Let's play Blood Bowl! (Update 15: Endzone)

Eh, DE is fine. And for name... how about the Tasteful Rapists.

Flying Spaghetti Monster said:

Eh, DE is fine. And for name... how about the Tasteful Rapists.

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Right. Countng the votes, it looks like Dark Elves pulled ahead with 6 votes. I didn't have 11 voulenteers yet, so I'll be "voulenteering" the people who sounded the most enthusiastic from in here.


Meet the Rapists




Bright pink with lightning bolts and spikes. The cowboy boots really add to the sophisticated look. This is your new team uniform. Wear it with pride!

Duuuuuuh, blood bowl thinks rape is offensive in a single-player campaign. We're forced to make like a 13-year-old and add some bling to the name to fool the ingame dictionary




Now's a good time to introduce new players to the positionals we have available. This is the lineman. He has a Move (MA) of 6, Strength (ST) of 3, Agility (AG) of 4 and Armor Value (AV) of 8. The "average" value for these 4 attributes are 6, 3, 3 and 8 respectively. So our linemen are pretty average, no obvious weaknesses. The extra point of agility is a huge plus, as this will make dodging out of tackle zones, picking up and throwing the ball much easier. 70.000 is fairly expensive for a lineman (compare to skaven/humans/orcs who pay 50k for theirs), but these guys have a lot of potential.

Blitzers are very similar to linemen. The extra pont of movement is a nice touch, and they start with access to the Block skill, which makes them less liable to injure themselves when they get into a fight. To make things exciting, the blitzers are the ONLY players on this team who will be allowed access to block. They are kind of hurt by lack of access to Strength skills. We'll only get guard or mighty blow if we get lucky.

Tranny Elves are a lot of fun. Frenzy allows them to attack the same player twice in a row, jump up makes them able to quickly get back on their feet and teir statline is quite good. They're also quite expensive however, and their low armor of 7 means they're fairly fragile too. We'll get some of these eventually, but frenzy without block makes them quite risky to employ until we get a few rerolls on our team.

Runners are a bit of a luxury item. Dump Off isn't terribly good. If you need it, it's because you screwed up on defense. They're also fragile like witches and more expensive then linemen. I may be getting one of these eventually as a dedicated quarterback, as they are the only position with easy access to passing skills.

I'm kind of ambivalent when it comes to assassins. Shadowing isn't all that great on players with movement less than 7. Their base stats are worse than a lineman, and they're rater expensive at 90k gold. Stab is next to useless against strong teams with lots of armor, but a godsend against other elves, gutterrunners, skinks and other fragile players with a tendency to get both block and dodge. I may be getting one eventually, but he's a luxury item.

Startng lineup: 4 blitzers, 7 linemen, 2 rerolls and Cultist Chan as our cheerleader. Hopefully, we'll be able to get a lot of quick passes in on our linemen, so we can get everyone some star player points.

The starting roster. Now for our first match...

I vote for the grimdark elves, the name should be "Rance's acolytes". Plus I volunteer for the good of the team.

I predict fatalities within the first three games.

First match is underway! Hopefully, our baseline agility of 4 will win us the day. AG4 means that, when we want to pick up the ball, we only need to roll 2 or better on a six-sided die. Easy-peasy

Pre-match picture. Proud Codexians in gleaming armour.

Our first opponent is woodsie elves. Second ony to high elves in faggotry, this game of elfball will probably be dominated by passing play


We choose to receive in the first half, hoping to score a quick TD and put the pressure on


BethesdaLover opens the match with a solid Knockout

Pipka passes to GarfunkeL successfully, earning the team our first Star Player Point

Dirty, rotten woodsie elves surround Flying Spaghetti Monster and curbstomp him. Badly Hurt. We'll see you next match Fortunately the ref spots him and sends a wood elf off.

Revenge follows swiftly, with the opposing wardancer being knocked out by a well placed boot to the head from Pipka

Seeing his oppertunity, Zappater makes a break for it.


The endzone is in sight! All he needs is a 2+ roll to Go For It






The hippie fags capitalize on Nuffles cruel whims and cage around the ball. We need to keep them from our endzone.



Silleak KO's another player with a well placed block. ComradeCommisar manages to BH a receiver as well, and we manage to stall for 0-0 at half time







Yay uss! Kay-oss! Go, team, go!
Team, we really need to get our act together. You're elves. You're supposed to be graceful and agile. Stop bumbling around like drunken orcs!

Hippies wake up. Among them, sadly, the wardancer. She's by far the most dangerous player on their team.


Brother None Makes a brutal Karate Chop to the throat of a hippie. He'll be eating soup for a week

Trying to press the advantage, we surround another prone player. The ref will have none of it and sends Zappater off for performing cranial surgery with his foot.

Mike Jahn prepares a 2-dice blitz on the carrier. Since she has both block and dodge, he'll need a clean pow.

It takes a reroll, but the wench goes down like a Shanghai hooker while we surround the ball.


A brave elf tries to dodge in to snatch our ball away and pays the ultimate price. Rest in Pieces, hippie.

