Crispy™ Let's run rings around Blood Bowl F13 Season 8 - Three Codexers in Play Offs

[RK47]

Heh, you're spoiling the market bro.
Now they gonna fear us humans.

Now it's time for the fictional love letters to our dearest coach from his fans in RPGCodex as well as his response:

Dear Coach,

I think I have bad luck in Blood Bowl, I played my first season and lost nearly half the team to injuries in the first game. I also finished DEAD LAST. As a result, I lost confidence in my plays and missed most of my second tournament games. Now I'm entering my third tournament, and it looks like I'm grouped with several hardcore veteran teams.

Do I just suck?

-Canadian Coach

Canadian coach, middle (pink hair) pictured with his other fellow coaches entering a new tournament

Dear Canadian Coach
If you wish, you should read up on these fantastic articles that defined me as a Blood Bowl player.

To Steve it was the Key to Understanding the Universe, to others ... it's alt+f4

Two years ago, when I first joined the Codex BB league for the first time, I was utterly lost to how I wanted to play. I chose Humans not because they're good, I chose humans because I couldn't make up my mind on what to play and BBtactics said new coaches can find their 'favorite playstyle' after mastering the humans.

Coolstorybro

However, reading articles in BBtactics made it worse, because there are no principles to adopt, only a set of tactics and general 'build' orders for team/players. Unlike RTS, Blood Bowl game can turn around in one dice roll and that made me fear and enjoy the game at the same time.

So firstly, find your comfort zone.

Find that zone and try to expand it. Remember no method is 100% fool-proof in Blood Bowl, a South American coach once described my playstyle as 'punching someone until they die and then scoring afterwards.'

That was two years ago, I played a game in a league with him and beat him in a satisfying showdown. I didn't even kill his players. He hurt me more than I did, but I won anyway. So what I'm saying is, if a style works for you - and occasionally break down, don't despair. Perhaps the solution is to punch harder.

You're doing it wrong

I recall the opening move that I made against a halfling game 2 years ago did not make a lick of sense. There's two trees on the field. And I chose a two dice block with ogre on turn one that turned into a dud from 'Bonehead' roll. I burned a reroll immediately. POW. Tree is dead. Opposing coach called in apo, still dead. Second round, POW, another tree badly hurt.

Was that Ogre punch the best move you can make at the start?
99% of coaches would say no.
But maybe when the stars aligned, that 1% YES! would happen.
Stay the course. No one can claim your style is wrong. But if you're losing 6 games in a row and finished bottom of your third season, something is definitely wrong.

Lastly, I hope you enjoy the game.

Just like this girl

If you don't, you should stop now and be a family man like a Dane I know.
I hear having kids can help with gaming disappointments. Perhaps the process of making kids come out in the first place is. But I fail to see how diaper changes can help overcome the gaming itch.

Regards,
Your awesome Coach.

PS: Do you cry a lot when losing? And don't mind being tied up and dominated? Are you a girl and beautiful? No, don't answer that, if your answer to the second question is yes, please send pix and wait for my instructions. Kthx.

 

[Hoodoo]

LOL

 

[Darth Roxor]

First match of this season! Featuring fresh blood and many lulz!

Greetings, brothers. I am commander Indrick Boreale of the Blut Rehvens. I shall be your host for todeh.

Spoiler

Right, as a disclaimer, let me just state here that this being the first time I write-up a BB report, this first entry will be a little shoddy.

The two teams that will take part in this valiant struggle are Darth Roxor's Secret Military Union (humans) and Chaos String Theorists (chaos), coached by a bloke named Satael.

The humans start with a slight handicap, as their 4th blitzer has to sit out the game. Fortunately, his leveled-up skill is tackle, which is not exactly useful against chaos. The highlights of this team are definitely the ag4 thrower (which is heaven-sent for humans), and the blodge catcher. Otherwise, the team is a pretty regular human team.

The enemies are your stereotypical chaos. Each of the players above level 1 has block, except this one beastman that has claw and piling on.

The Union starts off well, winning the coin toss. The coach decides to receive.

Unfortunately, after spreading all the dudes around, he realises one horrible thing. Cyanide's excellent client has struck again, and deprived him of one blitzer. Which means the humans had to start 10vs11, with a handicap of two blitzers missing. Not good.

Not pictured - the kick was too short to even land on my half of the pitch, so I could give it to a catcher.

Aaaaaaaaaaand that's when the fun started

First block removed a beastman, niggling injury. The chaos strings can't handle a major key.

