Pound Meat
Prophet
I just started playing this today on my SWITCH and was stunned by how modern and faggy gaming already was back in 2012. After that terrible movie there's a goofy level where you can only walk through a cave, being repeatedly interrupted by short cutscenes of people moving boxes. For the life of me I can't understand such design. Why not have it be a cutscene and stop making me walk? It's not even a tutorial because after all the cutscenes you finally get a training level which is just holding the shoulder button and running forward because the game does absolutely everything for you. It's basically a walking simulator.I started playing AC3 this morning after a long hiatus from the series, and was greeted with this scene upon beginning the game: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C9-RnO3zXbU
Tell me that isn't one of the schlockiest things you've ever seen. It's not just some treasure hunt in the past, oh no. It's a treasure hunt for magical artefacts that were left by "those who came before", and the people trying to find it are part of an EVUL corporation who are secretly part of the KNIGHTS TEMPLAR and they're tricking all the sheeple (like you) into thinking they're the good guys. Oh and also the end of the world is happening on a very coincidently trendy day during the year this was released, plus we're being guided by unseen ancient aliens that we've given several pretentious and groan worthy monikers.
All this accompanied by dramatic music and an equally dramatic narration that's played entirely straight.
It's like something Dan Brown would come up with.
I was expecting a game about injuns wrecking British in the American Revolution and there's this goofy sci-fi plot about aliens. Also, Ben Franklin is a Muslim? And the Templars, the Christians, are evil. Very cosmopolitan. I really feel like I'm sitting in a Montreal flat, sipping my pumpkin spice latte with a smug pinky in the air.