5 players try to get te wardancer down for a foul. But even with a reroll, 14 block dice did not produce a single pow

Doesn't stop the next hippie from attempting a 5+ pickup and getting away with it *sigh*

GarfunkeL tries a 2-dice block to free his buddy for a blitz on the carrier. Nuffle rewards us with more skulls, and there's nothing we can do


Most of the KO'ed woodies wake up

Kick off is cheering fans. We get a reroll, which we promptly waste on the first block thrown.

Pipka sends the lino that just woke up back into the KO bin.

Mike fumbles a 3+ pass

Silleak fails a 2+ pickup, ball scatters to Azira, who fails as well

ComradeCommisar attempts a 2+ pickup. Time is getting short if we want to score to 1-1 before the match is over. Another failure

ComradeCommisar takes out his fustrations by Badly Hurting a wood elf receiver


This is it men. Our last chance to save face. You're elves, and you're supposed to be adept at handling the ball. Elwro has been in position to score for the last 4 turns. Silleak, you wll pick up the ball and make a short pass. No dodges required. No going for it. Do this, and Codexia's honour is intact. Tasteful Rapists: Prepare for Glory!






A sad, sad start for the team. Losing their first match and piss poor winnings on top. I think someone must've swapped my elves for orcs while I wasn't looking, because they certainly hit like greenskins

Wow... that was... bad. The dice gods chose to fuck with you today. Don't worry though... next time on the pitch we'll fuck them up!

Heh, at least I made up for my fumble by putting one of the pansy Elves down.

Man, that's no good, you were defeated by the pussiest of the elves, Codexia demands sacrifices to regain your honour.

First failure. Let's cut wrists for fun!

You should kill them all. Failure is a disease and you don't want your new recruits to catch it.
















On second thought, you have failed as a coach, so its you who should be killed and then replaced with a more competant underling

Have a pleasent day.


Stick me in as a Witch Elf once you get one of those, but I don't want to be playing with with any one of those incompetant fools..

Is there an option ingame to enable hovering player names.
I dont know what the fuck is going on onscreen...

Fear not! So long as I have fresh bodies to throw into the grinder, The Rapists march on!

Match 2 is against chaos of an equal team value. I shoot a quick prayer to Nuffle they don't bring a minotaur


We start out kicking


Silleak stops a chaos warrior dead in his tracks, ending Chaos turn early and giving us a delicious oppertunity to pressure the ball




Zappater KO's a beastman, opening a path for Elwro to reach the carrier


Flying Spaghetti Monster KO's a Chaos Warrior


BAM! The ball is loose!




Brother none picks up the ball. A 2+ pass to Elwro is all that stands between us and the teams first touchdown




To add insult to injury, a beastman picks the ball up in 2 tackle zones


Flying Spaghetti Monster is off to the KO bin


Azira manages to drag the carrier to the ground, and Bethesda prepares a 3+ short pass for a touchdown...


...Which he naturally fumbles

Beastmen don't care about no puny tackle zones


Sillelak prepares to salvage the mess we're in



BethesdaLove tries to save face by repeating his failed pass from before. Will he fail again? Will Elwro manage a 2+ catch?




































FUCK YES! WOO! RAPISTS RULE!


Trannies, Furfags, Dog or Man! Can we Rape it? YES WE CAN!

*sniff* So beautiful. All right, faggy-feely time is over. Let's make a habit of those TD's, you magnificent fags.

The remainder of the half, nothing much happens




Second half starts out how we'd expect it to. I made a brain fart and forget I'm receiving, so I set up defensively. A patriotic fan tries to prod my players into the right positions via a thrown rock. ComradeCommisar takes a nap.


I try to recover from the bad positioning, and BethesdaLover trips over his own feet. Into the KO bin he goes!


The prospect of being trampled by 3 beastmen does not sit well with Pipka. He quickly rids himself of the ball, and Elwro takes off like a bat out of hell.



Brother None follows to defend him


Mike Jahn kheecaps a beastman, and while everyone's distracted by his pitiful screams of anguish, Brother None slips into the endzone.

Elwro prepares a 2+ Pass and.....
















WOO! 2-0! Eat it, bitches! We're back in the game!


I don't know who you guys are, or why you replaced the players I had last match. But let's never part again.



The chaos players do not like being made to look like idiots. They gang up on poor Silleak.

There's blood everywhere, and when the dust settles, his arm is bent in a very unnatural angle. Serious Injury, permanent Strength Decrease.


In honour of your brave service for Codexia, Emofag Lineman Silleak


We deftly contain the beastman advance. They are surrounded, and have nowhere to go


Zappater KO's himself. No matter, the ball is secure.

...Wait, what?

WHERE'D HE COME FROM!? MAP HAX!

There's no way we'll be able to reach him in time. Ugh.

GFI fail. Good to know Nuffle's cruel jokes aren't reserved solely for me

He still manages to score to 2-1, but we win the match





Elwro gains our first skill. He's a Pro Bro.
Silleak is out for the count. Lightbane takes his place until he's ready to return to us.

BethesdaLove said:

Is there an option ingame to enable hovering player names.
I dont know what the fuck is going on onscreen...

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I'll see if I can find one. Prospects look bleak

Silleak KO's another player with a well placed block.

