Here is an early draft:
http://www.indiegogo.com/project/preview/f12c5571 what you think? I was thinking of 2 videos [don't watch these yet, these are some random ones I put], the first one about the game and a separate one "about me" in the "Team" section (since not everyone will be interested in my history and my previous projects etc yet it's seems to be obligatory to some people). I also wonder about the "Development cycle" part, maybe I should remove/reduce the description how I work, how long I have been making games and the like (I get a slight impression of an unecessary boasting in that part, I don't know)...
My thoughts on your preview link:
1. Change the fonts. That "old-school" / "retro" blockish font from early computing days SCREAMS hipster wannabe indie dev game. Please go with something better. Even Arial would be better.
I saw your icon (the ugly pixelated whatever that thing is supposed to be) combined with the font and I was ready to close the page.
People are looking to fund a project that looks like it is going to happen not yet another "indie dev fantasy."
Under "The game" which is listed twice and, as such, redundant - not to mention the capitalization is inconsistent (pick a style and stick to it) you have "Singeplayer, 4X, space empire builder, turn based." Change that to either: Singleplayer. 4X. Space Empire Builder. Turn Based. or Singleplayer, 4X, space empire builder, and turn based. Remember your demographic - detail oriented nerdy types.
Fix up your grammar throughout.
What's with the linestruck words? Remove those if they are meant to be gone or if it is meant to be 'cute' or whatever just rephrase to be clear on what you are attempting to say.
Under Development cycle - fix up the grammar. You really need to sit down and fix up the entire page.
Then we don't care about if this is your first, second, or fifth game. If it is your sixth game LIST all the previous examples with links to them otherwise it's just noise in the wind and a distraction.
If you "release regular builds" LIST them right then and there.
If you keep in touch link to your forums, twitter account, wherever you are busy and engaged. Prove it.
Remove the "except if a game is *really* terrible and a total failure.
Get rid of the ??? under the who makes the game.
I would suggest that at this point you list off how far you are into the game and how long it's taken you to hit various milestones. Assuming you have some kind of project management software going in the background to keep you on track take a screenshot of that with your milestones being met.
You want to build confidence in someone who might be willing to give you money. They want to see a displayed track record on this game and have an idea how long it is taking you to do things. The more transparent you are the better.
Next write about what is left to do. What would people be funding? You are at X stage in the project and you need to do the following to complete it. List how long, roughly, you estimate each major milestone will take. Be reasonable and upfront about it. Be extremely generous with your estimates - if you think it'll take a month then list two months. Give yourself a buffer. You are trying to manage expectations here. People will accept a task taking six months if that is what they are told it will take. They won't accept a task taking six months if they were told it would take one.
Your stretch goals are terrible and don't seem related to anything.
Come up with a real plan here - a stretch goal would basically mean you'd have more money hence more time to work on the game. So expand the game in a reasonable manner with each reasonable amount. If you need $1,000 USD to live a month and you get $3,000 USD what would you do with that three months of living? What could you reasonably add to the game?
Would you maybe contract another artist? Would you contract some people to do QA? Be real about this.
What is that $30k USD goal? If at $30k USD the game is actually funded then shouldn't you be asking for 30k? That's a huge red flag and probably a deal breaker for most people.
Your prospective audience does not know who you are. And, frankly, they don't really care (as evidenced by previous kickstarters and other funding drives). They care about the dream of the game and whether or not you appear capable of delivering it. Your entire pitch needs to focus on those two things.
Sell the dream.
Sell your ability to make it happen.
Good luck with it.
Plus, as I said, it does not need to cover all the costs (after release the game will be still sold), it's the quick money which I could use for freelancers & services not as my salary (that one can wait).
