Huh ? Don't you have access to retardo land ? It's a sticky there.
I don't have the permission to access that link. Can you arrange something or give me all the details I need for this encounter?
That limit somehow makes sense. You cannot register and immediately enter retardo. You have to go through GD and slowly train your mind for what you're about to see in retardo land. It's like that thing Lovecraft wrote about... where weak minds are permanently shattered and pushed into madness.
POOPERSCOOPER said:Here is some stories I wrote awhile ago, I'm planning to release a sequel this summer and to dissapoint everyone.
Fallout Sitcom- Redux 40k
It was a warm morning and I could smell the cookies and sunshine. We were having the family over for some bbq. My wife and I had gotten a late start so we took a shower together.
I see her take off her gowns and looking in the mirror at her sagging tits and plump vagina. "Don't worry, there will be plenty of time for love in the future", I said. It raised her spirits back up, then she shaved the back of my neck.
The doorbell rang and we let all our family in, I was first introduced to my daughters boyfriend and I didn't like him. he said he was from the navy and I never liked the navy faggots. I feel old and helpless now that I have no control over my daughter, it made me feel depressed.
When we were in the backyard I saw my other daughter's kids playing with toy guns, it reminded me of a time when my life was filled with adventure and intrigue. It reminded me of... The Carebears.
"Long time no see, Killzig" said Spazmo.
"ah.. you look like shit, whats your secret?" said Killzig.
I noticed Killzig was a bit shaky and had some stuff on his mind. "So whats the mission?" I said.
"Its a standerd knockdown, but it just doesn't seem right. They want a new guy to come with The Carebears."
" A new guy with us? We are one of the most elite squads in the world, why stick us with a new guy on a regular routine mission?"
" Spazmo, the times are getting complicated and its not black and white like it used to be. Trust me, I did all I could to prevent this but I had no control..."
"what is it kilzig?"
"The new guy is Pooperscooper"
"You mean TEH pooperscooper of the New York tunnel incident?"
"The very same one."
I could hear the rotors starting up so I got onto the helicopter. The whole squad is here and they know whats going on, without me even saying anything. When Pooper steps on board, no on protests, they just look him up and down. I can see killzig from the office window smoking his cigar, and I feel like I'm never going to see him again.
I've been working with the squad for a long time, we know how each other work so every mission is smooth. Megatron is in the corner of the helicopter like always, secluding himself. He is one of the top scouts in the world and we've known each other since the Rice and Water wars. Then we have Kashluk who is a tank of a man, he has won 6 world butt squat championships so its safe to call him our muscle. At last we have Smiley, the sniper who has a 51% hit rate. It will be interesting to see how Pooper will interact with the squad.
We land a couple miles off course and directly ontop of the targets base. We hate the heli pilot, hes always dropping us off at teh wrong places. When the squad drop down I punch the pilot in the back of the head and he starts crying. A minute later he got hit with a rocket.
Once we hit the ground Megatron darts off into the jungle, Pooper yells at him asking where he is going. I hold pooper back since he wont understand. Kashluk grabs a car and start crushing people with it, and then he finds the rear view mirror in the car and starts staring at it while flexing his muscles. It time for Pooper to see why Spazmo is always number one. Oh ya, Smiley been shooting his sniper rifle at the enemy to distract them.
I snap the first few charlie's necks while pooper is unloading his ammo on each of them like a newbie. We throw a couple of C4s to make some room, but no one gets up after that so we assume that we got the target.
I hear a thumping and a giant man comes towards us, even larger than Kashluk. It is PORCU.
"wt da fuk u wunt fagoT?"
"We come in peace, porcu. We just want to complete our mission."
Smiley shoots and misses. Kashluk knows what must be done, he tears the mirror in half then puts some finnish gum in his mouth. Procue and kasluk go for each others necks and do the STRANGLE hold. They are both of equal strength and its a stalematch, then their is a gurgle in Kasluks stomach. Hes about to fart. He tries to hold it but he can't when under pressure and rips the hugest fart ever. The rumble was so great that it broke his own neck.
I jump and try to save kasluk but porcu swats me away. Porcu is going after pooper. Pooper is asking for my help but a giant boulder crushs my legs for a second. When cornered pooper puts two fists up porcu's butt then does a super jump all the way up inside him until he comes out Porcu's nose. While going up his body, pooper brought porcu's balls with him and stuck them with his eyes.
"Get some glasses, foureyes"- pooper
Then he karate chops him and Porcu is terminated. I sigh a sigh of relief for the mission is over but kashluk has been killed, I just hope I dont have to pay some tax's for him or something.
THEN a giant laser shoots thte boulder off my legs and I see where the blast came from. There is a man in teh distance. It is SUSAN.
