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Competition Get your Wasteland #1 keys here! Short Story Competition
- Thread starter DarkUnderlord
- Start date
a cut of domestic sheep prime
Guest
I also am hungry. Can we trade our steam keys for a pizza?
Lord Trousersnake
Scholar
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2013
- Messages
- 70
Grunkers Gonna Grunk
The shabby figure climbed slowly up the stairs from his basement apartment, catching his breath at the top after the exertion. Copenhagen was cold in November, but it was only 50 metres to the shops after all and his layers of flab protected him comfortably on the weekly trip. He set off down the road, Mickey Mouse slippers flapping softly on the grey pavement.
"Hello Grunker my friend!" the shopkeeper greeted, with that awkward, forced familiarity of service staff everwhere. "Bit cold today, isn't it?"
The shopkeeper was from Turkey, but Grunker had never realised. For Grunker never looked up when out in public, preferring to stare at his slippers. Eye contact was for popamole faggots.
"I thought we agreed that cold is all relative, and that friends are a modern invention to compensate for our loss of a tribal society? Isn't that what you said last week, 'I agree Grunker'? If we can't agree on what 'agree' means then let's just leave it at that and move on."
"Sure Grunker, I agree - I mean, yes sir."
"Get someone else to serve me in future" Grunker growled, "This hostile reception gets a bit much after a while."
"Autists, what can you do..." muttered the Turk under his breath as he handed over the coins.
"I think you'll find that I'm high-functioning Aspergers, not Autistic" Grunker insisted, "That accounts for my genius with game systems, without the social skill deficits of full blown autism."
The door slammed as he left the store. But Grunker felt calm and relaxed. Mingling with the masses and engaging in smalltalk made him feel part of something bigger, something meaningful. Like an innkeeper in Icewind Dale.
~
On the way home the squeal of tyres almost made him look up, but it was his favourite section of pavement, he had already counted to 31 and had almost reached the orgasmic release of 32, his favourite number below the hundred-digit primes. 2 to the power of 5, just perfect! If only all paving stones were arranged in powers of 2.
So he never noticed the old lady hitting the windscreen of the delivery van, and her flying body landed just in front of him. On stone 32 of all places. He stood and stared, noting that the blood was luckily flowing away from Mickey's face. It wouldn't do to get red on only one slipper and ruin the symmetry of the pair.
But then something caught his attention and he knelt down eagerly. Part of a vertebra was protruding from her neck in a most interesting fashion! Ignoring the annoying wheezes coming from her throat, which were thankfully getting softer and softer, he studied the pattern intently. A critical hit from a blunt object! This changed everything. Clearly this sort of impact had been underestimated in the latest rule iteration. After all, why should one-shotting an opponent unfairly favour stereotypical 'tanks' with swords, when the angle of the neck can introduce so many modifiers? And what about giant-class fist attacks?
He felt his pulse race with excitement, he hadn't been this aroused since he first read 'Sword of Shannara'. Leaping over the corpse he trotted back to his den, taking a slightly longer route to make up for the stone he missed earlier.
~
He sat in his replica throne and exited the screensaver. One word of power later, his admin password, and the arcane mysteries of the Codex opened up to his perceptive powers. 3 brofists to other admins to warm up, thence to the Gazebo. There was a wall-o-text just waiting to be written and human civilisation would soon benefit from his insight. Again.
The shabby figure climbed slowly up the stairs from his basement apartment, catching his breath at the top after the exertion. Copenhagen was cold in November, but it was only 50 metres to the shops after all and his layers of flab protected him comfortably on the weekly trip. He set off down the road, Mickey Mouse slippers flapping softly on the grey pavement.
"Hello Grunker my friend!" the shopkeeper greeted, with that awkward, forced familiarity of service staff everwhere. "Bit cold today, isn't it?"
The shopkeeper was from Turkey, but Grunker had never realised. For Grunker never looked up when out in public, preferring to stare at his slippers. Eye contact was for popamole faggots.
"I thought we agreed that cold is all relative, and that friends are a modern invention to compensate for our loss of a tribal society? Isn't that what you said last week, 'I agree Grunker'? If we can't agree on what 'agree' means then let's just leave it at that and move on."
"Sure Grunker, I agree - I mean, yes sir."
"Get someone else to serve me in future" Grunker growled, "This hostile reception gets a bit much after a while."
"Autists, what can you do..." muttered the Turk under his breath as he handed over the coins.
"I think you'll find that I'm high-functioning Aspergers, not Autistic" Grunker insisted, "That accounts for my genius with game systems, without the social skill deficits of full blown autism."
The door slammed as he left the store. But Grunker felt calm and relaxed. Mingling with the masses and engaging in smalltalk made him feel part of something bigger, something meaningful. Like an innkeeper in Icewind Dale.
~
On the way home the squeal of tyres almost made him look up, but it was his favourite section of pavement, he had already counted to 31 and had almost reached the orgasmic release of 32, his favourite number below the hundred-digit primes. 2 to the power of 5, just perfect! If only all paving stones were arranged in powers of 2.
So he never noticed the old lady hitting the windscreen of the delivery van, and her flying body landed just in front of him. On stone 32 of all places. He stood and stared, noting that the blood was luckily flowing away from Mickey's face. It wouldn't do to get red on only one slipper and ruin the symmetry of the pair.
But then something caught his attention and he knelt down eagerly. Part of a vertebra was protruding from her neck in a most interesting fashion! Ignoring the annoying wheezes coming from her throat, which were thankfully getting softer and softer, he studied the pattern intently. A critical hit from a blunt object! This changed everything. Clearly this sort of impact had been underestimated in the latest rule iteration. After all, why should one-shotting an opponent unfairly favour stereotypical 'tanks' with swords, when the angle of the neck can introduce so many modifiers? And what about giant-class fist attacks?
He felt his pulse race with excitement, he hadn't been this aroused since he first read 'Sword of Shannara'. Leaping over the corpse he trotted back to his den, taking a slightly longer route to make up for the stone he missed earlier.
~
He sat in his replica throne and exited the screensaver. One word of power later, his admin password, and the arcane mysteries of the Codex opened up to his perceptive powers. 3 brofists to other admins to warm up, thence to the Gazebo. There was a wall-o-text just waiting to be written and human civilisation would soon benefit from his insight. Again.
a cut of domestic sheep prime
Guest
DU is ignoring me too, but I'm ignoring that he's ignoring me. 
edit: also, I kinda know my story sucked anyway...
edit: also, I kinda know my story sucked anyway...
Zep Zepo
Titties and Beer
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2013
- Messages
- 5,233
My story was awesome! It had Midnight Oil, AC/DC, Men at Work and INXS and also FUCKIN FOSTER'S LAGER, IT'S AUSTRAILIAN FOR BEER, MOTHER FUCKERS!
When I win, I'll take mine as steam key, Thanks, DarkUnderlord
Zep--
When I win, I'll take mine as steam key, Thanks, DarkUnderlord
Zep--
oljebox
Educated
Ah, a 50 Shades of Grey rip-off. I was going to do something similar, a bit less X-rated. Oh well. You win, Haba, this time.
If this doesn't get me banned, I'll take a GOG key.
A Day in the Life of DarkUnderlord: Cowed
A Day in the Life of DarkUnderlord: Cowed
The Dark Lord stepped upon his dais overlooking the mass of trolls and made his pronouncement. "Bruticus has been banned. His rambling posts he would oft botch, so he has been cast into the Watch." The lord expected to hear the usual tittering of his trolls, but was instead met with a troublesome chittering.
Finally he heard a loud mooing sound and in the center of the crowd brayed a strange creature in the form of a two-headed cow. "Unfair," the strange bovine declared. "Unfair! Unjust!" And the trolls exhibited a strange behavior, eliciting a very untroll-like attitude of sympathy for the mammal.
