Mass Effect 2 : LP Complete, Releasing Control.

[laclongquan]

Their writer staff should get a month of enforced bland gruel diet, abstinence (also no porn), and cold shower. Maybe their stagnant writing style will get cleaned up a bit.

 

[Esquilax]

Their writer staff should get a month of enforced bland gruel diet, abstinence (also no porn), and cold shower. Maybe their stagnant writing style will get cleaned up a bit.

I'm with you on everything else, but this is just cruel, bro.

 

[Sulimo]

When I was replaying ME2 myself 2 weeks ago I suddenly noticed the fed-ex quest decline in DA2 started in ME2. At least they put some effort into it, 4 specific lines of dialogue instead of "Hey, you lost this." "I had never thought to see this again!". But still, it sucks.

 

[RK47]

Well. Even the bar isn't free from problems. Look at the NPC name, "Slave Broker'. FFS.

Stop worrying! This is my life you're talking about!

You signed the indentured service contract. You gave over your responsibility to me. So don't worry. Its okay. I'll think of something.

You said Synthetic Insights would buy me! You said it was an easy sale!

I assumed they would want they would want an AI tech. *notices Shepard* Hello, can I help you with something?

Have you made this quarian your slave?

We prefer the term "indentured servants." Before you do anything hasty, know that this quarian signed the agreement voluntarily, and her servitude contract is completely legal on Illium. If you actually want to help the quarian, convince the Synthetic Insights representative to purchase her contract.

Why did this quarian sign herself into slavery.

I tried to play the stock market. I'm good with numbers, and I thought I had a way to make unlimited money. I lost everything. Then I got a credit line and lost that. I took out an illegal loan. You get the picture.

Hmph. Classic.

As part of our agreement, I paid off her debts. Five years from now. she'll have a fresh start and excellent work references.

Sounds great...unless you lose her paperwork or come up with a reason to hold her longer.

All contracts are monitored by Illium law enforcement. In a case such as you describe, the burden of proof would be on me. No system is perfect, but safeguards are set up to protect all parties.

What if I bought her myself?

A gallant offer with three problems. First, her technical skills merits a contract of several hundred thousand credits.

There's also a fee for freeing me before my service period ends.

Exactly. And finally, you are clearly a traveler - her service contract requires that she remain on Illium.

I'll talk to the Synthetic Insights rep and see what I can do.

Looks like another usage of EXTREME words to convince people. How...boring.

To be frank, we're hardly hiring anyone. The geth attack on the Citadel didn't engender much love for artificial intelligence.

We have a single choice here.

We could just tell her that her company is racist and prejudiced against Quarian race. But...that's too logical. How about we do it another way that shows that Bioware writers thought out of the box?

I'll tell the Slave Broker. Hopefully she'll understand.

Thank you. I'd appreciate that.

You again. Did you talk to the Synthetic Insights about purchasing my slave's contract?

They've got a policy against taking slaves. They're also having financial problems.

I knew this was a stupid risk. The economy is too unstable to be taking on risky projects.

I'm sorry.

Time for the EXTREME choice that had illogical consequences.

So that's it? All that, "No, I'm a good slaver," garbage was an act?'

I am still exploring options!

There are no options! You took a bet, and you lost.

I can't just call it a loss! That, plus the early emancipation fees...You have no idea how much money I'd lose!

You said you'd take care of me. You promised. You said this was honorable and safe.

Yeah, slavery is both all that. Safe and Honorable. Wtf Bioware?

Yes. So I did. Come. Let us go to the contract office. Keeping you would endanger your health. I can't risk that. Here, for your trouble. I pay my debts.
What, wait a minute! Shepard convinced her to release her slave. Take an early penalty fee. AND STILL GET PAID? HOLY FUCK.

Thank you. I'll stay out of trouble this time.

Seriously. This is just madness. There's no more quest to be done in Illium but the amount of background banter in the bar is interesting. Just listen to some of it:

Human: Whatever. It's the closest you guys get to a wedding. And that means you get a bachelor party. End of story.

Salarian: I don't understand. Humans celebrate wedding contracts by tempting infidelity? That makes no sense!

Human: Calm down man! Don't embarrass me in front of the stripper!

Salarian: What do turians do? Do turians do this, too?

Turian: I'm just here for the drinks.

Salarian: You said bachelor parties are for very close friends. We're just co-workers.

Human: We've been co-workers for five years, though. Aren't salarian years like dog years?

Salarian: Okay, now -- that's offensive. I appreciate the gesture, but my people don't even have sex drives the way humans do.

Human: Uh huh. Take a look at that, man. Everybody likes the asari. Everybody.

Salarian: But we actually reproduce by..my word, she is very...limber. I can appreciate her dancing in an aesthetic manner, but I don't have...feelings of...hmm she is lovely shade of blue.

Turian: Okay, that makes my legs hurt just watching it, and my knees are meant to bend that way.

Salarian: This isn't as bad as I had feared. It's actually...is it warm in here?

Human: Okay, you see that bit there?

