Your best fuck-ups

[Awor Szurkrarz]

why?

you should have let that happen and either given her a vagina dentata or aids. Or give her guns and kung-fu fighting and say that BY A WEIRD COINCIDENCE she was an off-duty secret agent.

That's how you grant players their wishes. They will be so satisfied they won't ask for anything ever again.

And what do you propose to do with the type that wants to kill monsters?

 

[Sergiu64]

Example of said carnage and lulz (monk pulls 4 dragons that wipe the entire raid in under a minute):

The thing with EQ was that the "mistakes" weren't really mistakes, the players pretty much had to exploit in many cases or get lucky. I remember the flurry drakes in Temple of Veeshan for example. The damage spikes from Flurry would make keeping a tank up impossible if more then 1 showed up and as far as I understood pulling in EQ (I was a SK so only had single group experience doing that) the agro rules were very hard to predict and it was quite difficult to get 1 mob to come at a time.

 

[Major_Blackhart]

To quote Jack Nicholson
People who play everquest should shampoo my crotch.

 

[RK47]

why?

you should have let that happen and either given her a vagina dentata or aids. Or give her guns and kung-fu fighting and say that BY A WEIRD COINCIDENCE she was an off-duty secret agent.

That's how you grant players their wishes. They will be so satisfied they won't ask for anything ever again.

And what do you propose to do with the type that wants to kill monsters?

Rabies bites.

 

[Jaedar]

why?

you should have let that happen and either given her a vagina dentata or aids. Or give her guns and kung-fu fighting and say that BY A WEIRD COINCIDENCE she was an off-duty secret agent.

That's how you grant players their wishes. They will be so satisfied they won't ask for anything ever again.

And what do you propose to do with the type that wants to kill monsters?

Bigger monsters.

 

[Azael]

I did have some nice share of derpy moments in our DH campaign. The best probably being the death of my Moritat Assassin who was infiltrating a (suspected) corrupted inquisitor's HQ. In the corridor leading to what I thought to be his office I found some pillars (or something) that looked suspicious. Naturally, my first reaction was to poke them with a stick (Hey, I treated Tech-Use as an untrained skill, I totally knew what I was doing). Turns out they were heavy bolter turrets which activated from my tampering. GG.

Another classic misstep came from when I was around 13 playing the Swedish PnP game Drakar & Demoner (A RuneQuest derivative with some D&D thrown in), GM:ed by a friends older brother. We were searching for a dragon who was suspected of kidnapping a local princess. As we found it's lair, our scout noticed that the dragon was in it and about to exit. We all tried to hide as best we could, but I failed my rolls spectacularly. The dragon then threatingly asked me what I was doing there and lost for words I replied "Er, I'm looking for my friends.". TPK followed.

 

[RK47]

 

[roll-a-die]

I kind of accidentally caused Tremere to turn into God. This will require a bit of an explanation.

So, in our version of the Week of Nightmares, one of the events that happened, was that Tremere flees his body using an antideluvian power known as apotheosis(In VtM it's the control that the antideluvian and older generations(Second, Caine, god) have over their bloodline. I may be getting this word wrong) He uses it to take over Goriatrixes body, because Saulot has been eeking out control over his Vitae for years. He manages to keep his generation in this new body for some ungodly reason. So basically after the Week of Nightmares, the Torpored Corpse of Tremere in Vienna is Saulot, and Tremere's in control of Goriatrix in Mexico. Around this time, the Harbingers of Skulls return, these are not actually vampires but are souls that are assumed to have taken over the Tremere Antitribu bodies, after having managed to achieve a limited form of Apotheosis after Cappadocius trapped them for eternity in a cave with the curse that states Let No Childe of Caine Leave This Place, And No Children Of Seth Enter. They are all elders and methuselah because they are the ones who were canny enough and hungry enough to eat and stay awake. Anyway, the thing about Goriatrix is that in the second edition supplement that stats him up, it basically states that because he developed the thing that made the Hermetic House Tremere into Vampires, he's immune to some of the limitations, simply because he understood that nature of the Jihad, and crafted into the elixer a set of weaknesses that he wouldn't be affected by. One of the things he's not limited by, is the generation drop limit for Thaumaturgy path of blood level 4. Which generally states that you can't go any lower than 4th gen. This means that Goriatrix who was a 4th gen, could become Caine's Generation at will. Anyway, the thing about this, was that his blood contained the elixer, not his soul. Which means that in our game at least, after the week of nightmares, there was an Antideluvian who could gen drop past 4. It's not stated that Goriatrix knows he's immune to that limitiation. He just knows he crafted the spell to be more limiting for his house mate. Another thing to note, basically anything important that Clan Tremere ever did, it's Goriatrix's plot, idea or innovation behind it. The cup, the set up of the Pyramid/Tower, the chantry systems, the wards that keeps the chantries secret, the Gargoyles. The creation of Tremere Revenants. All of it was Goriatrix. He loved Tremere like a father, unfortunately, Tremere loved Etrius like a lover. And so jealousy built in Goriatrix.

