Let me make sure I understand this correctly... Are you saying, that the fact you can't get a happy ending, is impeding your desire to replay PS:T? I'm probably not reading it right or some such, but for me it comes across as one of the dumbest things I've ever read.
You're right, I'm an idiot. Damn, and here I thought my facade of fancy-talk and mass posting had people fooled.
Frankly, the answer is yes. A game is not a book. Let me repeat that, because sometimes I think PS:T fans (of whom I consider myself one) forget it. When I pick up a book, I have no control over the protagonist. My relationship to him, and to the book, is different from my relationship to the protagonist of a game. When I play a game, the fate of the protagonist is, from the very beginning, in my hands. Will TNO suffer countless deaths en route to the Fortress? Will he be a jerk or a gentleman? Will he fight or will he talk? Whom will he befriend and what good will he do for the planes?
Because from the beginning I am not merely an *observer* but a *controller* of TNO's fate, I expect to be rewarded for my efforts. One of those rewards is candy (cutscenes, story, big numbers after my stats, whatever). But the ultimate reward has to be the sense of agency and the sense that my efforts were meaningful. One of my oldest fond game memories is the first time I beat Contra. The game rather cheesily shows the island lair of Red Falcon explode, tells you you've saved the universe, and concludes, "Consider yourself a hero." If my nine lives expired before I spreadfired that damn heart to bursting, Red Falcon would've destroyed the Earth, the universe, etc., and my poor marine would've been no more than a moldering corpse in a jungle on a ruined world.
PS:T, on the other hand, presents three endings: true death (which is as good as winning as far as the Planes are concerned), winning, and -- the only "bad" ending -- killing off the people who can help you and thus condemning yourself to wander aimlessly.
The whole time I'm playing the game, I'm slouching toward annihilation. But it's not just that. I can stand a game where the hero dies at the end -- although I wonder whether it's really the appropriate way to end a game. It's that your death is so utterly meaningless. And your life is so utterly meaningless.
Maybe I'm missing something about how the planes work. Certainly the game didn't make it clear, though, if I did. But this is how I see it. My TNO the first time through was lawful good. A great man who did acts of kindness. At the story's close, he was enormously powerful and capable of doing wonderful things for Sigil. But he doesn't have that option. He *must* embrace oblivion, one way or another.
Okay, fine. But what makes it so outrageous is that the way in which he embraces oblivion -- joining the Blood War -- trivializes all the good he did throughout the game. Because you realize that helping a tree grow, when there's a planes-spanning war destroying all nature on its battlegrounds, is meaningless. Saving one life when millions are dying miserably constantly is irrelevant. The story not only places TNO in the only place where his newfound power is worthless -- since the Blood War is unwinnable and unchangeable -- but also in a setting that reveals how small and irrelevant your story was. TNO is triviliazed not just going forward, but also going backward.
Moreover, as much as the writers tried to make TNO's sacrifice out as meaningful for his companions, I'm somewhat torn. FFG is left as a new Deionarra, as best I can tell. I see no closure for Annah or for Morte. I mean, the guys's still just a fuckin' mimir with some fireteeth stuck in his mouth.
The difference between reading a book that comes to a sad ending is that you never had any obligation to make it right for the characters. But in a game, you have such an obligation, born of your control over them. But PS:T makes it inevitable that you fail in that obligation. So next time you play, what's your goal? To engage in more trivialities en route to oblivion?
It doesn't mean I can't still enjoy the story when I replay it, but it does make things harder.