Chapter 6: Megatron
The cat is so little but fast. I'm running as fast as i can but I still can't catch it lol. Its talking to me
"why do you run?"
"because running is fun" I said
"follow me to neverland"
"peterpan?" I said.
I follow it to a tree house, inside there is a fire burning. Sitting around the fire are elephants, tigers, rhinoes, more cats, zebras, and dogs. They ask me to sit by their side and we hug each other in celeberation of life. The cat I was chasing before now turns into a human but its head stays that of a cat. It reads us stories about neverland and we all laugh in joy. Slowly as night beckons the animals fall asleep except for me and the cat. He holds my hand and leads me up the stairs into a officce. he sits behind his desk and leans back in his leater chair while in his black suit with the same cat head. There is a long moment of silence.
"join us?" -cat
"I love u." -cat
"I love you too." -me
The room then turns dark and I hear moewing. At first it is one cat but then I can hear more and more until its thousands. I see heads of animals flying around the room asking me to play with them. I feel a sharp pain in my back, it feels like something is growing. I look around and see some black things comming out.
All the heads leave and I now see the cat man in his seat again.
"meow?" said the catman.
"LOL" I said.
The some bat wings came out of my back and I flew over to the cat man and grabbed its eye out and put it in a jar. I flew through the roof back to the mission area.
Chapter 2: Smiley
The situation is REAL BAd, Susan the evil spammer has his target on both pooper and spazmo. Susan walks towards spazmo and they start talking.
"faggot jew nigger" said susan.
"I should of known this was of your planning susan. You sold us out pooper, you could of been one of the best you could of been a Carebear. Why did you do this?" said spsazmp
"because I just want to be loved and susan was the only one there for me, he made me want to be a better man. I'm sorry spazmo." said pooper
Susan started to spam Spazmo with jews, niggers, and faggots. Spazmo was yelling at the top of his lungs, he wouldn't be able to take much of it. It was up to me and my sniper rifles, I will be the savour of the day and spazmo will love me more than he did of pooper. I love you spazmo. As I squeeze the trigger I smell smoke and I can't see out of my right eye. I'm starting to get tired and my head is getting warm, I want to go to sleep now bey...
Chapt 9: faggots on the dance floor
We look at where the shot sounds came from, and I can see the sun through smileys head. His hit percentage just went up.
I see pooper in shock at the hidous jews and niggers. He's been in the carebears too long to see a fellow comrade suffer from the scum of the world. He pulls a out a bomb of shakespear and throws it at susan. The bomb sticks to susans head and starts to do its work. Susans head is getting larger and larger, we dont have much time.
"you are a true patriot, pooper"
"I have one question though, what happened in the New York tunnel?" said I.
"It collapsed and I had to save a bunch of people while it was flooding." Pooper said
I looked at susans head and it was about to explode. Pooper and I shook hands in the carebear way. I then saw a bat thing come fly towards me and I could faintly see that it was megatron. He picked me up and flew me out while the shakespeare bomb blew.
"You okay?" -megatron
"i'll live." -spazmo
"what are we going to do now?" -meg
"fly...fly to the west." - spazmo
" icon_chew " -megatron
Fallout Sitcom- Redux 40k 2
It was a warm sunny day and I could hear the birds chirping. It looks like i'm only 5 years old while dangling on the monkey bars. I see a girl waiting behind me in line for her turn to go on the bars. She had big red cheeks and frizzy blonde hair, she was my secret love, Susie Q. Behind her was an asian kid who had a big head and thick eyebrow(s), he was exitium. I didn't really like the kid when he first came to our class in the middle of the year, but he grew on me and we became good friends. We both had a crush on Susie Q but he was the one who had the courage to ask her if he can hold her hand during recess.
It was Susie Q's turn to go on the monkey bars and I of course watch intently because sometimes the wind will lift her skirt up so I can see her butt since she didn't wear underwear. When she got to the middle of the monkey bars I saw her struggle a bit to hang on, it was unusual. She then had one hand slip and I knew she was in trouble, she was still fairly new to the monkey bars. Exitium rushed up the steps to the monkey bar.
"wait" said I.
"she's not going to make it" said exitium.
"she is closer to my side let me go" I said
"i'm comming too" said exitium
"NO! stop. The bar can't hold 3 people" said I.
I see Exitium hesitate and wait at the other end. I swing to Susie as steady as i can as to not shake the bar too much.
In a faint whisper Susie says "help me", then I put my legs up over the bars and hang upside down. She drops and I catch one of her hands. Her hands are incredibly sweaty and she starts to slip.
"HANG ON SUSIE!" I said.
"...rosebud" said susie
"NOOOOOOOO!!!" said exitium.
