Ch. 2: Grinding and leveling up
"Welcome back."
[Emotional]
"You have just awakened from a nice, long nap. Your mom comes in the room and wants to hold you.
Select a mood :
-SLEEPY
-CRANKY
-HAPPY
Select an action :
-CRY
-DO NOTHING
-SMILE"
-SLEEPY
-DO NOTHING
"It's a dog's life, isn't it? Nothing to do all day except eat, sleep and wonder what life will be like when you're older. (Does life really change after 2 ?) Mom is coming closer.
Select an action :
-ATTEND TO HER
-IGNORE HER"
Lets see what she wants.
-ATTEND TO HER
"Very good. Eye contact with your caretakers is very reinforcing to them. Parents often mistakenly think that it is the children who need all the attention. Believe me, parents want it, too. Your eye contact with her makes her smile. Social and Emotional spheres are increasing.
Select an action :
-SMILE BACK
-BECOME SLEEPY"
We've given enough.
-BECOME SLEEPY
"Too tired to interact now? That's understandable. You did, however, pass up the opportunity for a rewarding social and emotional interaction."
Next>>
[Intellectual]
"You are quietly playing with your mother's pocketbook. (She is not around.) Look! It opens up so easily!
Select a mood :
-INQUISITIVE
-DEVILISH
Select an action :
-LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH
-LOOK, TOUCH AND EMPTY"
Effecting things in other peoples inventory isn't within our interests.
-INQUISITIVE
-LOOK BUT DON'T TOUCH
"Your self-control is quite remarkable. Look at all of those tiny little bottles and tubes. No one would notice if you touched a few. Want to go back and try again?
Select an action :
-YES
-NO"
I've made up my mind.
-NO
"What a good girl. You're beautiful without all that make-up."
I... Ok.
Next>>
[Family]
"It's time to go to Aunt Lucy's house. It's chilly outside and you need to be dressed in a coverall-type suit.
Select a mood :
-ANGRY
-PLAYFUL
Select an action :
-GO LIMP
-RESIST
-COOPERATE"
A necessary evil.
-PLAYFUL
-COOPERATE
"What a good baby! Your mother has very little trouble getting you into your suit. Your grandmother holds you while your mom gets dressed.
Select an action :
-GIVE HER A GREAT BIG SMILE
-SPIT UP ON HER
-IGNORE HER"
-IGNORE HER
"Bundled up tightly like this can be quite confining. You would need to expend a great deal of energy turning your head so that you can see what your grandmother is doing.
Select an action :
-KEEP IGNORING
-LOOK AT GRANDMA"
Guess we've got nothing better to do.
-LOOK AT GRANDMA
"It was worth the energy. Grandma has pulled out a delicious cherry lollipop from the "bottomless bag" and has given it to you to eat. It pays to attend to Grandma."
As long as it's not pineapple flavour, this was a good result.
Next>>
[Intellectual]
"You are exploring the playpen and are feeling very lively. Like a ballerina, you grab hold of the playpen bars and lift your legs up to the railing.
Select a mood :
-DARING
-DETERMINED
Select an action :
-LET GO OF THE PLAYPEN
-TAKE SOME STEPS"
-TAKE SOME STEPS
-DETERMINED
"You are showing signs of early confidence, mixed with just the right amount of risk-taking.
Even the most confident of sorts meets with an occasional flop, which is literally what you do. You pick yourself up for a second try and have limited success. Two small steps for Baby, one giant leap for Babykind. "
You know those times when you can't think of something funny to say? Yeah.
Next>>
[Emotional]
"Mom and Dad are entertaining some friends, while you are minding your own business sitting quietly in a corner of the room. Suddenly, a man with a big nose and a shiny head puts his face right up to yours and says something in a loud voice.
Select a mood :
-ANGER
-TERROR
-CALM
Select an action :
-SCREAM IN A LOUD VOICE
-HIT THE MAN IN THE NOSE
-DO NOTHING"
He speaks in all-caps. Is this BLOBERT?
Let us attempt communication with this gentleman.
-ANGER
-SCREAM IN A LOUD VOICE
"Who is this crazy person? He scared you half out of your wits. Screaming is a good defense. Your dad comes over and gives you a hug. Your mom thinks this man has had enough to drink. "
Drinking? Definitely BLOBERT.
