This update is dedicated to the memory of Dicksmoker, who tried to prove something, though we are not sure what, and ended up paying the price for it.
Chapter 6 - Sailor Mercury's Quest for Her McGuffin in Switzerland! Pervert Doctor! Opposing Enemy Antagonist! Part 1
I'm sure you thought that I already gave up by now, right? Well, WRONG, you little grasshopers, I'm still going! Though I admit this thing gets painful at times, and I wish I did not start it, but I'm in it until the far, bitter end. The good thing is that I can listen to
Der Ring des Nibelungen when I write an update, even though it gives me the urge to drink lots of beer, swear at my neighbours in German and do illegal things to farm animals. This whole update was written thanks to the help of the Solti version of
Siegfried (1962) and a bottle of
Chimay Bleue. This gives me the opportunity for a little digression: as much as I dislike religion, I have to admit those monks know how to make beer!
If you do not recall, you horrible little person, in the last episode Tuxedo Mask and Hotaru got pwned by Sin's group, after which they decide to flee even though they have the upper hand. Mamoru is in some sort of coma and his old flip-flopping generals decide to appear and say that it's because he got too much dark energy and needs some positive energy to get better, and so the Sailors must go around the world in the search of magic stones. I know this isn't very original but fuck you because it's Sailor Moon you're talking about.
This part of the game start with Sailor Mercury in Switzerland. Admire the view, this is proof that 2D is way better than 3D and always will be. So far, if we are to believe the Japanese views of the world, Switzerland is composed only of mountains; my guess is that this country is next to the "Thar be dragons here" on their maps.
Suddenly!
Hm, that sounds like the typical warcry of the muslim kamikaze bomber, or maybe it is...
Pfew, it's only a bunch of Youma, the game retains its political correctness. Shouldn't be much of a fight, they're only 6 and Sailor Mercury got an aoe spell.
How can I possibly fight off so many Youma? I can't do it all by myself!
Uh? But...
Remind me, her IQ supposedly reaches the "This Is Sparta!" level of 300, right?
"Kya" indeed.
Good thing this hard ice surface was there to soften her fall.
A native Switzerlander approaches... Let's hope for her sake he isn't hostile. Note the traditional clothes and haircut.
Asian woman!
This level truly takes place in the foreign. You can deduce that, according to his reaction, it's perfectly normal for girls in Switzerland to lay around, in light clothes, unconscious on hard ice. It's only when close that he is suprised to see her hurt.
High budget transition effect!
After falling of a cliff, I can believe she was. Also this wouldn't be a Sailor Moon game without the cliché "Where am I?" line, would it?
...Who are you?
Hello, Hans, I'm glad to see that while you are a Switzerlandish, your Japanese is perfect.
My name is Mizuno...err...Sailor Mercury. Thanks for helping me. Where am I?
Pfew, she almost let her secret identity slip! Who knows what this European savage might have done of this information?
Underneath...the glacier?
This is actually quite commong in Switzerland. You can trust me, I've been there a few times.
Really...? Well, I have been enough trouble. I really shouldn't impose on you anymore.
No kidding, if the village is trapped under the glacier I can believe no one visited you for 200 years. And how come you did not start to turn in morlocks after all this time and still live with some semblance of civilisation?
Sailor Mercury decides to discard his advice and strain herself a bit. After all, she is a Sailor Senshi! Let's check her stats:
Bit weak, but it should be ok.
While going down, we find Hans next to some woman with a gray complexion. Is it some kind of hobby for that guy to rescue women?
Typical Switzerlandian household. Look at those fishes hanging in the kitchen, looks like they can get some under this glacier!
As soon as we exit the cosy little house:
Zoicite's Kage stone is glimmering... So the Hi stone must be around here somewhere. Zoicite's cave should be somewhere near this village.
What a bit of luck, falling inside this glacier to find out we are close to our goal!
An inn!
Cool! They even accept Yen in Switzerland! It really is the world's capital of money laundering!
That's cool, considering there haven't been many treasures so far.
All houses around here really look the same.
Like a real mother: the children of others are always better than yours.
This guy is standing next to a passage that seem to lead outside the village, let's go explore a bit.