Human: It's called a belly button. Humans and asari have them, and you're going to be doing shots out of it later tonight.

Turian: That can't be sanitary.

Human: Not the point, man!

Salarian: I can understand why I might find asari attractive. But how can they be attractive to humans, too? They look just like salarians!

Human: What? They look exactly like us! I'm...I'm not seeing the salarian thing at all. At all.

Turian: You're both wrong! Asari look just like blue turians. Look at the head-fringe!

Human: Wait. You don't think they're, like, mind-controlling us to see them attractive, do you?

Turian: Please be quiet. You're going to ruin asari for me. And there aren't many turian women on Illium.

Salarian: Well I suppose watching one more dance wouldn't hurt.

Human: Ha-ha-ha! That's the spirit!

Turian: As long as I'm not paying the drinks.

On another table....

Turian: I'm telling you, this is why you shouldn't date humans.

Quarian: So then I had to explain about cross-species fluid contact. Completely killed the mood.

Turian: Not to mention that you're a quarian! How could he be so insensitive?

If you walk away and return..you can hear the next part of their conversation.

Turian: You deserve somebody who respects you. Somebody who's going to treat you right.

Quarian: Oh, I think i"m just going to stop dating for a while.

Turian: No! Don't do that! Don't let some human spoil you!

Quarian: It's always the same thing. "Ooh, she could get sick. She's vulnerable. I wonder what she looks like under the helmet."

Turian: You'll find somebody out there who cares about you for who you are. Someone whose food you can eat, even.

Next stage, the turian tries to pick up the quarian chick.

Turian: If you're hurting for things to do, maybe after work we could catch a vid or something!

Quarian: Oh, that's sweet. but I'm okay. A little dry spell isn't going to kill me.

Turian: We could watch "Fleet and Flotilla." It got awards for its portrayal of, um, turian and quarian relationships.

Quarian: Anyway, if worse come to worst, I did have the nerve-stimulation built into my suit.

Turian: And I hear that the love scenes are ....what?

Quarian: Oh, yeah. Standard equipment for any responsible adult. Here, let me fire it up...Uh, excuse me, human. Private conversation. Ugh.

Had enough of the bar yet? I promise, this is the last time we're coming here. So lets go for the bartender conversation.

You're an asari matriarch? I thought matriarch served as honored advisors.

Right. Which I do here at this bar. I know, not what you'd expect. But nobody on Thessia wanted to listen to my wise counsel, so here I am. Dad was a krogan who fought in the Rachni Wars. My mother fought in the Krogan Rebellions. I've pretty much seen it all.

Your mother fought in the Krogan Rebellions?

I don't know whether she "fought." She scouted, sniped a few people, and blew up a couple of space stations. You know, commando stuff. She'd put on the old commando leathers on for special nights with Dad. Goddess, that was embarrassing.

If your mother fought in the Rebellions and your father was a krogan, didn't that cause tension?

They didn't meet until a few hundred years after the turians put the boot in with the damn genophage. As far as either knew, they were both just warriors. Dad boasted. Mom stayed quiet. Mom was a matriarch herself, and Dad was near-on a thousand, when the truth came out.

What happened when he found out?

I was about hundred, shaking my ass in some sleazy bar. They got me on link, told me that they were going to have it out, and made me promise to love whichever one survived. Turned out to be damn easy, since neither one did. Family, huh? What a kick in the quad.

Why is a matriarch in a bar serving drinks?

It's better than what most other matriarchs are doing. Look at that screw-up with Saren and his geth a few years back! Their ships were hanging bare-assed in space when Saren started shooting. If not for you humans, we would've bought it right there. And I warned them! Told people on Thessia what was coming, and they didn't want to hear it.

What didn't they want to hear?

That art and philosophy and political prowess wasn't going to cut it. We can't go a single asari lifetime without some big war breaking out. We need to get our daughters working earlier, not spending their wild maider years stripping or in merc bands. When I started talking about making new mass relays ourselves, they laughed the blue off my ass. So now I serve drinks.

What's it like, living for nearly a thousand years?

Violent. Wars break out, colonies get destroyed. Mindoir, Eden Prime, Feros, ... it's been like that forever. You find peace in whatever arms will hold you. Turian, elcor, harar, ...Even had a pureblood daughter. I was the father. Didn't work out. Then one day you woke up, your figure's gotten matriarchal, and everyone else is too young to remember how the quarians looked inside those suits.

Thanks for telling me about that.

That's what I'm here for, babe. Get you anything else?

I'd like something to drink.

Sure. I'll set up a tab at the drink kiosk. Knock yourself out. Literally, if you want. *pours some drinks* Just don't drink anything for turians or quarians. It does nasty things to your insides. Once I saw a krogan drink a liquefied turian on a dare six or seven centuries back. Nobody came out of that looking pretty.

Thanks for setting up the drinks.

Right. Don't eat the nuts in the red bowls. They're for turians and quarians. You'll get cramps.

That's all for Illium, baby! Notice the EXTREME drinking made Shepard clip through the bar counter.