Next>>
[Emotional]
"You are sitting in your highchair and eating your lunch, which consists of crackers, strained peas and a mug of milk. You are just learning how to eat with utensils.
Select a mood :
-ANGRY
-CURIOUS
Select an action :
-PICK UP SUZY FANTASTIK PLASTIC DRINKING CUP
-TRY TO USE THE SPOON
-ESCAPE FROM THE HIGHCHAIR"
This is probably like one of those god-forsaken adventure games where you have to escape a room. Attempting to leave the high chair directly would be too obvious and logical a choice, so lets try applying the spoon to something.
-ANGRY
-TRY TO USE THE SPOON
"Using hatchet-like strokes, you pulverize the cracker until it is unrecognizable.
Select an action :
-YELL AND POUND ON THE HIGHCHAIR TRAY
-QUIETLY SPRINKLE THE CRUMBS ALL OVER THE FLOOR"
-YELL AND POUND ON THE HIGHCHAIR TRAY
"Sometimes children your age just go wild for no apparent reason. Some parents will let you act out, as long as you are not doing anything dangerous to yourself.
Since your parents aren't very strict, your mother tries to ride this one out.
What will you do:
Select an action :
-LIFT THE HIGHCHAIR TRAY AND SLAM IT DOWN
-STOP"
She's not rising to our trolling attempts. She gives us a 2/10.
-STOP
"You have just avoided a premature nap. "
Namely why IRL troll syndrome is a bad thing.
Next>>
[Social]
"While being taken to the park, your dad meets an old college buddy who is wheeling around a baby about your age. As the two dads talk, you casually begin to eye the baby in the other carriage.
Select a mood :
-INDIFFERENT
-CURIOUS
-AGGRESSIVE
Select an action :
-DO NOTHING
-PUT YOUR FINGER NEAR THE OTHER BABY'S FACE"
Lets see who we are dealing with first.
-CURIOUS
-PUT YOUR FINGER NEAR THE OTHER BABY'S FACE
"A baby! You wonder if it has all the same parts as you.
Select an action :
-TOUCH THE BABY'S FACE
-TOUCH THE BABY'S ARM"
Start off small, probe the arm.
-TOUCH THE BABY'S ARM
"The baby touches you back. You are exploring the environment and learning about one another. This causes your Intellectual and Social spheres to increase. You seem to like one another. You've made your first friend! "
Excellent, interaction and exchanging of information with peers is just what our Codexian needs to do. We're taking baby-steps at the moment, but one day we will be subjecting people to "1 Guy 1 Jar" and "Church of fudge".
Next>>
[Emotional]
"Up until this point in life, Weasly Rabbit, your stuffed toy, has been one of your best friends. You take him everywhere with you, but he is beginning to get on in years. One of his ears is torn off, and a recent eye injury has made his face look a little lopsided.
Your mother suggests that Weasly should be retired. You wake up one day to discover Weasly has been moved from the place where you last spotted him.
Select a mood :
-PANICKY
-SUSPICIOUS
-UNCONCERNED
Select an action :
-CRY
-SEEK INFORMATION
-DO NOTHING"
We're not putting up with this bullshit, I know exactly what that Hag has done!
-SUSPICIOUS
-SEEK INFORMATION
"You confront Mom with the fact that Weasly was not in the spot where he was last deposited. She claims not to have seen him either. You are:
Select an action :
-SATISFIED WITH THIS ANSWER
-NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS ANSWER"
We see through your lies & deceit!
-NOT SATISFIED WITH THIS ANSWER
"Wisely, you persist. This time she tells you that Weasly left because he wanted to be with friends who were more like him. She tells you that next week you will have a new visitor, a brand new friend who will be just as nice as Weasly. You are:
Select an action :
-SATISFIED
-NOT SATISFIED"
Next, she'll be telling us we no longer need Wasteland and she'll get us Fallout 3, claiming it to be just as good. No. Just no.
-NOT SATISFIED
"Bravo! Don't fall for that line of bull. Parents are great at fabricating stories like this when they make mistakes. You will not get your Weasly Wabbit back, but your intelligence and perseverance in this situation make it harder for your parents to tell you made-up stories to cover their mistakes."
