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Review On the 2nd day of Christmas, I got Mass Effect

Fat Dragon

Arbiter
Joined
May 24, 2007
Messages
3,499
Location
local brothel
skyway said:
Yes an action RPGs where you kill the same looking enemies with the same stats again and again during all the game while constantly developing your own stats, turning yourself into a marine demi-god are meant to be awesome.
Nope, enemies get stronger with you, for example the psychic enemies gain new abilities to use, etc. It's a form of level scaling, but not a broken one like in Oblivion.

Keep trying to make ME seem like shit with your dumb exaggerations over and over again though, it's amusing. I doubt you'll ever actually be honest when criticising a game.
 

MetalCraze

Arcane
Joined
Jul 3, 2007
Messages
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Urkanistan
new abilities? Why didn't I notice something new and more difficult in those robots? Oh sorry - I must've missed them while wiping out all those shitty easy metal bugs running around.
 

Porta

Novice
Joined
Dec 6, 2008
Messages
9
Location
Czech Republic
Lesifoere said:
Why do vehement defenders of ME sound a bit like Volourn?

Here is their good reason

darth-vader-reading-harry-potter-and-the-deathly-hallows1.jpg
 

Lesifoere

Liturgist
Joined
Oct 26, 2007
Messages
4,071
It should be followed by a gif of Darth Vader screaming "NOOOOOOO."
 

notnats

Novice
Joined
Oct 17, 2008
Messages
46
Lesifoere said:
Why do vehement defenders of ME sound a bit like Volourn?

Why does skyway always sound like an ass? I guess it's in their nature.

Seriously, I could come up with numerous complaints about ME, but that robots look all the same is not one of them, after all they are not widely known for their great individuality.
 

MetalCraze

Arcane
Joined
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Messages
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Urkanistan
Robots looking the same was just a part of the complaint about enemies not being varied - so I had a feeling that I never left the same corridor.

Overexposure to -good- games have turned me into an elitist asshole wanting the best - there is no cure for that I'm afraid - if only many gamers wanted that too we wouldn't have to surf the pool of shit right now.
 

Volourn

Pretty Princess
Pretty Princess Glory to Ukraine
Joined
Mar 10, 2003
Messages
24,939
"only like Chuck Norris, or like Darth Wader - these fucking game are black and white fairy tale ..."

Wrong.
 

inwoker

Arcane
Glory to Ukraine
Joined
Apr 27, 2007
Messages
16,010
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Kyiv, Ukraine
skyway said:
inwoker said:
skyway said:
You are a cool but dumb space marine who kills robots. The game starts with you killing robots, then you go to another planet - kill more robots, then you learn that robots kill everyone just for the lulz and the galaxy is doomed, then you go to another planet and kill yet more robots and finally you kill more robots again and save the galaxy.
And no gigantic boss robot in the end? That sucks.

There is a giantic boss robot in the end. This is Bioware we are talking about here. But you defeat it by defeating small robot which is somehow connected to the giantic boss robot, no one knows how though. Bioware's MYSTARY. Hey even the guy you chase around the galaxy turns into the robot in the end.
If anything Bioware has some ill robot fetish.
Wow, that's cool stuff actually. Bioware should be making parodies on bad scifi.
That is what they do best. (c)
 

Porta

Novice
Joined
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Czech Republic
Volourn said:

Of course, my apologies - and this american neutral soldier cliché yet too: " I'm soldier and my duty is follow order, and save all galaxy, no matter how ! "
 

DefJam101

Arcane
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
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Cybernegro HQ
skyway said:
Cloaked Figure said:
what is ME's main quest like?

You are a <s>cool</s> badass but dumb space marine who kills <s>robots</s> fucking everyone. The game starts with you killing <s>robots</s> robots, krogan mercs, and random pedestrians, then you go to <s>another planet</s> The Citadel first, then do some shit, find some aliens that you plan to have sex with in an endgame cinematic, then go to another planet - <s>kill more robots</s> kill security guards and complete quests and then drive around in the fucking Mako for 30 minutes then kill robots, then you learn that robots kill everyone just for the lulz and the galaxy is doomed, then you <s>go to another planet and kill yet more robots</s> do heaps of other shit, kill some motherfuckers while flirting with your wapanese stereotype crew mates, then have drunken sex with one of them and finally you <s>kill more robots again</s> convince the main antagonist TO SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE MOTHERFUCKING FACE and save the galaxy. You also grab <s>some</s> everyone's collars and kill more robots in the same looking mines and buildings along the road.
Bioware knows how to make their games ridiculously fun.

Oh and you also get to ride Mako with which you kill more robots, but most of the time you are trying to drive it while it continues to jump like a retard with Wii controller.

Fixed, skyway you make this game seem much less extreme than it actually is.

