Editorial Revisiting Alpha Protocol

[Crichton]

I recently finished AP myself; I was going to necro the old thread, but I suppose this one will do.

1. Install game and patch, game runs fine, dunno what all the bitching's about.

2. My build: Tech Specialist / Operative, points in: Stealth, Shotguns, Sabotage

3. Play game.

For about the first 20 min, I was really hard-pressed to see what the game designers had in mind, the controls and dialog system are both really awkward. The intro does nothing to establish the world, it's all just cardboard conspiracy crap.

Once I got through the first mission, I started to appreciate some of the details (gadgets particularly). Skulking around a level knocking people out from behind was just as much fun as it was in Deus Ex.

So sneaking through the levels was buckets of fun, what about the end of them? The "Boss Battles" in AP are probably the biggest collection of unintentionally hilarious moments I've seen in a while.

Boss Fight #1: One-eyed A-rab: Slid up behind him and shotgunned him, nothing to see here.

Boss Fight #2: Old guy with pistol: I thought I'd won this fight when I got into point blank range with a fully charged shotgun; but imagine my surprise when the blast just caused him to somersault backwards! He then ran through the next (not fully charged) shotgun blast and beat me half-to-death with his fists. I literally laughed so hard that I had to pause the game. The eventual solution involved running backwards while firing the shogun as fast as possible.

Boss Fight #3: Goth chick with two pistols: This chick was a true patriot when it game to staying behind cover. I'd shoot her in the head, she'd duck down, then raise her head and get shot again. This went on for ~2 minutes without her moving an inch, then the cutscene.

Boss Fight #4: Ruskie Tony Montoya: This fight reminded me a lot of the last one, guy runs up to me, shrugging off bullets and crushes me in melee. I got through this one because the potato-fucker got stuck with his back to me on the corner of his stupid stage. I then proceeded to fill his pasty-white untermench ass with fully-charged shotgun blasts. Ooooh Jeeeeaaah!

Boss Fight #5: One-eyed Chinese dipshit: So once again, a fight with someone who's bullet-proof and knows fist-fighting! The only wrinkle this time was that the relatively open area meant that it was easier to keep him at bay; I once held him at bay with shotgun knockbacks until I'd emptied the shotgun and had to reload. I only one this fight because after pounding my ass, he'd inexplicably run away at light speed instead of finishing me off.

Boss Fight #6: Same asshole: I use the invisibility spell to get right on top of him and blast him.

Boss Fight #7: My Bro, Darcy: Tried 800 fucking things, then just gave up and shot him with the provided sniper rifle.

Boss Fight #8: Fucking Helicopter:

Boss Fight #9: Dipshit with rocket launcher: just like #6, use invisibility and when shoot him once.

Overall I'd give the game a 7/10, a notch below Deus Ex, which the game slavishly imitates in some ways. But we'll see if a 2nd playthrough with Assault Rifles, Toughness and Sabotage changes my opinion.

 

[Volourn]

'Twas a shit game, 'twis a shit game, 'twill be a shit game.

 

[Sceptic]

Multiple posters note that the game fails to start with this file. Whether it only suits a particular version or Sega has made a mistake, we'll have to wait to find out.

:facepalm:

OK, so I guess there's no point in waiting anymore and I should really see for myself what the game is about.

'Twas a shit game, 'twis a shit game, 'twill be a shit game.

VOLLY! I thought you were gone! I missed you

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

But is it SOZZY Volly?

 

[Achilles]

Even when he likes a game, he acknowledges that it's a bad game.

How is that even possible? How can you "enjoy a game an awful lot" (his words) and still consider it to be a bad game? Ok, so the game has flaws but, I don't know, doesn't the fact that you're enjoying the game an awful lot usually mean that it's worth it to look past them?

More importantly, would it be a stretch to assume that if the box of the game had Bioware's name on it, the outcome of the review would be "yeah it has some problems but I enjoyed the game an awful lot, 10/10!"?

 

[denizsi]

Even when he likes a game, he acknowledges that it's a bad game.

How is that even possible? How can you "enjoy a game an awful lot" (his words) and still consider it to be a bad game? Ok, so the game has flaws but, I don't know, doesn't the fact that you're enjoying the game an awful lot usually mean that it's worth it to look past them?

More importantly, would it be a stretch to assume that if the box of the game had Bioware's name on it, the outcome of the review would be "yeah it has some problems but I enjoyed the game an awful lot, 10/10!"?

Well, you can play an awesome game and NOT enjoy it or even hate it (Arcanum, combat), so I guess it's only fair if the opposite were also true.