Alas, the damage is done. Still, we're developing the critical thinking we need to plow through the fields of bullshit we'll encounter later on.
Next>>
Just take a wee' gander at our stats
[Stats]
"ALTER EGO
LIFE STATUS
Occupation: (NONE)
Relationship status: UNATTACHED
Familial: 89
Intellectual: 100
Physical: 94
Social: 85
Vocational: 53
Calmness: 33
Confidence: 71
Expressiveness: 75
Gentleness: 1
Happiness: 61
Thoughtfulness: 76
Trustworthiness: 67
Money: 861
Income per turn: 0
Thoughtless spending per turn: 0
Acquisitions: (NONE) "
Seems we are becoming not only intelligent, but healthy and empowered. Gentleness has become our dump-stat, we don't hold back the ugly truth.
Next>>
[Physical]
"You are alone in the kitchen and begin exploring the closets and refrigerator.
Select a mood :
-ADVENTUROUS
-CURIOUS BUT CAUTIOUS
Select an action :
-MOVE TOWARD REFRIGERATOR
-MOVE TOWARD PANTRY"
I'm well acquainted with fridges, yet I've never had a house with a pantry. Lets see whats contained within that.
-ADVENTUROUS
-MOVE TOWARD PANTRY
"You swing the pantry door open and see all of the beautifully-colored jars, boxes and bottles. One jar looks particularly pretty. It is shiny and brown and full of liquid. You unscrew the cap and smell what is inside. It smells sweet.
Select an action :
-TASTE IT
-PUT IT BACK"
Could be bleach. And their ain't nothing wrong with our gene pool.
-PUT IT BACK
"You have just avoided a potentially lethal accident. Your good judgment has saved your life! "
Next>>
[Intellect]
"You are touching something smooth and shiny. You pat it with your hand a few times.
Select a mood :
-CONFUSED
-PASSIVE
Select an action :
-KEEP TOUCHING
-IGNORE THE SMOOTH SHINY THING"
Considering this situation didn't come with a sexual warning, this probably isn't going to be something horrendous like a dildo. Continue investigating.
-CONFUSED
-KEEP TOUCHING
"It is flat and a little cool. Wait a minute! There's a baby in there. Who is that baby?
Select an action :
-YOU
-SOMEONE ELSE"
Our clone! Now neither of us will be virgins!
-YOU
"That's right! You are looking at yourself in a mirror. Isn't that a BEE-YOO-TEE-FUL baby?
Select an action :
-YES
-NO"
God damn, we're so hawt!
-YES
"You really are quite stunning. You are developing a positive self-image. "
Crap, we're supposed to be self-deprecating.
Next>>
[Emotional]
"Your mom announces to you, during a heart to heart talk, that it is time for you to give up the bottle and drink from a glass like a big girl.
Select a mood :
-ANGRY/STUBBORN
-DISAPPOINTED BUT WILLING TO TRY
Select an action :
-RESIST/REFUSE
-GIVE THE BOTTLE UP"
I'm not seeing how this is in our best interests.
-ANGRY/STUBBORN
-RESIST/REFUSE
"How are you going to show your resistance?
Select an action :
-CRY
-FOLD YOUR ARMS AND SAY, "NO!"
-THROW THE BOTTLE AT MOMMY"
Just stand our ground.
-FOLD YOUR ARMS AND SAY, "NO!"
"A nice strong effort to fight for what you believe in. Since you are strong enough to put up such a fuss, you are also old enough to get off the bottle.
Select an action :
-SUCK YOUR THUMB AS A SUBSTITUTE
-LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT IT"
We're left with little choice.
-LEARN TO LIVE WITHOUT IT
"It will be tough for a while--you'll turn to Poseable Suzy Fantastik for comfort. Believe me, cold turkey is the best way to do it. Good luck. "
The shakes and dry heaving were difficult to get used to.
NEXT>>
[Social]
"You are a guest at your friend Missy's house. Her mom gives you both a box of crayons and two pieces of paper.
Select a mood :
-ARTISTIC
-IMPULSIVE
Select an action :
-DRAW ON THE PAPER
-DRAW (IN GENERAL)"
Lets try drawing some Yaoi.