The lord repeated his declaration in stubborn refusal of this public repudiation. The cow continued its braying, while moving towards the seedier sections of the Dex. This section was known as GD, and not a small company of trolls escorted the creature to continue their bitter discussion. And the lord was concerned, for trolls that exhibit untroll-like conduct are trolls that will soon be up to no good.
But what to do? In most cases he would send a minion with the simple instructions: 'Watch and report'. But cow had made an open transgression, and thus this required a personal touch. And so the lord grabbed his Scepter of WatchWiz, his Mensa shirt, and his Cloak of Butthurt Tears. He wrapped his cloak about him and was like a cloaked figure. I say this to avoid confusion with another named Cloaked Figure, but that is a different tale that would take too long to tell and would derail this story. See, it already has. Just trust me on this: he was like a cloaked figure and definitely not Cloaked Figure.
Anyway, the lord walked into the hive of villainy known as GD and came to a popular tavern. Sitting in a corner he could see the cow surrounded by trolls. The cow said, "It has been a bad year. A horrible year. We were promised that 2013 would be the year of incline, but my hopes have been crushed. At least let us people of the Dex have one victory. Let us tear down the shackles of tyranny. Let us take down the Dark Lord! He has banished too many of our brethren. If we do not act now, any of us could be next."
But the first troll said, "But he provides a service. He tags the dumb fucks around us so we may know them."
The second troll said, "For every bro he has banished, he has banished five casuals. That is a ratio I can accept."
The third troll said, "He provides the lulz that is our nourishment."
But the cow was not dissuaded. "You list the good. Now let us discuss the bad."
The first troll thought for a moment and said, "He allowed the classic RPG section of the Dex to merge with the AAA section, causing residents of each to have to mingle."
The second said, "The tag system chafes me."
The third said, "He found both Planescape and Baldur's Gate boring."
The three looked at each other while the cow grinned. They came to a consensus, and would act against the Lord. But how, they asked, could he be brought low?
And the cow said, "I have already acted against him. I have swept through the Dex and graffittied his perfect pearl of a realm. I have placed multiple pictures to defy his authority over all of us. Look upon it and despair!" With that the cow pointed to a poster the others had not noticed until then. It was of an artist painting a Hawaiian hula girl.
"I don't get it," said the first troll.
"It's really genius," the cow said. "The Dark Lord does not want his realm despoiled. So I broke his rules by posting this picture in every public venue. The picture itself is tame and harmless, but he is sure to react. His reaction will, of course, be over the top, further alienating him from the people and causing them to sympathize with our cause. This is phase one. Now if we all stick together and ride out his reprisals we may be able to convince him to bring back those unjustly banished. After all, he will eventually just have to take a troche, and accept that not all of us he can banish to the Watch. I propose phase two to be..."
The Dark Lord moved forward and threw back his cloak. Anger radiated from his neck-bearded visage before his bellowing voice struck them like a hammer. "You admit to polluting my realm, cow?"
The three trolls shrank back, but the cow stood unsurprised and proud. "Yes, I do. We deny your authority. We all stand together against your abuse of power. The people will back me and rail against any action you take to strike me down. 2013 will usher in a new era. One of peace, harmony, and incline!"
The lord admired the cow's bravado and said, "You know you are right. In a healthy democracy the people organize and work together against those that oppress them. It's a chaotic and messy system, but at least the people have a sense of empowerment. There is only one thing you did not take into consideration, in your otherwise decent plan. This is not a democracy." And with that, the Dark Lord pointed his scepter and the cow was bathed in a pillar of green light before disappearing from sight altogether, with only a fading Mooooo to mark his banishment.
He then turned to the three shivering trolls. "I acknowledge your newfound sense of fraternity and offer you the chance to join your friend. Which of you wishes to be sent to the Watch first? Hmmmm? No takers? Very well, then." And with that, the Lord pivoted and left the buidling.
The three trolls stared at one another in silence, their eyes registering both a sense of anguished loss and relief that they did not share the same fate. Finally one piped in with a weak stammer.
"The Gift section of town will never be the same without the cow. The cow always gave."
But the second cow could not muster the courage to dwell on such a future and replied, "Maybe 2014 will be the year of incline. We should wait and see."
"Yes. Patience should be valued above all other virtues," said the third.
*****
The next day started just as any other, with the Dark Lord stepping upon his dais and overlooking his crowd of trolls. "The cow acted as if it had too much scotch, and thenceforth on my decree was banished to the Watch..."
Finally he heard a loud mooing sound and in the center of the crowd brayed a strange creature in the form of a two-headed cow. "Unfair," the strange bovine declared. "Unfair! Unjust!" And the trolls exhibited a strange behavior, eliciting a very untroll-like attitude of sympathy for the mammal.
The lord repeated his declaration in stubborn refusal of this public repudiation. The cow continued its braying, while moving towards the seedier sections of the Dex. This section was known as GD, and not a small company of trolls escorted the creature to continue their bitter discussion. And the lord was concerned, for trolls that exhibit untroll-like conduct are trolls that will soon be up to no good.
But what to do? In most cases he would send a minion with the simple instructions: 'Watch and report'. But cow had made an open transgression, and thus this required a personal touch. And so the lord grabbed his Scepter of WatchWiz, his Mensa shirt, and his Cloak of Butthurt Tears. He wrapped his cloak about him and was like a cloaked figure. I say this to avoid confusion with another named Cloaked Figure, but that is a different tale that would take too long to tell and would derail this story. See, it already has. Just trust me on this: he was like a cloaked figure and definitely not Cloaked Figure.
Anyway, the lord walked into the hive of villainy known as GD and came to a popular tavern. Sitting in a corner he could see the cow surrounded by trolls. The cow said, "It has been a bad year. A horrible year. We were promised that 2013 would be the year of incline, but my hopes have been crushed. At least let us people of the Dex have one victory. Let us tear down the shackles of tyranny. Let us take down the Dark Lord! He has banished too many of our brethren. If we do not act now, any of us could be next."
But the first troll said, "But he provides a service. He tags the dumb fucks around us so we may know them."
The second troll said, "For every bro he has banished, he has banished five casuals. That is a ratio I can accept."
The third troll said, "He provides the lulz that is our nourishment."
But the cow was not dissuaded. "You list the good. Now let us discuss the bad."
The first troll thought for a moment and said, "He allowed the classic RPG section of the Dex to merge with the AAA section, causing residents of each to have to mingle."
The second said, "The tag system chafes me."
The third said, "He found both Planescape and Baldur's Gate boring."
The three looked at each other while the cow grinned. They came to a consensus, and would act against the Lord. But how, they asked, could he be brought low?
And the cow said, "I have already acted against him. I have swept through the Dex and graffittied his perfect pearl of a realm. I have placed multiple pictures to defy his authority over all of us. Look upon it and despair!" With that the cow pointed to a poster the others had not noticed until then. It was of an artist painting a Hawaiian hula girl.
"I don't get it," said the first troll.
"It's really genius," the cow said. "The Dark Lord does not want his realm despoiled. So I broke his rules by posting this picture in every public venue. The picture itself is tame and harmless, but he is sure to react. His reaction will, of course, be over the top, further alienating him from the people and causing them to sympathize with our cause. This is phase one. Now if we all stick together and ride out his reprisals we may be able to convince him to bring back those unjustly banished. After all, he will eventually just have to take a troche, and accept that not all of us he can banish to the Watch. I propose phase two to be..."
The Dark Lord moved forward and threw back his cloak. Anger radiated from his neck-bearded visage before his bellowing voice struck them like a hammer. "You admit to polluting my realm, cow?"
The three trolls shrank back, but the cow stood unsurprised and proud. "Yes, I do. We deny your authority. We all stand together against your abuse of power. The people will back me and rail against any action you take to strike me down. 2013 will usher in a new era. One of peace, harmony, and incline!"
