Completed Let's find out if Mistmare is the worst RPG of all time

[Twinkle]

CHAPTER 4, PART 3

Spoiler

OK, I need to finish a few sidequests before moving on.

First, the prostitute promised to demonstrate her "gratitude". She gives Isador a stone stolen from an alchemist.

I see dead people...

And whore's crystal is welcomed by undertaker's dad.

Another trip to War Monument.

Graveyard is surrounded by hostile alchemic warriors. They probably got a drift about the treasure hidden there too.

Nevertheless, Isador unearths stolen goods.

And returns them to old antiquarian.

I skip time to advance story.

So I have to side with townsfolk no matter what. Lame.

At blacksmith's I upgrade Izzy's Doom Sword to the max. Almost 3x times base damage.

Goodbye, everyone.

Finally, a new fog area. It looks prehistoric, and female alchemist mages float around with their pet dinosaurs.

Wut r u doing, nasty boy?

Still, better not disturb them - their curses hurt. A lot.

Through the fog, Isador reaches the caverns area where the leader of the gang resides.

Narrow bridge that leads to the entrance is heavily guarded. I pull enemies one by one and solo they don't pose much challenge.

A few of them are scattered around the cave complex.

At last I meet with their warlord.

Meet your doom, faggot. He goes down in three hits.

Impressed by that display of might their cook is wise enough to not try to resist.

Farewell, the continent. Ukanistan, say hi.

Suddenly, Isador appears in some underwater realm. Cooks make shitty sailors it seems.

It's so freaking dark here, tweaking gamma settings doesn't help a bit. Isador follows downward spiral till the seabed.

He sets up summoned monsters as rearguard. They won't able to beat sea monsters on their own but they'll cover inquisitor's escape.

And here it ends.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLacAaHYWRc&feature=player_embedded

 

[kazgar]

Still following this, just haven't really got anything to say, liking the story even if most of the characters are stupid.

 

[kazgar]

That being said, underwater world seems derpy, how are you breathing?

 

[Brother None]

It's not just the level is derpy, but you...just appear there? What the hell.

Still enjoying the LP, Twinkle. I'm just waiting for inevitable "plot twist" that the church was evil and this guy you're chasing is all good. Feels like BioWare could've written this game.

 

[Twinkle]

CHAPTER 5, PART 1

Spoiler

Isador wakes up at some fishermen's village on the shores of Ukanistan.

Isador must be a descendant of Jesus's secret offspring. How else can we explain his ability of walking on water?

OK, let's visit Lundun.

Green, green everywhere. It's like Xbox launch party all over again.

Journal states I need to find a place to rest and stupid game doesn't let me progress otherwise.

So alternate Londoners are cocky jerks just like in our world. Some things never change.

On the northern bank suspicious robed men approach Isador. Only intervention from local guards saves them from inevitable death by Izzy's stick of doom.

Either it's a graphical bug or trees were modeled by someone... prosperous.

And shit taste in clothing. It's UK, baby, all right.

I just waste time till that special agent Sean appears.

Too bad, Sean's plan was much better.

You've been waylaid by enemies and must defend yourself!

That shitstain of an agent abandons our poor inquisitor and he is forced to duel gang leader.

This fucker was tough as nails, I was forced to gulp all potions I had equipped.

Robin Hood Ranger Woodrow and his band of merry men turned out to be nice chaps, if a bit too liberal.

I'll help them and release their bro. Since Sean ran away he can be the only lead to druid stronghold on Avalon.

Wow Izzy, that's some dark humor.

I just didn't want to pay.

OK, let's wait till evening.

So the bridge leading to druid castle is guarded by two dudes. Apparently you can jump into water to skip them but it seems Isador's skills aren't up to the task.

Well, it doesn't matter. While John's nephews is distracting them you run past them 2m away - no one will bat an eyelash.

Mistmare's Avalon doesn't really looks like paradise.

Carving his way through druid patrols Isador arrives to the giant tree temple.

Guys this is better than Diablo 3.

Phew.

So I whacked at least a few dozen druids and then two guys capture me? What sort of dipshittery is this.

Isador sees a glimpse of Shavier on the balcony.

And then a giant boar is summoned and starts raping remaining druids.

He isn't all that aggressive against Isador for some reason but nevertheless I give him a wide berth just in case.

Isador uses the teleportation device and transport himself to a balcony where Shavier stood a few minutes ago.

Shavier himself has escaped but Isador discovers his notes.

So Shavier is actually a good guy.

Isador returns to Glastonbury.

Good bye, bros.

Back to London.

 

[kazgar]

so the uk's fog free and there's no church but some druids who are another random faction for you to kill.

awesome.

 

[Brother None]

So Shavier is actually a good guy.

No waaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyyyy.

so the uk's fog free and there's no church but some druids who are another random faction for you to kill.

Yeah. Where is the fog?

 

[Twinkle]

CHAPTER 5, PART 2

Spoiler

Back to the Prime Minister

So what are we gonna do is p. much reestablishing the Link that brought the Fog over Europe centuries ago.

Drunk fighting a-la Geralt? You can count me in.

That was... unepic. One strike and Bob is defeated.

So we need to find at least two more guys to help lift the bell. Naturally, local pub is first place to look at.

A team of footballers is chilling and relaxing over that table. I'm sure then can perform some heavy lifting too.

Well, what can I do.

Using powers of purification Isador cures him.

Well these guys are jerks - sending only the wounded goalie to help.

The second strong man I find on the streets.

The guy needs a cure of magical nature. Isador can provide it as well.

'ere we go!

Time for Isador to showcase his t(r)olling skills.

Another one of these visions. This one is easily decipherable.

We see the cathedral.

And a tolling bell

Which scares giant wild boar away.

Outside a commoner cries for attention

There is a corpse lying on the floor.

Isador's purfication powers all so strong he can bring deaders back. A few more levels and he's going to be Commander Jesus 2.0.

OK, let's do as not-anymore-dead guy asks.

It's kinda lame than you can't read notes or books yourself and forced to rely on summary in the journal.

Isador is already familiar with the custodian.

That Sam tried to ambush our inquisitor on the stairs. Obviously, it was his fatal mistake.

Jews Leprechauns are to blame

Hey, "corpse", you can get up already.

That was the only sidequest available in this chapter. Time to report back to prime minister.

Isador rushes to the fishermen village but sadly it's way too late already.

The only way to catch him is building another ship.

Ugh

Looks gut I guess

Aww, hell, I'm in the underwater realm again.

A spell illuminates immediate surrounding making navigating environment easier. Its effective radius leaves a lot to be desired, though.

The next area is a safe haven above sea level.

Guys but I have no ship!

That's the last fog area. Probably meant to symbolize shipwreck.

I have no desire to meet local inhabitants and jump straight into the portal

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_NfEcrqhnwg&feature=youtu.be

 

[kazgar]

london seems so unresolved, restoring the bell didn't seem to do anything!

Oh well, lets see what derp the Scandinavians can bring.

Also:

Everyone ran away! excellent writing.

 

[Brother None]

But...London doesn't have anyone to toll the bell?

Ah well fek it moving on!

 

[Twinkle]

But...London doesn't have anyone to toll the bell?

Think MAGIC!, bro.

CHAPTER 6, PART 1

Spoiler

Isador arrives in Stockholm, the capital of science! and alchemical studies that greets him with pretty colored lights.

Marúawe, chief!

First place to visit is of course the local tavern.

Drunk alchemist confuses him with someone else.

Oh well, the bartender who looks like Agent 47's little cloned brother might help.

Yeah, you certainly look like a dude who can throw a party.

Poor red-skinned kids must be saved from evil western influence!

Alchemists. These guys are common here in Stockholm.

Derp.

And so he does.

The warehouse is full of nice things, the trip here definitely isn't fruitless.

OK, continuing with exploring harbor.

Visiting a shipwreck could be fun and profitable endeavor. Count me in.

I hope I'll get a chance to QTE sharks or something.

Ugh. Again this underwater fog map except this time you start at the seabed.

Crabs are numerous here.

My monstrous buddies join the fray.

Chest containing captain's log is hidden in thick grass. Took me 10 minutes to discover it.

But in this case - who put that shit in the chest and hid it? Lame.

Whatever, time to blow the ship and get off this sinkhole.

Stone spiral that leads to wrecked ship is rife with mudcrabs.

They didn't bother with modeling ship proper. Simply placing a bomb at the marked spot is enough.

I'm getting outta here.

Only 400 gp? Eh, moving on.

Unlike outdoors area, they mostly nailed look of the cities you visit. There is no repeating assets and each of them has unique atmosphere. Stockholm is the closest thing to industrial revolution Mistmare has, there is even a working monorail.

One of the best "recreational" areas here is alchemical sauna (does that mean that suomi survived the fog too?).

Almost forgot about master chief.

Back to hawt tube.

Aww yeah there is a chance that the alchemist will be able to respond till he gets drunk again.

Ugh. Traitor is almost in my grasp, yet I am forced to perform shitty errands for the old coot.

Power of holy brofist fixes this infernal machine.

Soon, soon...

*PLOT TWIST*

To be fair, the explanation wasn't as derpy as I expected it be.

That's all for now.

 

[kazgar]

Tweeest!

Church isn't bad afterall, just has too many factions.

Hmmm.

Anyhow, Looking forward to seeing the ending!

