NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Drakron]

Just grab her by the pussy.

Midna always been the superior choice.

 

[RK47]

 

[Darth Roxor]

you have 1 unread message lah

 

[Max Stats]

Just grab her by the pussy.

Midna always been the superior choice.

For pedophiles, maybe, least with how she appears 90% of the game.

 

[pippin]

 

[pippin]

Starts out like that, but sooner than you'd think, it turns into

>he doesn't want a cute aryan girl to boss him around
r u ghei?

 

[RK47]

chest as flat as anvil.
face that looks like a man.
liking that bitch is gay.

 

[pippin]

chest as flat as anvil.
face that looks like a man.
liking that bitch is gay.

no sharp knees? is this the codecks?

 

[RK47]

chest as flat as anvil.
face that looks like a man.
liking that bitch is gay.

no sharp knees? is this the codecks?

i'm not the faggot here. you are.

 

[GarfunkeL]

Luckily we have fan artists to fix that:

 

[GarfunkeL]

And meta-cleverness of Zelda playing Link:

 

[RK47]

I see two girls playing handheld.

 

[Infinitron]

You Won’t Believe These LEAKED KotOR3 Lines!

What’s up, internet, this is Kiev Sampson blogging to you via Twenty Sided’s alliance with CheezGamer: your video source for hot news, hot takes, and our Scrolly-award nominated stream She Wore What?!?, where editors and gaming celebrities react live to photos of cosplayer’s boobs. We got some red-hot scoops for you today, so like the man Three-Dog says, check it out.

Who doesn’t love RPGs? For years the genre was one big compromise between character building and actually having fun–but thanks to groundbreaking games like Fallout 3 and Fable that had the high-octane action to back up their awesome writing, we all walk away happy. It’s thanks to pioneers like them that people gave a little game called The Witcher 3 the chance to rock our socks off. Rejoice, gentlemen: RPGs aren’t just for nerds anymore.

We admit it. We still get chills.


Of course, the undisputed king of the RPG is superstar developer Bioware. Best known for Mass Effect 3 and Mass Effect: Andromeda, you might have also played their 2011 foray into the MMO market, Star Wars: The Old Republic. What you may not have known was that it was based on one of their earlier projects, a little-known and never-completed trilogy called–wait for it–Knights of the Old Republic. Could be some of you out there are still holding out for another one. Well hang no longer, my friends, because Bioware has finally answered your prayers: according to our exclusive leaked report, they’re officially rebooting the franchise.

Here’s what our sources tell us about the new title Star Wars: Knights.

• Explore the galaxy alone in a jaw-dropping single player campaign–or explore one hangar or battlefield of the galaxy with your friends in epic multiplayer.
• Streamlined character system lets you choose a new perk or force power every level. All the stats are tallied behind the scenes, so focus on the big picture–no number-crunching required.
• Crunch the numbers on thousands of unique weapons and armor sets.
• Character will be voiced by Nolan North or Courtenay Taylor.
• Villains will be building planet-stomping superweapon, “more powerful than anything you’ve seen before in the books, comics, or movies.” Yowch!
• Too early to determine what main story will be.
• “Force Adept” Collector’s edition will retail for $69.99 without game but with die-cast player ship, Republic Commemorative Coin, sith crystal keychain, and lightsaber pen. “Jedi Master” Collector’s edition will retail for $89.99 with game, ship, coin, without keychain, with Darth Kaymart’s Revenge DLC and a different color of lightsaber pen (TBD). “Jedi Consular” edition will retail for $199.99 (while it lasts!) and will contain no game or extras, but $199.99 worth of hard coals.

But don’t put down those ice-cream cones yet, because that’s not where this scoop ends. Check out these top eight leaked lines and our thoughts on what they’ll mean for the final game. Spoiler alert: it’s gonna be awesome.

1.) “Chee ku hidow hidonga…wanakonpe, chipanah mooleyrah.”

You gotta like the sense of mystery. In the real world, it would be hard for aliens in the far future to understand each other. Bioware really nails the difficulties of communicating with an alien race in this enigmatic line.

2.) “I know I’m babbling, I’m sorry. But I’ve just never felt this way about anyone before. I can’t put my finger on it, it’s just…you do all these errands for me. What else could you call that?”

Almost as much as their fast and furious combat, Bioware’s known for their steamy romances. We can’t wait for another helping of the best relationships in gaming. Achievement Unlocked: Sex Wars!

3.) “K’ponah! Bonah no keechu!”

Now this is just a tease. Could we get the line after this one, guys? Just so we know whether to get hyped or super hyped.

4.) “No! Please, don’t throw that bag of ranchguar feed to the sarlaac! That’s all we have to feed our ranchguars for the season!”

Glad to see ol’ Bioware’s still holding us accountable for our actions. Who but Bioware can you turn to for games that don’t just make you react–they make you think.

5.) “Interested in doing a little smuggling? Take a look at what I’ve got.”

Can you say sidequest? In these days of shorter and shorter games, it’s good to see Bioware’s still bringing it with titles you can lose dozens of hours into.

6.) “Runga dee hutunga!”

