The Oblivion Prophecies(Or why we should link to SA)

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=2220

dig through them

 

[bryce777]

"True Meaning: You're gonna want a melonballer nearby so you can scoop your own heart out and end your suffering. Sure it's a football game, but stealth is REALLY selling games right now and we think hiding behind the Gatorade cooler for ten minutes while waiting for the coach to walk past you will win us some favorable comparisons with Splinter Cell."

 

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

R00FLES!

 

[User was nabbed fit]

Quote: "We've listened to what gamers are saying, and we're going to deliver. Gamers know what they want."

Indicates: This company really cares about gamers, and they've seen the light. Instead of sticking to their own designs stubbornly, they'll see how good the general public's ideas really are.

True Meaning:We fired that really awesome lead designer. Instead of having true direction, this game is going to be drawn and quartered by the six thousand directions people want their games to go in. You're all idiots. Have fun with your shooter/rpg/completely open-ended/expertly written/realistic/over-the-top/co-op train simulator.

Oh shit, so true.

Edit:

True Meaning: fuck you fans, we got your $50, enjoy your 2 new sprites

Haha, that's for the Oblivion "plugins". Except that they cost ~2 to 5 dollars, but even that's already too much for such crap.

 

[HotSnack]

Quote: “We've kept the depth of the tactical combat that made game great, but simplified the controls and moved the into a new realm.”

Indicates: Gamers will have to learn new nuances of tactical combat, but with the jump into a later time period in the setting, will get a great new game with a greater mass appeal.

True Meaning:The game loses all resemblance to a tactical game and instead looks like a twisted version of Galaga, without the tactics. Or fun. And the game looks like shit.

Good times with tragedy.

 

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

Yes it is, When SA is serious humanity is doomed.

 

[User was nabbed fit]

Yeah, this shit really is scary...

Quote: “Our fully customizable and modular engine allows for an infinite user-created gaming experience!”

Indicates: Not only have we given you the game of you've been clamoring for, we also slaved away to produce an engine that is capable of being tinkered with by everyone from the casual gamer to the serious modder and game designer!

True Meaning: Our game is devoid of any content, but what the fuck, we've got a mod community and online play, let them make the game fun

 

[Elwro]

About Radiant AI and the physics engine:

Quote: “The AI and physics have a life of their own. In fact, the development team was continually surprised by things that happened in the game which they hadn't planned.”

Indicates: The game world is completely unpredictable and interactive; the AI is ingenious enough to outsmart the guys who created it.

True Meaning: The bad guys run against walls and frequently ignore the player even when he's three feet away, which is something we didn't expect. We also didn't expect the game to crash when you knock over a stack of boxes, but it does.

 

[User was nabbed fit]

This sums up Oblivion (and other Console-PC games) perfectly:

Quote: “Although we're traditionally a PC games developer, we've tweaked, refined, and streamlined our new game to create a cross-platform title that will bring riveting gameplay to PC and console gamers alike!”

Indicates: This game will be accessible and enjoyable for both PC gamers and console enthusiasts without compromising in either respect.

True Meaning: We've wised up to the fact that even a half-assed console game will sell approximately seven billion million and one more units than the best-selling PC game in history. With phat bling bling money ciz-a$h as our guiding principle, you can sleep easy in the knowledge that we're making a mediocre console title and then shoehorning that into a truly abysmal PC version in hopes of retaining some shred of credibility. But don't worry super sleuths! A cursory review of any of the game's .ini files will expose our cunning scheme, so just think of this as a pre-ported console game for which we've exploited a once proud PC pedigree.

 

[HanoverF]

Instead of having true direction, this game is going to be drawn and quartered by the six thousand directions people want their games to go in. You're all idiots. Have fun with your shooter/rpg/completely open-ended/expertly written/realistic/over-the-top/co-op train simulator.

How true it is, reminds me of being focus groped where the game was basically GTA meets Pokemon meets Resident Evil in a free form, open ended world where you can team up with various factions, with a fully destructable environment, and you had the ability to hulk up and become a Godzilla-Kongish beast.

Everyone else was ZOMG Cool! I wondered if you could hulk out and smash a city, why the hell would you want to steal a PT Cruiser?

 

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

Hanover, I demand you post more

 

[TheOx]

Quote: "Allows you to play as one of different classes, each having skills distributed by so each person will have their own unique abilities!"

Indicates: There is a wide variety of characters to play as, as well as a great deal of spells and abilities available to each class. The new format of skill gathering will balance the pros and cons of the abilities, as well as having a person decide between different sets of skills.

True Meaning: Half of the classes are completely useless. Each class which actually has some value has one or two skills which are grossly better than all the rest as well as ones which are completely useless. The faggots who are level 60 on the first day it is released will have already figured out the perfect distribution of skills such that if you do not mimic them exactly your character will suck shit compared to everyone else.

As people have said, these PR catchphrases are a little too real. Although this one is directed more at MMOs, I think parts of it are just as applicable to many single-player RPGs out there.

 

[LlamaGod]

Quote: "No two gamers will have the same experience. If you talk about this game with a friend, it'll be like you were playing completely different games."

Indicates: This will be the most open-ended and replayable game you've ever played. We have discovered the inner workings of chaos itself, and have duplicated it in this game.

True Meaning: In Super Mario Brothers, you might run ten steps and then jump over a turtle. Your friend might run right into a turtle without jumping at all. What's that? Another friend jumped ON TOP OF the turtle? We managed to capture that same sort of magic.

Oh, Oblivion.

 

[ad hominem]

Quote: “We've kept the depth of the tactical combat that made game great, but simplified the controls and moved the into a new realm.”

Indicates: Gamers will have to learn new nuances of tactical combat, but with the jump into a later time period in the setting, will get a great new game with a greater mass appeal.

True Meaning:The game loses all resemblance to a tactical game and instead looks like a twisted version of Galaga, without the tactics. Or fun. And the game looks like shit.

.....yeah.

 

[onerobot]

Quote: “We've streamlined the controls and gameplay in [game sequel] so that our game will appeal to the masses!”

Indicates: The sequel to [game x] is now easier to play and should be appealing to all your friends. No more multi-key commands for doing [feature]!

True Meaning: All the features that made the first game so great have either been removed or dumbed down.

I believe they just leave this one implied nowadays.

 

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

No they didn't

 

[St. Toxic]

Monday, June 21, 2004

 

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

Thats why I posted them

 

[St. Toxic]

What, you mean the market made a drastic change since then? You mean 2k4 was the golden game era? It's an old hype machine beatdown with points that have been obvious since the old console age.

 

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

OB had not been announced then.

 

[StraitLacedDeviant]

Everyone at SA are prescient, they have massive spice orgies and use it to predict gaming trends.

 

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

We all know that.

 

[kingcomrade]

Quote: "We saw what people liked in the old series and..."

Indicates: The developers played the old games and ask people what they liked about the old games.

True Meaning: They did this so they can remove everything people liked and replaced it with call to power and civ 3.

Quote: “We've streamlined the controls and gameplay in [game sequel] so that our game will appeal to the masses!”

Indicates: The sequel to [game x] is now easier to play and should be appealing to all your friends. No more multi-key commands for doing [feature]!

True Meaning: All the features that made the first game so great have either been removed or dumbed down.

Here comes Fallout 3.

 

[MINIGUNWIELDER]

We know, we know...does anyone here know where we can find Wholesale Eggs, Vodka, and various tools of protestors?