Second one, General Motors KO'd a warrior by ramming his Cadillac into him, Cloaked Figure style.

now we are even!

The humans put up a defensive formation around the catcher, the ogre derps.

The mutants are out for blood!

Two linos are dusted, no injuries. A beastman breaches the cage. Turnover

Three beastmen are taken out by our brave patriots. The ball carrier, Corporal Cloth, will go into a scoring position, Corporal Punishment the 2nd catcher will mark a beastman, and Private Industry will attempt a daring dodge to block the three chaos players.

So far so good. Turnover.

The beastman dodges out and attempts to blitz Corporal Cloth! He even succeeds on two GFIs!

However, all he could roll were 2 both downs. And this was the one beastman without block. But hey, piling on is important

A few unimportant blocks later, the path to the goal is clear.

And thus, Secret Military Union starts leading 1:0.

The KO'd chaos warrior doesn't get up.

We will be kicking now!

I initially wanted to put up only 3 linos at the LoS because omg bashy chaos but i MANNED THE FUCK UP.

Ending the previous drive has returned to us the bugged 3rd blitzer, Major Surgery. Good, we'll need him.

And it's out!

The kick couldn't have been more perfect.

The enemy coach tries to bring our boys down. Yeah, try again

Nope

((((

Two down, no one hurt. NP.

But what is this here?

REMEMBER: PILING ON IS IMPORTANT

The ogre is barely stunned, the goat is out of the match. And it gave the ogre enough SPP to level up. Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet

During our turn, we pick up the fallen and fan out.

AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT

And with this we shall end the turn.

The next one will start brutal!

no!

There goes the only guard on the team.

NO!

FUREH!

LOOKS LIKE MAJOR SURGERY IS GONNA NEED SOME MAJOR SURGERY

If we dah this deh, we dah in gloreh!

Who requires my aid?

thanks, bruva apothecary

You will not disappoint the Emprah today by dying!

The chaos beastman fumbles a pick up. Excellent.

So bold and so foolish.

The next turn is nothing special again. A catcher is placed deep inside enemy territory for future trollan reasons.

Turn over.

Holy shit, they really hate the ogre.

The ball is finally picked up.

Our wicked foe has constructed a small cage around the carrier. Fortunately, the beastmen are slow as hell so we'll have plenty of time to get to them before they can score.

We start by having the ogre derp while standing up, and assisting with the catcher on taking out a goat.

Which turns out a great success

A warrior is dusted afterwards

Then a goat

And finally the catcher will try to dodge out and act as a prop to slow the carrier cage.

Unopposed, the cage moves dangerously close in...

And two of our troops are saved by double red/pushes on the left.

We shall not die, no

It is the ENEMEH who will taste DEFF and DEFEHT! As you know...

Most of our battle brothers are stationed in SPEHS

PREPARED TO DEEP STRIKE!

The carrier cage is breached, but it was a derp of me to follow up to the carrier. At least General Specific's ag4 means safe dodges, even if he doesn't have block for safe blitzes

Get over here, major.

Bad doge

turnover

The chaos coach has only 2 turns to TD, so he'll employ some desperate measures.

First, General Specific is knocked prone, then the carrier dodges out of a tackle zone

And is placed dangerously close to the TD line!

Turnover

Ogre blasts a warrior with his dual-linked lascannons.

And here comes the moment of reckoning. Private Public the lino will first have to dodge out, then blitz the carrier and bring him down. Otherwise, we'll be in MUCH TRUBBL

We know our duty and we will do it! We are the spehs muhrines!

WE ARE THE EMPRAH'S FUREH!

Private Public achieves exactly what he had to, altho he rolled red/both down. Still, it was enough to just put him prone and KO the goat

The fallen shall be forevah remembered as the Emprah's finest.

Last turn, so there's no way chaos can score anymore. The coach only goes for some consolation blocks that don't even knock anyone down.

Except General Specific the thrower. Again.

But wait, what is this? He actually goes for the ball after blitzing?

The goat fails a GFI, trips and dies. Rerolls apoth into dying, as well.

So bold and so foolish.

Oops, I think I dropped a scalpel on his kidney.

I honestly have no idea wtf was even the point of trying that pickup

Half-time! Major Minor the guard blitzer gets up, excellent.

Meanwhile, on the enemy's side...

I like his odds.

Stay tuned for an exciting second half of the match later!

 

[Jaedar]

He was probably going to try a pass for the spp.

So bold and so foolish, indeed.