She then slipped out of my hand and i could see the fear in her eyes. She lands on her neck and creates an explosion of tanbark. When the dust settles I see her legs over her head and a bit of diaherra come out of her butt do to the pressure of the impact.
"what?" I said
"I dont want to" I said.
I wake up in shock to see the stewart with an empty bucket and my cloths soaked in water.
We land at the official Mayalsian airport. I can see cows and chickens out the windows, the jet made a trail of dust on the dirt road. I step into my limousine and tell the driver to go to Mayalsian penitentiary.
I can see exitium through the one way glass window, he has aged quite a bit but still has his stand out features. I walk into the room and sit down at the table opposite of Exitium.
"Long time no see, Spazmo" said exitium
"Likewise, exitium" I said.
"What do you want? I'm missing my recess because of you" said exitium
"I need your help" I said.
"AHAHAH YOU want MY help? Haha and why do you think I would help someone who is willing to let a friend die at his hands?" said exitium
"Because your an asian with big lips who is about to get a new cellmate next week" I said
We arrive at the base of operations. I lead exitium to the Carebears locker room to meet the squad. We open the door a mist comes out with the smell of fart. We walk in and see the squad getting into their uniforms. Megatron our world class scout who has lived in all major jungles in the world. Kashluk the winner of 5 butt squat championships and a big brother to fatherless kids on sundays. Smiley, top sniper in the world with a hit percentage of 99.9% and hasn't missed a shot in years.
"Carebears, I would like to introduce you to our new squad member who is going to help us out on the mission. His name is exitium." I said.
"cake eater" said smiley
"hhaha. New blood has been rejected" said kasluk
"Shut up kaskluk". Smiley turns to Exitium. "Just because you have a carebears uniform, doesnt mean your a carebear."
The squad walks out of the locker room.
"They are a good group once you get to know them." I said
"I'm leaving and Im never comming back" said exitium.
Chapter 7 Shut up faggot
We are suited up on the plane and ready to go. I've briefed exitium about the situtation. Its a multiple knockdown mission of extremely hostile targets. Normally we could do this with just the core Carebear squad but the targets are centeralized in a fortress of a massive scale with an advanced banning system. Everyone I know has been banned except Exitium. he is our key maker.
We jump out of the back of the plane and excute our backpack hang gliders, we are heading for the gate. Exitium pulls out his wireless laptop and signs into his nma account. The gates open.
Gosh darn. Why do I always have to explain everything to this freak. He Wieghs like 500 pounds and his skin is welded to his mysterious wheelchair, the last thing he needs is to watch TV.
"Look, I dont know where the TV remote went. You were the last one who used it" said Kharn.
"You want cookie?" says Briosfreak
"Fuck, what does that have to do with anything? Fine i'll have a cookie you happy?" said Kharn
Briosfreak breaks off just a tiny chocolate chip and gives it to Kharn.
"LOL now go find TV remote and you will get another one" says Briosfreak. The massive man next to Briosfreak just smirks.
"Rosh go stir up some trouble, I'm bored" says Briosfreak
Rosh runs and jumps out the window. When he lands their is a humongous thud.
Chapter 10 Chikka Chikka boom boom
When we land their is a massive man of muscle waiting for us. Its rosh, only he could be that big. Kasluk is even smaller than him, but not by much.
When kasluk and rosh notice each other, their eyes lock. They both rip off their shirts at the same time to show off their massive muscles. Kasluk jumps at rosh and they ram through the buildings till they hit a gas tank. Its explodes and they go flying to the mountains.
A rocket goes of with a fat man attached to it, it lands in the jungle. I look back at megatron and hes no where to be found.
Chapter 11 Mega punch
The flying light is dazzling, its comming towards me in the jungle. The light goes out and it is silent. I hear a voice in my head.
"who are you?" I said.
"want to see Van bauren?"
"Its dead" I said.
I feel a sudden strike to my head, its a pounding sensation. All I see is
www.nma-fallout.com . I can't get it out of my head. I grab a squirrel and tear off its tail. I put the tail in my ear as much as I can, it takes hold of the link in my head and I pull it out. I grab the www.nma-fallout.com link and squeeze.
A fat man in a rocket chair appears in front of me while floating in the air. He is screaming in pain from the pressure on the link. His chair looses its thrust power and lands on the ground, the wheels on it break and fall off.
"Want to see neverland?" I said
"There is no such thing!" said briosfreak
I change the www.nma-fallout.com into www.tubgirl.com and put it in from of him.
"I wonder what will get you first. The man eating squirrals or buttmonkeys?" I said.
I jump ontop of a tree and hop from tree to tree back to the mission area.