Wrong kind of Village, that one was in UK, man!
But I am...
Can't she just tell him to leave her alone? And how did he know that she was trying to exit the village while he was tending to his mother? Don't you love invisible barriers?
Oooh, potion house!
That's a nice stock of water here! They are prepared in case the glacier melts overnight and they get stuck in a dry desert.
The kind of stuff you can expect to buy in a store in Switzerland.
Let's buy some accessories, they'll come in handy later.
Yup, stats boosted!
Now, the way outside is blocked by the annoying Hans so let's go back to his house and try to reason with him:
We are welcome by a symphony in cough minor.
Oh, the drama!
Too bad the way is blocked by monsters, uh?
Wait, I wonder...
This fever medicine should work... Hey, please drink this. It will lower the fever.
The local witch-doctor probably does not approve of this!
Huh? It's only some fever medicine...
Huh? Why?
But this is Dr. Schwartz's medicine, I bought it in town. It should do the job.
I did not buy anything like this but whatever...
Convenient.
.....I see.
Well then... Could you please tell me where Andeng village is?
Yes, I am in your debt.
Now it's ok to let her leave the village to go into the monsters infested area? Those Eurofag are as solid and steady as a rock.
Before we leave, we have a few more areas of the village to explore, people to talk to:
Japan, the Disneyland of Perversion.
Hey, you're supposed to confide in me and give me a quest like any normal villager would do!
Hey! It's my friend, spoiler-man!
Spoiler-man, Spoiler-man,
Will spoil the story for you.
Just say "yes" a few times,
And the plot he will spoil.
Look Out!
Here comes the spoiler-man.
That's pretty much all we can find here. Mind-numbing, uh? Anyway let's leave and get into one of the numerous and repetitive fights we'll find on the way:
A bit tough at the start but gain a couple of levels and everything becomes easier.
So yeah, just spam the same attack all the time, they'll go down easily. No need to worry about your EP, they regenerate at the start of each fight. And it's a damn shame to give you link techniques, formations and then have your character adventure all by herself.
Cul-de-sac!
That's my puzzle, starting to look like something... I guess...
Ah, another way! Looks like we reached that other village trapper under the glacier for more than 200 years.
I knew it.
Grrl power!
So I hear.
Another 500 Yen inn, many beds but no clients. I mean, why have an inn while they live under a glacier, no one came in for 200 years and the road to the other village is blocked by monsters?
Everyone in this place is going "I love you, Dr. Schwartz! Please make make love to me, Dr. Schwartz!".
No kidding, 200 years and you still wonder you do not get many visitors? And that kid wants to play outside? What kind of people are they?
Oh, double entendre. Was it intentional from the translators or did it just slip by them?
Looks like the Codex is spreading its dark tentacles in everything, including old video games. Even there, women aren't what they appear to be.
Trannies too, I guess...
But what?
Oh, you're going to university to study medicine? Too bad you're trapped under this glacier, uh?
You did not really think it would have been that simple, uh?
One of the eight hidden puzzle pieces! The rest must be obtained as loot from random fights.
They all do in cosplay conventions, and Japan is one big cosplay convention.
Second and last hidden puzzle piece for the Sailor Mercury section. Time to leave this village. After more wandering along the linear road, we come to a cave. Inside, some new enemies attack us:
Ice niggers!
Er.. weird stuff?
I've been leveling a bit here, the XP is good. The good thing with emulators is the option to increase the framerate, particularly useful to grind in games that require no special skill to fight, only that you need to be of a high enough level.
My puzzle and stats are getting somewhere.
A fork in the road, going up we get to that small room with a Luna-P ball and a chest containing the first real piece of loot. It's one of those gemmed items, specially made for a character. You usualy find two of these and they'll be used for the rest of the game. Hey, no problems with inventory management, it allow you to focus on the good parts!
Kinda boosted my stats a bit.
Dr. Schwartz, I presume?
A wonder he did not get eaten yet.
Would you happen to be Dr. Schwartz?
In case you forgot, this game proudly bears the seal
Made in Japan.
I'm...er...15.
