Bioware's attempts at writing

IronicNeurotic · Feb 15, 2011

http://social.bioware.com/forum/Dragon- ... 067-1.html

Bioware. You finally. Finally managed to be worse than Bethesda in terms of writing. Fuck that. You are worse than a goddamn 6th grader.

Now go jump of a cliff.

The first pair of open shutters he saw and Fenris dived through. He landed in a kitchen filled with the smell of baking bread, and a human woman screamed as he rolled to his feet. No doubt the sight of an elf in skintight armor, carrying a blade almost as large as himself, wasn’t a welcome sight. He got to his feet and noticed the surprisingly comely woman, dressed in a nightgown that revealed more of her cleavage than she no doubt expected, pressing against the wall.

The cave mouth is unbearably spooky, even for Sundermount, which you’d think was trying for some sort of spookiness medal. Most Terrifying Mountain in Thedas, maybe. Mist swirls out of the blackness as if it’s breathing, and the hillside around it is barren. A gaping maw, devouring all the life within its reach…

Storyfaq opinion:

:retarded:

shihonage · Feb 15, 2011

They have a poor understanding of how to break down words to be easily absorbed by the brain. They develop inertia only to run into a wall with another series of overly busy descriptions. The images are fed in the wrong order, and especially where pace matters, it gets broken. It forces one to backtrack what they just read in order to understand the action.

Still, this writing is better than anything I've seen in Fallout 3.

IronicNeurotic · Feb 15, 2011

shihonage said:
They have a poor understanding of how to break down words to be easily absorbed by the brain. They develop inertia only to run into a wall with another series of overly busy descriptions. The images are fed in the wrong order, and especially where pace matters, it gets broken. It forces one to backtrack what they just read in order to understand the action.

Still, this writing is better than anything I've seen in Fallout 3.

I dunno. "Spookiness medal" is still pretty close. May have overreacted though.

Angthoron · Feb 15, 2011

Re: Biowares attempts at writing

IronicNeurotic said:
The cave mouth is unbearably spooky, even for Sundermount, which you’d think was trying for some sort of spookiness medal.

Click to expand...

Is Sundermount trying for a medal, or the cave? Also, "spooky"? What sort of an adjective is that? Are we having a children's book, or a dark fantasy novel? Stylistics, much? I get that this is supposed to be characterization through text, but it's done horribly.

Do these people even have an editor?

Horrible.

Roguey · Feb 15, 2011

My favorite thing about the women in the DA writing team is that one has a degree in philosophy and two have degrees in creative writing and yet they're all the equal to a hotel manager who got lucky over ten years ago.

Hobo Elf · Feb 15, 2011

What do you mean "finally"?

Angthoron · Feb 15, 2011

I'm not even sure what a "creative writing" degree is supposed to mean, to be honest. Where I live, it isn't an academic discipline. I'm guessing it has to be a commercial college sort of a thing, though I do admit I've no idea whether US/Canada have actual degrees in stuff like that.

How do you even judge their thesis? It's like a free ticket for a degree, just write whatever shit that conforms the general forms and there you go.

Also, to OP, it's "Bioware's attempts".

shihonage · Feb 15, 2011

Lemme try to write a Bioware action sequence.

Fender was startled by the promiscuous smell of fresh-baked bread straight from the ovens of Domfolon, as his fist expertly found his way into the war-torn and grizzled face of a mercenary.

Ok, I'm done.

Freelance Henchman · Feb 15, 2011

I guess this stuff is for "internal" use mostly.

Still pretty bad.

On the other hand, I'd love to read to read the equivalent for the ME2 characters.

IronicNeurotic · Feb 15, 2011

Angthoron said:
Also, to OP, it's "Bioware's attempts".

Thanks, I'm not native myself so help is appreaciated.

ElectricOtter · Feb 15, 2011

No doubt the sight of an elf in skintight armor, carrying a blade almost as large as himself, wasn’t a welcome sight. He got to his feet and noticed the surprisingly comely woman, dressed in a nightgown that revealed more of her cleavage than she no doubt expected, pressing against the wall.

Everything about this is wrong.

~*´¨¯¨`*·~-.¸-AIN'T · Feb 15, 2011

shihonage said:
Still, this writing is better than anything I've seen in Fallout 3.

I dunno bro, at least with Fallout 3 nobody was rushing to anoint it BEST RPG WRITING OF TEH CENTURY

You can certainly bet that at least half of the game media will be like "and of course, Bioware comes through yet again with amazing writing"

shihonage · Feb 15, 2011

Dajaaj said:
shihonage said:

Still, this writing is better than anything I've seen in Fallout 3.

