Whoa! Ok! In good humour....
Hey Stevan, how nice of you to drop by. Now, in regard to your bitching and whining, suprisingly we do care more about how a game plays than about technical specs, but your review tells us little about gameplay. Instead we are "entertained" by your often idiotic opinions and irrelevant comments.
Hey Dweller, how nice of you to be so prompt. Now, though I might have, I didn't go for
your juggular, sir. Gameplay, what exactly do you mean by gameplay? What the story is and some basic mechanic of the engine? What do you wish to know that I didn't cover? Feel free to ask.
First 5 (yep, that's FIVE) paragraph, you are talking about your likes, dislikes, and drinking problems. Cute? Hardly. You mention how you didn't like BG because it was too modular while each Kult's area is an individual picture. Have you actually played BG? You mention your dislike of Fallout and then praise Kult for not doing the "do Good by killing Evil". Go play Fallout. So far you've established that you are ignorant and/or stupid. Good start.
I mentioned that the visuals of those games didn't impress me and then latter on said that I
didn't enjoy Fallout. How did you pick up that I said it was a bad game out of that? In no way did I call up Fallout when discussing the
story of the Heretic Kingdoms. Quite frankly, I have played Fallout a long time ago and I remember very little -- just that I
didn't enjoy the damn game. Which is what I said. The introduction has five paragraphs because I never wrote about RPGs and wanted to establish some integrity, just to let the reader know that I have played one or two RPGs in my time, and also to establish what I like and what I don't. If you don't agree with my likes and dislikes for the reasons that I bring up, this may not be a game for you. There is nothing more annoying than reading a review that exults the game and then realizing after you bought it that you and the reviewer have totally diametric tastes.
Next 4 paragraphs are dedicated to the backstory. Wow. You have mad copy-pasting skillz.
Actually, what I wrote there was nowhere on the internet or in the files that the company sent me... so you know, I kinda wrote it myself. I do however have mad copy-pasting skillz that are seldom recognized by my peers -- I thank you -- but that is hardly evident from the little indent part you object to.
Next 3 paragraphs are about your excitement about the heroine, narrative, and atheism in the setting. It could have been something, if we didn't have to wait 9 paragraphs to get it. Boring, longwinded, and unfocused.
Subjective, subjective and subjective. Write an interesting objective review and I will commit sepuku.
Next paragraph is dedicated to one dialogue response and the detailed description of how excited you are about it.
Next paragraph is short, thank God. You simple state that the story and game mechanics are so awesome that they totally own Bio games. Could be, but where are the fucking facts?
Well, for one, Bioware likes to translate everything into a d20 system which is completely inane and tough on those dorks not familiar with tabletop RPGs. I opted for just a comparative little blurb that tells you that if you were bothered with Bioware's games mumbo-jumbo, you wouldn't find Kult's voodoo objectionable in the least. Elaborating would be boring, longwinded, and unfocused. How many reviews teach you to the letter how to play a game?
Now we get to the first somewhat informative paragraph about the attunement system. After 14 paragraphs of nothing, that's something.
Has anyone ever told you how charming and easy to like you are?
Then there are the last 4 paragraphs that briefly mention that there is such a thing as Dreamworld, point out that you also took some screenshots, and state that the game is nice and promising. The fucking end.
...
So what did we learn here? Other than the fact that you can't really review games? Absolutely nothing. And yet you are here, bitching about something. Why?
I am not so much bitching as I am explaining where I stand so that I wouldn't be misunderstood; so that my reasoning would become clearer. Surely there can't be any random malice -- just misunderstanding.
Ok, next one...
You just did, by making the aforementioned hypothetical statement. I would state that this isn't a case of penis envy at all, but rather the way Saint (and a lot of us here) were irked by your review style which tended to veer off the beaten path (which can be a good thing, occasionally) when you made a reference to your political stance as if it was grounded in fact. I can see how anyone reasonable would be reasonably irked by this, regardless of their own political beliefs.
