第六章: A Kwan in Time Saves Nein
(Meanwhile in Berlin...)
Ah! Guderian, how gut of you to come. I haff matters to discuss mit you.
You are soundink very cheerful today, Mein Führer. But I'm afraid I do not brink gut news from ze front.
Having trouble crushing der bolschewismus, eh? No matter, no matter.
No matter? But Mein Führer, conditions are gettink vorse by ze minute. Our armies haff made no progress for years. Ze soldiers are ragged, exhausted, and our units are understrength. Zere is no vay we could mount an offensive in ze forseeable future. Perhaps...
Can you hold ze line?
Yes, of zat there is no doubt. As long as no further Chinesische asiatic untermenschen reinforce der Ivan.
Zen der ist no problem! Die Kwansteiner haff attacked ze slanty-eyed bolscheviks, zey von't be troublink you. Hang in zere, and ze vor vill be over in a year or zwei.
But how...?
*cough*
Allow me to introduce Herr Doktor Bothe, ze famous physicist. He has been vorking hard to harness ze power of ze ATOM for our tausend-year Reich.
And zese... "atoms" vill replace our lagging manpower? Our fuel shortages? Our loss of strategic initiative?
Of course, Herr General. Doktor Bothe has assured me that viz zis he vill create veapons zat kan grind Moskau into a pulp.
And could trucks be powered by zis energy? Tanks? Planes?
Oh, please, Herr General. Use your imagination! Think big, like ze Amerikwans...
(Back in China)
The immediate imperative of crushing the imperialists should not distract us from our ultimate goal. If we are to assert our victory over Capital, we must secure the skies and the seas. We must crush the last refuge of the Japanese imperialists -- Taiwan -- and liberate the Japanese workers and peasants who have been oppressed, first under Hirohito and now under MacArthur. To do so, we will need a navy and an airforce, and the infrastructure required to support them.
Comrade Zhou, report on our modernized forces.
Comrade, our modernized forces can essentially be divided between our older pattern light armored and armored divisions.
Our light divisions are both cheaper and faster to produce, on account of the use of light tanks and motorized infantry. Our light tank technology remains far ahead of our medium tank technology, though we expect the gap to be narrowed int he future. They are our most mobile units.
Our new armored divisions are more balanced and have a greater overall level of combat effectiveness which is bound to improve with the research currently underway both in the fields of materials and doctrine. The old-pattern motorized infantry has been replaced by mechanized infantry, with a compliment of one self-propelled artillery brigade, our most recent military development. This provides them with the firepower of our regular infantry divisions combined with the mobility of armor.
These units will provide the PLA with the punch and mobility it needs to beat the imperialists in a war of manoeuver. But there is still much room for improvement! The experience we will gain in the coming battle must help us perfect our doctrine and techniques in this field.
Chinese forces probe the Kwanzani line for weaknesses, attempting to exploit any gaps.
Opportunity appears as a southward attack from Shanghai forces the Amurricans back, broadening the front! A light armored division is rapidly sent in to secure one of their vital harbors.
Dangit, I'm surrounded by nincompoops! Why wasn't anyone guardin' that there harbor?
:patriot: Sir, we ran out of burgers and couldn't advance. You should've sent us more supplies.
What, for free? That would be SOCIALISM, ya pinko sonuvabitch! Now get back into line!
As Chinese forces carry on their advance on the Northern flank, the Chinese line pivots, threatening to squeeze the Amerikwans in a deadly embrace.
The Chinese advance against Foochow is only halted by the stubborn defence put up by the HUE marines, who finally stall the Chinese assault.
Meanwhile, Kwanzani forces land in Finland, ramping up the pressure on the Soviet line. It seems as if the Murricans, showing their true colors, have decided to prioritize crushing Communism over their capitalist-sponsored fascist stooges.
Indeed, American forces in the Netherlands and northern France are slowly but surely being pushed back into the sea.
And, for some unfathomable reason, Japanese insurgents loyal to Italy spring up in Japan, capturing a number of important cities. The lack of a Kwanzani response provides clues as to how thinly stretched their forces have become, struggling to keep up the fight on three fronts.
And once again...
(Somewhere at sea, on board a rubber dinghy)
Well I'll be a monkey's uncle. I don't know what I've been doing wrong, but I've lost it all. At least I managed to escape from the Reds. Now, which way is Taiwan?
