Review Oblivion reviewed by the Codex

[Mech]

Not as hard as you think

Ooh, a square.
Thats so much better.

 

[sheek]

Not as hard as you think

Lol. Why the hell would a portal be circle shaped?

A triangular or pentagonal portal is also possible... such a lack of imagination should be a cause of concern.

 

[Vault Dweller]

Hence, my previous point about shapes. The shape is irrelevant, the style isn't. Oblivion gates could have been a triangle and still looked like a D2 rip-off.

 

[Whipporowill]

I always felt the Oblivion portal was a bad rip-off of the eye of Sauron from the LOTR movies. Just what fantasy needed - a new cliche to do to death.

 

[Mech]

Not as hard as you think

Lol. Why the hell would a portal be circle shaped?

A triangular or pentagonal portal is also possible... such a lack of imagination should be a cause of concern.

Triangular would cool too. There is a different type of portal in the main quest if you haven't played that far yet. I liked that design as well.
Good points.

Hence, my previous point about shapes. The shape is irrelevant, the style isn't. Oblivion gates could have been a triangle and still looked like a D2 rip-off.

Damn, Bethesdas screwed.

 

[LlamaGod]

If I was designing it, I would've made the portals various things. Like shadows and dead trees and shit.

The idea that in the dark/evil spots, the barrier between the two realms is the smallest. So with a little Daedric magic, you can squeeze people into the living world.

I'd also make that a ONE-WAY TRIP, so people can't fucking just hop in whenever.

 

[Milecolt]

Good Review.
The "Arch Mage" screenshots made me laugh out loud. You've just become the most powerful mage in Tamriel and what do you get? FREE INGREDIENTS!!!!!!YAY!!!!

 

[HoodRich]

I haven't followed this game's development, but in this forum who couldn't miss it? The review was odd. It's like he's more concerned with making fun of the developer's silly PR talk than he is with the actual game. And it reads like something I'd expect from a blog, or a forum post. Kind of like whining that you didn't like the game instead of providing a thorough analysis of its highs and lows. Who cares about dual wielding or crossbows? Who cares if the reward for being the boss of a faction doesn't get you the coolest reward ever?

 

[Vault Dweller]

I haven't followed this game's development, but in this forum who couldn't miss it? The review was odd. It's like he's more concerned with making fun of the developer's silly PR talk than he is with the actual game. And it reads like something I'd expect from a blog, or a forum post. Kind of like whining that you didn't like the game instead of providing a thorough analysis of its highs and lows. Who cares about dual wielding or crossbows? Who cares if the reward for being the boss of a faction doesn't get you the coolest reward ever?

We apologize for the inconvinience caused by the obviously unprofessional review. The reviewer has been warned not to express his personal opinions in reviews and will be following PR material sent to us in the future. Thank you for visiting us.

The Management

 

[Jung]

I haven't followed this game's development, but in this forum who couldn't miss it? The review was odd. It's like he's more concerned with making fun of the developer's silly PR talk than he is with the actual game. And it reads like something I'd expect from a blog, or a forum post. Kind of like whining that you didn't like the game instead of providing a thorough analysis of its highs and lows. Who cares about dual wielding or crossbows? Who cares if the reward for being the boss of a faction doesn't get you the coolest reward ever?

Yeah, who cares? It's not like a review should point out stupid shit in a game. Everyone knows reviews are just supposed to be a natural extension of PR hype keep up the illusion of perfection.

 

[Saint_Proverbius]

I haven't followed this game's development, but in this forum who couldn't miss it? The review was odd. It's like he's more concerned with making fun of the developer's silly PR talk than he is with the actual game.

Well, I'm not so sure I liked that either. However, I definitely agree that somewhere in this vast, wonderful world wide web, there should be an article that points out all the bullshit hype about the game that was stated during the development versus the end product.

It's like if a softdrink company hyped a new, spectacular energy drink for several months with a massive media market blitz. When it comes out, it's just lemonade with a bit too much sugar.

Kind of like whining that you didn't like the game instead of providing a thorough analysis of its highs and lows.

As opposed to most reviews which are just artificial highs, you mean?

Who cares about dual wielding or crossbows?

Me, because I typically tend to favor crossbows in most fantasy games so long as the design doesn't totally screw them over. More importantly, the excuse is they had to remove crossbows because arrow physics is so advanced and ubercool. That's nonsense. The physics for bows and crossbows is basically the same formulae, only the values that you plug in are different.

Who cares if the reward for being the boss of a faction doesn't get you the coolest reward ever?

Because being the head of something should probably get you something important. I know Bethesda doesn't understand this, because they're Communists from Maryland. They think that everyone should just try to be the head of something for the sake of the title rather than higher pay or more power. However, being the head of a faction probably should allow you to push people around, gather armies, and do some stuff your average adventurer can't do on his own.

 

[HoodRich]

We apologize...