So anyway, I'm sitting there, and we've just helped raid the Vienna chantry with a person, we a sabbat pack, basically know nothing about, but felt strong Viniculum to, because Apotheosis. Also because fuck the Tremere. So I begin drinking the stakes copses, because I have nothing better to do, and eventually find a fucker in torpor in a glass pyramid. I punch right through the glass pyramid, and start drinking him. I get all kinds of juicy goodness from this, and discover that there were 2 souls in the body, Goriatrix and Saulot. Anyway, after I've drinken them. Elder mc fuckwit who guided us to the chantry wakes up. He had been fighting the majority of the Tremere, as well as the Tremere Justicar that had shown up. At this point it didn't matter, I'm on a fucking blood high from hell, and have dropped a couple gen(From 8th to 4th) since we started this excursion 3 months before. Praise Caine.

So he starts talking to us, and telling us the story of the Camarilla and the Sabbat, and then reveals that the Tremere in the center of the glass pyramid is false, and that he was the real Tremere, and that he had helped or engineered the killing 3 antideluvians, so far. Only now he knew the truth, that antideluvians couldn't be killed. At this point something sparks in my memory. And I blurt out something I probably shouldn't. "So hang on, you're in Goriatrix's old body right? Did you ever think his blood might be different from yours? I mean try something simple and see if it seems stronger or weaker. Like I don't know, something from the path of blood that all you tremere type know." Charm roll, difficulty 9, needs 8 successes. I'm rolling with around a 40 die pool for this, because I'm utterly minmaxed to all hell for social combat. I won fights by convincing people they would lose if they attempted to fight me. Predictably, I fail, but pull on my merit(Basically one free re-roll per game one of the best merit's in oWoD), and get my free reroll. And succeed this time. So Tremere attempts the basics of the path of blood, on me, it hurts like a motherfucker but at this point I'm a 4th gen so just a step below him, and then he gets to the gen drop and just disappears.

See the lineage of vampires works like this, You've got caine at generation one, then the people caine directly sired, Ravnos, Zillah, Enoch, Irad, the people they Sired, Zarathustra, Rabna, Rav, True Brujah, Ventrus, Malkav. Saulot, Cappadocious. The Primo Pater of all the types of Vampires basically. As well as the people who diablerized their way to this gen, Giovanni, Tremere, and Troile. Then you have the Methuselah, which are the ones who those Antedeluvians sired. They stretch from generation 4 to generation 6. Then you have elders, at generation 6 to generation 8. Then you have Ancillae, at generation 8 to generation 10, then you have neonates and fledgelings, at generation 11 to generation 13, then you have thin bloods at generation 13 to generation 15. At which point you don't have any ability to embrace so the process doesn't go any further. the unstated generation zero, the origin of the curse, is GOD HIMSELF. When you gen drop, you get all the benefits of being that generation blood pool wise, blood control wise, discipline immunity wise, etc, etc. Everything except being able to use disciplines of higher tiers. Basically the GM had three choices due to oWoD metaphysics as he knew them, and he let the players pick, either Tremere ceases to have ever existed, Vampires as a whole cease to ever existed, or Tremere becomes god, nothing much changes. The most WoDly one was determined to be that last one. Oh there's a second god now, business as usual, everything sucks, carry on. On a side note, he had been expecting me to attempt to eat Tremere, and thus become an Antideluvian. I was going to before I remembered that fact about Goriatrixs blood, personally I had been hoping that Tremere would have just humaned himself to death.

 

[DraQ]

He told us he doesn't plan anything in detail because from long experience he knows nothing ever goes as planned, sometimes completely in an unrelated direction and he only cares if the world's internal logic works.​

A simulationist fellow, it seems.