 

[Roguey]

Boss Fight #8: Fucking Helicopter:

Since you're playing it again I'll give you a tip to make this the easiest boss fight ever: First, pop/whack the moles on the ground level. Then note the gigantic boulder near the stairs, when you're behind that rock you're 100% secure from the rockets. Now go up the stairs and say hello to the moles at the top then go back down. Pop 'em when they run down the stairs or whack 'em when they get near the rock. Now you can just kill the helicopter at your leisure, just remember to start sprinting when you hear the convenient lock-on beep.

How is that even possible? How can you "enjoy a game an awful lot" (his words) and still consider it to be a bad game? Ok, so the game has flaws but, I don't know, doesn't the fact that you're enjoying the game an awful lot usually mean that it's worth it to look past them?

I enjoy a lot of new shit but I won't deny that it's still shit. Actual good games have always been a rarity and seem even moreso now, but I'm content to just mire in mediocrity when I'm riding an endorphin, sleep deprived, or alcohol-induced rush, which is often.

 

[Sceptic]

How is that even possible? How can you "enjoy a game an awful lot" (his words) and still consider it to be a bad game?

Well I think ME1 is a pretty bad game, yet I enjoyed it. It's not even a case of good for what it is - it just worked fine for me as a mindless shooter with light RPG elements and lots of loot. It's not a good shooter, it's a shitty RPG and the loot system is retarded, but somehow the whole thing comes together as a fine waste of time.

Now, if I were a "journalist" and writing an actual REVIEW, I would never mention any of this shit. The point of a review isn't to say whether I liked the game or not, it's to present what the game does right and what it does wrong so that the reader can decide for himself whether it's worth getting. That's where this guy, and just about 99% of modern reviewers, utterly fail.

 

[denizsi]

Yeah I liked ME1 because being an asshole female Shepard was fun but the game was shit.

 

[Twinkle]

Well I think ME1 is a pretty bad game, yet I enjoyed it.

That's where "good for what it is" comes in.

 

[Achilles]

Well I think ME1 is a pretty bad game, yet I enjoyed it. It's not even a case of good for what it is - it just worked fine for me as a mindless shooter with light RPG elements and lots of loot. It's not a good shooter, it's a shitty RPG and the loot system is retarded, but somehow the whole thing comes together as a fine waste of time.

What you're describing isn't a bad game but a bad RPG. If it provides entertainment value, it can still be considered a good game - for what it is of course.

Now, if I were a "journalist" and writing an actual REVIEW, I would never mention any of this shit. The point of a review isn't to say whether I liked the game or not, it's to present what the game does right and what it does wrong so that the reader can decide for himself whether it's worth getting. That's where this guy, and just about 99% of modern reviewers, utterly fail.

No argument here. If a review is written correctly, it doesn't matter what the reviewer's personal preferences are since he/she should have managed to provide you with all the necessary information to make an informed decision. However, in the end he's called upon to rate the game based on it's entertainment value as he experienced it. If you greatly enjoyed a flawed game and had to rate it, what would you say? "I loved this game but it has some technical flaws so 2/10"? It doesn't sound right.

 

[Sceptic]

What you're describing isn't a bad game but a bad RPG. If it provides entertainment value, it can still be considered a good game - for what it is of course.

I specifically said "it's not a good shooter" to pre-emptively address your first point. But yeah I guess that's what good for what it is boils down to, a guilty pleasure without the guilt.

However, in the end he's called upon to rate the game based on it's entertainment value as he experienced it.

And this is why ratings should never exist in reviews, in any medium. They achieve only 2 things: they bring in subjectivity even when the review itself may have tried its best to avoid it, and they inevitably draw comparisons between things that should not be compared, by establishing some kind of mystic baseline against which ALL games (or all books, or all movies, etc) are being compared.

 

[Freelance Henchman]

Remind me, is it possible to be objective about a *game*?

 

[Clockwork Knight]

Yes, on some things. For example, "this gaem rox / sux shit because it's epic" doesn't mean anything, but "Game is not such a good rpg because your stats are rarely used in checks and you don't feel like your character / group is getting stronger over time" does.

 

[Sceptic]

Remind me, is it possible to be objective about a *game*?

About the game as a whole? maybe not. About specific elements, such as "the game is linear" or "skills have an important effect" or "combat is turn-based" or "this game is full of bugs" or "quests have multiple solutions" or or or... yes, it is possible to be objective.

 

[Volourn]

"Yeah I liked ME1 because being an asshole female Shepard was FUN"

'Nough said, shithead.

 

[poocolator]

Well, it's a nice change from "We loves the perfect Oblivion! No, we dislikes it many flawses it has.".

Oblivion's looking better with every new RPRPG release.
I think I might go tearfully re-LARP it again as an argonian kiddie diddler.