I wrote this down because you guys probably won’t see my name showing on the upcoming tournament. In nearly 8 years of my professional gaming career, I’m a low-key style of person and I don’t judge too quickly but this has been bother me for a few days. Therefore, I should write this to calm myself down. As you can see, after the Shanghai major tournament we had some discussion as Mushi decided to take a break from gaming for asthma treatment even though we do not know when he will be back but the team strongly believed that he will be back to the team soon.
The first thing when we get back to Malaysia, we had a discussion about player to replace Mushi which is Xnova and we felt this is a good way to solve the problem because Xnova will be the support role and I’ll play as carry role for temporary. But surprisingly, Xnova is still helping his own team for the qualifier of Epic center tournament which caused conflict to our following schedule, so he does not appear in our team. Soon, our manager contacted 343 to join the team and 343 also decide for ban/pick for the following games. We were glad that we played well and won a few important matches after having 343 to join the team.
After that, ESL Manila Lan event is the first lan tournament without a team captain. We planned to go Philippine in advance to get use to the foods, weather, mood and the environment so we could get a better performance for the tournament just like what we did for the Shanghai major tournament our team traveled to china 2 weeks in advance for training, where I’m extremely grateful to have Kenchi yap as our coach because he helped us a lot of things whether is about the game or personal. We’re very lucky that managed to win 2 game in ESL manila group matches, but unfortunately we lose to Team wings and the whole team is not happy with the result of this trip. In the evening, we had dinner in hotel and discuss for future plan, the first thing I asked is Mushi coming back for the next game then he said this is not the right time to discuss about this topic.
The next day morning, I, Ohy, 343, MidOne travel back to Malaysia to get some rest and prepare for the next game but Dj and our manager will stay in Philippine to deal with some problems. Mushi went to some island in Philippine for vacation. 28 April, everyone returned to own position. 29 April I thought it would be another normal day but actually it turned out to be the beginning of my nightmare, this day the 6 people of my team (including manager) went out from bootcamp to schedule of tournament and the team lineup but I was in the dark about this. In the evening, Mushi, Ohy and manager asked me go upstairs to discuss something, I thought is about the team lineup and schedule for next tournament but it is not. The first thing that Mushi said is he decided to come back to play for the next game and then he asked me change to bench player, I couldn’t give any reaction at that moment as I’m so emotionally shocked and confused. However, I’m so helpless when I heard the reason of the decision. After they told me this, the only voice that keeps repeating in my mind was “this decision is made by the team and you have to be considerate and understand.” However, I don’t even have a chance to disagree or discuss with the decision they made but only get an apologize (I’m sorry) from the manager.
I’ve put my 90% of efforts and 90% of my time to this team but in at end I only get the sad and cruel ending. I believed that there is no player in the world willing to become a bench player and watching the game. Last year, because of personal issue I did not have the chance to play for TI and only can watch and listen to what others people talk about the game. This year, I guess I’ll have to disappoint everyone again as this is a fact that I couldn’t change no matter how hard I try and how many effort I made. Maybe, I never know that a team must be in such a way to get more success and victories.
The final thing I want to say is, I’m deeply sorry to everyone and this seem to be the end of my journey. Thank you for supporting me all the time. Last but not least i wish them good luck in their future.
