Review New levels of stupidity discovered - a Witcher review

[Vault Dweller]

Tags: CD Projekt; Witcher, The

<a href=http://www.strategyinformer.com>Strategy Informer<a/> has posted an absolutely idiotic <a href=http://www.thewitcher.com/>The Witcher</a> <a href=http://www.strategyinformer.com/pc/thewitcher/review.html>review</a>, giving the game 7.7, because the game is NOT FOR HARDCORE ROLE-PLAYERS WHO PLAY OBLIVION. Imagine that.
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<blockquote>The linearity of the game demands a few sacrifices in the expected freedom most RPG’s now boast, and many quests or characters are simply unavailable until a specific in-game trigger has been pulled to progress the plot. While this might cause consternation for a diehard role player...</blockquote>In case you're wondering:
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con·ster·na·tion
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–noun
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a sudden, alarming amazement or dread that results in utter confusion
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So, let me get this straight, a die hard role-player will be confused and alarmed that not every quest is available right away?
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<blockquote>Indeed, <b>The Witcher could quite reasonably be accused of being an RPG for non-role players</b>; a game of middle ground and familiar mechanics for those who don’t want to wander the countryside murdering wolves or designing their own costume.</blockquote>Fucking morons.
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<blockquote>Overall, The Witcher delivers on its promises. While an ardent RPGer might miss the expansive free roaming of Oblivion, the highly absorbing storyline (which has been deliberately avoided in this review so as not to spoil it for those who buy the game on this strength) coupled with a game that, for once, actually makes good on claims of early decisions directly affecting the gameplay makes it a worthy addition to the burgeoning dark fantasy genre. <u>Perhaps not one for the hardcore role player, but an FPS gamer or MMO addict might well find The Witcher to be a great alternative to watching a DVD during the evening.</u></blockquote>Discuss!
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Thanks, BN.
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[Jasede]

Woah, dude. I wanted to go rent a DVD today so I have someting to do after writing my Dark Omen update, but then I read this. Might pick this game up!

Edit:

...designing their own costume.

I can say this as a furry homosexual (the worst kind): fucking gay.

 

[Micmu]

What the hell? :shock:
Was there some kind of mixup with the game titles?
Because this crap would make perfect sense then.

It's violently retarded, because that's exaclty what could be said for the other game, while it makes absolutely no sense at all for The Witcher, even for someone who hasn't played The Witcher yet.
FPS combat? RT != FPS, dipshit and... MMO? It's a very story-based game - a complete opposite.
I refuse to believe that he's so stupid to not get these BASIC facts straight. Pathetic and obvious case of bashing for the sake of bashing. At least he could make up something believable. This is simply preposterous and really sad.

P.S: Instaaaaaaaaaaalling.

 

[Deleted member 7219]

FPS gamers and MMO addicts would hate The Witcher.

"OMG THERES CHOICES? LOL WUT DO I DO"

 

[Serious_Business]

JESUS CHRIST, guys. You still don't get it.

http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Roleplaying

Does the Witcher allows me to do this? No. No it DOESN'T. If I can't ROLEPLAY in this game, then it's not a ROLEPLAYING game. Can I be a guard, a bandit, or anything like that? NO. This game SUCKS. I can't even be a faggot if I want to. So stop pretending it's anything more than a generic action game.

 

[Jasede]

This article may not conform to our site's higher standard of quality.

 

[Elhoim]

 

[Balor]

AAA! What the fuck, Mein Gott, Какого хуя... I'm out of words.

A game of middle ground and familiar mechanics for those who don’t want to wander the countryside murdering wolves or designing their own costume.

Talking about damage Oblivion caused... it's not just being a piss-poor RPG and simply boring game without a GB of mods installed.

It actually convinced people that RPGs are about " murdering wolves or designing their own costume.".
I can understand those islamic terrorists now. That red-hot hatred that makes one forget yourself, and DESTORY the hated enemy, no matter the cost.
I actually feel like dressing in ten kgs of plastide and paying Toddy a visit right now.

*shudder*

 

[Saber-Scorpion]

JESUS CHRIST, guys. You still don't get it.

http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Roleplaying

I was going to say that this review was the stupidest thing I've ever read, but then I read that link. If people do even half the stuff listed in that article then they're making cosplayers look like the social elite.

I've determined that we need a new word for RPG, because RPG has completely lost its meaning, just like the word "art."
Art = anything that someone says is art, preferably if it serves no useful function
RPG = a game where you can wander around, level up, and change what your character looks like, preferably with no real effect on the game-world and none of that "story" stuff to get in your way

 

[doctor_kaz]

JESUS CHRIST, guys. You still don't get it.

http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Roleplaying

I was going to say that this review was the stupidest thing I've ever read, but then I read that link. If people do even half the stuff listed in that article then they're making cosplayers look like the social elite.

I've determined that we need a new word for RPG, because RPG has completely lost its meaning, just like the word "art."
Art = anything that someone says is art, preferably if it serves no useful function
RPG = a game where you can wander around, level up, and change what your character looks like, preferably with no real effect on the game-world and none of that "story" stuff to get in your way

You're forgetting that an RPG is also a game where you can metagame by doing silly shit in a game that has no real consequences, like pretending that you are a Christian Paladin by carrying around a shield and a sword and praying to Jesus whenever you eat a meal.