 

[Esquilax]

Shepard's drinking skills are so EXTREME that mere walls are no object to him.

 

[SCO]

This is very bad

 

[spekkio]

Volly, I am disappoint with Bioware. And that's something coming from a person who really enjoyed MDK 2.

 

[lightbane]

The fun part is that the writing is almost a masterpiece compared to DA2.

 

[Esquilax]

The fun part is that the writing is almost a masterpiece compared to DA2.

Yeah, there are some parts here and there that are actually pretty good. The bachelor party conversation is funny - in fact, most of the game's attempts at humor are pulled off pretty well. It's not like Fallout 3, for instance, where almost every single joke fell flat.

 

[RK47]

Well, that's it for Illium. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate Bioware's dev team putting a lot of effort into fleshing out Illium, but fuck, there's so much blue aliens I can tolerate and their stories aren't that great. It seems like Illium is completely optional too. They really had a lot of time to come up with that bullshit. Let's return to Normandy and set course to the Citadel.

Oh, we have an appointment as well.

Been a while.

C-Sec appears to be investigating the death of Sidonis, Shepard. They currently have no leads.

Hmmm, Sidonis is Garrus' old squadmate who was assassinated in his loyalty mission. If I recall correctly, it was over a betrayal in Omega, which led to his whole squad being killed, except for Garrus, the Archangel. (A rather faggot nickname IMO.)

That's what we need, looks like Kolyat's been here.

Gee, very subtle. I mean, nobody can possibly be THAT stupid right? If you ignore the holo-ad for a while, it'll continue to spam.

Got problem with collectors? Try Kasumi's credit services!

Commander Shepard. We have the finest companions waiting for you. Perhaps something petite, smart, and Japanese would be your style?

You know who I am, Kasumi. I'm not here to play games.

I heard you were hardcore, Shep, but I figured you'd be up for some intrigue. Kasumi Goto at your service...but you apparently already knew that.

What's with the password and the sneaking around? Are you in trouble or something?

I'm the best thief in the business, not the most famous. Need to watch my step to keep it that way. I also needed to make sure all this was legit. And I have no doubts now - you're the real Commander Shepard.

What brought you to Cerberus?

That's a bit of a story. Short version, they were looking for me, so I trailed them to find out why. Turns out they were looking for someone to join you on an important mission...and were offering a serious signing bonus. I had a thing I needed help with, so I made them a deal. And here we are.

I assume this deal is something I should know about.

Yeah, I guess it slipped their minds. I'm looking for my old partner's graybox. A man named Donovan Hock took it, and I'm planning to get it back.

What's this heist you're planning?

Not here, Shepard. You'll get a briefing when the time comes. I need time to nail down the details, anyway. I've taken the liberty of getting you some evening wear, though. You'll want to look presentable.

I assume the graybox is some kind of hardware.

It's a neural implant. Illegal in most places. Stores memories, thoughts,...secret codes, illicit information. This one in particular belonged to my partner, Keiji Okuda. We worked together for a long time, before Hock killed him.

Tell me about this former partner of yours.

He was the best hacker and entryman I've ever known. Unfortunately, he slipped up and made himself infamous. He stole something he shouldn't. He warned me it was bad, and something that could spark interstellar war if it got out. That information...got him killed.

What could he have found that's so bad?

He wouldn't say what it was, just that it was dangerous. He said if it got out, humanity would be in trouble.

Fuck you, Bioware. This is how you present a plot device? DANGEROUS item. Very dangerous. EXTREMELY Dangerous. So dangerous. Real danger. Fucking sixth grade writing. Bad DLC Sense tingling!

He encrypted it, wrapped it up in his own memories. To decode this information, you have to sift through all the time we spent together. Now those memories are all that's left of him.

If the information's deadly, we have to keep it out of the wrong hands.

Donovan Hock is the last man I'd want holding this information.

If that's what Cerberus promised you, we'll get it done.

It'll be fun. And if we're lucky, you won't even have to draw your gun.

She cloaks and slipped away. Kasumi is the only party member capable of using the infiltrator skill of turning invisible. Except it's not really invisibility, she just teleports to someone's back and perform a melee backstab. It's a nice skill, with very high damage...Except we're on insanity, and if Kasumi with fragile Shield/HP goes to melee range, she probably just drop dead in seconds.

But enough of that fake Japanese Space Ninja. We're here for Thane's son, Kolyat. The boy is involved with some stupid assassination plot. A fact that shocked Thane, because he never taught his boy how to kill people. According to EDI, a drell passed through the customs, the local authorities should know more.

My associate is trying to find his son. We think a local criminal may have hired him.

Should be easy. We don't see many drell here. *does a search on his console* There we go. One of my men reported a drell recently. And he was talking to Mouse. Interesting.

Rat diplomacy incoming.

Mouse?

A petty criminal. Probably not the guy who hired your boy, but a messenger. He's a former duct rat, runs errands for anyone who'll pay.

I've heard enough.