 

[Brother None]

This game's narrative pacing is awful. But the plot itself isn't too derpy, typical but not too derpy, it got a decent reason for Shavier to deceive you.

Moar, indeed. Onwards! Will they fix things or make them worse?

 

[Twinkle]

CHAPTER 6, PART 2

Spoiler

So the plan is to restore magical internetz.

Except that the local cathedral is being used as an arena. Which poses a problem that needs violent solution.

I know kung-fu. You don't. I win.

And only Isador doesn't get squat.

Let's reboot this fucker. Jesus help us.

Bummer, it doesn't work for some reason.

Back at Baron's mansion they try to find a solution.

Maybe SCIENCE! can help where magic failed.

They refuse to lend any help and at point at the king.

Well, Shavier won't be happy to hear this.

Again they want to send Isador on a suicide mission without any backup!

A freaking submarine. What the hell?

And soon they arrive to their destination.

God, what a moron. On the positive side it means there will be no forced stealth sequence, which is a good thing since they tend to be awful.

Stay put FFS.

Meanwhile I deal with captor's goons.

Princess, I'm coming.

So it turns out she willingly ran away from her father.

As far as I know this conflict can have a peaceful resolution, but not in my case.

The thing is that I can't find the damned princess. Oh well, it's time to return.

Well, the baron wasn't completely useless after all - he managed to catch her.

The king will be pleased.

Ugh, stop pestering me!

Instead of training or studying i just waste my time at local sauna.

Good to go.

All aboard king's private train.

And the Stockholm chapter is finished. This time protection from royal alchemists ensures there will be no encounters with fog monsters.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=COiX7S0HfQM

 

[Twinkle]

CHAPTER 7

Spoiler

He arrives in the land of Lithuanian hitmen Latvian psychoanalysts.

Alchemist combat outfit dispatched to assist Isador should be ready to march.

No need to squander the opportunity to train. Not much content left.

Commander Isador is ready to embark on a suicide mission.

Move!

The first fog zone is nothing extraordinary, and Isador quickly marches through it.

But the next one is something new.

What the hell is wrong with these trees? Is the fog just a facet of Prosperian imagination?

T-Rex? Oh, snap, team, we need bigger guns, goddamnit!

Get off me. Shooo away. Bad boy!

Awwww, fuck.

Oh well, it's time to pull Shepard on their asses.

Isador finds himself at local hospital few days later. Shavier has arrived on his trail.

Such an appropriate time to demonstrate your teen angst. But the game was made by slavs rather american or japanese developer so instead of crying out loud or turning to the dork side he just goes to the local tavern to get himself drunk into oblivion, for the first time in his life.

Turns out he's not the only loser who wants drown his problems in wine.

Why not? He has nothing better to do.

Let's dance, loco.

Well, Izzy is officially popamole. His health regenerates so fast that even three high level enemies attacking simultaneously barely carve a dent in his HP bar. Shame it didn't work as well with dinos

And your ugly pet.

Done.

While waiting till lord Vidric relocates his ass to his new old castle Isador experiences another vision.

Can't really make anything out of it. Oh well, Gimme mah shinies.

Nice thingie. Thx bro.

Isador finds the power suppress his angst a bit and returns to barracks to converse with Shavier.

So you need to defeat inner demons before delivering crushing blow to the Fog. And the game mostly avoided emotionally engaging stuff until then.

I see it... 6 cathedrals but we visited only 5.

The interwebz are established.

And the map of Europe. Bingo, we located the last one.

Stupid potatoes are the source of failure.

I'll go full blitzkrieg on you asses.

But only after long and perilous journey through the Fog.

Heh, at least no T-Rexes this time.

Wow, this is outlandish.

But finally we make it and arrive in Potatoland. Soon it will be over.

 

[kazgar]

Oh the whole 'Missed a cathedral" trick! hate when that happens.

Guess it provides a good reason to get out of Scandinavia where everything seemed pretty organised and boring.

 

[Brother None]

Krakow Krakow!

So it's a ruined shithole? Seems p accurate

 

[kazgar]

7 posts away from a new page, we should probably bump so the link can be completed without terrible loading times.

 

[kazgar]

Probably difficult when myself and Brother None are the only people still reading this.

Keep up the good work Twinkle.

 

[kazgar]

Was the t-rex always going to curbstomp you, ie is it semi-scripted?

 

[Brother None]

Reading and enjoying. Again, the writing and pacing are off but I think the plot had some good ideas to it.

That T-Rex thing has gotta be scripted. This game seems to love doing that shit.

 

[kazgar]

Its one of the more interesting concepts for a game i've seen.

though seems like its better watched/read the actually played.

 

[kazgar]

And we're nearly at the new page.

 

[kazgar]

:bump:

 

[kazgar]

And over we go, after the timers sorted itself out

ONWARDS!