 

[RK47]

2 turn TD on a chaos team. So disrespectful!
I approve! And no, there's no luck involved in your victory.
Some plays are just undeserving of the tender mercies from Nuffles.
ONWARD CODEXERS!

 

[RK47]

Also Season 7 Classic Prediction Thread Flashback

 

[Brother None]

Outbashing chaos, Rox? I approve muchly.

 

[Darth Roxor]

First match, second half.

Fasten your seatbelts and prepare yourselves for the second exciting part of Darth Roxor's wacky adventures against Chaos.

Spoiler

Last time, we witnessed the humans raising the level of the game (tm) and scoring 1:0 on the first half of the match, pretty seriously outbashing the enemy chaos team, leaving it hilariously undermanned in the second half because the Chaos players refuse to stand up

Foul traitus!

The humans kick yet again, and this time the coach has placed his entire team close to the scrimmage line to exploit the strength in numbers and perform massive aggression.

The ball lands just about in the middle of the enemy half. Not bad.

Strangely enough, the chaosmen start by picking up the ball. Succeed with no rerolls.

Here come the flaming fists of fury!

Private Industry is down but not out.

Well, there goes Private Public. Again. But it doesn't matter, we still have plenty of surplus meat.

but...

BRUVAS, THE EMPRAH HAS FORSAKEN US

At this moment I panicked pretty badly because Potatonet (TM) suddenly decided to go down. FORTUNATELY it returned after a minute or so and I managed to reconnect because FUCK I'd be pissed if this match would have to get replayed. The connection broke up some three times again, but all was well in the end.

Our fehth holds us!

Private Capacity is the last one to eat dirt this turn.

Turnover

We begin by setting up murder conditions for the warrior

Who is disposed of without trouble.

Then we fall into formation to cover the whole pitch for a quick score.

Turnover.

Why blitz that guy?

The warrior pushes Private Capacity and runs down the field as far as he can.

Oh.

Desperate times call for desperate measures, I guess. He tried to pass the ball from the goat aaaaaaall the way down to the warrior. Ball scatters

And lands right at his feet. Neat.

The laht of the Emprah shines upon us this deh, Blut Rehvens.

Indeed it does. Major Key knocks the warrior down and frees the ball from tackle zones.

The ogre runs ahead to cockblock sum goats.

And we might as well do something silly now because, hey, our team is so far ahead we can do some fancy shit.

Thrower grabs the ball,

And will attempt a pass.

Success!

Corporal Cloth takes a jog to the corner. I realised later that I kinda derped and should have made 1 GFI to get him outside the range of the chaosmen on the left, but eh. The second catcher moved in to act as a prop.

but then...

A goat manages to get through 2 GFIs!

Corporal Punishment the assistant catcher is blitzed but to no effect.

LZ is hot!

The beastman is unfortunately out of range for the blitzers, so we'll need to settle for the warrior. Unfortunately, it ends only with a push.

just in case I leave a few dudes behind in the event something horribru happens.

Go, Corporal Cloth!

The Codex Astartes names this manoeuvre...

Steel Doge

And the crowd goes wild as Corporal Cloth scores his 2nd touchdown this match

Only one of the 3 chaos players gets up, and so does our only KO'd dude. The odds are 11v7.

I spread the players at the LoS around a bit to toughen the bashingness.

Well, what do you know

Our perimeter has been prepared in the event that our enemy would be so bold and so foolish

The ball lands behind the right beastman.

HF

Major Key eats dirt

Successful pickup by the chaos team. Turnover.

Let's get this show on the road!

SLAM!

Private Public takes vengeance for all those KOs he had to sustain by injuring a beastman. 11v6.

Then we get some dudes close to contest the ball.

Private Industry is down.

rerolls into push, nothing happens. Turnover.

TO ME, MY BRUVAS

Unfortunately, the beastman by the 2 human players is only pushed. This postpones my ambition of scoring this very turn.

Corporal Punishment gets close to assist on blitzing the carrier.

and Major Minor will carry out the deed.

The beastman is down but not out. However, our catcher snatches the lost ball

Second catcher moves in to assist.

D:

Well, shit. I did a minor derp here 'cause I could have dumped off to the 2nd catcher, but I risked keeping it.

There is no time to be lost!

*reroll*

MY WILL IS UNDONE

turn over.

Start the turn by clearing the way for a blitz.

This blitz.

Blitz is successful.

But now... Corporal Cloth will have to get up, pickup the ball and pass two GFIs...

Can he score a hat-trick?

I fear no evil...

FOR AH AM FEAH INCAHNATE!

just... one... more...!




!!!!

