nature of a man?"
Hungry Donner: Who is this ...oh, my teapot is boiling. Toodles!?
Freddo: prolly some LARPer. Hey you!
Summer: Look, friend . We're trying to engage in some serious forum administration here. This thread's going to be closed. Why don't you go read about omgloveoblivion2812's latest romantic troubles?
<<Freddo's account has been deleted.>>
<<Hungry Donner's account has been deleted.>>
<<Summer's account has been deleted.>>
Freddo, Hungry Donner: WTF?!?!?
Summer: What the hell happened there? Who deleted an administrator's account? That bastard! We've got to find out his ISP. If we don't we won't get a 10% moderator discount on the next mod.
Freddo, Hungry Donner: OHNOES!!1!11one
***
RitaPGirl: You... how did you do that? Who are you?
Vince: Me? I'm Vince D Weller. The guy from Vault 13. The Fallout fanboy. The black sheep of the family.
RitaPGirl: But what are you doing here? This forums is only for, um, you know... The Elder Scrolls.
Vince: Ah, but today's *special*. Today is a celebration and a grand opening. Were you never taught the rhyme?
Remember, remember, the Eighth of September
The statistics, choices, and plot
I really can't see why the games RPG
<<Shot of Elder Scrolls Website slowly being replaced by that of Age of Decadence>>
Should be turned into THAT rot.
RitaPGirl: Wow, the Elder Scrolls website! Did, did you do that?
Vince: I did that.
RitaPGirl: That's going to get your ISP banned! Did you really do that?
Vince: Yes. I just told you. Maybe you've been too Radianted to remember? But look, there's more...
<<Every positive review of Oblivion is replaced by Vault Dweller's>>
RitaPGirl: Ha ha ha! That's all true! OMG, that's so cool!
Vince: <<OMG? Oh dear, I've rescued a fangirl!>>
VO: All over the world, browser windows are opened and faces lit without Bloom or HDR gaze at the decent RPG being espoused on www.elderscrolls.com.
Vince: There. Guess my US marketing's done. Russia and Europe are taken care of. But I've got some more work to do. Drop by the Codex some time.
RitaPGirl: Me? Oh, OK.
<<Vince logs out>>
<<RitaPGirl logs out>>
TH: Tune in next time to hear, er read (its teh harder), the thrilling conclusion and the next exciting chapter of... V for VAULT DWELLER!!!
Exit.
Recent events over at the Elder Scrolls Forums and some mentions of the topic here have given me an idea. The characters are either fictional or based on actual personae, but the accuracy of their portrayals is not going to be overly accurate, since I'm trying to fit a satire into a parody and have only about an hour free a day to do so.
Clearly respect must be paid to Alan Moore and David Lloyd for their original.
Unfortunately, my graphics skills are no good. If anyone wishes to supply the pictures, feel free to volunteer.
And now for the commencement of...
V FOR VAULT DWELLER
<<Shot of the Elder Scrolls Website>>
VO: Welcome to www.elderscrolls.com, the official website of the Elder Scrolls Forums.
<<Shot of the ESF Section; RPG Codex symbol with crossed-out circle over with words FOR YOUR PROTECTION written underneath>>
VO: Regular forum-goers are advised that the I love Oblivion threads have been closed as of today. This is due to their inappropriate language and links to political and illicit materials. It is suggested that these threads be avoided for reasons of mental well-being.
<<Shot of RitaPGirl's ESF Login>>
VO: We're pleased to inform you that, if sales of the Horse Armor mod continue at this rate, we may be able to drop the cost of the next mod to $1.95. This good news follows similar announcement of good sales of our other mods.
<<Shot of Vault Dweller's Codex Login>>
VO: Forum administrators have had to ban several ISPs for linking to the I love Oblivion website. Twenty people, eight of them women, have had their accounts deleted. This is Pete, signing off.