Click to expand...

I dunno bro, at least with Fallout 3 nobody was rushing to anoint it BEST RPG WRITING OF TEH CENTURY

Yet somehow it became a WGA nominee.

ElecTriCotter said:
No doubt the sight of an elf in skintight armor, carrying a blade almost as large as himself, wasn’t a welcome sight. He got to his feet and noticed the surprisingly comely woman, dressed in a nightgown that revealed more of her cleavage than she no doubt expected, pressing against the wall.

Click to expand...

Everything about this is wrong.

Haha, that's entirely true.

King Crispy · Feb 15, 2011

Fenris erupted from the underbrush like a terrified hog escaping the hunter's arrow.

Great Gods, they're found me again!

His wily, sharp mind forced his hawklike eyes to focus on his surroundings. He knew he'd only have seconds before they'd be on him again.

Away, you fool! Get away!

He leapt to his nimble feet and sprinted like the wind towards the next visible trail. This was his only hope, the only way he knew KJDALKAFDSJ#*&#^

Whatever. Where do I sign up?

shihonage · Feb 15, 2011

Феррис взорвался из под куста как испуганный хомяк бежащий от стрелы охотника.

Господи, они нашли меня опять!

Ох фак зис щит.

Incarnate · Feb 15, 2011

Roguey said:
My favorite thing about the women in the DA writing team is that one has a degree in philosophy and two have degrees in creative writing and yet they're all the equal to a hotel manager who got lucky over ten years ago.

I'm a fucking hotel manager. Never got lucky, btw.

co-lead singer/lyricist of this

http://www.myspace.com/melodicsynergy

:retarded:

Angthoron · Feb 15, 2011

ElecTriCotter said:
No doubt the sight of an elf in skintight armor, carrying a blade almost as large as himself, wasn’t a welcome sight. He got to his feet and noticed the surprisingly comely woman, dressed in a nightgown that revealed more of her cleavage than she no doubt expected, pressing against the wall.

Click to expand...

Everything about this is wrong.

So terribly, terribly wrong. Oh, and "No doubt" is present in both sentences on top of everything else. Which one wrote this, the one with the creative writing degree or the one with philosophy?

20 Eyes · Feb 15, 2011

IronicNeurotic said:
The first pair of open shutters he saw and Fenris dived through. He landed in a kitchen filled with the smell of baking bread, and a human woman screamed as he rolled to his feet. No doubt the sight of an elf in skintight armor, carrying a blade almost as large as himself, wasn’t a welcome sight. He got to his feet and noticed the surprisingly comely woman, dressed in a nightgown that revealed more of her cleavage than she no doubt expected, pressing against the wall.

Click to expand...

Ugh, it's like a bad fanfic.

Fenris liked the wall-pressed cleavage, and the comely lass couldn't help but notice the growing bulge emerging from Fenris' Hot Topic pants. Fenris proceeded to free his elfhood, much to the lass' delight, for she had noticed that Fenris was actually packing two swords that were almost as large as his body. Like a well-trained magician, Fenris made the lass' panties disappear as he forcefully threw her against the wall and began to ding a ding dang her dang a long ling long.

Can I have some money now?

Ruprekt · Feb 15, 2011

It might - well not really - be forgivable if it was the philosophy degree holder.

Analytic philosphy is about making clear arguments as briefly as possible, not waxing lyrical about the will in codexian style.

IronicNeurotic · Feb 15, 2011

Ruprekt said:
It might - well not really - be forgivable if it was the philosophy degree holder.

Analytic philosphy is about making clear arguments as briefly as possible, not waxing lyrical about the will in codexian style.

How is ANY of these sentences " clear"?

Ruprekt · Feb 15, 2011

I was just saying that a philosophy degree is no qualification for being a writer.

Serious_Business · Feb 15, 2011

Analytic philosophers are the dead ends of western civilization

The cave mouth is unbearably spooky, even for Sundermount, which you’d think was trying for some sort of spookiness medal.

I would yeeaaa-- at this, but I don't know man I guess I'll just
:hmmm:

RK47 · Feb 15, 2011

This is the kind of writing that gets mentioned for its 'Darkier' storyline?

What the fuck Journalism?

Integrity 0
Sucking Cock 1

sgc_meltdown · Feb 15, 2011

Luckily Bioware always does well at quest design and character mechanics so we can overlook such small hiccups in writing quality.

Black Cat · Feb 15, 2011

sgc_meltdown said:
Luckily Bioware always does well at quest design and character mechanics so we can overlook such small hiccups in writing quality.

I really hope that's actually sarcasm.

Bioware's attempts at writing

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