The lord admired the cow's bravado and said, "You know you are right. In a healthy democracy the people organize and work together against those that oppress them. It's a chaotic and messy system, but at least the people have a sense of empowerment. There is only one thing you did not take into consideration, in your otherwise decent plan. This is not a democracy." And with that, the Dark Lord pointed his scepter and the cow was bathed in a pillar of green light before disappearing from sight altogether, with only a fading Mooooo to mark his banishment.
He then turned to the three shivering trolls. "I acknowledge your newfound sense of fraternity and offer you the chance to join your friend. Which of you wishes to be sent to the Watch first? Hmmmm? No takers? Very well, then." And with that, the Lord pivoted and left the buidling.
The three trolls stared at one another in silence, their eyes registering both a sense of anguished loss and relief that they did not share the same fate. Finally one piped in with a weak stammer.
"The Gift section of town will never be the same without the cow. The cow always gave."
But the second cow could not muster the courage to dwell on such a future and replied, "Maybe 2014 will be the year of incline. We should wait and see."
"Yes. Patience should be valued above all other virtues," said the third.
*****
The next day started just as any other, with the Dark Lord stepping upon his dais and overlooking his crowd of trolls. "The cow acted as if it had too much scotch, and thenceforth on my decree was banished to the Watch..."
My Moderator cannot be this Cute #666
"You sure you can't stay with me?" Not this again.
"I can't, honey. It's a really important game." Why can't she understand?
"I know, but what about this one? What about us?" she gently placed her palm on her belly.
"It's just one night. My opponent is in the US, the whole league is waiting for us to finish our game. It's the quarter finals, final 8! Please, I'll be back as soon as I finish..."
"You mean finish the match AND write your LP," she glares.
He shrugs in response, no dodging that one. She knows him best.
"Lund, I need this. Please. I won't let you and her down. I promise," he gave her a pleading look.
"You thought up of a name yet?"
"...I uh.. Black Cat?"
She gave him a playful slap.
"Steve, you're a father soon. So I'm begging you, grow up. There are times you need to be."
"I know, I know. So...can I go?"
"Yes. But be there when we need you."
"I will," he quickly grabbed the Miami Heats shirt hanging by the chair and put it on over his plain black T-shirt.
"Steve, can you leave that shirt here?"
"..Oh. Sure. Just don't-"
"Get it dirty, alright? Cause it's your favorite. I know," she smiles. It's his favorite not because he's a fan, but because it's comfortable.
"Yeah, I love you," he placed the shirt on her lap and gave her forehead a quick kiss before dashing out of the room, nearly knocking down an incoming nurse. A quick apology, and he's gone in a flash.
"Your husband is a professional athlete or something?" the nurse piped in.
"Just another stupid video gamer," she sighs in despair.
"I'm so sorry."
--------
"Let's get this match underway, bitch!" he typed on the steam chat window.
I can't lose.
"I will rape you," he added.
"lolwut?" came the reply.
FRAPS on.
Season 10. Knights of Codexia defied all odds and finished 4th in the qualifiers, drawing a hard Necromancer opponent, TV 2000. No problem, I just got to hire Zara and stab all these fuckers to death.
Great, I won the coin toss. I'll be receiving.
KICK OFF!
--------
"I wonder if that idiot is winning yet...Ah!" there's that pain again.
"Oh no, I better ring up the doc."
--------
TURNOVER!
"WHAT THE FUCK!"
"Fucking pick up failure on turn 1 with no tackle zone?! The shit is this!?! Xenomorph!!!!"
That sound. Blitz?!
On who?!
CRACK!
Zara the Slayer is dead.
"FUCK!"
--------
"Ahhhh.... it hurts. Yes, it's getting worse, Doc. Tonight's the night? You're coming? Oh OK."
That was easy. Now for the hard part - should I call him or not?
--------
"Take THAT!"
Apo'ed that slut - got her up on next drive. I'm 1-0 down, but I'm still in the game. Turn 4!
Phone vibrated? SMS? Fuck that noise.
--------
"No reply. Figures. Hnnnghhh."
"Came here as soon as I could, where's your husband?"
"He'll be here soon," you better, Steve. Fuckkk.
She texted another SMS. Just to be sure.
--------
"C'mon... c'mon... Azira YES! YOU GOT THE BALL! DIVING CATCH MOTHER FUCKER! STAN BUSH! GO FOR IT! YOU GOT THE TOUCH!"
One. Two... uh oh... Reroll?
The phone vibrates again.
Turn 8. Fuck that phone. REROLL!
TOUCHDOWN! 1-1 KNIGHT OF CODEXIA EQUALIZES!
I can't lose! I'm unbeatable. Bring on the second half, Necros!
-------
"AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh!!! It hurts!!!"
"Hang in there, Lund. Deeeeep breaths.... Where's the husband?"
"He's not here yet."
"FUCK YOU STEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"Nurse, give him a call! Lund, stay with me. Is your husband overseas?"
"NO HE'S PLAYING A VIDYA GAMEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Seriously."
---------
Turn 14. 1-1
"Looks like you're 3 man down. It's now 8 vs 10, Necros. Time to lay in the pain."
Knights of Codexia sets up a chain push, Jaedar only gets a Pushed result from a 2D block.
But the resulting push puts the Necro werewolf two tiles away from the crowdsurf line.
Normally that would be safe...
"Whitewolf, frenzy that werewolf out of the game!"
First 2D block, Push-Skull.
Push!
Second 2D block- WHOOOAHHHHHHHH OH ITS ALWAYS A GOOD TIME WHOOOOOOOOOOAH OOH OH
"Fucking ring tone, who's calling me at this ungodly hour. Shit what's the 2D block dice?"
Skull and sku- Wait- oh shit!
TURN OVER.
"Niggling injury. I'm out of Apo. Fuck this caller. *grabs phone* HELLO, MOM?! IS THAT YOU? I'M FINE I'M MARRIED AND WE HAVE BABBY KTHX"
"Mr Steven? It's about your wife..."
"I LUV U TOO MOM BYE THANKS."
Seriously. The nerve of that woman.
I'm trying to salvage this game, goddamit...
----------
"Is he- is he here yet?"
"I'm sorry, he isn't."
"Ahhhhhh.. Steve.."
"Hang in there, Lund. Just stay strong. I'm sure he's thinking of you right now and trying his best-"
----------
"I tried my best," came the opponent's reply as he failed a pick up on the ball. It's still 1-1 turn 16.
"YOUR "BEST"?! LOSERS ALWAYS WHINE ABOUT THEIR BEST. WINNERS GO HOME AND FUCK THE PROM QUEEN!"
Two markers on the ball. I got some players free. I'm not gonna waste a blitz on a stab, but I can't risk a Loner on double skull derping on Team Reroll. I just need to remove one marker before I go for a sure hand pick up.
Zara goes forward first- and then- WHOOOOOAAHHH OOOOHHH ITS ALWAYS-
"Not this again," I rejected the call. Not important. They can wait 2 minutes. Its my last turn goddamit.
Sending in Brother None for Guard Assist...
Then, Jaedar ... blitz! POW - PUSH. Yeah, one marker. Here we go....
Xenomorph..... WHOOOAHHHH OOOH OOOOHHHH ITS ALWA- Shut up SHUT UPPPPPPP
SURE HANDS! YES! GOT THE BALL! Oh fuck. I made a mistake.
I could've moved Azira to the TD zone before picking up the ball. If I pass the ball now, he's got a chance to intercept the ball.
Shit shit. Fuck Fuck.
What do I do?!
Should I dodge out before making the pass... should I.....WHOOOOOOOOOOAHHH OOHHH OHHH ITS ALWAYS A GUD-
Oh for Crying oUt Loud...~
"WHAT IS IT"
*clicks on Xenomorph, dodge....out?*
"Sir, it's your wife... there's been complication during her childbirth-"
*dodge successful*
"YES! YESSSS! DOGE! WOW! SO POWERFUL! MUCH TOUGHNESS!"