CHAPTER ONE: The Villain
<<Shot of Rita trying to discuss some points of logic on the forums>>
VO: Bethesda's cold shadow falls on the ESF, and her hand hovers above the keyboard. There was discussion here once. Discussions about people's opinions on RPGs. *Her* discussions, *her* opinions, seem insignificant, they represent no one
RitaPGirl: But don't you think Oblivion would have been better if...
VO: but her.
RitaPGirl: ...they had made mods that were good...I mean...uh...for money?
Spring: Welcome to the forums! Are you a new poster?
RitaPGirl: I must seem pretty stupid. Yes, I am a new poster. You're the first person I've...
Spring: ...replied to?
RitaPGirl: Yeah. I've got Oblivion, but the game is, you know, it's not good enough. Look I was just wondering if you could tell me about the RPG Codex. I know how to...
Spring: No, you don't know how...
<<Spring reveals that she is an alt for Summer>>
Summer: ...because if you *did* you wouldn't have tried suggesting Oblivion isn't TEH BEST GAEM EVAR!!!
RitaPGirl: Oh Christ, you're a moderator!
Summer: That's right, and these are my colleagues.
<<Shot of moderator list>>
Summer: You know discussion of the I love Oblivion is for ...oh, my teapot is boiling. Toodles!s like you. So now we can do what we like to your account.
RitaPGirl: Oh no, please. All I want to do is learn about Gothic! I'll do anything you want. Please don't ban me!
Summer: You've got it wrong, Rita! You'll say "OBLIVION IS TEH BEST GAME EVAR" and *then* we'll ban you! That our moderator-power.
RitaPGirl: Oh please no!
<<Vince has logged on.>>
Vince: "War... War never changes."
Freddo: WTF?
Vince: "What can change the nature of a man?"
Hungry Donner: Who is this ...oh, my teapot is boiling. Toodles!?
Freddo: prolly some LARPer. Hey you!
Summer: Look, friend . We're trying to engage in some serious forum administration here. This thread's going to be closed. Why don't you go read about omgloveoblivion2812's latest romantic troubles?
<<Freddo's account has been deleted.>>
<<Hungry Donner's account has been deleted.>>
<<Summer's account has been deleted.>>
Freddo, Hungry Donner: WTF?!?!?
Summer: What the hell happened there? Who deleted an administrator's account? That bastard! We've got to find out his ISP. If we don't we won't get a 10% moderator discount on the next mod.
Freddo, Hungry Donner: OHNOES!!1!11one
***
RitaPGirl: You... how did you do that? Who are you?
Vince: Me? I'm Vince D Weller. The guy from Vault 13. The Fallout fanboy. The black sheep of the family.
RitaPGirl: But what are you doing here? This forums is only for, um, you know... The Elder Scrolls.
Vince: Ah, but today's *special*. Today is a celebration and a grand opening. Were you never taught the rhyme?
Remember, remember, the Eighth of September
The statistics, choices, and plot
I really can't see why the games RPG
<<Shot of Elder Scrolls Website slowly being replaced by that of Age of Decadence>>
Should be turned into THAT rot.
RitaPGirl: Wow, the Elder Scrolls website! Did, did you do that?
Vince: I did that.
RitaPGirl: That's going to get your ISP banned! Did you really do that?
Vince: Yes. I just told you. Maybe you've been too Radianted to remember? But look, there's more...
<<Every positive review of Oblivion is replaced by Vault Dweller's>>
RitaPGirl: Ha ha ha! That's all true! OMG, that's so cool!
Vince: <<OMG? Oh dear, I've rescued a fangirl!>>
VO: All over the world, browser windows are opened and faces lit without Bloom or HDR gaze at the decent RPG being espoused on www.elderscrolls.com.
Vince: There. Guess my US marketing's done. Russia and Europe are taken care of. But I've got some more work to do. Drop by the Codex some time.
RitaPGirl: Me? Oh, OK.
<<Vince logs out>>
<<RitaPGirl logs out>>
TH: Tune in next time to hear, er read (its teh harder), the thrilling conclusion and the next exciting chapter of... V for VAULT DWELLER!!!
Exit.