 

[Ulminati]

Not a fuck-up per se, but hilarious player deaths still ensue.

I am currently DMing a Shadowrun campaign for a group of people. These people have an healthy unreasonable amount of paranoia, assuming the GM is out to get them. I've GM'ed Shadowrun for this paticular group before - last time was about 1½ years ago. They all concoted elaborate escape plans, booby-trapped hideouts, contigencies with quadruple-fallback and the like to cover their own asses against any conceivable kind of backlash the world might have for their antics. The previous campaign petered out when one of the players backstabbed another, and the player who got stabbed had a hissy fit and left us.

When I agreed to start up the new campagin for poeple, I had the most wonderfully evil GM idea. The Johnson my players are working from is the PC Hissyfit McButthurt was playing before she left. The players haven't pieced it together yet, but their Johnson is tasking them with getting bloody revenge on their old PCs and the increasingly insane death traps they walk into are of their own design. >:3

1 player died and 1 got severely injured when they triggered a booby trap last session.
Quote of the night (Dead PC): "What kind of psychotic maniac stashes 200kg of plastic explosives in a room beneath a school playground?"
(Answer: His previous PC did, about 2 years ago).

 

[Major_Blackhart]

That is fucking awesome.

 

[Grunker]

Ulm

 

[DraQ]

Threads like this make me sad that I've never got into PnPs.


And yeah, this is awesome, wonder when they'll catch up?

 

[Ulminati]

One of them is beginning to put the pieces together, but promised not to spoil it for the others. I'm altering their old PCs designs ever so slightly because a) 5 years have passed in-game time and b) once they realize what's up, I want metagaming to bite them in the ass.

 

[Telengard]

A different kind of fuck-up.

(I considered telling this tale earlier, but it doesn't exactly paint me in a good light.)

Anyway, long ago, back when I was GMing D&D for a long-standing group, one of the members of the group was a real cornball. We'll call him Jokester. And another player, we'll call him Tries Hard, was too often the butt of his jokes. Backstory. So, Tries Hard is a dwarf. And for some reason Tries Hard wants a war mount - and I mean wants it bad. But unfortunately, he has no money. Partly that's because I was stingy with the loot, but also partly because Jokester (a thief) stole it all from the party. So, Tries Hard is complaining out the wazoo about not have a battle mount. Complaining gathering after gathering. And finally, Jokester says: hey, I'll buy you a mount. And Tries Hard gets all excited. But then Jokester says what he'll buy him is a war cow, since it's a suitable size for a dwarf.

At first Tries Hard refuses, and just goes back to complaining about not having his war mount. But every time he complains, Jokester now dangles the war cow in front of him. Until eventually, Tried Hard, out of frustration with both me and Jokester, accepts.

Now, part of the reason for the war cow is my doing, because I had mentioned that there was a group of halflings out there who rode war cows, doing so because they were too afraid of horses. Thus, it's one of these war cows that Jokester wants to go and buy. Being the kind of GM I was, I said: whatever you want. Long story short, the purchase was made, and I rolled up a war cow.

And thus, Meadowthunder was born. A war milk cow, including bell and bow.

Okay, the party's job at the time was to get rid of some goblins infesting a mountain ruin. And they head up there, Meadowthunder and all. And there, they get in a big fight against a whole horde of them. Overwhelming odds. But lo, instead of going after the party as a whole, most of the goblins go after Tries Hard. Seeing that, Tries Hard being Tries Hard, and considering himself an honorable hero dwarf, he charges them with his war cow and a lance. And immediately gets bogged down.

So he's out there alone, surrounded, bogged down in a sea of goblins. He thinks he's a goner, and is moaning about it already. But strangely, the goblins don't seem interested in him. Instead, they knock him off his mount, wrastle it away from him, and go running off. And at first, Tries Hard doesn't understand what's going on, so I have one of the goblins say in common (since no one in the party speaks goblin): Mm mm good eats.

Tries Hard actually says: Meadowthunder, NOO! And he has his dwarf go charging into the midst of them, trying to rescue his war cow. He's immediately surrounded and beaten down, since there were so many. And that should have been it for him, but a third player, the only heroic individual amongst that group of backstabbers, jokesters, and whiners, wades into the mess. And manages to win his way over to Tries Hard in time, shocking though it was, and says: let's go. But Tries Hard refuses to leave without his mount. So, Hero grapples him and lifts the dwarf bodily out of the melee and back to safety. The goblins immediately go back to hauling off their prize, letting them go without a struggle.