"Sir! It's your wife! It's your baby! Why are you celebrating?!"
"Middle of the game, hang on... I can handover instead... to STABBY! Here we......THERE IT IS! YES stabby! THREE TILES GO FOR IT! SPRINNNNT!"
Handover successful! Alt Tab -'Stan bush - The Touch'
"YOU GOT THE TOUCH!"
"Mr. STEVEN. SHE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH TIME IF YOU DON'T"
2 TILES TO GO FOR IT
"YOU GOT THE POWAH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
ONE TILE TO GO FOR IT
"MR STEVEN, LUND IS GOING TO DIE"
"What."
TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Knights of Codexia 2 - 1!
IT'S OVER! Your opponents is waiting for your opponent to skip the cinematics....
"Wait-what-did you say?"
"There's been complications. We need your HERE. RIGHT. NOW."
"Grats, RK" came the message on steam chat.
He didn't bother to shut down.
--------
*BLAM* the door to the hospital lobby burst open.
"WHERE IS SHE?!"
"Mr. Steven, this is a hospital."
"aRE YOU INDOCTRINATED? Take me to my wife, Doc."
"Steve, she doesn't have much time left."
"Give her more time then. Kal Lor. In Vas Mani."
"You need to be strong for her."
"Just... take me to her, Reaper scum... Before I collar grab you."
"Okay, okay. This way."
There she is. She looks... so weak. Her eyes are closed. In her arms lies a pile of bloodied shirt. His favorite.
"Lund.." he calls out softly, not daring to hope.
"S-steve?" came the weak reply, the blue eyes opened just for him.
"I'm here, I'm so sorry," tears flowed.
"Idiot," her dried eyes became wet once more.
"I am an idiot."
"I know. You need to apologize to someone else, too," she brings up a bloodied bundle in her arms to let him take a better look.
"She's beautiful. What's her name?" he gently strokes her cheek.
"Alice," she whispers as she closes her eyes, succumbing to the exhaustion.
"Hi, Alice. It's me, your dad. I just won a Blood Bowl game. It's quarter finals. I can't wait to show you off to the Codex. Mom's a moderator in there and flies a helicopter and... Lund.. she's falling asleep. Am I boring her? Heheh, Lund? Lund? Say something to Alice, tell her about us."
A hand on his shoulder broke his trance.
"She's gone, Steve."
"..........can I load game?"
"No. I'm afraid not."
It's final.
He slumped to her lifeless lap.
Hot tears flowing ever freely on his bloodied favorite shirt.
Knights of Codexia never played ever again since that day.
FIN
"You sure you can't stay with me?" Not this again.
"I can't, honey. It's a really important game." Why can't she understand?
"I know, but what about this one? What about us?" she gently placed her palm on her belly.
"It's just one night. My opponent is in the US, the whole league is waiting for us to finish our game. It's the quarter finals, final 8! Please, I'll be back as soon as I finish..."
"You mean finish the match AND write your LP," she glares.
He shrugs in response, no dodging that one. She knows him best.
"Lund, I need this. Please. I won't let you and her down. I promise," he gave her a pleading look.
"You thought up of a name yet?"
"...I uh.. Black Cat?"
She gave him a playful slap.
"Steve, you're a father soon. So I'm begging you, grow up. There are times you need to be."
"I know, I know. So...can I go?"
"Yes. But be there when we need you."
"I will," he quickly grabbed the Miami Heats shirt hanging by the chair and put it on over his plain black T-shirt.
"Steve, can you leave that shirt here?"
"..Oh. Sure. Just don't-"
"Get it dirty, alright? Cause it's your favorite. I know," she smiles. It's his favorite not because he's a fan, but because it's comfortable.
"Yeah, I love you," he placed the shirt on her lap and gave her forehead a quick kiss before dashing out of the room, nearly knocking down an incoming nurse. A quick apology, and he's gone in a flash.
"Your husband is a professional athlete or something?" the nurse piped in.
"Just another stupid video gamer," she sighs in despair.
"I'm so sorry."
--------
"Let's get this match underway, bitch!" he typed on the steam chat window.
I can't lose.
"I will rape you," he added.
"lolwut?" came the reply.
FRAPS on.
Season 10. Knights of Codexia defied all odds and finished 4th in the qualifiers, drawing a hard Necromancer opponent, TV 2000. No problem, I just got to hire Zara and stab all these fuckers to death.
Great, I won the coin toss. I'll be receiving.
KICK OFF!
--------
"I wonder if that idiot is winning yet...Ah!" there's that pain again.
"Oh no, I better ring up the doc."
--------
TURNOVER!
"WHAT THE FUCK!"
"Fucking pick up failure on turn 1 with no tackle zone?! The shit is this!?! Xenomorph!!!!"
That sound. Blitz?!
On who?!
CRACK!
Zara the Slayer is dead.
"FUCK!"
--------
"Ahhhh.... it hurts. Yes, it's getting worse, Doc. Tonight's the night? You're coming? Oh OK."
That was easy. Now for the hard part - should I call him or not?
--------
"Take THAT!"
Apo'ed that slut - got her up on next drive. I'm 1-0 down, but I'm still in the game. Turn 4!
Phone vibrated? SMS? Fuck that noise.
--------
"No reply. Figures. Hnnnghhh."
"Came here as soon as I could, where's your husband?"
"He'll be here soon," you better, Steve. Fuckkk.
She texted another SMS. Just to be sure.
--------
"C'mon... c'mon... Azira YES! YOU GOT THE BALL! DIVING CATCH MOTHER FUCKER! STAN BUSH! GO FOR IT! YOU GOT THE TOUCH!"
One. Two... uh oh... Reroll?
The phone vibrates again.
Turn 8. Fuck that phone. REROLL!
TOUCHDOWN! 1-1 KNIGHT OF CODEXIA EQUALIZES!
I can't lose! I'm unbeatable. Bring on the second half, Necros!-------
"AHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhh!!! It hurts!!!"
"Hang in there, Lund. Deeeeep breaths.... Where's the husband?"
"He's not here yet."
"FUCK YOU STEEEEEVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"
"Nurse, give him a call! Lund, stay with me. Is your husband overseas?"
"NO HE'S PLAYING A VIDYA GAMEEEEEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Seriously."
---------
Turn 14. 1-1
"Looks like you're 3 man down. It's now 8 vs 10, Necros. Time to lay in the pain."
Knights of Codexia sets up a chain push, Jaedar only gets a Pushed result from a 2D block.
But the resulting push puts the Necro werewolf two tiles away from the crowdsurf line.
Normally that would be safe...
"Whitewolf, frenzy that werewolf out of the game!"
First 2D block, Push-Skull.
Push!
Second 2D block- WHOOOAHHHHHHHH OH ITS ALWAYS A GOOD TIME WHOOOOOOOOOOAH OOH OH
"Fucking ring tone, who's calling me at this ungodly hour. Shit what's the 2D block dice?"
Skull and sku- Wait- oh shit!
TURN OVER.
"Niggling injury. I'm out of Apo. Fuck this caller. *grabs phone* HELLO, MOM?! IS THAT YOU? I'M FINE I'M MARRIED AND WE HAVE BABBY KTHX"
"Mr Steven? It's about your wife..."
"I LUV U TOO MOM BYE THANKS."
Seriously. The nerve of that woman.
I'm trying to salvage this game, goddamit...
----------
"Is he- is he here yet?"
"I'm sorry, he isn't."
"Ahhhhhh.. Steve.."
"Hang in there, Lund. Just stay strong. I'm sure he's thinking of you right now and trying his best-"
----------
"I tried my best," came the opponent's reply as he failed a pick up on the ball. It's still 1-1 turn 16.