Chapter 27 Kharns Order
"You're all very immature" said Kharn. He calls out The Order and they surround Spazmo and Exitium.
[Download and then listen to this WHILE reading the rest http://personal.inet.fi/clan/kashluk/fa ... mesong.mp3 ]
"That may be true but you're a faggot" said spazmo
"Are you ready?" said Exitium
"I was born ready" said Spazmo
The order rush them but Spazmo and Exitium use their kungfu moves to break everyones legs and arms. An orderite named ozrat comes towards them and spazmo punches through his ribcage to take out his heart while exitium kicks him in the nuts. They hear a whistling sound then see Rosh and Kasluk duking it out while falling towards the ground. The shockwave is massive and scatters everyone.
Spazmo lands right next to Kharn and they both get up to square off at each other. Kharn throws a punch and Spazmo blocks it then punchs him in the face. Kharn pulls a knife from his sleeve and is already swinging at spazmo. A shot comes from the sun and knocks the knife out of Kharns hand, spazmo looks up and smiley gives him a salute.
"Swing this" says Spazmo
Then he does a back kick right to kharns face. The blow takes off Kharns head along with his spinal cord.
Chapter 1794 Rosh wont die
Kashluk and Rosh are starting to get worn out. Rosh summons one more mighty punch and sends kasluk on his back. Rosh feels the foaming of victory at the side, then he feels it in his lower back. He feels the greatest pain this world has ever felt.
Exitium snuck up on him and did a spine punch. His fist is inside Rosh's body tickling his bare spine. Rosh drops to his knees and puts his massive hands around exitiums neck.
Chapter 3 SMiley
I can see the back of Rosh's head while he is strangling Exitium on the ground, I dont have a clean shot. I see exitiums mouth moving.
"SHOOT HIGH" screamed exitium
What? One shot, Two Kills? Fuck, everyone is counting on me. My father always said to rely on your instincts. I'm sweating like beads. This is what being a sniper is all about.
Lucky bullet? Check. Safety off? Check. Did I close the garage door? Fuck. I squeeze the trigger Roshs head bursts like a watermellon then the bullet goes through exitiums head and gives his brain some breathing space.
Kasluk gets up and drop kicks Rosh's headless body in the butt to china.
I run to exitium. It doesn't look good, he has a giant hole in the front of his head.
"spazmo" says exitium
"ya, what is it?" I said
"Its not your fault" says exitium
Exitium stops responding. I close his eyes
"You will be remebered as a Carebear."
I see his soul come out of his body and fly to his forefathers in the sky.
I see Smiley with a tear coming down his cheek. Megatron picks us up in the helicopter and we fly to the west. Always to the west.
Chapter 1 No mutants allowed
Briosfreak hears the squirrels and monkey in the jungle closing in. He clicks the www.tubgirl.com link and his body explodes along with everything in a 10 mile radius. icon_flamed
Fallout Sitcom: The Finale in 3-d
California, Present Day
The first shots of the marines rang through my head and brought my wandering mind back into focus. This is the funeral for one of the last Carebear members, Megatron. A man who once saved my life, but more importantly, he was my friend. Cancer ate him to the bone, like an enemy in the night. I set a guitar on his dead body and told him to â€œRock on, old friend.â€
As I walk back to my car, with my wife waiting inside, I see a man lighting a cigar underneath the shadows of a tree. I should have known he would come but I was never quite sure. He was now over 300 pounds and had to use a cane.
â€œYou look like shit, whatâ€™s your secret?â€ said Killzig between his wheezing breaths for air.
â€œshut up why are you here?â€ I said.
â€œI have a mission for youâ€
â€œIâ€™m retired, why donâ€™t you get solid snake or sam fischer?â€
â€œCause I needâ€¦.THE BESTâ€
â€œCome one, Iâ€™ll brief you on the helicopterâ€ Killzig said.
I look over to my wife who has gotten out of the car and taken off her cloths and pumping her vagina with her finger and her thumb and the shape of it on her forehead. She gives me the crazy eye look but she knows what must be done and punches through the car window.
I jump onto the helicopter with Killzig and he begins briefing me the mission. The destination is E3 in Los Angeles.
I put on my leather chaps and a T-shirt. Killzig says â€œThis is a knockdown mission with two targets and lots of civilians in the area.â€
Pete Hinesâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦as Pete Hines.
â€œWhat are the targets danger level?â€ I Said.
â€œItâ€™s off the charts, extreme caution is advised.â€ I put on my leather jacket.
Todd Howardâ€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦â€¦..as Todd Howard.
â€œAnything else?â€ I said
â€œyes, there is a hostage that must get out ALIVE, spazmoâ€
â€œHURRRRR.â€ I strap my shotgun to my back.