Mouse is usually upstairs, outside the Dark Star. He works out of a public comm terminal. It sounds like your boy's running with the wrong crowd.

Yes, I agree.

If Mouse can't get in touch with your son directly, he'll know who can. I'll help you if you need it.

We better hurry, then.

I take your point.

Mouse is close by.

You mouse?

Commander Shepard? I thought you died! What do you want with me?

Be still, Mouse. You can change your pants in a moment.

We need you to answer some questions.

The people I work for - Look, I can't answer questions for just anybody.

Thane takes the Renegade initiative.

You gave another drell instructions for an assassination. Who's the target?

Fuck this, BS. Time to engage in some EXTREME Rat Diplomacy.

Does Shepard have to stomp a little bitch?

We don't have time for this.

Help me, Mouse. My son is out there, in the dark.

That's why I carried for him! I-I thought you'd wanted me to! Please!

Explain.

H-he came in, said he was looking for work. He has a holo of me. The one you took, Krios.

Tell me about Kelham.

Human. Moved to the Citadel about ten years ago. He was little people when you were here, Krios. He got big after the geth attack. Lots of the big guys from before got cacked. All of the big fancy apartment up on the Presidium. Now he runs the rackets on the lower area of the Ward, Shin Akiba. He's seriously bad news.

You just saved yourself a world of pain, kid.

Yeah, right. When Kelham finds out what I've done, I won't live long. And I can't do nothing about it but hide. Krios, you got any kindness for me, put a bullet in Kelham before you go.

Later, at Bailey's C-Sec office...

Ah, look. This is awkward. Kelham and I have a -- an agreement. He doesn't cause too much trouble, and "buys tickets to the C-Sec Charity Ball" from me. In return, I ignore him.

Grr.

Yeah, I'll help. Absolutely. I'll get some of my people to bring him in and set him up in a private room. You can interrogate him yourself. I'll stay out of sight. If I'm lucky, Kelham will believe I had nothing to do with it.

Bring him in. We might not have much time.

I'll make it happen. Wait here.

Later, in C-Sec Office...

He'll expect me to get him out of this.

Not today, I think.

Bet Elias has his VI set to page him if C-Sec gets within ten metres. I'll stall him. Get in there and work fast.

We should question him together. Keep the pressure on. Thoughts on how we approach it?

You talk to him. Appeal to his self-interest. I'll put the screws to him if he needs it.

Very well. I'll pretend to be on his side. But if we waste too much time, Baily won't be able to stall Kelham's advocate.

Let's cut the bullshit. I could torture him, but Thane's son can't wait.

My name's Shepard. I'm a Spectre.

*CLACK*

Good. Now. Fortunately, I'm not after you. You contracted an assassin. Who's the target?

Thanks. You won't see us again. No offense, but you're a problem below my pay grade.

*Both exits the interrogation room*

Assassination. A turian named Joram Talid. You know him?

Joram? Yeah. You might have seen his posters around. He's promising to end organized crime on the ward. Thing is, his message is all mixed up in race politics. He's anti-human.

Are things so bad that people can openly campaign as anti-human?

Before the battle of the Citadel, the alien population thought we were violent upstarts. Look what's happened since then. A human fleet guarding the station for months. C-Sec filled with humans. Anderson does what he can, but some people have lived on the station before humans had starship. They see it as a coup.

Again, pinning the blame on me. Fuck you.

I don't give a damn what Joram's politics are. This is about Thane's son, not him.

You might not care, but the people who live here do. Sergeant! Get a patrol car. These two need to get to the 800 blocks.

Follow Talid on the maintenance catwalks. Tell me what he's doing. The krogan bodyguard will make him easy to follow.

Where will you be?

The darkest corner with the best view.

WAIT A GODDAMN MINUTE. If you have THE BEST VIEW. Why do I have to update you on what's the stupid target is doing? Sometimes Bioware can be very stupid in their writing.

Welcome to the tailing mini game. There's no alarm for being too close, cause they're completely oblivious of you. The only thing Shepard gotta do is keep the turian target within sight. Fail, and you basically fail the loyalty mission. No combat at all.

Too easy..until...

I don't have time for this.

And the tailing mission is complete. Kolyat spotted.

He momentarily hesitates, before finally making his decision...

KOLYAT!

I'm guessing this the end for Kolyat. I mean, bringing a pistol to fight a krogan at close range? Seriously.

Yeah, kid. Go with all your guns blazing.

Wait. WHAT? Fucking shit. He's a complete novice and he took out a krogan with a pistol?! Unbelievable!

Kolyat.

This--This is a joke. Now? NOW you show up?

Get out of my way. I'm walking out. He's coming with me.

......It'll take seconds before you can even get the hostage to stand up and grip him with your other arm. FFS noob.

They'll have snipers outside.

Opportunity knocks. But I decide to skip it.

I can shoot Kolyat, but that'll piss of Thane...but there's always the EXTREME option.

Oh my gods.

Hostages only work when your enemy cares if they live.

Interesting solution.

He was a racist and a criminal. Isn't that enough?

To some. I suppose.