The Human team extends their lead to a whopping 3:0.

Two turns left, not much sense risking more bashed-in injuries.

See if I care.

Consolation bashings.

Nothing fatal.

Private Industry dodges out of the grinder.

And just because I can, I blitz a goat.

We will descend upon the foe! We will overwhelm them!

We will leave none alive!

In true spirit of competition, I can't pass on the occassion to foul the beastman

only get a stun, tho. Meh.

Turn over

The ogre and Private Public go down yet again.

Private Industry can't actually run away from the grinder.

But the goat is then sufficiently punished.

!

We are the spehs muhrines!

WE ARE THE EMPRAH'S FUREH!

We win some serious fat geld.

MVP goes to Corporal Cloth, which is, at least one goddamn time, fully justified, considering his TD hat-trick.

Chaos team's consolation MVP, on the other hand, is the non-block beastman that did nothing but trip down and hurt himself throughout the match



This concludes match day 1 for the Secret Military Union. More games of the humans to come later, not to mention other Codex blokes who still have to play their stuff!

 

[RK47]

...hax

 

[RK47]

Knights Coach Downplays Title Chances

Not much doge

Top rated team value, a halfling team in the group, no fully developed veteran teams in the division.
Knights are in the prime position for group top finisher this time around.
Pundits placed Knights as favorites and with a little luck (always) may just be able to win the coveted trophy for the first time this year.

Our reporter approach the famed coach to get a better understanding of their upcoming games.

Q: So coach, are you ready for the opening game?
A: Yep

Q: Any special considerations to make against the Muscle Daddies?

So power.

A: Not really. No. It's a simple team. It's not fully blooded yet. We're lucky. Really lucky. I pity anyone facing them on MD3 and beyond when more blocks are spread around the team. This is a bash team with serious flaws at the start, but scary once the weakness is somewhat covered. I'd sweat on the inducement we're conceding for this tie, but we're top TV, so it's a going to happen for every match, might as well get used to it.

Q: You sound very relieved, is it really that good of a draw?
A: Not exaggerating here. The draw is really good for us. There's no crazy TV team in this division and we get to play games with hybrids, a few incomplete bashies and two fellow Codexian coaches.

Q: The halfling didn't hurt either...
A: *Laughs* Ah yes, the Kingmakers of this division.

One does not simply MAKE a king

Q: You don't think so?
A: If you think three ST6 players with Mighty Blow is all you need to be Kingmakers you don't really understand the meta of this game. Sometimes to crown someone king, you have to lose. ANY team can do that. But does every coach understand the concept of meta?

Q: You seem obsessed about this...

If the woman is fucking the guy, that ain't normal

A: I am perfectly normal (rape, on the other hand...). It varies from league to league format, for every sports, but every team's progression, whether they like it or not, are affected by the meta. Some may choose to ignore it and progress, some realize it but helpless to induce the correct results, some knew it but ignore it and suffer the consequences. Let me ask you this, if you win all the games in this group, you top the group and progress, correct?

Q: Yes.
A: But how many games can you lose before you're out?

Uguu, I just lost. I must masturbate.

Q: But as the top of the TV pile in this division shouldn't you be concern-
A: About being the top finisher? Nope. Did anyone remember who topped last season's qualifying round? For MY division?

Q: Uh.....
A: Do you remember who slotted in the last available place and made it to the grand finals?

Q: Oh.

Now you're wet.

A: Yeah. Anyway, my point here is with the amount of games I can throw a little here and there, I can work on the team building a bit, take a bit more risk. But winning isn't guaranteed. Yet there's no pressure to finish first in this group. There are several of issues that the knights are facing at the moment - but finishing top isn't one of them. It's good you chose to ask me the wrong questions so I don't have to give away my problems for other coaches to exploit.

Q: What?
A: Time's up.

 

[RK47]

In other news...

 

[Darth Roxor]

One dude misspells my team name, the other my user name

I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE

 

[RK47]

Q: Hey coach. Care to comment on the latest statement?
A: Sigh. Well to dismiss luck in Bloodbowl would be silly.

Q: So you're not that good? Or terrible?
A: Honestly? You can be both. If a guy made the right calls, yet let down by the dice, is he a bad player or just unlucky?

Terribly good at this.

Q: Well..
A: He can be both. Maybe he's a good player who got unlucky. But when he succeeds the opposition calls him just 'lucky'. How is that fair?

Q: So, are you saying you're both lucky and good?
A: I'm angry.

Bad haircut, telling signs of corruption.