"YOUR "BEST"?! LOSERS ALWAYS WHINE ABOUT THEIR BEST. WINNERS GO HOME AND FUCK THE PROM QUEEN!"
Two markers on the ball. I got some players free. I'm not gonna waste a blitz on a stab, but I can't risk a Loner on double skull derping on Team Reroll. I just need to remove one marker before I go for a sure hand pick up.
Zara goes forward first- and then- WHOOOOOAAHHH OOOOHHH ITS ALWAYS-
"Not this again," I rejected the call. Not important. They can wait 2 minutes. Its my last turn goddamit.
Sending in Brother None for Guard Assist...
Then, Jaedar ... blitz! POW - PUSH. Yeah, one marker. Here we go....
Xenomorph..... WHOOOAHHHH OOOH OOOOHHHH ITS ALWA- Shut up SHUT UPPPPPPP
SURE HANDS! YES! GOT THE BALL! Oh fuck. I made a mistake.
I could've moved Azira to the TD zone before picking up the ball. If I pass the ball now, he's got a chance to intercept the ball.
Shit shit. Fuck Fuck.
What do I do?!
Should I dodge out before making the pass... should I.....WHOOOOOOOOOOAHHH OOHHH OHHH ITS ALWAYS A GUD-
Oh for Crying oUt Loud...~
"WHAT IS IT"
*clicks on Xenomorph, dodge....out?*
"Sir, it's your wife... there's been complication during her childbirth-"
*dodge successful*
"YES! YESSSS! DOGE! WOW! SO POWERFUL! MUCH TOUGHNESS!"
"Sir! It's your wife! It's your baby! Why are you celebrating?!"
"Middle of the game, hang on... I can handover instead... to STABBY! Here we......THERE IT IS! YES stabby! THREE TILES GO FOR IT! SPRINNNNT!"
Handover successful! Alt Tab -'Stan bush - The Touch'
"YOU GOT THE TOUCH!"
"Mr. STEVEN. SHE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH TIME IF YOU DON'T"
2 TILES TO GO FOR IT
"YOU GOT THE POWAH YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"
ONE TILE TO GO FOR IT
"MR STEVEN, LUND IS GOING TO DIE"
"What."
TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Knights of Codexia 2 - 1!
IT'S OVER! Your opponents is waiting for your opponent to skip the cinematics....
"Wait-what-did you say?"
"There's been complications. We need your HERE. RIGHT. NOW."
"Grats, RK" came the message on steam chat.
He didn't bother to shut down.
--------
*BLAM* the door to the hospital lobby burst open.
"WHERE IS SHE?!"
"Mr. Steven, this is a hospital."
"aRE YOU INDOCTRINATED? Take me to my wife, Doc."
"Steve, she doesn't have much time left."
"Give her more time then. Kal Lor. In Vas Mani."
"You need to be strong for her."
"Just... take me to her, Reaper scum... Before I collar grab you."
"Okay, okay. This way."
There she is. She looks... so weak. Her eyes are closed. In her arms lies a pile of bloodied shirt. His favorite.
"Lund.." he calls out softly, not daring to hope.
"S-steve?" came the weak reply, the blue eyes opened just for him.
"I'm here, I'm so sorry," tears flowed.
"Idiot," her dried eyes became wet once more.
"I am an idiot."
"I know. You need to apologize to someone else, too," she brings up a bloodied bundle in her arms to let him take a better look.
"She's beautiful. What's her name?" he gently strokes her cheek.
"Alice," she whispers as she closes her eyes, succumbing to the exhaustion.
"Hi, Alice. It's me, your dad. I just won a Blood Bowl game. It's quarter finals. I can't wait to show you off to the Codex. Mom's a moderator in there and flies a helicopter and... Lund.. she's falling asleep. Am I boring her? Heheh, Lund? Lund? Say something to Alice, tell her about us."
A hand on his shoulder broke his trance.
"She's gone, Steve."
"..........can I load game?"
"No. I'm afraid not."
It's final.
He slumped to her lifeless lap.
Hot tears flowing ever freely on his bloodied favorite shirt.
Knights of Codexia never played ever again since that day.
FIN
Monty
Arcane
So is noone doing a Jaesun story? I feel he's being sadly neglected.
Clockwork Knight
Arcane
"Good day, Jaesun!" said the bubbly neighbour.
"Is it?" replied the effeminate rabbi, standing on the porch as he scrolled over a web site on his phone. It is so difficult to interact with him, she often thought, but he was attractive enough to be worth a flirt now and then. "He's lucky I love men of few words", she tells herself before turning around and going for her morning power walk. Jaesun doesn't notice, completely focused on the phone. Those threads, they're all in the wrong subforum. That won't do, that won't do. They have to be moved, yes. "It's so hard to do anything on this small screen.", he thinks, "Maybe it's time for an upgrade, I'll jog to the store and buy a real computer. A laptop that I can take to the synagogue". And jog he did.
"Hello, sir? May I help you?". Jaesun slowly turns his head to the uniformed ginger teenager talking to him.
"Can you?", the rabbi asks in a high-pitched tone, now turning the rest of his body to face the boy. "I...think so, yeah! You must be interested in a computer."
"Am I?", was the reply. A bit discouraged, but not one to give up on a sale, the ginger gestures towards a rack filled with computers behind them. 'We have many models available, I'm sure you will like one of them, sir!". "I will?" questions the man of the cloth, cocking his head slightly to the left, before advancing slowly towards the closest stack of electronics. He notices some of them aren't in the correct shelf. A look of disgust washes over his delicate semblant. How can you even work in such a place, he says out loud.
"Excuse me?". The ginger kid was back. With a dismissive gesture, Jaesun mentally tags him as a dumbfuck and signals towards one of the computers, a small laptop with sleek design.
"That will be $500, sir. Will you pay with a check or a debit card?", asks the smiling kid, just as happy for making a sale than he was for getting rid of this man.
"Tapatalk is such a piece of shit", the man mutters. He was fiddling with his phone. "Can you believe this? A Diablo thread in GRPG? I have to do everything around here". The kid assumed this man was busy with matters pertaining to his synagogue, and waits patiently for three minutes. The rabbis finally smiles, seemingly satisfied with himself. Sweat drips from his brow, a testament to the difficulty of typing anything on that tiny screen. He wipes it with his kippah, before cocking his head in the kid's direction. His smile disappeared.
"What makes you think I would choose one of those?". The rabbi cocks his head slightly to the right, before removing a little leather bag from his pocket. CLING CLANG CLENG CLING, the sound of shekels hitting the metal counter echoed through the store.
"Hm, I don't know how much that is worth in dollars but I'm pretty sure it's not enough to pay for the laptop, sir" stated the flame-headed kid, not sure if he was trying to convince the rabbi or himself. "Why do you think so?". Again with the inquisitive replies. Why couldn't this man just say what was on his mind? "Pretty sure those coins aren't worth 500 american dollars, pal", the kid was losing his patience. He needed the money to buy bleach for his hair, but he'd rather have to deal with the everyday humiliation he was used to than deal with this person one more minute.
Cocking his head all the way back to the right, Jaesun doesn't show any emotion. He wasn't listening anyway, nothing the kid was babbling about could be as important as the mismatched pens sitting on the counter. The blue pen cap was protecting the tip of the black pen, and the black pen cap was covering the tip of the blue pen. He reaches for them, but his hand is stopped by the impudent kid, who guides him to the front door. "We hope to see you again!" said the ginger, making sure his smile was caught by the security camera, but not his crab-like grip on the rabbi's arm.