I read your files. Isn't that what you do? Kill people who do bad things?

Makes great material for show and tell in low grade school.

Take the boy into custody.

You son of a bitch!

...Well. If Thane IS a son of a bitch. Then you'd be the Grandson of a bitch. Happy now? Enjoy the family drama.

Your father and I have killed a lot of people. You haven't. There's no reason you should start.

I read his files. What made it all right for him to kill all those years?

I was six when the hanar began to train me. I didn't know any better. Your mother woke me from my battle sleep.

Then why did you leave her? Why weren't you there when she died?

Your mother -- They killed her to get to me. It was my fault.

What?

After her body was given to the deep, I went to find them. The trigger men. The ringleaders. I hurt them. Eventually killed them. When I went back to see you, you were -- older. I should have stayed with you.

I guess it's too bad for me you waited so long, huh?

This isn't a conversation you should have in front of strangers. Boys, take Kolyat and his father back to the precinct. Give them a room and as much time as they need.

I'm surprised you're not trying to arrest us.

The kid obviously hadn't committed a crime in his life. Not sure about the father, though.

Wait, Bailey. What about the Krogan he shot? Won't he press charges?

I have to get back to the precinct. Come on. I'll give you a lift.

Well. Yeah. Just forget about it. It's not important. Fuck it.

End of Update. It wasn't so bad for Thane's loyalty mission, not a single kill outside of script. Clean and drama all the way. See ya later!

 

[Sceptic]

And if we're lucky, you won't even have to draw your gun.

Dream on.

Thane's loyalty mission is interesting for being the only one with no combat, yet being a perfect example of ME2's "great" writing.

Wasn't too impressed personally.

 

[Edward_R_Murrow]

Thane's loyalty mission is interesting for being the only one with no combat, yet being a perfect example of ME2's "great" writing.

Samara's mission doesn't have combat either. And if you're EXTREME enough, you can even do something pretty cool too.

That said, none of the ME2 loyalty missions were all too great. The worst thing about them is how stupidly they're implemented in the suicide mission. Loyalty doesn't translate to being willing to take suicidal orders...it just means they are less likely to trip and die. What a crock...

 

[random_encounter]

Had enough of the bar yet? I promise, this is the last time we're coming here.

Terrible. It's like they drop kicked an embarrassing bar stereotype to Illium written by someone that hasn't been out much...someone from Earth.

Hmmm, Sidonis is Garrus' old squadmate who was assassinated in his loyalty mission. If I recall correctly, it was over a betrayal in Omega, which led to his whole squad being killed, except for Garrus, the Archangel. (A rather faggot nickname IMO.)

Along with the bar, this is another point that makes ME's world come off as generically sci-fi. Western Religions didn't waste any time getting to his home planet, I guess?

Great work and commentary, can't wait to see more of the Space Ninja Girl mission (I didn't spring for any of the ME2 DLC, so thanks for taking the hit RK47). Looking forward to the next update!

 

[Serious_Business]

Shepperd at his best

 

[Esquilax]

I always wondered why that cop didn't care about Shepard killing that turian.

I mean, seriously, no matter how EXTREME that cop is, that turian was obviously an influential figure.

When the injustice is great enough, EXTREME will lend me the strength needed to correct it. None may stand against it. It will shatter every barrier, grab any collar, punch any reporter, and lend its servant the power to pass sentence. Know this: There is nothing in all the Galaxy that can stay the hand of EXTREME Shepard when it is brought against them. It may unmake armies. It may sunder Reapers. Know that for all who betray EXTREME, I am their fate. And fate carries a lethal collargrab.

 

[Multiple Sarcasm]

I always wondered why that cop didn't care about Shepard killing that turian.
I mean, seriously, no matter how EXTREME that cop is, that turian was obviously an influential figure.

When the injustice is great enough, EXTREME will lend me the strength needed to correct it. None may stand against it. It will shatter every barrier, grab any collar, punch any reporter, and lend its servant the power to pass sentence. Know this: There is nothing in all the Galaxy that can stay the hand of EXTREME Shepard when it is brought against them. It may unmake armies. It may sunder Reapers. Know that for all who betray EXTREME, I am their fate. And fate carries a lethal collargrab.

No, but Shep's an above-the-law retard-fellating ego-trip Jedi, so he's too cool and rad for them to deal with. Also, because Gray Wardens don't answer to local authorities.

can't wait to see more of the Space Ninja Girl mission

It's much like the rest: some very bad writing, much shooting, another overpowered gun and new clothes.
Wait, was that a spoiler? I can never tell with bio games.

 

[RK47]

Later, at C-Sec office...

They've been in there awhile.

I ran some searches in the C-Sec Archive. About ten years back, a bunch of real bad people were killed. Like someone was cleaning house. The prime suspect was a drell. We never caught him.

That must've been Thane.

Someone like that is trouble you don't want to deal with.

Someone's got to deal with it. Doesn't have to be me, though.

How'd it go?

Our problems - they aren't something I can fix with a few words. We'll keep talking, see what happens.