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Silleak stops a chaos warrior dead in his tracks

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Sillelak prepares to salvage the mess we're in

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There's blood everywhere, and when the dust settles, his arm is bent in a very unnatural angle. Serious Injury, permanent Strength Decrease.

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Silleak is out for the count. Lightbane takes his place until he's ready to return to us.

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let's never part again

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Fucking passes, man. I swear the game always screws you there.





Sweet Jesus what the flying fuck is that thing kill it kill it with fire.

The Rapists march on

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God damn, stop getting me knocked out.

BTW, there is an option for displaying player names, but I forget what it is, and it's on a game-by-game basis. See the screenshot from my LP here:

Thanks. I'll see if I can find it.

And not to worry, a -st injury won't stop your career. Soon as we get a few TDs on you, you'll be a prime candidate for Dirty Player and Sneaky Git

Ulminati said:

Thanks. I'll see if I can find it.

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Loaded up the game to refresh my memory. Just press the "N" key during a match to cycle through various labels for each player.

Match 3: Skulls, skulls everywhere!

Everyone say hello to Lightbane. He'll be on the LoS (Line of Sacrifice) until Silellak returns to us

Also notice that 3 of our players are very close to 6 Star Player Points, where they'll get their first skill


Emofags vs Emofags. The battle of the Crybabies

We choose to receive. I'm immediately grateful there is a way to turn on names, as it would be IMPOSSIBLE to tell people apart otherwise


Flying Spaghetti monster needs to make a 2+ pass to become our second ever Pro Bro...


...Thank god for rerolls

Argh! Doubleskull when tryng to give the cage some breathing room. Fortunately, with just 2 sides of the dice containing skulls (and one of those can be negated with block), this result is statistically quite rare. The cage is still solid and will hold.




Mike Jahn starts our turn by trying to give Comrade Ball Carrier some space to move and...

...Our last reroll goes bye-bye. After the reroll, Mike Jahn delivers a brutal kick right in the opposing blitzers gonads. He goes down with a bubbling sound and is carried off the field, Badly Hurt.

BethesdaLover tries to copy Mike's feat, but the skulls are not done with us.


We're consoled by the fact that the oppositin can't sprint worth a damn.


Turn 3. No more rerolls to save us.


Turn 4, first action. Getting desperate, Comrade Commisar tries a 2+ dodge to safety


Turn 5, first action. The cage has held admrably in spite of Nuffles best attempts to screw us over


Azira blocks an attacker, and counters with a swift series of punches. The sound of ribs breaking echo around the stadium!


We start turn 6 trying to free the ball from the opposing carrier and...


We succeed in knocking the ball free and securing it in turn 7. We need pushback or better on a 2d block to free a player to pick up and pass the ball to our receiver.


Turn 8, we can no longer reach the endzone. Pipka makes a quick pass for a star player point


Zappater is unsure what to do with the ball, and decides to shove it up an opposing players rectum. Fortunately, the referee doesn't notice.


Comrade Commisar trips an opponent, knocking him out, and so ends a half Full of Fail™





They're receving and it's 0-0. Fortunately, they're also 3 players down. What is wrong with you, Emofags? You were brilliant last match, and now you're back to the inept faggotry of the first match. Are you allergic to other elves? I swear, if you don't pull your act together, I'll replace you all with Bioware NPCs!




We skillfully punch through their lines and intercept their quarterback


All right, Brother None. You're 1 SPP short of a skill, and Mike Jahn needs 2. Your job is to pick up the ball next to him, and throw it to him so we'll get 2 skills out of this TD. Tactics like these are what makes me a great coach!






















They're 4 players down now, and we just need to keep them from scoring in the next 4 turns.

We use the same setup as before. It's very good at stopping receivers from getting deep into our end of the pitch.


...But the crowd wills it otherwise.


GarfunkeL is blitzed and takes a flying kick to the face. He will never play the clarinet again. You are a true patriot, taking one for the team


Flying Spaghetti Monster prepares to avenge his fallen comrade...


...And steals the ball while he's at it!

Haven't I seen you guys before?






The ball is loose, but we have tackle zones on it.

This Ball is the property of Flying Spaghetti Monster, and he'll KO any bitches who say otherwise!

Pipka is in position to score, but the last 2 turns are spent failing to pick up the ball on a 2+. Traditions must be upheld!







VICTOLY!


Yes, yes I do...

Oh yeah, I'm bad.

It gets better

But I'd better wait until the next page before posting another update

Good stuff Ulminati! Good choice on Dark Elves. Hope you get some roster variety in, it'll be fun to see the assassin in action.

Hurray AH SCOR-RED A TACHDAHWN!!!


Please do turn on the floating player names, tho

And post the SPP summary at the end of each game. Wanna know who the MVP is, and see the list of good injures and stuff.

Star power!

Bump for the next page!

Woo! This is going much better than I anticipated! No fatalities yet on our team, and my toon actually managed to score SPPs?

Now that I've said it, I fully expect to die next match...

Huge success!

Awesome!

Random question though: IS this game good enough to deserve it to be bought instead of renting? I mean, is it hard to play or something? Also, bump.