Freely discussing politics in an open forum being in bad taste is an Anglo-Saxon cultural construct nonexistent in many other cultures. Instead of taking offence, why don't you just relax a little? The hypothetical statement was meant in good humour, nothing more. I really don't understand why some people think their way is the law and that no other way can possibly be valid. It would be rude of me to ascribe it to narrow-mindedness, though I must admit in moments of exasperation I do just that. To elaborate any more on a random joke (by adding supporting facts!) so that Billy-Jo-Bob could feel gratified or enraged or whathaveyou would really knock the feature off-kilter and destroy any comedic value the little bit could otherwise have. If you don't find it funny, fine.
I personally didn't mind the 'irrelevent' material you filled your interview with, but it would have been a lot better had you actually elucidated upon the subject of the game, much as a well respected movie reviewer would discuss the game's flaws and merits in full. It would certainly help potential buyers decide if the game was worth their hard earned money.
Like I said, we don't try to write buyer's digest style. In his movie reviews Stephen Hunter (he won the Pulitzer the other year) generally latches on one facet that touches his fancy and explains why. It could be a random feeling that the movie evoked, it could be the horrible acting of the main character. In all this is a random objection. You may like your reviews split into easily-digestible fragments -- the Setting, The Character system, The Magic System, The Combat, The NPCs, In Conclusion and so on -- but it is a very sterile, if highly informative, way to do things and we just don't do it.
Instead, your review came out sounding like a stream of verbal masturbation. I hope you enjoy what you write, because I certainly did not.
I don't talk to hear myself speak, I talk to be heard. There is a difference. The first one is masturbation, the second one involves an exchange between two or more people. Obviously I don't want to fuck
you in particular (a metaphor that just keeps giving) as we're not on the same wavelength, we have very little in common. Other people may find what I have to offer satisfying.
You were busy losing an election. I understand.
You'll have to excuse me. Shit happens.
The ironic thing is that if you'd taken the time to actually bother to read any of the reviews on our dinky little website here, you would have noticed we never put numerical scores on anything either. Kind of takes the wind out of your sails, doesn't it? Imagine all the wear and tear you could have saved on writing that post if you'd done two minutes worth of checking first.
No wind was taken out of my sails as I was talking in generalities and thinking about IGN and GameSpot when I said what I said. I really have no reason to bash this site, other than in retaliation and that would be kinda stupid.
Depends on what's new, doesn't it? Also depends on if it's actually something new when it's being pimped as something new.
It sure as fuck ain't common. I am definitely not peddling something that is universal everywhere.
You're sorry, on that we can both agree. You still miss the point, which is that it has no place in a game review. No one gives a flying fuck what your political view points on anything is. We didn't hop on there to read out left wing you are, we hopped there to read how Kult plays. Now, if your site was called liberalcommiepinkogaming.com, I could understand filling it with republican and Christian bashing. That would go hand in hand with you being a commie douche bag. Having interludes to bash politcal view points and religion in a game review is lame. No one cares that you're bitter because you're not allowed to get married in 11 states while you're critiquing a video game.
As everyone who has red the review can attest it indeed is a
Communist Manifesto Revisited. You got me. I mention in a footnote that the game is good and then I go on a 25000-word tirade to verbally rape the Bible and portray Bush as an antichrist out to save some stem cells. Get over yourself, you petty fascist! It was a one-liner in the middle of the thing illustrating black/white issues. When I said that fundamentalists may find the game unholy, I was thinking about my friend Peter whose parents are missionaries in Hungary and who don't look lightly on fiction and satire that contains gods that are not their God. It was in no way derogatory.
As the left wing Canadian on staff, I'll go ahead and say that regardless of political affiliation, everyone thinks you're a tool, Kingzjester. People being BIASED!!!11!!!!^ against games and companies is bad enough. Political bias has no place in gaming journalism.
You're totally insaaaane! Had I written an article on how Al Lowe is inferior to Ron Gilbert simply because the former is a conservative and the latter a liberal, and then from that concluded that Sierra was a far lesser game company than Lucas Arts back in the day -- that would have been a display of some bizarre political/game company bias cocktail. This on the other hand was a dry joke that just happens to give some insight into the depths of my person. I think this sort of thing is very relevant if you want to know whether
you should give a fuck about
my opinion -- which is what
my review ultimately is.
Just for the record, I played the first disk of FFVII when it first came out and recently played it to completion. I see it is a crap game now that I am older and wiser -- but I finished it nonetheless. Since I reviewed Kult I played FFIX to see the similarities people mentioned and they are there.
