It's my own fault really, I thought if I just kept my head down and played it straight, I could get away with it, and even if someone said something or made some bad jokes, I could deal with it. I'm a big boy, I've heard all the jokes.
I was wrong.. So very wrong. About everything.
First off, I'm African-American, I knew playing an Apex online would have...consequences. Micheal Duncan Clark played an ape in Planet of the Apes and got hassled for it for a LONG time afterwords... he also got several million dollars as well... so...yeah.
I didn't tell anyone on the server I was black. I felt no need. Things went pretty well for a while, and then I ran into some other people and we all started cracking jokes and talking about the various races. I knew the monkey jokes would start in, but like I said, I'm a big boy, I just turned 37 in September. I knew that as an African American monkey jokes are not kosher when said to an African American, but I thought I could take it.
I was wrong.
The jokes started and they did not bother me... at first... until someone mentioned the "Fruit****** 3000* from penny arcade, and someone else, then made a "monkey ******* " joke, I'm not even sure if it was intended for my character there were other Apex around. I told everyone i was tired and to have a good night.
I honestly thought that those kind of things wouldn't bother me. But it did. I've been taught all my life not to take things like that or just to ignore them because acknowledging them would just give them power.
But the thing is I WAS PLAYING AN APEX! I expected the jokes. It still hurt like hell when they came though. I couldn't well tell the people I was with that they "Hurt my feelings by calling my Apex names", They had no idea I was black. Even then I was playing a walking talking monkey. Telling them that monkey jokes were out...that would have been hubris and really embarrassing for everyone involved
And really at that point what could I have said? Your not allowed to make monkey jokes to an Apex because the guy playing it could possibly be black or a minority of some sort? That would have been a jerk move as well.
Like I said I thought I was beyond all that. But in truth I am not. Somewhere deep in the recesses of my mind I finally figured why it bothered me and why Micheal Clarke Duncan got so much crap for playing one in a movie.
Because after you've been called one in real for how you look, it's hard to just disregard the negative connotations when your playing one.