Hullo, there's another boat on the horizon! Ahoy! Over here!
(On another rubber dinghy)
Honey, are you sure this is a good idea?
Of course it is, you sissy. What do you think we should do, sit around in London waiting for the British to give China back to us? Now that the Kwanzanians are going to crush the Communists, we'll be greeted by liberators. Just you wait.
Hey look, honey, there's another boat!
Ha! I told you so. The Americans probably sent someone out to welcome us. A general, no less!
YOU...
Hello, Sir, I'm the rightful ruler of China, and...
YOU...
Do we know each other? I...
THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
What's going on here? General, would you be so kind as to take us to US Headquarters on the Mainland?
THERE IS NO US HEADQUARTERS ON THE MAINLAND. IT'S GONE! ALL GONE! HA! HA! HA!
What do you mean? Has something gone wrong? Wait, wha... AAAIEEE!
[STILWELL punches Kai-Shek in the face and rocks the Chiangs' rubber dinghy, making them fall into the sea]
[singing and dancing insanely]
I have waited long for vengeance,
At last I’ve had my chance.
I’ve looked the Peanut in the eye
And kicked him in the pants!
The old harpoon was ready
With aim and timing true,
I sank it to the handle,
And stung him through and through!
The little bastard shivered,
And lost the power of speech.
His face turned green and quivered
As he struggled not to screech!
For all weary battles,
For all my hours of woe,
At last I've had my innings
And laid the Peanut low!
I know I've still to suffer,
And run a weary race,
But oh! the blessed pleasure!
I've wrecked the Peanut's face!
Help! Help!
I knew this wasn't a good idea!
(Meanwhile, there is much rejoicing in China over the defeat of the invasion force)
The coalition of enemies of the people has been utterly shattered. This resounding victory is the death knell of imperialism! Kang Sheng, report on the situation.
You are correct in your assessment, Comrade. My sources inform me that the Kwanzanians are shocked by their losses and have no stomach to continue the fight. It will be long before they attempt to invade us again!
Excellent. What of the front against the German fascists?
Their situation is quite precarious, comrade. Their manpower reserves are lagging, and one small push should suffice to send them over the brink.
Comrade, the time has come for the International union of workers to slay the fascist beast.
Indeed. The Chinese have a debt of gratitude to repay to their Soviet brothers. I will give the order to begin the transfer of troops towards the West at once!
It is not long before the first Chinese armored divisions reach the front lines, soon to be followed by the slow-moving infantry.
Schweinhund! Der Kwansteiner has not held for nearly as long as I would have expected him to. Bothe! Is ze bomb ready?
Not quite yet, Mein Führer. I'm afraid that...
I vould be afraid about keeping mein head if I vere you. I need zat bomb to halt der sino-judeo-bolschewismus!
Chinese forces ramp up the pressure against the fatigued, battered German battle line, pushing hard against a gap near Kharkov. Casualty figures, compounded by bad logistics, are atrocious, but the Germans are the first to crack, as their battallions begin to disintegrate under the pressure of relentless assaults. A wide bow begins to form in the German line as they are thrown into a headlong retreat.
Chinese forces are among the first to liberate Crimea...
...where they encounter a unit of Japanese running dogs from the fallen fascist puppet state of Manchukuo! The Chinese show them no mercy as they are hunted down into their lair at Sevastopol.
Following in their glorious tradition, PLA troops are among the first to reach Potatoland in their pursuit of the fleeing fascists.
To the South, the struggle for Potatoland begins. Those fascist units that stand are encircled -- those that run are caught. There is no escaping the will of the people.
To the North, on the other hand, the isolated pocket of Germans in Finland find themselves trapped between a rock and a hard place, as Communists and Kwanzanis converge on them on both sides! The local Elks are understandably dismayed as they watch the carnage unfold.
Fearing for a Communist takeover, the Allies hastily launch an invasion of Italy, hoping to grab as much land as they can.
...while Soviet forces, supported by Chinese militiamen, bring Communism and enlightenment to North Africa!
The last source of oil for the Axis, Oman, also falls to the Soviets after a period of fighting in harsh desert conditions.
Meanwhile, on the southern front, Comintern forces reach neutral Romania. A stream of panicked German and Hungarian fascists narrowly avoids encirclement, streaming into nazi-occupied Poland.
