JarlFrank
I like Thief THIS much
Hobo Elf said:Somewhere someone is going to read this, and he's going to think that it's the greatest piece of literature he has ever read. Think about it.
I can't, it hurts my brain.
Hobo Elf said:Somewhere someone is going to read this, and he's going to think that it's the greatest piece of literature he has ever read. Think about it.
viz said:No the examples are very poor. I am a writer and I sent my first draft to agents with very positive feedback a little whole ago so I do have some experience of this. Look at these examples:
'Angry red blood' - is not indicating the blood itself is angry but the fact that SHADES of red can connect to varying emotions. Red of a certain shade can easily be very ANGRY. As oppostied to say darker stickier blood? Clearly the blood is fresh and pumping straight out.
'Metallic tasting blood' - I don't recall sucking my finger after accidently cutting it and tasting iron every time.. sometimes it is salty for example. Metallic is a very strong taste - does blood always taste exactly the same? Of course not.
This review makes me very angry - the reviewer is clearly an amateur taking shots at a professional and with very little idea of what he is saying. I refuse to read anymore of it and I suggest people ignore this review because it seems to ve bery unprofessional indeed.
2nd poster said:I predict this thread will not end well...
that´s that.. especially his childish "is there enough bile in it" questions, about his "review". Bashing is easy, no wonder the guy didn´t even make it to the news section of the site.
At one during the review, I wanted to say to the reviewer 'well, if it's that easy, then why don't you write a book yourself?' I, myself, dabble in writings from time to time; it is not an easy task to do, I can tell you.
This review makes me very angry - the reviewer is clearly an amateur taking shots at a professional and with very little idea of what he is saying
After reading the article, I wanted to email the review writer and tell him just how little he knew about writing because his examples were hardly examples of bad writing at all - but then thought the better of it.
JarlFrank said:Hobo Elf said:Somewhere someone is going to read this, and he's going to think that it's the greatest piece of literature he has ever read. Think about it.
I can't, it hurts my brain.
And the "If this is a story within a story then how does she know about that super-secret stuff..." excuse doesn't really work after Titanic won all those Oscars.
Elzair said:JarlFrank said:Hobo Elf said:Somewhere someone is going to read this, and he's going to think that it's the greatest piece of literature he has ever read. Think about it.
I can't, it hurts my brain.
What hurts your brain? Is it the book itself or my review of it?
VentilatorOfDoom said:Elzair said:What did all of you think about the bile content of this review? Did it contain too much, not enough, or just the right amount of bile?
Any other suggestions for improvement would be welcomed.
I think you could improve if you
1) concern yourself less with whether your handywork contains enough bile to score a nice amount of codex cool points
2) concern yourself less with whether the "right amount of bile" ensures you a honorary place among the *I HAET GAYDAR* circlejerk crowd
3) concern yourself more with assuming an unbiased and objective attitude towards the subject of your review
I'm convinced this advice can help you to improve. Of course these are only general thoughts - I didn't read this book and don't plan to either.
TNO said:Ah, good, drama.
My favourite from the BW forums.
TNO said:viz said:No, the examples are very poor. I am a writer, and I sent my first draft to agents with (and received) very positive feedback a little whole (while) ago, so I do have some experience of (with) this. Look at these examples:
'Angry red blood' - (There was no reason for that hypen to be there.) is not indicating the blood itself is angry but the fact (angry; instead it indicates) that SHADES of red can connect to varying (I think he meant "various".) emotions. Red of a certain shade can easily ve bery (be very) ANGRY. As oppostied opposed to say darker stickier blood? (That was not even a sentence! A better one would be the following. "Angry red blood certainly differs from darker and stickier blood.") Clearly the blood is fresh and pumping straight out.
'Metallic tasting blood' - (Why did this guy use so many hyphens? I think he meant to use dashes, but the following is not a parenthetical thought.) I don't recall sucking my finger after accidently (accidentally) cutting it and tasting iron every time.. (Why did he link these two thoughts with an ellipsis?) sometimes it is salty for example. Metallic is a very strong taste - (FFFUUUU....) does blood always taste exactly the same? Of course not.
TNO said:viz said:This review makes me very angry - (A hyphen is not a semicolon!) the reviewer is clearly an amateur taking shots at a professional, and with (he has) very little idea of what he is saying. I refuse to read anymore of it, and I suggest people ignore this review because it seems to be very unprofessional indeed.
I'm also a writer. I sent my works into an internet forum and got really positive feedback. Don't listen to this reviewer, he's just an amateur. Gaider's a pro, man.
TNO said:(Also note the typographical errors.)
TNO said:P.S. Get ready. My DA: TC preview is nearly done...
Sagus said:- The Codex is EXTREME?
Last time I peeked there it was decidedly full of white nationalist/HBD dumdums
in the general discussion section half the topics were on the order of "BLACKman rapes precious White flower" and "JOOs eat delicious babby."
A refreshing change? I'd tolerate reading "teen girl squeeing" over Skyway's slack-jawed drivel any day. He certainly isn't a standalone example, either.
It's cool by RPG-specific forum standards.Melcar said:They make The Codex sound way more cool than what it actually is.
Elzair said:It appears that the review pissed off some Bioware forum moderator; they have now locked the thread. Well, it was good while it lasted!
For the record:Elzair said:The reason I asked about the bile level is that nearly every time I received feedback from DarkUnderlord, he said that the review contained too much bile.
It wasn't just the bile, it was bile with the lack of pizazz. Bile is good when done well like VD's Oblivion review. Quoting developers talking about riding around on horseback and killing stuff and then making an intelligent remark about "Well I guess he literally meant running around". The review just felt too much like what was said above. Repeatedly saying "OH GOD THIS SUCKS" and leaving it at that or only barely justifying it with shaky grounds IE. "Blood can't be angry OH GOD WHAT A SHITTY THING TO WRITE" which lacked 'intelligence'.DarkUnderlord said:Feedback:As it is now, we wouldn't post it.
- Review tries too hard.
- The plot synopsis is just that and can be found all over the net if you're looking for it.
- The "Characters? More Like Caricatures!" section was good.
- Probably too many quotes in it without much said about what's being quoted other than "WOW IT SUCKS HARD DOESN'T IT".
- "WOW IT SUCKS HARD DOESN'T IT" used a lot.
- "WOW IT SUCKS HARD DOESN'T IT" == Not very intelligently written.
- Bits about the story-within-a-story / frame-story were good.
Tone it down, be less rabid. Explore more the reasons why you feel it sucks rather than saying "WOW IT SUCKS HARD DOESN'T IT" repeatedly.
Maybe spread your quotes out selectively through the piece rather than having a bunch at the end. IE: When you're talking about the characters, you could quote something in there about that character. When talking about them havign sex in the plot section, include a quote there and talk about how much it sucks.
Basically have another shot if you're up for it. Give more reasons why and explain your opinion more with something other than "OH GOD IT SUCKITY SUCK SUCK SUCKITY SUCKS DOESN'T IT? DOESN'T IT??".
Riiiiight.aries202 said:For the record, Bioware's moderators locks thread when they think that other sites, like the rpgcodex, are being bashed (too much).