Hey. I was just saying what I thought. That's not what I meant at all!
Now for some quotes.

Well, I'm not so sure I liked that either. However, I definitely agree that somewhere in this vast, wonderful world wide web, there should be an article that points out all the bullshit hype about the game that was stated during the development versus the end product.
... softdrink company hyped...

Everything has hype. Beer companies hype that their stuff can get you hot sexy women. When someone describes a beer they don't like, they don't say "yea well it sucks because I haven't gotten those women!" They say "yea well it sucks because it's watered down and made with 15% donkey piss!"

It's good to include stuff against what the guys in suits said they would deliver against what they actually delivered, but it shouldn't be the entire focus. Marketing is marketing.

As opposed to most reviews which are just artificial highs, you mean?

No. I never said that. I've only read a few reviews on this game - who could miss them? - and I've never seen a good one. They've all been hell yea this game is awesome we won't tell you why just go buy it reviews. Those aren't good.

crossbows

Are the bows good? Do they work? It seems Vault Dweller liked them. Even if he didn't, why mention crossbows anyway instead of why the bows weren't good? Can I complain about a lack of boomeranges and frisbees?

Because being the head of something should probably get you something important.

Yea maybe. But the experience in getting there is the best part. You know, the gameplay. Unless you're one of those people who play games just to collect virtual treasure or whatever. Talk about how the factions interact with each other and the main quest. Talk about the internal rivalries and how they play out.

 

[LlamaGod]

Are the bows good? Do they work? It seems Vault Dweller liked them. Even if he didn't, why mention crossbows anyway instead of why the bows weren't good? Can I complain about a lack of boomeranges and frisbees?

crossbows and spears were important weapons in the middle ages and it wouldn't make much sense to develop a LOGICAL world that never managed to invent them.

It would be like making a Vietnam game without M-16s or something.

 

[Milecolt]

...Who cares about dual wielding or crossbows? Who cares if the reward for being the boss of a faction doesn't get you the coolest reward ever?

Let's take your reasoning through...

Who cares if the game sucks or not?
why play the game in the first place?
matter of fact, Who cares if one forgets to breathe?

Obviously, I do. Thats why I am playing the game.

Now, why are you playing the game if you don't care?

 

[HoodRich]

a LOGICAL world...

A world with dragons, warp gates to hell and magic isn't very logical to begin with.

 

[HotSnack]

a LOGICAL world...

A world with dragons, warp gates to hell and magic isn't very logical to begin with.

Don't be so anal, you know what sort of "realism" games like Oblivion are aiming for. It'd be "illogical" if the turning point in warfare history was the introduction of the vorpal dessertspoon, but by your line of reasoning it'd fit right into Oblivion right?

 

[HoodRich]

Ha. Yea I know. You should also know what I mean, the fact that it is still a game, not real life, and the option of another ranged weapon doesn't really matter. Besides I thought since it was an RPG that the RPG parts would be more talked about than stupid things like crossbows. But really quit latching onto the whole weapon thing. It was just one little part.

 

[whitemithrandir]

It would be like making a Vietnam game without M-16s or something.

Guns are for cowards. Back in my platoon, we wrestled those Charlies with our BARE FUCKING HANDS.

 

[LlamaGod]

Ha. Yea I know. You should also know what I mean, the fact that it is still a game, not real life, and the option of another ranged weapon doesn't really matter. Besides I thought since it was an RPG that the RPG parts would be more talked about than stupid things like crossbows. But really quit latching onto the whole weapon thing. It was just one little part.

They still maintain a lore and 'game world' and it's a retarded game world if they never got around to using spears and crossbows, since they were pretty damned useful for what they were used for.

 

[sheek]

They still maintain a lore and 'game world' and it's a retarded game world if they never got around to using spears and crossbows, since they were pretty damned useful for what they were used for.

Truth.

 

[Zomg]

The choices of weapons and armor in TES games aren't there to make sense, they're there to tell you not to be alarmed by anything too original-seeming - you're in a generic medieval fantasy melting pot, so don't be afraid.

 

[Claw]

Oblivion needs photon torpedoes.

 

[LaDoushe]

Me, because I typically tend to favor crossbows in most fantasy games so long as the design doesn't totally screw them over.

Do you still try to play with hammers too? I can still vaguely remember your "Way of the Hammer" sig, where you used a hammer in both FO and Arcanum. Please say yes!

 

[Claw]

That reminds me, regarding the fucked up localization:
The German language kindly offered the translators a way to avoid calling axes blunt weapons. Well, unsurprisingly they didn't take it.

 

[Thrawn05]

What I don't find logical is how can you escape from prison, and not have the guards come up to you and say somthing like": "Hey! I just threw your ass in jail! How the hell did you get out?!" or someone saying: "Hey you! You're the prisoners the guards are looking for! The one that escaped last night!" or somthing like that?


Great review VD.