That kid goes through the system, we both know he's there for the rest of his life. Those guys were a waste of skin. Scales. Whatever.

If you've got another suggestion, I'm listening.

Sounds like more work for me. And I can't just - deputize him into C-Sec. You have to go through the channels.

I didn't say have him work for C-Sec. I said have him work for you.

Interesting. I'll think about it.

We're done here. Let's haul ass back to the Normandy.

In my experience, those who are truly dangerous don't act like they are. The hanar trained my body for this role since I was six years old.

You've been killing since you were six?

Of course not. I didn't make my first kill until I was 12.

The hanar? Excessively polite, worship the Protheans? They don't seem the type who'd train assassins.

Every species train assassins. The hanars are only unusual in that the need another species to do the killing for them. They have a strong grip, and natural toxin. But have you seen one move quickly outside of water, or fire a gun?

Why did your parents agree to this?

The agreement was made under the Compact. It was an honor for our family.

The Compact?

We live on the hanar homeworld because they rescued us - some of us - from extinction. We owe them our lives. That is the Compact.

What exactly are the terms of the Compact?

There are many things the hanar can't do, even with mechanical aid. They ask drell to assist them.

The way you describe it, the hanar sound like weaklings.

Out here they are. But if you could see them in the Encompassing - the oceans of Kahje - you would see them differently.

A stream of silver in the dark. Looping, diving. So fast the eye can't follow. Laughter like the squeals of a child vibrates the water. They fly over the black of the sea bed, like birds plumed with the light of heaven.

Why was your race going extinct?

Overpopulation. That must sound trite to you. Humans developed mass effect drive before the problem become acute. Our homeworld, Rakhana, had few resources. We hadn't even developed fusion power when the soil began to fail from overuse and pollution. The hanar found us a century ago. They sent hundreds of ships. Evacuated thousands of us. Billions more had to be left behind.

What's the state of Rakhana now?

Do you read your philosophers? A man named Thomas Hobbes? "When all the world is overcharged with inhabitants, then the last remedy of all is war, which provideth for every man, by victory or death." As Rakhana died around them, my people slaughtered each other for mouthfuls of water. Crumbs of food.

But you don't kill for the hanar anymore. You're freelance. What changed?

I was asleep for a long time, yes. I paid no attention to what my body was asked to do. But then -

Laser dot trembles on his skull. One finger-twitch, he dies. Then the smell of spice on the spring wind. Sunset-colored eyes defiant in the scope. The laser dances away.

My apologies. Drell slip into memories so easily.

Was that one of your assassinations?

Ah. Yes. Perhaps we can discuss it later. I've wasted too much of your time.

Let's move on and check on our new arrival.

Like Zaeed, Kasumi doesn't have a conversation tree. You just press a button and she'll remark as you examine each object in her room.

It wasn't until I met Keiji that I realized how silly it was. He had a way of making you realize when you were just being sentimental.

There was a big museum show coming to Illium - artifacts from Earth going on tour; very high security. Keiji dared me to steal this. So I broke in, hacked the security, put a few guards to sleep, and replaced the piece with a worthless duplicate. They never knew the difference.

And I'm guessing in our heist mission, you can't do most of the above non-violent solutions, am I right?

She was kidnapped by slavers who hoped to sell her on Omega. I wasn't about to let that happen. I set up an ID as a buyer's rep to get a special tour of the slavers' vessel. Once aboard, I freed the girl and smuggled her off the ship. She painted that for me on the way home. I'll never forget how it felt to watch her work.

Oh? Sailormoon? Detective Conan? And Rurouni Kenshin?

There's something about the feel of actual paper in your hands, their musty smell. It's relaxing.

Yeah, I used to buy mangas until I realized you can just torrent them.

Keiji used to find books for me while on the job. Some of these are more valuable than the objects he was hired to steal.

Tali is so cute. You're all that she talks about, in that sweet, rainbows and butterflies kind of way. She loves you, Shepard. Be good to her.

That's great. But I'd still check on other girls when I have the time.

Frankly, based on what I've seen, I wish Cerberus had recruited you earlier.

I wish your people had made the offer.

I looked at your track record as you hunted Saren. I saw the choices you faced. You'd fit in fine here. And we'd be lucky to have you. Too many join us out of simple xenophobia. We need more people here for the right reasons.

What was Cerberus trying to prove by experimenting on children like Jack?

A mistake. No question. Not mine. And one that was corrected once we discovered the extent of the experiments being performed.

With your intelligence, you could've landed any job you wanted. Why choose this?

Because I still envy the time Mordin spent with the Special Tasks Group, working with people as smart as he was. Cerberus never tells me that something is impossible. They give me my resources and say, "Do it." And they've given you even more. A new life, a new ship, the Illusive Man's personal attention...

What, you disapprove?

No! I'm just impressed. You're...well, look at you. A kid from the slums of Earth, no family, little formal education...

Does it always have to come back to your father's genetic tailoring?

This is what I am, Shepard. I can't hide it. The intelligence, the looks, even the biotics... he pad for all that.

