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Best review evar! SA vs RA

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Best review evar! SA vs RA

Review - posted by Vault Dweller on Sun 26 June 2005, 18:14:03

Tags: Master Creating; Restricted Area

Something Awful has posted a hilarious, yet straightforward review of Restricted Area, giving it -43. Yep, that's a minus, not a dash.

At a Glance: "Gamer's Pulse" describes Restricted Area as one of the "Top 10 Most Wanted RPGs." RPGdot.com awards it an 82% rating, claiming "The core gameplay works like a charm, due to well thought out game mechanics supported by a superb interface." Gameindustry.com proclaims "Restricted Area seems to take the best parts of several of my favorite games and puts them into a single product." So what's the lesson to be learned here? Never visit any of those websites, as they're all run by sociopaths who have suffered extensive brain damage resulting from a nearly fatal fall off a haunted hayride.
...
To make up for the lack of characters, plot, coherent story, dialogue, or anything else which could possibly be viewed as something positively contributing to the game, the instruction manual has about 30 pages dedicated to some long, convoluted back story of various giant, faceless corporations of the future, as well as a detailed time line containing a bunch of things that might possibly be interesting if, oh let's see here, they were included in the game in even some remote form. I have absolutely no idea why somebody sat down and wrote this crap because it doesn't have anything to do with the game and you don't need to know it at all, nor does it help push the plot in any direction since the story is basically a giant 40-ton boulder sitting in the living room of an elderly couple who lost their vision and hearing decades ago.

There's really not much of a plot in Restricted Area, which makes perfect sense because there's really not much of anything in Restricted Area. For example, there's only one location in the game, the city you begin and end inside. This "city" isn't even a city; it's one street with buildings you cannot enter, inhabited by people who stand motionless and spew the same lines of dialogue every time you encounter them. These infinitely fascinating and colorful characters each have their own well-researched and complex personalities which truly help the game progress at a lightning-fast speed, much like a diseased rodent carcass which somehow crawled into a grade school cafeteria vat of macaroni and cheese.

For example, the character named "Doc" is a doctor! Then there's a character who has a gun; she sells you guns! And how could I ever forget the memorable scamp known as whatever his name was, the guy who wore a business suit and paid you money to kill things? We had good times together, and my fond memories of him will never die, no matter how much alcohol I funnel down my throat in an attempt to make the last week vanish like my college days.

I didn't play Restricted Area, but somehow I expected more from Master Creative. Well, at least the review is entertaining: ""Johnson": He's the character who wears awesome trendy sunglasses, sulks around in a black trenchcoat, speaks entirely in monotone, and somehow isn't J.C. Denton."


Thanks, hussar

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