We start closing in on our destination. â€œSpazmo there is one more thing. If you fail I will loose my bet with the other guys at work.â€ I get onto the Harley fatboy and start it up. I turn my head around to face Killzig and I say â€œTrust me.â€
FALLOUT SITCOM: THE FINALE IN 3-D
â€œZOMG thatz the best graphix I have ever sawâ€ â€“ IGN reporter
â€œOmg the back part of the helicopper is opening lolâ€ â€“ gamespy repoter
I explode out of the back of the helicopter with my harley while the helicopter is still in the air. I land on these two faggots that are crying because I broke one of their little bones. With the momentum and full speed I give the harley, I drive through the glass entrance sending glass shards everywhere that are stabbing people in the faces. I see an E3 map and I look for the Bethesda presentation time scheduleâ€¦its just about to start.
Chapter 3: Powa point
Iâ€™m doing Todd Howards nails who insists that he is equivalent of a Hollywood celebrity and must be treated like one. Some Asian immigrant is giving his hair a perm while Pete Hines is watching us with his solid black eyes.
â€œIs the PowerPoint ready, MSFD?â€ says Todd Howard.
â€œYes, sirâ€ I said.
â€œMr. Hines, can you please give us a moment in privacy?â€ There is no response from Pete Hines he just grabs the Asian lady by the hair and drags her outside and closes the door behind him. Todd jumps from his seat and slams my face against the wall and draws his body ever so close behind me. He unzips my pants and lets them drop to reveal my bare ass. He slams my head into the wall one last time before putting his cock into my ass.
I scream at the top of my lungs but no one wants to get involved when they see Pete Hines in front of the door protecting it from intruders with his press release papers. I can feel my asshole being torn because of Toddâ€™s massive pig cock. I feel like Iâ€™m about to pass out but then Pete knocks on the door and says â€œIt is time for the presentation Mr. Howard.â€ Todd stops his animal instincts and removes his cock from my ass allowing me to drop to the floor face down. He grabs some Neosporin and injects the whole tube in my ass.
He pats me on the back as he leaves.
Chapter 9: THE FLOOR
I drive to the back of the auditorium to where the Bethesda presentation was supposed to be held, like the guy at the Obsidian booth said. I then hear a voice of a kid with a hotdog down his throat saying something like â€œBUFFEDA PRESUNTATun BEING HELD ON EAST SIDE OF stadiumâ€
I peel out and accelerate full speed to the obsidian booth and slap that faggot in the face while on my way to the mission zone. I hear little girls calling the man, â€œUncle Furgie.â€
CHAPTER 1: BROADWAY
The stage goes dark while a man on a microphone says â€œImagine if you will, a world filled with adventure and mystery. A world that has been lost for hundreds of yearsâ€¦only to then be found so that everyone can see for the simple price of admission.â€ A spotlight comes on and focuses on Todd Howard in the middle of the stage with his head lowered. He slowly raises his head to face the audience and after a long pause he shouts â€œI GIVE YOU OBIVILION.â€ Images of a dragon flying around a ruined castle filled with photo realistic graphics, shows up behind him. The audience gasps in shock and then claps and screams in joy. â€œNo longer do we have to imagine what it will look like because now we can REALLY immerse ourselves in the adventure.â€
The doors to the theater slam open with a mysterious fog flowing in. A man in the fog screams â€œTOODDDDDDDDDD, YOU ARE A FAGGOTâ€
Todd draws in a deep breath through his nostrils that sucks up all the fog to reveal the man of mystery. Itâ€™s a lone warrior on a motorcycle.
â€œWHO IS THIS WHO CALLS ME THAT?â€ says Todd.
â€œI am spazmo, the last of the carebearsâ€ says the lone warrior. The crowd is in shock for they are in the time of a legend.
â€œTHY NOT CARE WHO THY IS BECAUSE THY WILL KILL YOU LOLâ€ says Todd who then gives a nod to Pete Hines to go get him.
I jump out of my stalker position and dive on top of Pete wrapping my legs and arms around him and screaming like a girl. â€œWTF are you doing MSFD?â€ said Todd.
â€œIâ€™m doing what I should of done a long time ago, DOGGY STYLEâ€ I said.
Chapter 7: Hurry up god damnit
I see all three subjects. Iâ€™m supposed to kill 2 of them and the other Iâ€™m supposed to do something other than kill him; I donâ€™t quite remember what it was.
I drive top speed down the alley toward the three with my shotgun drawn in one hand. I hit some baby on the ground that launches me and the bike into the air at the 3 subjects. The one named â€œToddâ€ dives out of the way and hits the XBOX key on the power point computer. The one with the black eyes waves a press release paper as a shield, but oh no that will not save you mister, and I take off his head with my front wheel sending him and the guy on his back into the worm hole with me.