Oh, thank you.

You wouldn't, huh?

I think I could live with it.

It's only fair. You've had two years to look at me. And I was wearing less than you are.

Grrr. Cock-blocked.

Scared, Miss Lawson?

Cautious, Commander Shepard. But...interested. Very interested. For now, I should...work. And think. I'll...talk..to you later.

Booo-ring. Let's check our cheer leader.

MUCH better.

Hey, c'mon now!

I don't want to risk your health..but I'm willing to wait.

Thank you.

This bitch's in heat.

Just a level lower from Tali...

That's right. Go for early sex, and Jack will dump you right off. No attachments. Nada. That ends whatever social interaction you can have with Jack if you opted for 'getting it NOW' rather than 'I want to know more about you before putting it in."

So that's it for Jack, we head to Grunt, who's still sorting out his tank imprint issues.

There's this one imprint, a salarian with the -- what are they? --things on his head pulled apart. Bet it caused a generation of revenge. What is that, a few weeks for them?

Don't wear yourself out on someone else's memories. We've got our own bad guys to fight.

Your enemies are my enemies! We'll shove the Collector's claws where a dark sun can't shine! And they will deserve it. I won't disrespect their strength by doing less than the worst to them.

That is the kind of thinking that will save the galaxy.

You make it possible, Shepard. You're my battlemaster - you give me purpose. That's what makes krogans feared soldiers and not animals. Lead well, Shepard. You have my respect.

OK. Brute force check complete. Let's meet the brainy one. I'm betting Mass Effect 3 will set up the clash between those two races as one of the flash points. We'll see.

Promising geneticist himself. Just turned 16. Got tenure at university. Following in my footsteps. Had to lie about what I was doing. Think he was suspicious. Doesn't matter. Still good to hear his voice.

Does anyone in your family know about what you really did for the government?

No. Know I'm lying, but won't pry. Salarians curious as a people, but also have social cues. Keep two types of secrets from family. First type personal or guilt-based, invites suspicion, exploration. Puzzle to be solved. Reward for curiosity, intelligence. Drama! Other secrets more serious. Dangerous if discovered. Signals discourage curiosity for protection of family.

Why wouldn't anyone give clues that their secrets were too dangerous to be uncovered?

Not conscious. Social. Reflexive body language. Can't fake it. Example: yawning perceived as contagious among humans. Subject observes yawn, sensory input deactivates left periamygdalar region, subject yawns in response. Social empathy. Also works with dogs. Salarians faking signals to discourage curiosity similar to human being faking a yawn. Can try, but effectiveness limited.

Are you calling your nephew because you're worried you won't make it back?

No. Aware survival unlikely, but actually contacted him for family connection. Hard to imagine galaxy. Too many people. Faceless. Statistics. Easy to depersonalize. Good when doing unpleasant work. For this fight, want personal connection. Can't anthromorphize galaxy. But can think of favorite nephew. Fighting for him.

I'm glad you got to talk to a family before we finished this. And I'm glad we talked too, Mordin.

Honored to be part of this, Shepard. Helped preserve galaxy before with genophage. Dirty work, ethically ambiguous. Problematic. Collectors mission simpler, cleaner. Will be proud to see it in Mordin Solus biography vid. Unless we all die. Proud posthumously in that case. Regardless...thank you.

Jacob, our Bro, is ready for anything.

What do you think of the state of the crew?

Yeah, unless all distractions are removed loyalty to the mission will suffer. Run this team through hell, and all we're getting is burned.

Finally, the cockpit.

I was, until the thing started questioning my every move. It won't let anything slide.

You're deliberately falsifying maintenance report, Mr. Moreau.

Not falsifying. Tweaking. I always round up the numbers on task times. Makes us look good when we come in under.

What's this, high school? Both of you, find something better to do with your time.

Of course, Shepard. It is a minor issue.

With a nuclear response.

Joker.

Shutting up now, Commander.

Right. Setting course for DLC planet.

I think I'm going to regret this. If it sucks I might skip it and do something else. Let's hope it's not THAT bad. Wait for the update tomorrow.

 

[abnaxus]

Wait... is XTREME! Shepard going to make everyone loyal? I demand sacrifices.

 

[Coyote]

Looking forward to it. I actually like the game, but I never had any intention of buying the DLC, so it's nice to be able to see what happens in LotSB, Kasumi (I assume that's what this planet is for, since I don't recognize it), and Arrival in this thread.

 

[lightbane]

I like how in ME2 they put so much effort in showing that Cerberus was not a cartoonish evil villain... Only for ME3 make Cerberus evil again in a truly biowarian plot-twist (unless these spoilers were fake).

 

[RK47]

In this DLC, Shepard goes in with only one other operative, Kasumi.

I assume Solomon Gunn is my cover.

I took the liberty of giving you a reputation. Papers, witnesses, article in Badass Weekly. Just don't start talking business with him, and you'll be fine.

I take it that I'm wearing this getup for a reason.