Q: Uh?
A: I reached the finals not because I planned, studied, prepared or put any thought in my in-game plays, but because I was just lucky. How am I supposed to feel, bro?

Q: I see...
A: You think I didn't feel any trace of doubt when I played any game? You think I didn't second guess myself at every turn? The pressure is real. When you take a risk, especially if you are aware of it, it can and will eat at you. Brave are they who know everything yet fear nothing.

"The helmet limits vision -hence it conceals dangers and risks, as an armor against fear" - Tactica Inaccuratica

Q: Uh...
A: In short, *I* took risks. Some may seem ignorant but a few clearly they aren't. *I* am deathly afraid, yet *I* overcome that fear, and won the bet. And yet at the end of it all, instead of saying 'he made a daring call' - all *I* got was 'he's lucky.' *snaps Pocky stick in half* FUCK!

Sprinkled with tears and misery of raped almonds.

Q: I see. (seriously, you overthink this stuff so much, it's stupid)
A: U DARE?!

Q: D:
A: Or maybe I'm just faking that I'm overthinking it.

Q: Wat
A: when using our forces, we must seem inactive; when far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him. If he is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is in superior strength, evade him. If your opponent is of choleric temper, seek to irritate him.

Punch the doge

Pretend to be weak, that way he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. Attack him where he is unprepared, appear where you are not expected.
—Sun Tzu, The Art of War

Q: K
A: Thx

You needed 3 more to start the league, I grabbed stabby Darth Roxor and Jaedar to make it 24.
And this is what they get?

 

[Jaedar]

It's ok RK, me and roxor will show these F13's our worth by winning every game.
Speaking of which:

IainC wasn't a very good coach. Blocked way too much with his linos, even started some turns by 1 dice blocking without block. But his team was a lot better than mine, so it wound up being a pretty intense game

 

[LundB]

B-B-BUT THAT LAMAROS GUY SAID HE WAS GONNA RUN RINGS AROUND YOU! ARE YOU SAYING DISMISSING NEWCOMERS AS RUBBISH RIGHT OFF THE BAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN UNWISE?!

 

[Darth Roxor]

You needed 3 more to start the league, I grabbed stabby Darth Roxor and Jaedar to make it 24.
And this is what they get?

The circlejerk is strong on that forum.

All the better a reason to administer the trollings

 

[RK47]

We'll never scale to their levels.

 

[stabby]

It's ok RK, me and roxor will show these F13's our worth by winning every game.

Hey, I see a distinct lack of 'stabby' in that statement, and ... oh, hang on a moment:

... oh please, y'all were expecting worse, admit it.

 

[RK47]

no deth no casualties. i expected more, sakura

 

[RK47]

After reading this article, I decided to retire Azira so he can join his family and focus on being a husband and father to his two children.

Be assured that this decision does not come easy. We never retire one of our own. Humppaleka was dropped pre-season 7 due to tactical seasons yet this time it is partly tactical, partly personal. I just cannot justify running two vulnerable catchers whose combined contract value enables us to put two to four more players in the team without raising the TV!

A loving father

Standing at AV6, Azira and Stabby brave blows on a daily basis, both forming a lethal combo of touchdowns and ball movement - they are not elves, but none of their performance were found wanting. If one falls, the other is still around to shoulder the burden, if both are on the pitch, the Knights play high speed running as well as risky catches, because they can.

Rest assured the search for Azira's replacement is underway. We're also looking into bringing in a back-up Thrower for the Lone Ranger, XenomorphII - I'll declare my decision when we've confirmed the roster this weekend.

Lastly, Stabby Glasslegs, remains in the team just because he has one more point to earn before turning into a rising star. I'm curious what sort of star will we get, but hopefully that decision will not come back to haunt us.

Tactica:
A 120TV Catcher can buy us 70TV Thrower And 50TV Lino. Both are +1 ST and +1 AV (In this case, +2 AV)

The plan:
Retire Azira (120TV) bring in Catcher(70TV) and Thrower (70TV) for a net 20TV increase.

 

[Humppaleka]

There was nothing wrong with Humppaleka, he was just special.

 

[Azira]

 

[Azira]

Buy a cheerleader and say I went tranny...

 

[RK47]

Darth Roxor might wanna spoiler your stuffies cause it's a big pain to load it up.
Anyways I'm at work on weekend, Hopefully when I get home my opponent is online.
Strats I doodled while at work...

Spoiler

 

[Darth Roxor]

Darth Roxor might wanna spoiler your stuffies cause it's a big pain to load it up.

... es exactly what I did?