-IMPULSIVE
-DRAW ON THE PAPER
"You scribble back and forth wildly, creating bold slashes of color. When you are finished, you can:
Select an action :
-CRUMPLE IT UP AND START AGAIN
-SAVE IT"
It'd probably help if we new at least a little bit about form & anatomy. Regardless, it's pretty hawt so we shall save it for later.
-SAVE IT
"You appreciate the value of even this kind of emotional expression. When you are famous, this scribbling might be worth a fortune. "
Excellent! We'll be certain to sell prints of it over at DevianTart.
Next>>
[Intellectual]
"You are sitting in a large place, and a furry man walks up to you. He's walking around you in circles.
Select a mood :
-CURIOUS
-FRIGHTENED
Select an action :
-POINT AT THE FURRY MAN
-MAKE NOISES AT/TALK TO THE FURRY MAN"
This furry will hopefully be easy to upset.
-CURIOUS
-MAKE NOISES AT/TALK TO THE FURRY MAN
"You yell out to the furry man, and he walks over to you. He makes a noise that sounds like this: "Roooouf." Then he sits on your leg.
Select an action :
-GRAB THE FURRY MAN BY THE HEAD
-PUSH HIM OFF YOU"
-PUSH HIM OFF YOU
"This man is heavy! He looks back at you while you are pushing him off and blows his nose right in your face. "
Cheeky prick!
Next>>
[Social]
"You are in a large department store waiting in line, and there is an extremely well-endowed woman standing in front of you. She smiles. It looks like she may be an interesting person to talk to.
Select a mood :
-INQUISITIVE
-SHY
Select an action :
-ASK HER SOME QUESTIONS
-BE QUIET"
-INQUISITIVE
-ASK HER SOME QUESTIONS
"Which question would you like to ask her?
Select an action :
-"DO YOU HAVE A HUSBAND?"
-"DO YOU HAVE A DOGGIE?"
-"MOMMY SAID THAT DADDY HAS A THICK SKULL. DO YOU?"
-"I TRIED VERY HARD TO PINCH A PENNY LIKE AUNT EDNA BUT COULDN'T. CAN YOU?"
-STOP ASKING QUESTIONS"
Unfortunately, we seem to be stuck with Fallout 1/2 style low intelligence dialogue options. Lets make the best of it.
-"I TRIED VERY HARD TO PINCH A PENNY LIKE AUNT EDNA BUT COULDN'T. CAN YOU?"
"You don't get past the word "Aunt" before you are scooped up by your mother and dragged to a new line. "
God damn censorship! This is worst than SOPA!
Next>>
[Emotional]
"You are alone in your parents' bedroom. There is a shiny silver quarter on the table.
Select a mood :
-HONEST
-DISHONEST
Select an action :
-TAKE THE QUARTER
-LEAVE IT ALONE"
Like I said before, we're not interested in removing things from other peoples inventory. What are we going to buy with a sodding quarter any way?
-HONEST
-LEAVE IT ALONE
"This might have been a tough decision for you. At your age and even sometimes into adulthood, honesty is often less than clear-cut. Maybe you imagined that you had nothing to gain by stealing the quarter. You were right about that. Instead you've gained in the Trustworthiness category. "
Next>>
[Family]
"Daddy says, "It's time to go to bed."
Select a mood :
-CRANKY/MAD
-TIRED
Select an action :
-ASK TO STAY UP A LITTLE WHILE LONGER
-SAY, "I DON'T WANNA GO TO BED."
-IGNORE THE REQUEST"
-CRANKY/MAD
-SAY, "I DON'T WANNA GO TO BED."
"You fold your hands across your chest and look him straight in the eye. He laughs at you and begins to pick you up. You say:
Select an action :
-"NO!"
-"OK""
-"NO!"
"He says, "Sorry, Sweetheart," and tucks you under his arm.
Select an action :
-CRY
-DO NOTHING"
We've offered our best arguments and he's getting physical.
-DO NOTHING
"Good Night! Dad says, "I love you." "
You'll get your just-deserts when ITZ comes, old man.
Next>>
Come to think of it, now seems like a good time to put this chapter to sleep (Permanently!).
Just wondering, should I use spoiler tags?