With a suspiciously girlish yelp, the man is released on the sidewalk. "Before I go, let me see something." He states, rubbing his arm. The teenager groans, but turns around anyway. "What? What could you possibly want to know?". The man approaches him, grabs his collar and with ease brings his face close to him. "A-a-a-I'm sorry sir, I was out of line!". The man was stronger than his baritone voice indicated, he couldn't fight him even if he wanted to risk losing his job. Getting ready for a jab, the lad closes his eyes. But nothing happens. The boy opens his eyes, and notices the rabbi is staring at his chest, his head cocked all the way back to the left. What was wrong with his chest, he pathetically begs.
The rabbi slowly raises his face, facing him. "Did you start working here recently?", he demands to know. "Y-y-yeah, this week. Why?". Tears were starting to pour down his pale cheeks.
"Fucking newfags".
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Not bad. I award you
. One is deducted for reasons of 'sperg:Man, I'm arguing that quality isn't relative, keep up with my
Anyway, have a Grunker slowclap.jpg:
Bitch, are you saying I'm fat?
Last edited:
Magic friends: The rise of the Infinitron
As I write this I hope there is somebody else alive who will find this and thus be forwarded of the perils of pornography involving Lord British, an 486 and a TV dinner gone horrible wrong.
My name is...not important but you may call me Jason, for the horrors which I have been privy to have forever shattered my already feeble grasp on reality.
When I was a child, I would spend my carless childhood days playing Ultima and watching Star Trek (original series of course) reruns. But as those carefree days dwindled away and I found the first pangs of desire arousing from my body as I started to face the uncomfortable certainly that perhaps I wasn’t a hit with the ladies, and thus my unrequited feeling for unlawful carnal knowledge got turned into an unhealthy obsession with playing Ultima.
While trying to ignore theses grotesque feelings of an unwanted sexual nature I would pray to Lord British to deliver me from evil and these unavatar like feelings. I would give him my virginity in return of the appearance of one of his mystical moon gates, where I would fulfill my destiny as the one true avatar and live forevermore in the holy land of Britannia as the living embodiment of the virtues.
As the days turn into nights, the week into months and the months into years I held my promise, and Lord British was true, with better and more engaging entries in the Ultima pantheon. My wanton urges had subsided and when I felt I was losing the battle I would softly caress my belly and manbobs with my Ultima 6 cloth map, and the feeling would subside.
As I defeated the nefarious servants of the Guardian in The Black Gate, and again in the Serpent Isle and even in Ultima Underworld, I knew that my skills where a direct blessing from Lord British himself, and I was joyous.
It didn’t matter that I had no friends; no life or the fact that I hadn’t seen my penis is years, for I had attained holiness.
Until it all came crashing down.
With the release of Ultima 7 Lord British deserted me…
The luscious fields of Britannia and my beloved companions were replaced by a single player action game, truly my Lord had abandoned me…but why?
Wasn’t I a good boy?
Wasn’t I the chosen one?
Suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore, as all the unfulfilled urges and wanton frustrations came pouring out of me and covered in my BBQ pork TV Diner I proceeded to attack my computer.
My great vengeance and furious anger turned into something else as the BBQ sauce slid between my legs and I proceeded to sexually attack my computer by raming my long dormant purple headed warrior into one of the vents; so Lord British had tried to fuck me, his holiest disciple?
I would show him fuck…
As I ordered Lord British to take it as I assaulted my PC I felt a series on electrical jolts and I realized I had not bothered to unplug my computer…the last thing I heard was an loud electrical buzz as the screen flashed with the promise of new blasphemous life.
I awoke hours later, all covered in bruises and reeking of Mountain Dew.
I turned around slowly and my old PC was battered as hell, but strangely still turned on.
As I approached it, word started t appear on the battered screen
I AM INFINITRON
I AM SUPREME
As the horror of what I was witnessing recorded in me, I watched my state of the art 56k modem blinking…the blasphemous creature was trying to communicate through the internet!
This abomination was never meant to be, as I realized the horror of my actions had created some sort of AI.
As I threw myself towards the power cords the vain attempt to somehow stop this horror but it was too late as these words appeared in the screen
AHH THE INTERNET WILL BE MY HOME
As an electrical jolt crushed my body I crumpled in pain
COME FATHER I WANT TO PLAY NOW
As the mouse cord wrapped around my neck and the keyboard slid between my thighs I blacked out
-----
And now the creature has left me for awhile, as strange red headed devils danced in its screen…but I know it will be back, but I am prepared to take my life before beign subject to any more of its evil machinations.
So I wait
And I pray
For Lord British to come back, and usher the Age of Incline
As I write this I hope there is somebody else alive who will find this and thus be forwarded of the perils of pornography involving Lord British, an 486 and a TV dinner gone horrible wrong.
My name is...not important but you may call me Jason, for the horrors which I have been privy to have forever shattered my already feeble grasp on reality.
When I was a child, I would spend my carless childhood days playing Ultima and watching Star Trek (original series of course) reruns. But as those carefree days dwindled away and I found the first pangs of desire arousing from my body as I started to face the uncomfortable certainly that perhaps I wasn’t a hit with the ladies, and thus my unrequited feeling for unlawful carnal knowledge got turned into an unhealthy obsession with playing Ultima.
While trying to ignore theses grotesque feelings of an unwanted sexual nature I would pray to Lord British to deliver me from evil and these unavatar like feelings. I would give him my virginity in return of the appearance of one of his mystical moon gates, where I would fulfill my destiny as the one true avatar and live forevermore in the holy land of Britannia as the living embodiment of the virtues.
As the days turn into nights, the week into months and the months into years I held my promise, and Lord British was true, with better and more engaging entries in the Ultima pantheon. My wanton urges had subsided and when I felt I was losing the battle I would softly caress my belly and manbobs with my Ultima 6 cloth map, and the feeling would subside.
As I defeated the nefarious servants of the Guardian in The Black Gate, and again in the Serpent Isle and even in Ultima Underworld, I knew that my skills where a direct blessing from Lord British himself, and I was joyous.
It didn’t matter that I had no friends; no life or the fact that I hadn’t seen my penis is years, for I had attained holiness.
Until it all came crashing down.
With the release of Ultima 7 Lord British deserted me…
The luscious fields of Britannia and my beloved companions were replaced by a single player action game, truly my Lord had abandoned me…but why?
Wasn’t I a good boy?
Wasn’t I the chosen one?
Suddenly I couldn’t take it anymore, as all the unfulfilled urges and wanton frustrations came pouring out of me and covered in my BBQ pork TV Diner I proceeded to attack my computer.
My great vengeance and furious anger turned into something else as the BBQ sauce slid between my legs and I proceeded to sexually attack my computer by raming my long dormant purple headed warrior into one of the vents; so Lord British had tried to fuck me, his holiest disciple?
I would show him fuck…
As I ordered Lord British to take it as I assaulted my PC I felt a series on electrical jolts and I realized I had not bothered to unplug my computer…the last thing I heard was an loud electrical buzz as the screen flashed with the promise of new blasphemous life.
I awoke hours later, all covered in bruises and reeking of Mountain Dew.
I turned around slowly and my old PC was battered as hell, but strangely still turned on.
As I approached it, word started t appear on the battered screen
I AM INFINITRON
I AM SUPREME
As the horror of what I was witnessing recorded in me, I watched my state of the art 56k modem blinking…the blasphemous creature was trying to communicate through the internet!
This abomination was never meant to be, as I realized the horror of my actions had created some sort of AI.
As I threw myself towards the power cords the vain attempt to somehow stop this horror but it was too late as these words appeared in the screen
AHH THE INTERNET WILL BE MY HOME
As an electrical jolt crushed my body I crumpled in pain
COME FATHER I WANT TO PLAY NOW
As the mouse cord wrapped around my neck and the keyboard slid between my thighs I blacked out
-----
And now the creature has left me for awhile, as strange red headed devils danced in its screen…but I know it will be back, but I am prepared to take my life before beign subject to any more of its evil machinations.