David Gaider, Chris Avellone, Brian Mitsoda: if you're reading this thread, you should take notes. That goes for you too, Annie.
Wha...? September 10th.
Ah...yes...
You did not expect that much innuendo from a Sailor Moon game, did ya?
Yes, I'm going out with Urawa-ku....
Ah! So it was true after all! Nevermind that the guy is only a plot device so far and not a real character.
Ah...erm...I came here for something very important.
No kidding, if the whole area wasn't trapped under a glacier and he wasn't the only doctor around, he'd be already in prison.
Careful, honey, the tentacle monster might be right around the next corner.
N...nothing.
It's about Hans's mother, from Kainess Village. She's very ill...
You might at first think that it prevents him to successfully heal the people of the area, but if you think outside the box a bit, you'll come to the same conclusion as I that living in a cave full of monsters will prevent the mob of angry villagers to reach and burn him for violating young Heidi when he treated her pneumonia last winter.
Well, I can go outside... Hey, doctor! You can come with me! We'll go to Kainess together.
Splendid idea! Just watch your back, girl...
Creepy old guy.
Found the second accessory for Sailor Mercury. There is another entrance at the end of the lab but:
Going back to Kainess is just as easy as it is boring.
Of course, another arbitrarily generic item that will need to be retrieved in order to advance the plot!
You probably didn't know but rice cakes are a very common delicacy in Switzerland.
Where could we get some Halyomoss?
You mean the cave you did not let me go through when I picked you up, you old geezer? Are you implying that I now have to go back all the fucking way, fighting the random trash mobs battles, to enter that cave?
It's too dangerous for someone like you, I'll go and get it.
Nevermind that she fought her way through the whole pass two times already. When you are done opposing your token resistance, let us know.
...I see. Well then, let's go together.
I'm not sure I want to know the way he's gonna "take care" of his mother.
Back at the doctor's lab, no one now prevents us from entering the other part of the cave:
But all of a sudden, the screen starts to shake violently!
Yeah, I know, you can't see it shaking on a still screenshot. I was thinking of making an animated gif for you then I though "Screw them, I didn't get proper motivation in the form of a lot of naughty pictures" so there you are.
Hans, are you okay?
!? Could that be...!?
Yes, it's a new opening. In anime and Japanese video games, character have some kind of visual limitation that prevents them from seeing what's exactly in front of them. That's why they might enter a room, take a few steps, then casually look on the right and act surprised as they discover the group of monsters waiting for them in plain sight.
Now that the opening is detected, the pair decides to investigate.
The screen starts shaking again, it's a shame you can't see it.
It's an earthquake!!
Ah! Where did Zoicite's Hi Stone go? I wonder where it went...
Yeah, it couldn't have fallen down this big hole over there, could it?
But I should give Hans's mother the Halyomoss first... Or should I?
Another choice! This actually has some minor impact: you can fight a boss now or later. I want to gain a few levels first so we'll do the nice thing and get the moss to Hans' mother.
Of course. I've gotta get back to Hans's mother first. Hans! Let's return to your mother first.
I always help my friends first. The stone can wait, I have to change another person's Destiny first. Now we're just arguing stubbornly. Let's get the Halyomoss to your mother.
Well then, let's go!
Let's say we change our minds and decide to get closer to that inconspicuous round hole:
Sailor Mercury might have 300 IQ but she is also Lawful Stupid.
On the way, I got distracted and take the wrong route:
He doesn't seem like it but he likes to boss people around. Anyway we soon get back home after a few easy battles with no consequences.
Sailor Mercury decides to leave the room.
Makes some funny noise and you won't be gray anymore! Also a "cocu" in French is a nickname given to someone whose spouse slept with someone else.
This is a very emotionnal moment and the camera moves away from the maëlstrom of sentiments to focus on Sailor Mercury. Yes, she was just down the hall but Hans couldn't see her.
Yeah, you already got a comatose person to take care of.
I...I can't... there are things ahead that cannot wait.
Huh...?
Huh!? It...it's all so sudden... (I can't)
I'm...I'm sorry, Hans.
This is a heartbreaking moment, one words seldome manage to capture successfully.
For all his speeches, Hans did not follow her past the door.