You'd look really out of place at a society party in armor, don't you think? You look great. You should wear this stuff more often.

Now's probably a good time to fill me in on the details.

You have been waiting patiently.

Once inside, we'll make our way to Hock's vault, somewhere in the back of the ballroom. Then we case the security and start peeling away the layers. The statue should be there, waiting for you to crack it open and arm up. Then we just waltz in and take back Keiji's graybox. And I'll finally get a chance to say goodbye.

What's inside the graybox that makes it worth all this trouble?

The graybox holds Keiji's memories. Everything from all the codes and plans he stole to...all the time we spent together.
Wrapped up in those memories is the secret he stole. Keiji never told me what it was, but the information got him killed.

This ought to be interesting.

That's what I'm going for.

Why yes, there is a problem. You look like the dude I just beat up in Thane's loyalty mission.

I don't believe we've met. Donovan Hock.

Hock didn't take Shep's hand.

I don't think our guests would come all the way here from Illium just to cause trouble. Do you? You may pass through, Mr. Gunn, with my apologies. But I will ask your companion to remain outside. You understand, I hope.

If it makes you feel more secure, she can wait outside.

Good to see we're not going to have a problem. Enjoy the party. *leaves*

Well, that didn't go as I expected.

Any idea why he'd send you away?

No. We've never seen each other in person. And no one knows what I look like. Just watching his ass, I'm sure. I can't blame him.

Don't worry about it. I can handle it from here.

That's good. Because you'll have to do all the talking. I'll stay out of sight and stick with you the best I can. We'll keep radio contact in case something goes wrong.

What? You'll be my handler for this mission?

Well. Let's get the party started.

 

[RK47]

Nice pond. So far the DLC hasn't impressed me much. Most of the content are just fluff. No, I won't say Shadow of the Lair Broker is a GREAT DLC, but it was enjoyable. The car chase was unexpected, a major cast being expanded for the third game. Kasumi's DLC is just a plain money grab with uninspired mission structure. Let's take a look.

Chief Roe, huh? She sounds like a hard-ass. Hmm. If we could tap into the guards' communications, I could probably use this information.

More nice vistas.

Nothing much to see, this leads to the vault, I suppose.

This gonna be a problem?

Please. Remember who you're talking to.

Keiji could get through a system like this in his sleep. And I'm better. Let's get to it.

Alright. So we need voice, DNA, password, and power source.

Pull out the charm on this one, Shep. Whenever you're ready.

Mr. Gunn. I hope you're having a good time.

There's always someone gunning for people like you and me.

Hah, yes, that's true. I'm glad you understand.

Frankly, I'm surprised your security isn't tighter. It's a ballsy move, opening your front door like this.

Yes, I suppose it is. Hopefully it sends the message that I don't fear anyone stupid enough to step up to me.

They only have to worry about simple luxuries. Why? Because people like me - and you - are doing the terrible things to keep the galaxy spinning.

I said get him talking, and you got him talking. We've got enough of a voice sample. Let's go.

Enjoy the party, Mr. Gunn.

It's really linear. You can't ignore any of the list of things to get. There's no bypassing the DNA collection etc. Railroad ftw.

Once we find that password, we can get pass the voice scanner.

The password should be in the security office or something.

We're given only pistols to deal with these rifle armed guards. But at least Sentinel Armor works. Two guards lay dead, without silenced shots even. No alarms raised. Decline of future surveillance technology.

Guess they're too busy watching Krogan anime.

The password is "Peruggia."

Huh. That's the name of the man who stole the Mona Lisa. Nice. I tapped into their communications. Maybe it'll come in handy. Now, I just take the voice sample we got from Hock, and...Got it! Now we can crack that voice scanner.

Time for the DNA Collection. I suppose Hock's private quarters should contain plenty of it.

I have clearance to go in.

I have authorization from Chief Roe.

Look for anything we can get usable DNA from. Just make it quick and quiet.

That datapad looks interesting. And how about that keyboard?

We can probably get Hock's DNA off the datapad. He seems to have obsessed over this. But I'm not entirely sure there's enough. Let's keep looking.

The keyboard turns out to be a holographic interface and contains no DNA. What about these stacks of papers?

Looks like he's missing something. He hasn't cracked the encryption yet.

The antique sword perhaps?

The cleaners won't dare touch treasures like this. We can get some skin cells from the dust. It's probably contaminated, though. We should find another sample.

The final DNA sample came from an empty glass and an ashtray. Ewww.

That should do it. Let's get out of here.

With the voice and DNA check solved. We just need to shut down the barrier.

I'll set your omni-tools to scan for electromagnetic fields.

Following the trail gets us to...

That should take care of the barrier.

Let's get this thing open, then. Goddamn linear shit.

Go ahead and get dressed.

I think you know what to expect after this joke of a 'heist quest'.

Stay tuned.

 

[abnaxus]

Kasumi has a nice ass.

 

[laclongquan]

Pity the things on and under her lips are a bit turn off

 

[GarfunkeL]

So she's Tali's model except with faceplate replaced with a partial face?