We admit: if anything cools our jets, it’s this line here. We all remember what a chore probing was in Mass Effect 2, and finding out that the minerals market plays a big role in this game is just a little concerning. Here’s hoping they’ve learned their lesson.

7.) “I’ve always wanted to explore the galaxy. Growing up on a little farming planet nobody’s heard of, I just wanted to do something exciting, you know? Something important. So when the Jedi Council asked me to be a Forceamancer, I signed right up.”

As always, nobody does backstories like Bioware. Props to their writers for getting across everything you need to know about this crew member’s motivations and backstory in a few lines of exposition. And on that note:

8.) “K’ponah! Bonah no keechu!”

Nuff said.

Catch us this afternoon for Indie Corner with Spunkey, where he’ll be tipping the deets on the upcoming Obisidian game Strivings of the Essence, which will feature fifteen playable classes, four hundred thousand lines of written dialogue, and a really disappointing endgame. See you then!

Kiev Sampson’s been gaming since the Gamecube and a member of CheezGamer since 2013. He lives in Portland with his girlfriend, six cats, and crippling imposter syndrome.

 

[Alienman]

RPGs aren’t just for nerds anymore

There it is.

Spoiler

 

[yes plz]

Every year it's the same stale ass jokes.

"We just received leaked news about a sequel / new season / revival of [insert popular game / show / movie here]!"

April Fools! xd lol lmao rofl

I think the only one I've ever found somewhat clever was EGM's 'how to unlock Sonic in Super Smash Bros Melee' article complete with photoshopped screens, though admittedly I was a lot younger back then.

 

[Dayyālu]

I've seen that thing sold in stores. Can't find a copy of the horror nowadays.

 

[PlanHex]

Who doesn’t love RPGs? For years the genre was one big compromise between character building and actually having fun–but thanks to groundbreaking games like Fallout 3 and Fable that had the high-octane action to back up their awesome writing, we all walk away happy. It’s thanks to pioneers like them that people gave a little game called The Witcher 3 the chance to rock our socks off. Rejoice, gentlemen: RPGs aren’t just for nerds anymore.

This is too real.

I'm now torn between killing myself or just killing all other humans instead.

 

[CthuluIsSpy]

Who doesn’t love RPGs? For years the genre was one big compromise between character building and actually having fun–but thanks to groundbreaking games like Fallout 3 and Fable that had the high-octane action to back up their awesome writing, we all walk away happy. It’s thanks to pioneers like them that people gave a little game called The Witcher 3 the chance to rock our socks off. Rejoice, gentlemen: RPGs aren’t just for nerds anymore.

This has to be an april fool's joke. Its just so...dumb.

 

[Skittles]

Every year it's the same stale ass jokes.

"We just received leaked news about a sequel / new season / revival of [insert popular game / show / movie here]!"

April Fools! xd lol lmao rofl

The joke's less about a bullshit leak than an extended parody of games journalism and a skewering of Bioware. Specifically:

...CheezGamer: your video source for hot news, hot takes, and our Scrolly-award nominated stream She Wore What?!?, where editors and gaming celebrities react live to photos of cosplayer’s boobs.

Who doesn’t love RPGs? For years the genre was one big compromise between character building and actually having fun–but thanks to groundbreaking games like Fallout 3 and Fable that had the high-octane action to back up their awesome writing, we all walk away happy.

Of course, the undisputed king of the RPG is superstar developer Bioware. Best known for Mass Effect 3 and Mass Effect: Andromeda, you might have also played their 2011 foray into the MMO market, Star Wars: The Old Republic.

• Streamlined character system lets you choose a new perk or force power every level. All the stats are tallied behind the scenes, so focus on the big picture–no number-crunching required.
• Crunch the numbers on thousands of unique weapons and armor sets.
• Villains will be building planet-stomping superweapon, “more powerful than anything you’ve seen before in the books, comics, or movies.” Yowch!

2.) “I know I’m babbling, I’m sorry. But I’ve just never felt this way about anyone before. I can’t put my finger on it, it’s just…you do all these errands for me. What else could you call that?”

Almost as much as their fast and furious combat, Bioware’s known for their steamy romances. We can’t wait for another helping of the best relationships in gaming. Achievement Unlocked: Sex Wars!


4.) “No! Please, don’t throw that bag of ranchguar feed to the sarlaac! That’s all we have to feed our ranchguars for the season!”

Glad to see ol’ Bioware’s still holding us accountable for our actions. Who but Bioware can you turn to for games that don’t just make you react–they make you think.

Kiev Sampson’s been gaming since the Gamecube and a member of CheezGamer since 2013.

 

[markec]

 

[Unkillable Cat]

Spoiler that shit!

 

[Max Stats]

What no bulge in xir crotch? No love for elderly feminine penis?

 

[Max Stats]

Luckily we have fan artists to fix that:

UGH GROSS they didn't even draw her agency SHE AINT NEED NO MAN !!!! Draw me Link as a girl!:incloosive:

 

[pippin]

Spoiler

Spoiler

(there is also a rule34 version)

 

[e-mailio estevez]

chest as flat as anvil.
face that looks like a man.
liking that bitch is gay.

Spoiler

I would concede that older Zeldas were much better in the waifu department.