The scenery changes to medieval times with dwarves running around when a dragon is destroying the place. A dwarf tries to grab my gun from my hand in my moment of daze but I punch him in the face. It felt like punching a kid in the face.
The dragon takes notice of us and I look back through the moving wormhole to see Todd playing on some xbox 180 controller, the faggot has control of the dragon. I remember the mission and look at the little girl still holding onto the headless body on the ground. She looks back at me and she reminds me of myself when I was younger. I offer my hand and say â€œCome with me if you want to live.â€
Once she gets onto the bike with me we race off driving through all the dwarves in the way. I see the giant dragon flying behind us at massive speeds and begin to blow out fire. I grab the girl and put her in front of me to protect her from the heat. The massive heat catches my back on fire. I see the wormhole up ahead and look backwards at the dragon with my shotgun in hand. I fire at its foot and it moans like a cow before diving into the ground.
Chapter 13: Rock On
â€œGOD DAMN CAMERA SYSTEM GIVE ME A BETTER VIEWâ€ says Todd. Spazmo and MSFD are coming towards me so like right and left are reversed for the dragon and it gets all confusing shit *SOB*.
When my dragon drops I hit the fire button because Iâ€™m pissed but then Iâ€™m like â€œLOL OH SHIT WORM HOLEâ€
Chapter 13: Rock on Part 2
The dragon makes a massive burst of fire that propels us at massive speed back through the worm hole and we see Todd Howard looking at us like a kid through a window. We catch Todd onto the front of my handle bars. We go through E3 audiotorium at 200 miles per hour making people in our wake burst into flames.
We are outside of the E3 and into the dessert as Todd slams his feet down making the bike flip over its front wheel. I grab the little girl and do a barrel role in the air so that I land on my back to protect her from the ground. We slide at least 20 feet and I can feel the rough dessert tearing my skin.
I look up into the sky and see the helicopter coming. I relax and look at the little girl and I see that she is crying.
â€œWhy do you cry?â€ I said.
â€œBecause it hurts and stuffâ€ said MSFD.
â€œYouâ€™re such a little girl. You have to toughen up and stuff.â€ I said.
â€œIâ€™m a fuckin 30 year old male you, assholeâ€ Said MFSD.
At that moment Todd jumps at me and puts his hands around my throat. I grab a susan shot out my pocket and stab him in the face. His face starts to bubble and grow.
â€œGET TO THE CHOPPA, MSFDâ€ I said. He jumps onto the chopper and I give Killzig the patriot look and he knows what must be done. He tells the pilot to lift off and get as far as way as possible. I whisper â€œRock on, MSFD, rock on.â€
I look Todd Howard in the eyes and say
â€œYOU ARE SUSINATEDâ€ before we blow up into oblivionâ€¦
Chapter 16: Candle in the wind
â€œMSFD your back, where is Todd and pete?â€ said some Bethesda employee.
â€œâ€¦they wont be with us anymore.â€ I said
â€œWell what are we supposed to do about Fallout 3? Is it supposed to be first person or isometric? Turn-based or real-time? What will the story be?â€ said the employee.
I look to the ceiling and see the ghosts of The Carebears staring back at me and Spazmo in the middle.
â€œRock on, kid, just rock onâ€ I said to the kid
I give one last look to the carebears ghosts and they give me a and I give one right back to them.
(To get the 3-d effect you have to cross your eyes while you read and listen to this http://media.putfile.com/Depeche-Mode-- ... Are-People
It was a warm and sunny day in mighty Canada and I was playing in the backyard with my friend from school while my brother Nicolai kept following us around asking if he could play too. I heard my parents fighting as I sat my ass on my brothers face while my friend held him down. I heard punches and glass breaking inside the house and I started to cry but then I unleashed a massive fart and a smirk hit my face as my brother squirmed.
My parents are getting a divorce, a long time in the making with possibly the only delay being what to do with us kids. Dinner at the table was awkward as my mom had black eyes and a swollen lip and my dad asked what my plans were for the summer even though he knew I was only 12 years old and that my plans included not a whole lot. He slammed down a cut out newspaper ad forâ€¦Military School.
FALLOUT SITCOM: 40K REDUX PART 4
Right before getting ready to go on the plane with my little brother to the secret Airport that led to the secret military base my mom stepped out of the car with half her face black and puffed out with her eye out of her socket. I clenched my hand and it made me want to punch my father till there was only a bloody mess left on the ground.
â€œSpazmo take care of your brotherâ€ said my mother who then looked at my brother and said â€œNicolai, listen to your bother and stay out of troubleâ€ as Nicolai then attempted to lick the tip of his nose with his eyes crossed and I slapped him on the back of his head. With Nicolai crying on the ground screaming that I broke his leg I gave my momma a hug and dragged my brother onto the plane with his stupid teddy bear he always brings with him.