As Chinese troops begin to reach German-occupied clay, however, they notice a series of strange scientific facilities in the Prussian town of Königsberg...
As Königsberg falls without a shot being fired, Chairman Mao decides to inspect the mysterious facilities in person...
Those documents that haven't been burnt speak of a weapon of unprecedented destructiveness. Kang Sheng, what do you make of this?
This seems to have been one of the Germans' best-guarded secrets. I'm afraid my agents were unable to obtain any insider information on it, other than of the existence of underground testing grounds in Königsberg. I can only assume this is what they were referring to.
Herr Doktor! You had a narrow escape! I trust you managed to bring back ze bomb?
Indeed I have, Mein Führer. However...
Listen to me carefully, Doktor. You must destroy Berlin mit zis. Ze German people have failed in their historic duty. Zey have proved to be inferior -- zey do not deserve to live. All must end in a glorious Götterdämmerung!
But Mein Führer, vould it not be better if...
If I may, Mein Führer. We only have this one bomb. Although our bombers are now out of range of Moskau, we could very well level one of the Communists' cities -- I could take out a few tens of tausends of Bielorussians, for instance. Those cowardly untermenschen would surely surrender in awe of our power.
Yes! Brilliant, Hermann! Ze Aryan race, the torch-bearer of humanity -- zis glorious explosion vill symbolize ze FIRE of PROMETHEUS! Proceed!
At once.
We have not invaded a minute too soon. If the World needed any confirmation that the struggle that opposes us will result in either Socialism of Barbarism, this is it. We must strike at the heart of the fascists so that the heroes who died in Minsk have not fallen in vain.
This heinous act will only speed their inevitable doom. Attack!
Far from being disheartened, the Communists assault with renewed vigor, liberating Gdansk and driving hard towards Berlin. Only once the beast is slain will the world become a safe place.
Chinese Troops are the first to reach the Oder, challenged only by an understrength division of Italian fascists.
An intense struggle for the streets of Berlin ensues, in which Chinese advanced units, supported by Soviet Guards fight house-to-house to wrest control of the city from its desperate defenders.
As the envelopment of the city is completed, Hitler's fate is sealed. Der Führer, who originally intended to eat a bullet, is unable to carry out his suicide plan as he learns that the city has fallen to Chinamen, prompting him to collapse into a heap.
Ach! Mein Gott! Where am I?
We've been waiting for this moment for a looong time, Adolf.
Oh yes.
You Bolshevik schwein! You won't put me on trial and parade me before ze vorld.
Trial? What trial?
You're going to wish there was a trial. You're dead to the outside world, Adolf.
So... what are you doing with me? What do you intend to...
I had a Chinese specialty in mind.
Ever heard of 凌迟?
Also known as "
death by a thousand cuts"?
What? NEIN! You cannot do zis to me!
Take him away. Feed him to the dogs when you're done. Erase every last trace of this vile scum from the face of the Earth!
Comrade! Our troops have captured the last redoubt of Japanese imperialism, Taiwan, in a daring raid. The American navy attempted to intercept us, but none of our transports were sunk. We have fortified the island against any possible Kwanzanistani landings.
Excellent! The reunification of China could not be complete without it. Set phase two in motion. We must attempt an invasion of Japan at all cost.
Meanwhile, with the fall of Berlin, the forces of international fascism are in complete disarray. Dictators are toppled, one by one, as the Chinese and Soviet liberators advance virtually unopposed.
Germany, however, has yet to surrender: the notorious Hermann Göring, having deserted his Führer, has set himself up as the leader of the rag-tag band of fascist goons still loyal to the Hitlerite creed. As Chinese and Soviet troops reach the French border, poised to capture what is left of Western Germany, it seems as if nothing will stand between them and the Atlantic once Germany surrenders.
What do they mean, "victory"? Surely, there is yet much to be done.
This is but another ruse by the fascist Paradox Interactive devs to snatch the fruits of victory from us. Pay no heed to them.
"Paradox Interactive"?
Some day you'll understand...
With the ghost of fascism soon to be consigned to the dustbin of History, only two contenders remain. On the one hand, the vast expanses and popular enthusiasm of Communism; on the other, the industrial might of the evil Kwanzanistan and their flunkies. As the game stretches past its assigned ending date, stay tuned for our stunning conclusion!