Pick it up, CF. The soundtrack is good, some of the alien art direction is interesting, the plot is funny enough to distract you from the stupidity and linearity of it all, and the combat can occasionally be fun. It makes good Fanfiction fodder, too.


(alien sex)
 

MetalCraze

Arcane
Joined
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Location
Urkanistan
Fixed, skyway you make this game seem much less extreme than it actually is.
On every planet you fight mofo robots. Just because you kill 4 security guards doesn't change the fact that you do another local genocide of robots afterwards on the same planet. Also we're talking about main quest no? And it is all about killing robots.

convince the main antagonist TO SHOOT HIMSELF IN THE MOTHERFUCKING FACE and save the galaxy
Why do you lie? Convince him or not you still have to fight him to save the galaxy. It just proves how bland and linear ME is. Thank you for helping me point this out.

some of the alien art direction is interesting
If you haven't seen any remotely good sci-fi movie in your life - it is.

the plot is funny enough to distract you from the stupidity and linearity of it all
ME has nearly non-existent plot based on most boring and throw-up-worthy cliches and is all about flying around and killing stupid robots just because thou must (considering that besides main plot there is nearly nothing else to do don't pick it up! Planetary quests which are the majority of ME quests are basically arcades of 80s - robots are invaded the planet - kill them all; and other quests not involving killing robots are short and mostly linear and there are very few of them). By "funny enough" you probably mean that NPCs talk between killing more robots - and you are being impressed by how shitty and untalented as a writer Drew Karpyshyn is.

The only plus of Mass Effect is that unlike SoZ it is playable.
 

Lurkar

Scholar
Joined
Feb 22, 2006
Messages
791
Mass Effect is fun if you don't take it seriously in any way. Before it came out, the Codex was full of "Hah hah I bet you can just go SUPER COLLAR GRABBING EXTREME." When it DID come out, not only did we learn that, yes, you can play that way, but that you're better off playing that way. Treat it as a video game rendition of a B sci-fi movie, and, save for the parts when you're in an elevator, trying to figure out what the balls the difference between "Renegade" and "Paragon" is, or god help you, being anywhere NEAR the MAKO, you'll find it rather enjoyable.
 

DefJam101

Arcane
Joined
Nov 11, 2007
Messages
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Cybernegro HQ
skyway said:
some of the alien art direction is interesting
If you haven't seen any remotely good sci-fi movie in your life - it is.

Funny; I always thought that the weakest part of any sci-fi movie was its intelligent alien design. Most of them come out looking like the offspring of bipedal frogs and kids with down syndrome. Where, exactly, are these well designed aliens in film? I haven't seen any, please direct me.
 

hiver

Guest
I dont know what is really so good about the design of the ME robots.
I dont say this because of some hate but, why are they bipedal? And why do they move around and fight like a human would only with more stupidity?

There are a few other types and those stalkers were a nice addition in a sense but considering they didnt do much really but had these almost scripted jumps around. They were too easy and consequentially of little interest.
Together with bigger tank like units they were used to rarely and without any team work at all even when they would be in a group.

And you mostly meat the tanks when you are in the Mako so they almost dont count.
So overall you are fighting bipedal Ghets (ha i remembered!). And through the story itself you learn how they got independent and went far beyond borders of organic infested space in order to evolve on their own.


Their design makes no sense whatsoever. Unless you only evaluate it from some stylistic merit of the "look" itself and then they are far from spectacular.

I give one point to design team for joking about lamps on the heads of robots (i forgot how they were called already) though.
 
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It can't be stressed enough how horrible that tank handles. I was gritting my teeth trying not to scream in rage when I once again watched the thing hit some small obstacle and bounce high in to the air and then off the track, to my demise. For those of you who haven't played, the thing accelerates really fast, has zero mass or weight, moves up walls like Spider-Man and turns so fast it's difficult to even try to drive straight. All in all, the worst feature in the game. Why they had this bullshit instead of spaceship fights is beyond me. And it was a big disappointment that not once in the game do you use your prototype ship in combat, it's abilities are all described in the game but that just makes it worse. Why must I walk to that place and kill all those robots and whatnot, why can't I just use Normandy's main gun to make the place a big crater? Bah.

The inventory system is also the most horrible I think I have ever seen. It's kind of like, say, I have a 22" monitor. With 1650xblahblah resolution, I see maybe 5-10 items at once (well let's check. Mostly, it's 5), listed in the most space-consuming, horrible way possible. They don't have icons, but they're big text in the middle of rather big, otherwise empty boxes. And all listed separately, instead of having it like, say, 15xLame-Ass Rifle Without Description Mark 7.
If this doesn't sound much of a problem to you, here's the cherry on the shit : you get hundreds, maybe thousands of items, most of them with rather unidentifiable names (perhaps it'd help if there weren't hundreds of assault rifles etc. with only slighly warying power levels) so that if you want good gear you can't just turn all of them into omni-gel (maybe you should anyway, I don't know), and only have item capacity of 150. Maybe I'm exaggerating since my last memory of the game is doing over 15 minutes of clicking "turn to omni-gel" and then "ok", but the inventory system, and the items themselves, suck some major horse ass.