â€œSir, the trainees are on their way to usâ€ said Killzig. This was his first job in his life and he was nervous as hell because he had to work with one of the most legendary Generals of all time. The general was at his desk with his chair turned towards the window behind the desk. All that Killzig could see was a stack of papers in the generalâ€™s hands and giant puffs of smoke coming from his cigar. The general swiveled his chair around to reveal himself in all his gloryâ€¦ it was Marlon Brando all 300 pounds of him. He tossed the papers that were in his hand onto the desk spreading them all out.
SPAZMO, Canada. 12 years old with natural abilities to lead men into battle.
MEGATRON, England. 12 years old with abilities in the scouting and things others canâ€™t understand.
KASHLUK, Finland. 12 years old but already the size of a 30 year old man with enough muscle to snap the most strongest of necks.
SMILEY, Denmark. 12 years old with one of the sharpest eye sights in the world, a natural born sniper.
NICOLAI brother of Spazmo, has to come along for Spazmo to join.
â€œSir, do you think they can do it?â€ said Killzig. Brando slowly looked into Killzigâ€™s eyes and said â€œThey are the only hope we have left for the free world.â€ Brando ripped a fart while retaining his deadly serious face while Killzig tried to hold back his laughter.
As we were lining up to get on the plane a giant limousine came up and a girl came out with a fur coat who looked like a stuck up bitch as she cut everyone in line and went in first to the plane saying â€œzomg get out of my way losers.â€
The kid behind us gave us the scoop on the bitch. His first words were â€œHeâ€™s a male. He goes by the name Subhuman because no one from the human race actually likes his gay ass.â€ The kid giving us the information was named Megatron from England who had a constant contorted face like he had smelt someone farts.
As we were all on the plane and off to our secret destination a fat man came out of the pilots cock pit dressing in a military uniform with stars all over. He looks all the students in the face while they curled in fear but then he took a quick glance at me and I felt a weird tingling sensation in my head.
â€œYou have the spunk kidâ€ said the giant fat man without saying a word. It was like he was talking directly into my head. â€œPrepare yourselfâ€¦Spazmo.â€
ZOmg all these people are fucking outcast buttfaces. I looked at the kid next to me and he made me want to barf because his cloths were soooo not matching. I almost cried when the general walked out with his puke green suit and has giant fat bodyâ€¦I felt my blood boil like it was on fire. I jumped out of my seat and did a super rainbow flip with my feet coming straight for the generals face but he disappeared as I landed on the ground where he was standing I look to my right and I see a giant fat hand coming at me and hit me in the throat knocking the air out of me.
The whole airplane laughed and I started to cry. I ran up to one of the windows and bashed it open with my head creating a blow dryer type effect but times 100.
Chapter 72 goddamnit
I opened my eyes but the sun was blinding and I heard the screams of children flying through the air falling to their doom. I tried to get up but a giant fist hit me in the face 5 times and I started to go asleep but before I went to sleep I could hear my brotherâ€™s screams. â€œHELP ME SPAZMOâ€¦help meâ€ as he was dragged away before I finally passed out.
[Click on this link and the let the music load and start playing before reading the rest; http://personal.inet.fi/clan/kashluk/fa ... mesong.mp3 ]
Chapter 111: Mega-punch
LOL this is so fun flying through the air. I felt the warm tropical air in my face as I was flying to the ground at like a thousand feet per second. The ground looked like it was coming a bit too fast so I opened my mouth and parachuted to the ground softly and noticed that I had drifted into a jungle type area. A swarm of mosquitoes came at me and they started to make noise like someone was talking to me.
â€œMEGATRON, MY NAME IS DRAUDNAUGHT.â€
â€œSPEAK TO ME YOU FAGGOTâ€ and then fat kid appeared before me who was horrendously ugly as thousands of mosquitoes probably filled with malaria swarmed about him.
We both stared at each other for a couple minutes analyzing each other and Draudnaught started to get even angrier.
â€œSAY SOMETHING GOD DAMNITâ€ but I didnâ€™t understand what he wanted me to say. He started to come closer to me and I felt a bit threatened as he walked closer until he was about 2 inches from my face and mosquitoes were surrounding us both. I said the only thing that could come to mind.
â€œYour fat and have sickle cell anemiaâ€ and then I punch him with my mega punch right in the face and he flew a thousand feet into a pool of water as he sunk to the bottom cause he didnâ€™t know how to swim.
I laughed and started to run away somewhere more interesting.