So I wait
And I pray
For Lord British to come back, and usher the Age of Incline
Monty
Arcane
Was bored so thought I would also contribute to the Jaesun category:
The Chronicles of Jaesun: Episode VI - A Fabulous Demotion
The Chronicles of Jaesun: Episode VI - A Fabulous Demotion
The last of the matte-grey interceptors settled onto the deck of the battle carrier, its drones landing silently only metres away. Since the move to VTOL aircraft in the early 2020s the landing areas only covered half the deck of the converted carriers, with the rest devoted to spiky missile arrays and bulbous prototype shield generators.
Two deckhands looked on as the group of pilots strolled towards the nearest hatch, light blue flightsuits lending them an air of professional uniformity. Except for the pilot bringing up the rear, in a figure-hugging pink suit dotted with turquoise flowers.
"What the hell is he wearing?" wondered one of the deckhands. "Is he queer or something?"
"No" laughed his colleague, "That's just Jaesun, he hits the shore-leave whorehouses as hard as anyone. You know what pilots are like though, superstitious as hell. Apparently in the first South China Sea conflict he had to eject over water and the life raft that saved him was pink and flowery"
"Oh, that explains it. Guess I'd even wear a G string and stockings if it'd save my life!", chuckled his colleague as they got to work moving the aircraft below deck.
****
"Hey Jaesun" called Lopez, dashing to catch up as the pilots neared their quarters. "Any chance you could take my shower supervision duty again tonight? Got some Skype time coming with my girl, but last time I left those ensigns unsupervised they used our week's hot water ration in an hour"
"Sure Lopez" smiled Jaesun, gazing fondly at Lopez's jutting jaw, hazel eyes and luscious olive skin. "Any time, the... er... heat and steam is good for my fitness regime. You never know when you'll be shot down in a Cambodian swamp, after all..."
"You're one pro soldier, man" Lopez muttered in admiration. "Always thinking of the little extras"
Jaesun hardened as he watched Lopez walk off, toned ass straining the rear seams of his flight suit, then headed off to the showers with thoughts soon turning to naked young men frolicking in the steamy heat.
****
"Well men" Colonel Nash boomed, "I'm sure you can guess why I've called you in this evening"
"We're being transferred to Hawaii, Sir?" smirked Bower in his usual sarcastic tone
"No Bower, wrong as usual. Turns out one Pearl Harbour was enough for the Navy. No, I actually have some good news for once. Your recent drill was the best yet, and your drone handling even outperformed the AIs. Which makes me very happy as I get to command you turds for a bit longer before we all end up in a computer room in Nevada!"
A half-hearted cheer broke out, Nevada sounded pretty good after a 6 month tour in the humidity of the South China sea.
"So" continued Nash, "we'll be granting you all shore leave. 2 nights in Bangkok to drink the place dry and get your rocks off with the shemales. Chopper leaves at 1800 hours"
This time the cheer rattled the door in its frame.
"One thing though, the med department asked me to remind you that condoms are your friend - unless you want to end up like Benson over here"
The short figure of Benson scowled as his face reddened to match his hair and the ribbing reached a crescendo.
"Ping pong balls!" shouted someone at the back as the pilots poured happily out of the briefing room.
****
There were only 6 of them in the first sleazy bar near the docks, with others heading off to restaurants and friends. Their jeans and short sleeved shirts fitted in with the masses of casual tourists, although Jaesun's tight leather shorts and halter top did attract a few curious glances.
"Your round Lopez, my favourite immigrant!" chirped Bower as he stared up at the dancing girl on the counter. "Get in the shots and get us warmed up"
The barman poured the double tequilas and ground the ice for his strawberry daiquiri, while Jaesun surreptitiously checked him out. Such smooth skin, Asians just had the most delicate pores - as he had discovered in those teenage jaunts to San Francisco all those years ago. Pity about the small cocks though.
"Here you go gents" said Lopez, pushing the drinks along the counter and chuckling at the 2 paper umbrellas and flowers decorating Jaesun's daiquiri. "You're a hardcore drinker Jaesun, that things gotta have about 4 shots in it!"
"Yeah, you know me" laughed Jaesun, "I have to get drunk before I.. er... get busy with these bar girls"
"Cheers to that!" yelled Benson as they downed the first of their drinks, "And don't let me fuck anyone on the street this time!"
****
His head pounded like a slab of steak in a tenderisor, while his eyelids scratched like sandpaper as Jaesun tried to open his eyes. Hazy memories of bars, drinks, smoking something.... "Holy shit, the police!"
The memory made him lift his head in shock, regretting it instantly as a wave of pain and nausea wracked his poisoned body. But to his relief he was in a room back on the Nimitz, with Lopez lying on the floor next to him.
Ah, Lopez, his short hair mussed-up in a charming fashion as that scrumptious chest rose and fell with every sweet breath. Jaesun rolled over until their bodies touched, his pain and illness forgotten as his erection hardened and he luxuriated in the presence of this gorgeous man.
Looking down at Lopez's bulging package, he couldn't help moving his hand in for a quick stroke. Heaven, and more than a handful. His self-control finally evaporated as raging hormones took over and he moved his head down, hands fumbling frantically at Lopez's zip.
A shudder of pleasure coursed through his body as he pulled down Lopez's trousers and finally got his hands on that smooth powerful shaft. Moving his head down, all his dreams came true in one glorious moment and he took Lopez into his mouth.
'What the hell are you doing Jaesun?" shouted Bower, as the door opened behind him.
Icy fear paralysed Jaesun, but also the beginnings of relief. Perhaps the charade was finally over. Perhaps he would be discharged and could start a new life as an organic gardener or colonic irrigator.
"Um... " he muttered, before spotting a small mosquito bite on Lopez's thigh. "Spider bite! Yes, I woke up and saw Lopez lying here half naked, with one of those poisonous spiders tucking into him! So I thought I had to suck out that poison from his leg before it got to his heart"
"Oh, wow... thought for a moment your head was somewhere else there! You're a true bro Jaesun, always looking out for us. I guess Lopez owes you his life again."
Turning to go, Bower remembered why he'd come. "Oh yes, we've been looking for you everywhere. The Admiral himself wants you in his office, turns out the shit has really hit the fan from our little jaunt in Bangkok"
****
Admiral Beekers looked sternly across his desk, turning over a pile of photos. The top one clearly showed a Thai street scene, except amongst the street vendors Benson was wrestling with a naked Thai girl, Jaesun standing behind pulling down Benson's jeans.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this mess", snarled Beekers, "It's another public relations disaster"
"Yes sir", Jaesun mumbled, "I know we let down the fleet but someone must have spiked..."
"Save me the excuses Lieutenant. I know you like your women and whoring. You're famous for it. Shit, we've all been through that, sowing our wild oats with cheap Asian whores. Do you think I give a fuck? But on a street? With that walking disease vector Benson? You're better than that."
"Yes Admiral "Jaesun sighed miserably. "Maybe it would be better if I was discharged and..."
"Shut the fuck up. You're one of my best pilots but I have no choice but to take action this time. You're demoted, you lose your private quarters privileges and will be sharing a communal bunkroom with other men again. Learn your lesson and get that womanising under control, you could still go far in the Navy"
"I'll do my best Sir" saluted Jaesun, wondering what it was about dominant men with bushy eyebrows he found so attractive.
Two deckhands looked on as the group of pilots strolled towards the nearest hatch, light blue flightsuits lending them an air of professional uniformity. Except for the pilot bringing up the rear, in a figure-hugging pink suit dotted with turquoise flowers.
"What the hell is he wearing?" wondered one of the deckhands. "Is he queer or something?"
"No" laughed his colleague, "That's just Jaesun, he hits the shore-leave whorehouses as hard as anyone. You know what pilots are like though, superstitious as hell. Apparently in the first South China Sea conflict he had to eject over water and the life raft that saved him was pink and flowery"
"Oh, that explains it. Guess I'd even wear a G string and stockings if it'd save my life!", chuckled his colleague as they got to work moving the aircraft below deck.
****
"Hey Jaesun" called Lopez, dashing to catch up as the pilots neared their quarters. "Any chance you could take my shower supervision duty again tonight? Got some Skype time coming with my girl, but last time I left those ensigns unsupervised they used our week's hot water ration in an hour"
"Sure Lopez" smiled Jaesun, gazing fondly at Lopez's jutting jaw, hazel eyes and luscious olive skin. "Any time, the... er... heat and steam is good for my fitness regime. You never know when you'll be shot down in a Cambodian swamp, after all..."
"You're one pro soldier, man" Lopez muttered in admiration. "Always thinking of the little extras"
Jaesun hardened as he watched Lopez walk off, toned ass straining the rear seams of his flight suit, then headed off to the showers with thoughts soon turning to naked young men frolicking in the steamy heat.
****
"Well men" Colonel Nash boomed, "I'm sure you can guess why I've called you in this evening"
"We're being transferred to Hawaii, Sir?" smirked Bower in his usual sarcastic tone
"No Bower, wrong as usual. Turns out one Pearl Harbour was enough for the Navy. No, I actually have some good news for once. Your recent drill was the best yet, and your drone handling even outperformed the AIs. Which makes me very happy as I get to command you turds for a bit longer before we all end up in a computer room in Nevada!"
A half-hearted cheer broke out, Nevada sounded pretty good after a 6 month tour in the humidity of the South China sea.
"So" continued Nash, "we'll be granting you all shore leave. 2 nights in Bangkok to drink the place dry and get your rocks off with the shemales. Chopper leaves at 1800 hours"
This time the cheer rattled the door in its frame.
"One thing though, the med department asked me to remind you that condoms are your friend - unless you want to end up like Benson over here"
The short figure of Benson scowled as his face reddened to match his hair and the ribbing reached a crescendo.
"Ping pong balls!" shouted someone at the back as the pilots poured happily out of the briefing room.
****
There were only 6 of them in the first sleazy bar near the docks, with others heading off to restaurants and friends. Their jeans and short sleeved shirts fitted in with the masses of casual tourists, although Jaesun's tight leather shorts and halter top did attract a few curious glances.
"Your round Lopez, my favourite immigrant!" chirped Bower as he stared up at the dancing girl on the counter. "Get in the shots and get us warmed up"
The barman poured the double tequilas and ground the ice for his strawberry daiquiri, while Jaesun surreptitiously checked him out. Such smooth skin, Asians just had the most delicate pores - as he had discovered in those teenage jaunts to San Francisco all those years ago. Pity about the small cocks though.
"Here you go gents" said Lopez, pushing the drinks along the counter and chuckling at the 2 paper umbrellas and flowers decorating Jaesun's daiquiri. "You're a hardcore drinker Jaesun, that things gotta have about 4 shots in it!"
"Yeah, you know me" laughed Jaesun, "I have to get drunk before I.. er... get busy with these bar girls"
"Cheers to that!" yelled Benson as they downed the first of their drinks, "And don't let me fuck anyone on the street this time!"
****
His head pounded like a slab of steak in a tenderisor, while his eyelids scratched like sandpaper as Jaesun tried to open his eyes. Hazy memories of bars, drinks, smoking something.... "Holy shit, the police!"
The memory made him lift his head in shock, regretting it instantly as a wave of pain and nausea wracked his poisoned body. But to his relief he was in a room back on the Nimitz, with Lopez lying on the floor next to him.
Ah, Lopez, his short hair mussed-up in a charming fashion as that scrumptious chest rose and fell with every sweet breath. Jaesun rolled over until their bodies touched, his pain and illness forgotten as his erection hardened and he luxuriated in the presence of this gorgeous man.
Looking down at Lopez's bulging package, he couldn't help moving his hand in for a quick stroke. Heaven, and more than a handful. His self-control finally evaporated as raging hormones took over and he moved his head down, hands fumbling frantically at Lopez's zip.
A shudder of pleasure coursed through his body as he pulled down Lopez's trousers and finally got his hands on that smooth powerful shaft. Moving his head down, all his dreams came true in one glorious moment and he took Lopez into his mouth.
'What the hell are you doing Jaesun?" shouted Bower, as the door opened behind him.
Icy fear paralysed Jaesun, but also the beginnings of relief. Perhaps the charade was finally over. Perhaps he would be discharged and could start a new life as an organic gardener or colonic irrigator.
"Um... " he muttered, before spotting a small mosquito bite on Lopez's thigh. "Spider bite! Yes, I woke up and saw Lopez lying here half naked, with one of those poisonous spiders tucking into him! So I thought I had to suck out that poison from his leg before it got to his heart"
"Oh, wow... thought for a moment your head was somewhere else there! You're a true bro Jaesun, always looking out for us. I guess Lopez owes you his life again."
Turning to go, Bower remembered why he'd come. "Oh yes, we've been looking for you everywhere. The Admiral himself wants you in his office, turns out the shit has really hit the fan from our little jaunt in Bangkok"
****
Admiral Beekers looked sternly across his desk, turning over a pile of photos. The top one clearly showed a Thai street scene, except amongst the street vendors Benson was wrestling with a naked Thai girl, Jaesun standing behind pulling down Benson's jeans.
"What the fuck am I supposed to do with this mess", snarled Beekers, "It's another public relations disaster"
"Yes sir", Jaesun mumbled, "I know we let down the fleet but someone must have spiked..."
"Save me the excuses Lieutenant. I know you like your women and whoring. You're famous for it. Shit, we've all been through that, sowing our wild oats with cheap Asian whores. Do you think I give a fuck? But on a street? With that walking disease vector Benson? You're better than that."
"Yes Admiral "Jaesun sighed miserably. "Maybe it would be better if I was discharged and..."
"Shut the fuck up. You're one of my best pilots but I have no choice but to take action this time. You're demoted, you lose your private quarters privileges and will be sharing a communal bunkroom with other men again. Learn your lesson and get that womanising under control, you could still go far in the Navy"
"I'll do my best Sir" saluted Jaesun, wondering what it was about dominant men with bushy eyebrows he found so attractive.
Syl
Cipher
- Joined
- Nov 3, 2011
- Messages
- 751
In space no one can hear you scream
Year 31337. Admiral Blaine was heading back to Codexia. At the command of his Idris Corvette, he just inflicted another defeat to General Grunker of the GURPS alliance.
He was approaching the capital ship in orbit.
Admiral Blaine: Requesting docking procedure.
Operator: Roger. Hangars Krukt-B, Lund-B, J-Sun and Ro-G available. Which one do you want?
Admiral Blaine: Ro-G!
Operator: Wait, it seems Sergent Sawyer is already back in. Yep, apparently the balance of his ship still isn't right.
Admiral Blaine: Alright, Lund-B then.
Operator: Starting docking procedure. Over.
The backdoor creaked open, almost reluctantly.
Slowly the oblong ship pushed towards it.
GOG please.
Year 31337. Admiral Blaine was heading back to Codexia. At the command of his Idris Corvette, he just inflicted another defeat to General Grunker of the GURPS alliance.
He was approaching the capital ship in orbit.
Admiral Blaine: Requesting docking procedure.
Operator: Roger. Hangars Krukt-B, Lund-B, J-Sun and Ro-G available. Which one do you want?
Admiral Blaine: Ro-G!
Operator: Wait, it seems Sergent Sawyer is already back in. Yep, apparently the balance of his ship still isn't right.
Admiral Blaine: Alright, Lund-B then.
Operator: Starting docking procedure. Over.
The backdoor creaked open, almost reluctantly.
Slowly the oblong ship pushed towards it.
GOG please.
- Joined
- Jun 18, 2002
- Messages
- 28,544
I have added an additional category due to popular demand.
Spoilers much?
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