Review Just for laughs: The most stupid KOTOR review

[Gromnir]

the kotor review vd references ain't near as busted or funny as spaz's toee review was, but it is kinda screwy.

HA! Good Fun!

 

[Spazmo]

Glad to hear you're enjoying the site!

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Well, Bioware didn't make up the classes, Wizards of the Coast did.

Oh, you should've been quiet about that one. Wizards of the Coast are a even worse pack o' bastards.

 

[Anonymous]

Jedi Guardian is one of the Jedi ranks, I think, but it's below Jedi Knight.

 

[Seven]

It says "Just for Laughs", doesn't it?

If we're doing things just for laughs could we give V the title of internet pedophile for a week?

 

[Volourn]

You know my secret?

 

[mafia-man]

Jesus (f-word) christ! I guess there's some reviewers who won't bother to check the facts. Spot the errors, eh? Okay, I'm up for it. Let's see...

1. It's 4000 years before the events of Episode one! Not the Mandalorian (f-word) wars. That was, like, ten years ago (well, speaking SW-time here...). First error noted.

2. The Sith ain't ancient and they (Revan and Malak) didn't resurrect it. They JOINED. Second and third error noted.

3. "Role-Play Game design guru Bio-Ware"... Please kill the bastard! Both grammatical and idiotic errors noted (fourth and fifth).

4. Scoundrel, Soldier, Thief etc... Uhh... No. The scoundrel is actually the thief, except he/she ain't got the skills. Another error. Did the reviewer actually play this game? Sixth error noted.

5. "While the RPG and combat systems within KOTOR are intensive..." No (f-word) way! Seventh idiotic error noted.

6. "For example, instead working out a non-violent solution with a group of Trandoshan thugs..." Alright, so he's making up examples? Eight error noted.

7. "Superb combat system, challenging quests and intuitive character creation/skill system..." Oh, my, God, please, rain, fire, and, hell, on, this, idiot. Please? Ninth, tenth and eleventh errors noted.

So in conclusion: the reviewer is a moron worthy of getting hanged with a X-Box controller wire. Thank you and good night.

Ok i numbered your coments to make replying easier so here goes.

1. Yes KOTOR does start 4000 years before current SW time line. the review dosnt mention that it starts 1000 years before mandalorian wars though it says after. Cronological order is correct number of years is wrong however.

2. To start with the Sith race are ancient and so is the Sith order. If you played the game and went to the sith ruins you actualy find out that the tombs are around 1000 years old. The last known Sith Lord befor Revan was Exar Kun who was defeated by the Jedi Knights 40 years before the events in KOTOR so Revan and Malak esentialy resurected the Sith Order.

3. "Role-Play Game" is not a gramatical error "Bio-Ware" is simply a spelling mistake not a gramtical error and as a sentence "Role-Play Game design guru Bio-Ware" is definately not a gramtical error (this is of course based on the rules of UK-English and not American-English)

4. Your right on that one. The three choices are Soldier, Scout, Scoundrel Male or Female for all three.

5. That is an opinion (which is all a review is at the end of the dey) so neither the reviews comments or your comments can be taken as fact. However having played the game quite a few times all the way through IMO the combat and RP elements can be quite "intesive" fighting with around 10-15 Dark Jedi at once towards the end of the game can get pretty intensive as well as the the some of the choices you have to make with regards to the story involving your character and Bastila/Carth and the struggles of your characters "inner demons"

6. Yes you can work out a non violent solution or just kill the trandosians on the Yavin 4 station (PC only or X-Box live added content)

7. All good points IMO the combat system is excelent very simple and easy to use but with enough options to keep most happy and the fights look good which what a good combat system is all about. Ok most of the quests are a bit simple bet there again play on a higher difficulty setting and some quests can be quite a challenge. One quest that can be quite difficult to resolve is the Sunnry quest on Mannan 3 possible outcomes 2 are quite simmilar though and it is quite a large quest. Character creation/leveling is handled is very good IMO lots of skills and feats to choose from.

So after i just picked up all your errors (you obviously didnt play the game much either) i'll ask you to stup under that rain of fire.... and perhaps add some brimstone aswell.

 

[Spazmo]

The combat isn't fun or intense or challenging or anything. The player only needs to spam force wave until everything dies to win. For those monsters immune to that power (there are a couple), the lightsaber will slice them up quite expediently. Shit, when your 3-man party can deal with a pack of rancors without breaking a sweat, you know the combat is too easy.

 

[Saint_Proverbius]

2. To start with the Sith race are ancient and so is the Sith order. If you played the game and went to the sith ruins you actualy find out that the tombs are around 1000 years old. The last known Sith Lord befor Revan was Exar Kun who was defeated by the Jedi Knights 40 years before the events in KOTOR so Revan and Malak esentialy resurected the Sith Order.

Yeah, one of the loading screen FUN FACTIODS mentions that the Sith were an old alien race that no longer exists. The modern Sith are just following their ways. But, Revan and Malak didn't resurrect it, either. Revan just became the new Sith Lord. The Siths were around at the time, judging by the events at the Sith Academy.

3. "Role-Play Game" is not a gramatical error "Bio-Ware" is simply a spelling mistake not a gramtical error and as a sentence "Role-Play Game design guru Bio-Ware" is definately not a gramtical error (this is of course based on the rules of UK-English and not American-English)

Well, it is when the term "RPG" means Role-Playing Game. BioWare is also one word, not hyphenated. It's also not correct English since BioWare is actually a team, and thus it would be "gurus", plural.

It's like saying, "Who is Pink Floyd?" Well, Pink Floyd are several individuals, so the correct question is, "Who are Pink Floyd?"

5. That is an opinion (which is all a review is at the end of the dey) so neither the reviews comments or your comments can be taken as fact. However having played the game quite a few times all the way through IMO the combat and RP elements can be quite "intesive" fighting with around 10-15 Dark Jedi at once towards the end of the game can get pretty intensive as well as the the some of the choices you have to make with regards to the story involving your character and Bastila/Carth and the struggles of your characters "inner demons"

Opinions can be wrong, and saying KotOR's combat is "Suberb" is definitely wrong even when compared to other BioWare games. If you look at the definition of the word, it clearly should never, ever be used in conjunction with KotOR's combat.

 

[mafia-man]

The combat isn't fun or intense or challenging or anything. The player only needs to spam force wave until everything dies to win. For those monsters immune to that power (there are a couple), the lightsaber will slice them up quite expediently. Shit, when your 3-man party can deal with a pack of rancors without breaking a sweat, you know the combat is too easy.

At no point in the game do you enter combat with rancors in the game. And like I said these are just opinions on elements of the game as it's only a review it isn't fact.

It's like me doing a review of say a bar of well known Brand name chocolate and saying it's disgusting but every one else loves it that's only because it is my opinion it dosnt meen that what I say is a given Fact.

Try playing the game on a hard setting when you get to the Star forge then you will know how intense it can get.

 

[Spazmo]

At no point in the game do you enter combat with rancors in the game. And like I said these are just opinions on elements of the game as it's only a review it isn't fact.

...What? If you want to talk fact, how come you're completely ignoring the planet just before the Star Forge and its many packs of rancors? You know, the big brownish monster things with the claws? Did you even play the whole game?

 

[mafia-man]

2. To start with the Sith race are ancient and so is the Sith order. If you played the game and went to the sith ruins you actualy find out that the tombs are around 1000 years old. The last known Sith Lord befor Revan was Exar Kun who was defeated by the Jedi Knights 40 years before the events in KOTOR so Revan and Malak esentialy resurected the Sith Order.

Yeah, one of the loading screen FUN FACTIODS mentions that the Sith were an old alien race that no longer exists. The modern Sith are just following their ways. But, Revan and Malak didn't resurrect it, either. Revan just became the new Sith Lord. The Siths were around at the time, judging by the events at the Sith Academy.

3. "Role-Play Game" is not a gramatical error "Bio-Ware" is simply a spelling mistake not a gramtical error and as a sentence "Role-Play Game design guru Bio-Ware" is definately not a gramtical error (this is of course based on the rules of UK-English and not American-English)

Well, it is when the term "RPG" means Role-Playing Game. BioWare is also one word, not hyphenated. It's also not correct English since BioWare is actually a team, and thus it would be "gurus", plural.

It's like saying, "Who is Pink Floyd?" Well, Pink Floyd are several individuals, so the correct question is, "Who are Pink Floyd?"

5. That is an opinion (which is all a review is at the end of the dey) so neither the reviews comments or your comments can be taken as fact. However having played the game quite a few times all the way through IMO the combat and RP elements can be quite "intesive" fighting with around 10-15 Dark Jedi at once towards the end of the game can get pretty intensive as well as the the some of the choices you have to make with regards to the story involving your character and Bastila/Carth and the struggles of your characters "inner demons"

Opinions can be wrong, and saying KotOR's combat is "Suberb" is definitely wrong even when compared to other BioWare games. If you look at the definition of the word, it clearly should never, ever be used in conjunction with KotOR's combat.

1. Exar Kun was the last known serviving member of sith order befor Revan and Malak since Exar Kun was defeated by the Jedi Knights 40 years previously and the Sith order along with him (no one took up the reigns as Sith lord after him. Revan and Malak can be credited with the Resurection of the Sith order. And it is mentiond the Revan sets up the Academy on Koriban. Read more on the Star Wars: EU

2. Teams can be refered to in both plural an singular statments as a Team with a name Bioware is a Pronoun and as such can be used in grammer as a single entity.

3. An opinion can never be wrong because it is simply borne out of personal experiences and prefrences. i.e President Bush is an ass and not fit to lead a kiddies football team let alone a country, is my opinion. However the opinion of his supporters and I would hope his family is that President Bush is a good leader and a good family man. an opinion is never based on fact or fiction and there fore can never be wrong.

 

[mafia-man]

At no point in the game do you enter combat with rancors in the game. And like I said these are just opinions on elements of the game as it's only a review it isn't fact.

...What? If you want to talk fact, how come you're completely ignoring the planet just before the Star Forge and its many packs of rancors? You know, the big brownish monster things with the claws? Did you even play the whole game?

My bad

 

[StraitLacedDeviant]

Why are we debating this game... I thought it was decided months before I came here that it sucked.

 

[Vault Dweller]

Who cares about the game? We're reviewing the review.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

1. Yes KOTOR does start 4000 years before current SW time line. the review dosnt mention that it starts 1000 years before mandalorian wars though it says after. Cronological order is correct number of years is wrong however.

The Mandalorian Wars have only recently ended, so one thousand fricking years is still a little bit too much of an error.

2. To start with the Sith race are ancient and so is the Sith order. If you played the game and went to the sith ruins you actualy find out that the tombs are around 1000 years old. The last known Sith Lord befor Revan was Exar Kun who was defeated by the Jedi Knights 40 years before the events in KOTOR so Revan and Malak esentialy resurected the Sith Order.

Yeah? Those Siths are ancient, but if you'd play the game you'd know that these are the New Sith Order and that they wish to affiliate with the Ancient Siths basicly by digging up their history.

3. "Role-Play Game" is not a gramatical error "Bio-Ware" is simply a spelling mistake not a gramtical error and as a sentence "Role-Play Game design guru Bio-Ware" is definately not a gramtical error (this is of course based on the rules of UK-English and not American-English)

"Bio-Ware" is not a spelling mistake. It's just wrong. And "Role-Play Game" is not a grammatical error? Right. Really now; "Roleplay(ing) game". Say it.

4. Your right on that one. The three choices are Soldier, Scout, Scoundrel Male or Female for all three.

Why, thank you.

5. That is an opinion (which is all a review is at the end of the dey) so neither the reviews comments or your comments can be taken as fact. However having played the game quite a few times all the way through IMO the combat and RP elements can be quite "intesive" fighting with around 10-15 Dark Jedi at once towards the end of the game can get pretty intensive as well as the the some of the choices you have to make with regards to the story involving your character and Bastila/Carth and the struggles of your characters "inner demons"

It's not intensive, just irritating and Diablo-esque. Hack n' slash with a Star Wars-theme basicly. By the way: at the end of the game the enemies come in groups of fives.

6. Yes you can work out a non violent solution or just kill the trandosians on the Yavin 4 station (PC only or X-Box live added content)

*sighs* No. First time you encounter the trandoshans you scare them away with dialogue and the last time you fight them no matter what you say. Let me guess: you play X-Box and haven't gotten the last Live-update, eh? Get it and face the error.

7. All good points IMO the combat system is excelent very simple and easy to use but with enough options to keep most happy and the fights look good which what a good combat system is all about. Ok most of the quests are a bit simple bet there again play on a higher difficulty setting and some quests can be quite a challenge. One quest that can be quite difficult to resolve is the Sunnry quest on Mannan 3 possible outcomes 2 are quite simmilar though and it is quite a large quest. Character creation/leveling is handled is very good IMO lots of skills and feats to choose from.

The quests are simple and boils down to choosing sides at one point in every quest. I'm going to use plenty of weird metaphores for explaing this one so drink some coffee, will you? Evil: be an asshole and do the quest. Good: do the quest and pet the dog on your way out. Neutral way: do the quest. Challenging? Nope.

So after i just picked up all your errors (you obviously didnt play the game much either) i'll ask you to stup under that rain of fire.... and perhaps add some brimstone aswell.

Correction: after I totally murdered your incorrect answers I'd basicly ask you to go and take cover. The rain of fire will continue to... rain. Maybe you can play the game while waiting for the sun to pop by again, eh? And take off those fricking sunglasses. You look terrible.

 

[Nagling]

At no point in the game do you enter combat with rancors in the game. And like I said these are just opinions on elements of the game as it's only a review it isn't fact.

...What? If you want to talk fact, how come you're completely ignoring the planet just before the Star Forge and its many packs of rancors? You know, the big brownish monster things with the claws? Did you even play the whole game?

My bad

Just for kicks You can enter combat with the rancor down in the sewers too (and yes you can kill it that way)

 

[suibhne]

Just for kicks You can enter combat with the rancor down in the sewers too (and yes you can kill it that way)

In (tepid) defense of the game, the rancors you rape near the end are all "Young Rancors" (if I recall correctly). So, basically, you're a baby-killin' machine. In the sewers, though, isn't that a full-grown adult?

It shouldn't be possible to kill it with a low-level party, but we all know how Bioware treats big lizard creatures in its games. Say what you will, at least the dragons in ToB were a level-appropriate challenge.

 

[Azael]

Well, as far as I know you can only kill it that way if you exploit the fact that it can't move through the narrow passageway, so you pop out fire a shot or two (or toss a grenade) and run back for cover. Rinse and repeat. Makes you wonder how it stays alive though.

 

[Volourn]

Because npcs in the world don't have reload or out of game knowledge to exploit game wekanesses.

 

[Nagling]

Well, as far as I know you can only kill it that way if you exploit the fact that it can't move through the narrow passageway, so you pop out fire a shot or two (or toss a grenade) and run back for cover. Rinse and repeat. Makes you wonder how it stays alive though.

I wouldn’t say that this is exploiting, rather a very simple “small door, huge monster…hmm” thinking..
(btw..you can run around it and take it down from the other side to,, no rinse repeat needed, that’s what I did.)

But, back on topic