Chapter 89: Fe Fi Fo Fung
My whole body was acking like I just had done a million butt squats but when I tried to look up as I was face down someone slammed my head into the ground. It felt like I had something inserted in my butt but I was almost too soar to check it out. The second time I tried to lift my body up it was pushed down again and I started to realize that someone was on my back. I donâ€™t know what they were doing but it seems that they have confused me as a horse. I twist my head and saw someone wearing some type of deformed cowboy hat, like it was a wannabe cowboy hat.
â€œHey! Get off of me you assholeâ€ I said but I got no response only more thrusting and my asshole started to hurt tremendously.
â€œME AUSTRIALIAN COWBOY YEEHA!!â€ said the guy on my back but he wasnâ€™t really speaking to me just to himself. It became obvious that he had selective hearing and only does what he wants and not what anyone tells him to do.
I see my uncle Kashluk Senior Bob in the distance as a ghostly image and I saw a smaller image of myself, it was like a flashback. I could hear my uncle saying â€œKashluk Junior Baby, you have to believe in yourself.â€
Then when I squeezed my buns as tight as I could and the blood out of the guyâ€™s penis rushed back into his body as I squeezed even more. I squeezed so hard that all the blood rushed to his head and his head exploded. I relaxed my buns as shit oozed out of them. I took a look at the cowboy hat the guy was wearing and all it said was â€œDarkUnderlord.â€
Heâ€™s still coming after me goddamnit and Iâ€™ve been running for over a half hour. Iâ€™ve never seen anything like it, itâ€™s like a human cradle top as the mans head was like a giant freaken cone. He been spinning on top of it and coming at alarming speed with his legs imitating a helicopter. When I turned my head back to in front of me I see him appear instantly and head bunt me with his massive cone head.
â€œI was inâ€¦Iraqâ€ said the guy. He then started charging at me with his head like a rhino and I took a rock that was next to my foot and aimed with all my might and I hit him right on the top of his head and the guy started to cry. The impact of the rock made the guys head swell and turned it into massive proportions until he couldnâ€™t lift his head up and I could see the fear in his eyes.
â€œHelp me smiley, Iâ€™m scaredâ€ and a couple tears started to roll down his face. I did what I thought was best and I smashed his fuckin face in with my foot but he kept talking so I kept smashing it until all that was left was a giant bloody messâ€¦
Chapter She Bangs She Bangs
I wake up and find my brothers teddy bear by my side and a trail leading over a hill but I hear a small rumbling in the area and I look to my right and see some kid with massive running skills coming at me. He looked like he was walking like a toddler but at about thousand feet per second. He stopped about 5 feet away from me and I noticed it was megatron. He looked at the teddy bear in my hands and knew what my agenda was and gave me the nod that comrades give each other.
We walked a bit further up the hill and saw another kid from the plane called Kashluk who was a very big kid but it looked like he shit his pants. We didnâ€™t really talk to him but he followed us anyways. Once we reached the top of the hill we met one other kid named Smiley who had some fucked up ears and stuff. We didnâ€™t like him much but he wasnâ€™t as bad as subhuman. All four of us walked down the hill to the cliff.
Chapter Sweet martini
ZOMG thank god I stole the drink cart from the airplane so that now I can mix my own drink. I just mixed a bit of orange juice with some anti-freeze and it created the perfect blend of taste in my mouthâ€¦
â€œLet me go you faggotâ€ said Nicolai. I threw my drink in his face and he started to cry but then he hit me in the balls. Surprisingly it didnâ€™t hurt as much as I thought and it almost felt good but I had to make sure he didnâ€™t do it again and I gave him my bitchslap right to the face and I flew back doing a backflip in mid air off of the cliff. I started to masturbate furiously while I made a new drink to admire the scene.
Chapter DIE YOU FAG
I see my brother fly off of the cliff and hear his screams until a giant splat echoes from the cliff as he hits the rocks bellow. I felt a tingling in the back of me headâ€¦
â€œSpazmo, let go of your feelings and attack at the heart of the beastâ€¦â€ Said brando in my head.
I run at Subhuman but he bitch slaps me in the face and I punch him in his throat and he barfs up the drink that he was sipping on and I saw the rainbows in his eyes and it just made me angrier.
â€œMix thisâ€¦faggotâ€ and I did a super roundhouse kick and tore off has his face and broke his neck in the process. He fell to the ground and created a giant pool of blood that was pink in color.
I stare at the body on the rocks below the beach and I shed a tear while Megatron, Kashluk, and Smiley stand by my side. The sun was beginning to set and I grasped the teddy bear in my hand tighter. Off into the sunset I see the ghost of my brother and Marlon Brando holding hands while Brando said;
â€œYou areâ€¦.The Carebears.â€