 

[Balor]

Yea, games like Oblivion completely defamed the very term RPG.
That's like in one of those sci-fi novel's I've read - after travelling in time a few hundred years character learns that being a 'heterosexual' is a loathsome perversity, heh.
Indeed, right now, without adding 'old-style' or something, one cannot but yawn at hearing that an other RPG is coming out.

 

[doctor_kaz]

I haven't seen many reviews yet mention that the interface in The Witcher is great. It's extremely easy to pick up all of the game's mechanics like combat, alchemy, etc. It's so nice to play a PC game for a change that was designed for the PC from the ground up and not dumbed down for the consoles.

 

[Sir_Brennus]

I haven't seen many reviews yet mention that the interface in The Witcher is great. It's extremely easy to pick up all of the game's mechanics like combat, alchemy, etc. It's so nice to play a PC game for a change that was designed for the PC from the ground up and not dumbed down for the consoles.

I'm very impressed by The Witcher after playing the prologue (and returning to MotB), but do you really consider the skill screen "great" or "easy"? :shock:

 

[MetalCraze]

Какого хуя...

I can't believe this! They started to hire absolutely retarded people to do reviews?

 

[The Rambling Sage]

those who don’t want to wander the countryside murdering wolves or designing their own costume.

Fuck this game. I always wanted to roleplay a elven fashion designer whose dad was eaten by wolves.

But at any rate we can no longer make fun of those making the claim Oblivion redefined the RPG genre.

 

[KazikluBey]

Sir_Brennus: It took me a while to figure out just how the sword style "levels" are connected with their secondary talents, since it never explicitly says how in the manual (I'm still not 100% sure, but since a 90% chance of knockdown when using group styles seems unlikely, I have a hunch). Other than that, what's wrong with it?

 

[doctor_kaz]

I haven't seen many reviews yet mention that the interface in The Witcher is great. It's extremely easy to pick up all of the game's mechanics like combat, alchemy, etc. It's so nice to play a PC game for a change that was designed for the PC from the ground up and not dumbed down for the consoles.

I'm very impressed by The Witcher after playing the prologue (and returning to MotB), but do you really consider the skill screen "great" or "easy"? :shock:

Well, yes. It's incredibly easy and intuitive. I can't think of any way that it could be made easier without dumbing down the system itself. The only thing that I didn't figure out right off the bat was that you had to be meditating to use it.

 

[Texas Red]

JESUS CHRIST, guys. You still don't get it.

http://www.uesp.net/wiki/Oblivion:Roleplaying

I was going to say that this review was the stupidest thing I've ever read, but then I read that link. If people do even half the stuff listed in that article then they're making cosplayers look like the social elite.

I've determined that we need a new word for RPG, because RPG has completely lost its meaning, just like the word "art."
Art = anything that someone says is art, preferably if it serves no useful function
RPG = a game where you can wander around, level up, and change what your character looks like, preferably with no real effect on the game-world and none of that "story" stuff to get in your way

Oblivion is a MESOLAPRGS. Massively Empty Offline Live Action Roleplaying Simulator

 

[Elwro]

Какого хуя?!

 

[Nael]

That's like in one of those sci-fi novel's I've read - after travelling in time a few hundred years character learns that being a 'heterosexual' is a loathsome perversity, heh.

Forever War?

 

[Claw]

The linearity of the game demands a few sacrifices in the expected freedom most RPG’s now boast, and many quests or characters are simply unavailable until a specific in-game trigger has been pulled to progress the plot. While this might cause consternation for a diehard role player...

In case you're wondering:

con·ster·na·tion
–noun
a sudden, alarming amazement or dread that results in utter confusion

Hahahahaha... the review is its own parody.

Perhaps not one for the hardcore role player, but an FPS gamer or MMO addict might well find The Witcher to be a great alternative to watching a DVD during the evening.

Didn't I read this before?


PS: To all bots that may visit the Codex, why don't you write kres@strategyinformer.com an email? Or a hundred?

 

[DraQ]

This level of stupidity should be considered criminal.

 

[Futile Rhetoric]

Is today Opposite Day or something? I didn't get the fucking memo -- again. I never get the fucking memos.

 

[Bradylama]

Count of Kvatch
After getting into the castle and killing of the Daedra get a group of followers and move into the castle.
You can sit on the throne, wear the Count's clothes, take the stuff from his quarters, put stuff in the chests and drawers.
The only problem is you can't sleep in the counts bed, but you can sleep in one of the beds in the sleeping quarters.

Joke's on us. How much you wanna bet the conclusion is from the rough draft of their Oblivion review?

 

[Balor]

Hmm... perhaps that was a 'reversal' joke?
I mean, he was being sarcastic about the state of RPGs nowadays - like if you think that RPGs are about dress-up and mindless killings, it's not for you?
Or it's just me trying to hide from the terrifying reality?