And there might it have sat. But as soon as the dwarf was put down, I had the last of the goblins say: Mmm, cowww! hee hee! Which causes Tries Hard to go charging back at them. Hero tries to go back in after him again, but it's too late, since Tries Hard was already too wounded as it was. So Tries Hard goes down almost immediately. And thus, both Meadowthunder and her rider met their ends that day, up on the lonely mountain.

 

[Darth Roxor]

the only heroic individual amongst that group of backstabbers, jokesters, and whiners

 

[Ulminati]

And thus, Meadowthunder was born. A war milk cow, including bell and bow.

The name alone is worth a fisting.

 

[DraQ]

I don't even.

 

[Scroo]

Our group once entered an old castle ruin where they separated, the warrior and the wizard were searching a different part of the castle than the rest and they encountered a cloaker. The monster dropped down on the warrior and started strangling him, everybody panicked and the wizard had an idea. He had the awesome plan to set the cloaker on fire and give the warrior a ring of fire protection the wizard was wearing. So he set the cloaker on fire, of course before he put the ring on the warrior's hand, which made him panic even more. So now the cloaker and the warrior were burning and the wizard in his panic tried to rip off the warrior's boots to put the ring of fire protection over one of his toes. So he actually managed to do that but unfortunately his robes were catching fire while trying that stunt so he said "I'm sorry" and put the ring back over his own finger.

Well, the warrior burned to death. When the rest were catching up and asked in shock what the hell has happened the wizard mumbled something about spontaneous combustion and that was it.

The same wizard once accidentally fired a lightning into a player group, realized what he just did and then shouted "Look out, a dragon!".

He also once knocked at a door in a labyrinth full of traps and evul monsters because there was a sign saying "Please knock before entering".

When his character died, the group was getting him to a powerful wizard who casted reincarnation upon him. He came back as a kobold and then jumped out of a window of the wizard's tower.

One time he had the incredibly great idea to play a pacifist and that character bored him so much that he quit P&P for good

I really miss that player and his characters

 

[LeStryfe79]

The major twist here is that player was actually you the whole time, Scrooge.

 

[DraQ]

When his character died, the group was getting him to a powerful wizard who casted reincarnation upon him. He came back as a kobold and then jumped out of a window of the wizard's tower.

Seems p. ungrateful.

 

[Ulminati]

Well, the warrior burned to death. When the rest were catching up and asked in shock what the hell has happened the wizard mumbled something about spontaneous combustion and that was it.

The same wizard once accidentally fired a lightning into a player group, realized what he just did and then shouted "Look out, a dragon!".

He also once knocked at a door in a labyrinth full of traps and evul monsters because there was a sign saying "Please knock before entering".

This sounds suspiciously like one of my old players... Was your friends name Allan by any chance?

 

[Scroo]

Well, the warrior burned to death. When the rest were catching up and asked in shock what the hell has happened the wizard mumbled something about spontaneous combustion and that was it.

The same wizard once accidentally fired a lightning into a player group, realized what he just did and then shouted "Look out, a dragon!".

He also once knocked at a door in a labyrinth full of traps and evul monsters because there was a sign saying "Please knock before entering".

This sounds suspiciously like one of my old players... Was your friends name Allan by any chance?

Heh, no but his first name started with A too. Maybe he was traveling Europe under several fake names to bring chaos to various tabletop groups

LeStryfe79

Unfortunately not

 

[LeStryfe79]

You're lying to yourself. I've seen it a million times.

 

[Ulminati]

Well, the warrior burned to death. When the rest were catching up and asked in shock what the hell has happened the wizard mumbled something about spontaneous combustion and that was it.

The same wizard once accidentally fired a lightning into a player group, realized what he just did and then shouted "Look out, a dragon!".

He also once knocked at a door in a labyrinth full of traps and evul monsters because there was a sign saying "Please knock before entering".

This sounds suspiciously like one of my old players... Was your friends name Allan by any chance?

Heh, no but his first name started with A too. Maybe he was traveling Europe under several fake names to bring chaos to various tabletop groups

It's more likely than you think. He did end up travelling to Germany to study about 5-6 years ago.

:tinfoilhat: