Let me suffer through Sailor Moon: Another Story

[Fat Dragon]

What the fuck, Gragt? Don't let this die man, it's golden.

:bumpofthegods:

 

[Gragt]

It's not dead, I just had a lot of work these past weeks. It's done now so I'm resting a bit before going back to the slave pit.

Besides this stuff is eating part of my soul every time I do an update...

 

[Fat Dragon]

Alright, good to know.

Besides this stuff is eating part of my soul every time I do an update...

You're just gonna have to bite the bullet and go for it. It is your duty to the Codex to provide us with lulz.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

I hope you realize, Gragt, that after this LP you're gonna have to do Tenchi Muyo! RPG and Magic Knight Rayearth too.

 

[Gragt]

I'll finish this one first and then worry about the next.

On that subject, I played and finished MKR a long time ago, before BSSMAS actually. Never tried the Tenchi Muyo! one, haven't even seen the anime. I saw that a new translation came out a few days ago though.

 

[Gragt]

It's time for another episode of the amazing Let's Play Sailor Moon! This time, it's not dedicated to anyone because I'm a selfish bastard!

Chapter 7 — Sailor Mars in Nepal (well, sortof...)! The Evil Ruby of DOOM! Love From Another World! Battle Against Another Obnoxious Teenager! Part 1

It's been a while but as I said before, I got work. I'm still not evicted from my squalid shack next to the dirty river and my net access obviously still functions properly, so all is good. Some individuals most foul suggested that I abandoned this project but I say a pox on them!

Back on the story now: in the last update, we followed Sailor Mercury's efforts to recover the generic quest item lost in Switzerland that will help save Mamoru. During her search, she encountered an obnoxious teenager who seemed to be her evil twin, except she did not have a goatee. After kicking ass twice in a row, Mercury triumphed and got her prize. Now we turn our attention to Nepal, where Sailor Mars recently arrived.

Or is it really Nepal? Lhasa is the capital of Tibet, but in the game they refer to this city as "Lasa" so what is it really?

In any case I have to confess the amount of detail in this part surprised me. Though only a 16-bit RPG from the mid 90's, the developpers went to great lenghts to give an accurate depiction of Lhasa. Compare the screenshots in this LP to the pictures posted below, you'll see what I mean instantly.

Back to the game!

The stone I have to return to Mamoru-san is around here somewhere.

Same type of quest as Mercury's but let's hope they did not recycle the whole thing. It basically went like this: Sailor Mercury got attacked by enemies, lost consciousness, but was saved by a nice guy who she kind of developped some feelings for; after some wandering around killing fields, she found the stone but had to battle her opposite Senshi, who after being defeated explained her motives; leaving left Mercury heartbroken, as she sortof liked Hans, but she couldn't discard her mission like that. Hopefully, we can expect a different canvas.

Huh...?

I felt a surge of evil energy. I wonder where it came from...

Just the start and already an action sequence!

Not from this person either...

I can imagine the surprise of the Tibetan, he must not see girls dressed that way every day. I'd also like to mention that his Japanese seems good.

Right, let's enter the temple and continue our epic story of the search for the magic stones!

A Luna-P Ball already? This place must be dangerous.

Admire the work the artist did for this place. It feels as if the paintings will come alive.

Only one passage and it leads to this room with stone monks.

There is a small passage south but it only leads to an empty room.

Hm, something looks a bit out of place but what? First to give the correct answer wins the lemon cake!

That surge of evil energy must of come from this jewel... But, why is such an evil thing in a holy temple like this?

Sounds like terrible and sinister mischief is afoot. By the way, any mistake in the dialogs — spelling, punctuation or otherwise — isn't mine: that stuff is really written that way.

My Detect Evil spells tells me they only mean mean things.

Oh, I wasn't doing anything at all. I was only having a look at this beautiful jewel. Anyway, I'll be going now...

Persuasion check at DC 25.

Damned! On a side-note, these guys do not look suspicious because everyone in Tibet looks like them. That's what this game leads me to believe but then again why would it mislead me?

I only came in here to break up some evil...

Ah, the famous Tibetan Gang Rape Tactic! According to rumors they created it and the Japanese merely stole it from them.

1 vs 4, they stand no chance. Their names reek of originality.

Let's see, what sort of calamity should I rain on their faces? I guess a Burning Mandala will do the trick.

Haha, take that, you independentist heathens!

Well, why would there be a holy sacred stone here in the first place?

These guys totally do not respect Human Rights, I'm glad China annexed them!

...Huh!? Wh... What the!? I...I can't move my body!!

Wh...what!? Th...that stone...

Uh oh...

No! That's super secret Phallic Attack Formation! The Tibetans almost conquered China with it and it's only after Beinjing used the nuclear bomb on Lhasa that they were brought to their knees.

It...it's hopeless... Hrr...Hr... I...can't even...think...straight... Everyone... I'm sorry...

Yeah, another one...

From his position, I guess that this is the legendary manfrog of Nepal.

His attack is blinding fast!

A weirdo and a gentleman!

Uh... Wait, you're not... Who are you...?

Sailor Mars wakes up in a strange place.

...Mars. My name is Sailor Mars.

Uh...

Thank you very much.

Of course, for a moment, I thought that Faregg and Jadeite looked...

A rarely seen intensity in dialog. Since we have nothing to do here, let's just exit this place.

Yeah, it doesn't look like it but we're actually in another village, not the great capital of Lhasa.

Ah! A clue!

I thought that in India the term "untouchable" had a somewhat unpleasant meaning.

Glad to see they accept my foreign money in this small village in the middle of nowhere.

Five beds but only one me.

Empty house.

Would be nice if knowing this gave you a bonus to combat while in the mountain. Then again this game is serious business, so it can't bother with shits like stats.

I dub thee "The Soupmaster"!

This must be the place where he prepares the soup: it's a cooking pot and a bath at the same time.

Tibetan words of wisdom.

Not even Bioware understands good and evil; what makes you think you can?

Tell that to that guy in Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom.

Another empty house but nothing to loot.

Ah, the local tourist trap.

That soup looks quite nice and it's only available here, so let's stock up on some. By the way, I wonder if...

All of Mercury's equipment was transfered here. Now that's pretty nifty, you do not have to bother about starting from scratch!

Nothing else in here.

Sounds a lot more efficient than actually getting off your butt and doing it. Truly this Eastern wisdom is astouding.

Empty house...

Time to visit this big house, I bet there are riches to plunder in here.

Er yeah, well, whatever man! Peace be with you! Let's go to the left side of the house.

I'm much better now, thanks to you.

But, I thank you for your help.

Y...yes... Of course, I understand.

Someone important to me is very sick... For him to recover, a special stone called "Jadeite" is needed.

Looks like there is some kind of problem here.

I really don't want to go back there... —Sigh— But it can't be helped, can it...

What the heck! What is it?

A reasonable man. Everyone knows women belong in a kitchen.

But, I'm a...

It'd be too dangerous for you. The enemy wouldn't think twice about killing you.

Remind me, who killed four of them with one hit while not being affected by the Evil Ruby of Doom while you were getting rammed for the emperor by the Phallic Attack Formation?

That is, uhh... I don't know. It'll be dangerous, but could you come with me?

We're ready to go but before that, I'd like to inspect this chest over there...

Nope, no way to reach it. So little loot in this game.

Hey, he's not like Spoiler-man, he only gave me advice on the task at hand! Did the developpers suddenly wake up?

That's a lot of water, but will it be enough when ITZ comes?

Time to leave this stinky village.

I am immediately attacked by... a... Game Center? WTF is this shit? Who decided to give silly names like that to the enemies? What is it even supposed to mean?

Whatever, I'll just kill them, dry their skins and use them to smoke my drugs.

After much fighting, I return to the little peaceful village.

Ah no, it's Lhasa. Sorry, this whole area is confusing.

Déjà vu.

That too.

They also got pervert clerical members over there.

Damn right I am! I feel so pretty now!

Seems that the soup of that other village beats the local water.

YAEH
Yet Another Empty House.

YAEH

Remember, kids: in a video game, all rumors are true.

YAEH

Spoiler-man, Spoiler-man,
Will spoil the story for you.
Just say "yes" a few times,
And the plot he will spoil.
Look Out!
Here comes the Spoiler-man.

Sounds clear enough.

This must be the local public library, but as can be expected of these savages, no one is here. This should be the safest spot to hide your valuables.

Peace, dude.

The Temple of Doom.

Persuasion check at DC 35 because I forgot to use a disguise.

Made it!

Back in the temple, nothing seems out of place but we can't continue. This must be a very clever puzzle. What should we do? Hm, that statue over there looks different... Yeah, the colour is not the same as the others! That game is too hardcore.

What a clever fellow...

Who could have done something like this?

Yeah, there is... But they don't know I'm here...

Huh?

Y...yes, it's nothing. W...well, is the High Priest safe here?

He was turned into a stone statue, of course he'll be safe. Until we deliver him to Jabba, that is.

The surge of evil energy was from that Ruby! That Gemetus Ruby must have turned him into stone.

I thought it was keeping him prisonner...

We beat the Youma from the Gemetus Ruby, and the people who were being controlled by it have returned to normal!

ITZ starting again!

With that, we get pulled into combat!

That doesn't look very much like the statue but whatever, this is a game about teenage girls turning into magical girls and kicking demon butts, so let's not start arguing about this detail, ok?

PWNED! And in one hit! I'm so l33t!

We sure did! But now that I think of it, were we not here to rescue that priest, not kill him?

Fufun.... you may think you've done it but...

Who's there?

I'm Anshar-sama's faithful servant, and... You are the Senshi I must kill!!

Why do you do all these mean things?

We were testing ourselves, myself and my assassins. Ma... And now the test is over. Now it's time for the real performance!

Faregg!

I got the perfect picture for this event, let me dig it...

But!

Do you think she will actually do something or stand there looking at her friend — and potential love interested — be gutted like a fish?

Shut up!!

What annoying ravens... Disapear!!!

I'm taking this guy. If you want him back, come to Kritayuga!

Sailor Mars lost all her composure and starts talking Japanese. A sad sight to behold.

Look at his hat, it looks like a black poo! Anyway we freed this information dispenser, time to suck him dry.

Kritayuga...where's Kritayuga?

Wa..wait a second!! Did you just say Yaga village has become ruins!? That's not possible I was just there! I have to get back to Yaga village right away!

But...

Yes, I must.

The nature of that item is so insignificant that it's not even mentionned. You just need it to continue the game, that's all you need to know.

After this deep and meaningful conversation, Sailor Mars boldly go back to Yaga village.

...eh!?

Looks like it's too late, ITZ came over here. This is a post-ITZ village.

No more Yaga soup...

How could this place be abandonned? What the High Priest said has become true...

Faregg's house also disapeared...

Ah, something fell down here!!

What's this———!! This is worthless!!

AAARRRG, I DON'T KNOW WHY I EVEN BOTHER!! ..........

This isn't the place to do this. I have to go help Faregg quickly.

Whoa there, is it that time of the month yet, bitch?

Back to the elder house but nothing here in this post-ITZ hell.

Or maybe not!

Was that soup I bought an illusion too?

Surprise and disbelief.

For me...!? Resurected...!?

...was everyone in this village a ghost?

W...was Faregg a ghost too?

Yaga Elder! The elder disapeared...

What kind of...?

It's just as Spoiler-man said: go to the elder house then the cave. But before that...

These babies have been waiting just for me for all this time!

Time to equip them, major boost of stats.

Right, this shit is boring me now, time to end it. In the wildernesses, I find a Luna-P Ball.

The Den of Evil.

Phobos, you're all right!

You know where Faregg is? Then let's go!

On the way, I'm attacked by random monters.

Not much of a challenge.

Another Ball of Saveness.

I randomly decided to check the state of the puzzles, because I'm cool and you're not. It's starting to look like something. I like that it's just filling by itself without me doing anything. That's the kind of challenges I wish we could see in more games.

Isn't that a dead end?

The High Priest's token is shining...

Hm, do I want to continue the game or stay stucked forever in this stupid cave? Let me think for a minute, the answer isn't so obvious.

Ah, there's a road there now!

Japanese people have poor perception sense.

A road!

A Merlinda-P Ball!

An underground village! So the rumour was true.

So Jadeite was a god here... Fufu...it's still hard to believe. ....... Of course, Faregg and Jadeite look similar.

I wonder what's the meaning of this, I suspect some kind of furfaggotry.

Yeah, that kind.

More enemies with retarded names.

More XP for me, all by using the same attack over and over again. TB truly is superior to RT, take this, VD!

A ruined temple. No RPG is complete without a ruined temple to explore.

In case you wonder, it's exactly as fun as it looks like.

And finally...

Mar... But you will not be any challenge. Nothing can stop us now. Let's fight.

Wa...wait a second, why do I have to fight you? I just want Faregg, so back off!

So, you want to know my motives? Well...

That's Jadeite's stone! ....I see. This is why I came to Nepal too.

Wait, is Faregg ok?

I'll tell you that when you lose!!

Fine, then let's go!!

Ok, that's a boss this time. No joking around anymore. She'll probably require all my brain power to beat.

Oh no! Her special attack dealt me a grievous wound of 14 points! I only have 278 hit points!

My turn. My attacks are way more better good than hers.

No more magic points... time to put those bar brawling skills to go use!

VICT0RY!!111!!!1

Well, fuck you too!

Well, next time we meet don't count on winning. Next time for sure, we will completely destroy strenght of the Sailor Senshi. Next time...

 

[Gragt]

Chapter 7 — Sailor Mars in Nepal (well, sortof...)! The Evil Ruby of DOOM! Love From Another World! Battle Against Another Obnoxious Teenager! Part 2

Who called out my name?

I am the Shaman Apsu.

What do you want with me?

I heard your voice. I heard the voice in your heart.

The voice in my heart?

You've always wanted to be strong, haven't you?

A...ah...

So, you've also dreamed of being stronger than the Sailor Senshi?

What are you saying...!?

I understand what you're feeling. And I too have a power as strong as theirs.

It...it's possible to have power like that!? Don't say such things...

It's a power which rivals the Sailor Senshi's. I can draw out the power sleeping deep within you.

I could become strong with such a power!

Become strong? From now on, you will be strong. Come to my place, we can battle the Sailor Senshi.

Battle the Sailor Senshi?

You can prove yourself by battling the Sailor Senshi!

Ok! I will come with you!

It's the Jadeite Stone that I promised to give to the winner.

...again. When we meet again, we'll see who wins then. Sailor Mars, you are my trophy, and don't ever forget it!

Nergal, please!

That man is sleeping in the interior room. Later!!

Deimos!! You're all right, that's good.

Faregg!!

Please, wake up! If you're still alive, answer me! Answer me!!

Idiot, I was worried sick about you!

I mean, I didn't know where you were! But...

Please, stop reading for about ten seconds to savour the dramatic intensity of the moment.

That's a lie! If it were true, I'd have to be a ghost too to just understand you. So I don't believe any of it. You're not a ghost!

YARLY!

To pray?

So, they made you look like Jadeite?

Why did you wait to tell me just as you disapeared... Why did you make me hate you so much!!

At least he did not sleep with you then leave you with a false number like I... I mean like most men do.

Thank you.

Yes, I found it.

It's nothing!

Usagi's being her usual self... Don't worry yourself!

Yet another emotional moment. Final Faggotry VII looks like kiddie stuff in comparison.

And that's a wrap! I hope you enjoyed reading this update as much as I hated doing it. I'm considering paying an illegal resident to do it for me but most of them do not even speak a word of English. I actually suspect they move their lips and produce sounds in an attempt to sound articulate but I really think they haven't discovered language yet.

Stay tuned for the eventual adventures of Sailor Jupiter in the USA, and hopefully some nice people will post some pr0n in this thread! Oh and you better appreciate my work, bitches, because I spent my whole birthday doing it! So yeah, happy birthday to meeeeeee!

 

[poocolator]

Phobos.... Deimos.... DOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!

 

[Gragt]

Glad this is over, I'm having a Duvel to celebrate now!

 

[GarfunkeL]

P0rn!

 

[Annie Mitsoda]

Oh god, I almost feel sorry for those fake hands. Woo saggy sunburned boobs... ick.

ANYHOW! Hooray for more playthrough! Gragt is to be rewarded. I already submitted my humorous pornlink thanks, so my work here is done. ::dusts hands off self-importantly::

 

[BethesdaLove]

Oh god, I almost feel sorry for those fake hands. Woo saggy sunburned boobs... ick.

Typical woman right there. So superficial.

 

[Annie Mitsoda]

And I'm sure that picture was posted because she has such a sunny personality.

Shit, if people can say I have a manjaw (I admit I do) and big arms (also true, but with buffness and not WTF EW ARMFATS) I can say that lady and her sunburned chest melons kinda scare me.

SOOOOOOOOO THERRRRRRRRE

 

[sportforredneck]

I think you're just fine Annie.

 

[BethesdaLove]

And I'm sure that picture was posted because she has such a sunny personality.

Shit, if people can say I have a manjaw (I admit I do) and big arms (also true, but with buffness and not WTF EW ARMFATS) I can say that lady and her sunburned chest melons kinda scare me.

ololol butthurt!

Also: A fault confessed is half redressed.

 

[poocolator]

Also: A fault confessed is half redressed.

Well in that case, I like to sleep with other men.

 

[Gragt]

Would you kindly get the fuck out of here?

 

[Waggamuffin]

Link techniques?

Hey, I was wondering if you could help me out!!

For this game, how do I get to the MakeUpLink menu to make link techniques? It seems so stupid that I can't figure it out, but I've tried pressing every button while in the Link Techs screen and I can't get anywhere

Any help is appreciated, thank you!

 

[Gragt]

What? Are you trying to tell me that you are trying to play this game for fun? You are as retarded as I am.

Anyway you get the MakeUpLink menu by pressing start, simply. Select is used to bring up the option menu.

 

[Waggamuffin]

Hahaha pretty much Revisiting fond childhood memories

I actually finally figured it out, I had set my Start button at some random key that I couldn't remember, siiiiigh haha thanks alot though

 

[deuxhero]

Where have you been damnit!? We want more!

 

[ghostdog]

This game is an incredible fail, but the LP is full of win.

 

[RK47]

I have to agree. Why would they even bother translating this shit.

 

[someone else]

Is the shame too great to bear?

 

[Gragt]

Yeah, yeah, ITZ coming. By the way this game taught me that Canada is also a retarded place. Actually only Japan seem to have electricity.