It's not really a bad game, though. 7/10, a mixed bag.

(EDIT : By the way, most of my deaths came from MAKO accidents, the rest from instant-death rocket hits or maybe my squad shooting me in the back. All of them incredibly annoying.)
 
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Yeah, it's worth playing.

Most of my hatred for Bioware games doesn't come from them sucking - they don't, they're usually fun to play through once and they are a well-executed 'mainstream' dumbed-down fun romp. Instead, my anger comes from the fact that they made BG2 and then refused to produce anything of that scale and quality ever again. Never again did they have villains as developed and well-acted as Irenicus, Bodhi and (in the background, but still showing signs of meddling every now and then) Bhaal. BG2 should have been the end of the ridiculously stupid 'meet the baddie once early, then again at the end for the boss fight, while he twiddles his thumbs or somehow stays one step ahead of you yet completely fails to interact with you for the entire intermediate part of the game' mechanic. In the movies, you'd never get a decent filmmaker reducing the interaction b/w hero and villain to a simple 'go fight a lot of stuff, fight the big boss at end and kill him'. Instead you'd get hero and villain crossing paths the entire game, trading witty repartee, foiling each other's plots repeatedly, and BOTH advancing their plans and getting stronger until the showdown. And BG2 is STILL the only AAA title RPG I've played that does that (unless you count Deus Ex / SS2). You fight Irenicus 4 times (ok 1st one is scripted, but anyway), Bodhi 3 times, with lots of cool stuff in each encounter (love the one where Bodhi has hunted you down, only for you to turn into the Slayer for the 1st time). But more the point, the villains actually DO stuff, (other than the convenient 'searching for what you're searching for, hence keeping both of you out of each other's way' that Bioware kept using after).

The gist of this overly long rant is this: BG2 taught me that Bioware CAN make great games. The fuckers just choose not to. The subtlety with which they show the 'it is Bhaal, not Irenicus, that was appearing in your dreams to talk to you and encourage you to use your evil slayer powers' would be done completely different in a modern Bioware game. It would be 'hey the players won't get it if we just hint that Irenicus isn't as mindlessly evil as that outside of his revenge quest, they might not find or read his diary that tells you that he isn't that evil (his disgust with what is happening to Bodhi etc), they certainly won't cast detect alignment on him to track his changing alignment as he gets more corrupted over the game, and they'lll probably skip over that dialogue where he says 'what dreams'. Instead you'd get a scene where Bhaal appears and explains in really big font and slow dialogue 'I was just pretending to be Irenicus to goad you into hunting him down, because I'm pissed with him stealing my kid's soul.' And then you'd get an 'int check' option, with the same dialogue written in a more complex manner.

It's like how I never really hated Tom Cruise until I saw Magnolia. Before then I thought he was just a talentless hack who has done well for himself. Hell, I'm a talentless hack of a failed actor (did a few pro theatre seaons, and minor speaking roles in 3 of the worst films to ever get a cinema release in Australia) so seeing Tom Cruise make millions was kind of like seeing 'one of us' do good for himself:). Then I saw Magnolia and realised he wasn't a talentless hack like me. The fucker could act. Really fucking well. He just chooses not to most of the time. That gives me burning hatred. If Bioware ever use Tom Cruise as a voice over actor, I strongly suggest that any feds monitoring the codex for potential terrorist threats come arrest me, before I start launching anthrax attacks for the good of the gene pool...
 

Volourn

Pretty Princess
Pretty Princess Glory to Ukraine
Joined
Mar 10, 2003
Messages
24,939
"It can't be stressed enough how horrible that tank handles."

MAKO is awesome.


"The inventory system is also the most horrible I think I have ever seen."

Inventory is shit. SOZ levels of shit.


"maybe my squad shooting me in the back"

Hilariously enough, my squad mates NEVER shut me in the back. R00fles!


"Instead, my anger comes from the fact that they made BG2 and then refused to produce anything of that scale and quality ever again"

Bullshit. NWN: TP, HOTU, and ME are about the same quality. And,NWN, SOU, HOTU, ME, KOTOR, and JE are vastly superior role playing games too.
 

Rhalle

Magister
Joined
Nov 25, 2008
Messages
2,192
The achievement quests, which involve exploring the worlds and collecting junk while driving the MAKO are inexcusable. They are garbage, unapologetic filler and inexcusably bad-- if I were a professional critic I would have savaged the game for their inclusion.

Pathetic map design, repetitive environments, bland combat, cartoon bad guy, the horrific driving sections, terrible list inventory...ugh.

Production values were obviously high, and the game provides an enjoyable overall experience, but good grief it's mediocre in every way except the cinematics.
 

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