The STEAM Sales and Releases Thread

[Jinn]

WILL NEVER GO ON SALE!!!

 

[Unkillable Cat]

Fun fact: For the April 1988-issue of ZX Spectrum-gaming magainze "Your Spectrum", there was this review for a game called Advanced Lawnmowing Simulator.

'The most advanced domestic chore simulation yet to hit the home micro,' claims the advertising blurb. 'Awe inspiringly realistic with a near infinite number of randomly generated rural and suburban lawn scenarios.' Hollow advertising rhetoric? So much insincere profit chasing hype? ...Not on your grass-box, matey; this game is ACE!

You, a humble YTS junior gardener, start off with a very small tool-box, one can of petrol and a standard issue Campari 'Lawn Master' motor mower. Your first randomly generated garden is guaranteed to be camber free and generally straightforward in design, so a fast but neat job and you will be awarded points (in the guise of sandwiches), by the incredibly grateful home owner.

In the age old tradition of 'Points Make Prizes', you'll be able to start upgrading your equipment: more tools for your tool-box; extra spacers for the flymo (if indeed you have one); more cans of petrol or oil and, in general, more power to your grassware.

You'll need all the extras and add-ons you can lay your little green fingers on, if you want to climb the gardening hierarchy. The gardens get progressively bigger, have increasing cambers, hidden 'traps' such as stones and old wire coat-hangers, and grassy banks sloping into ornate but potentially ruinous duck-ponds. Probably most dangerous of all, on higher levels, are the rose gardens; you won't make head gardener after you've accidentally totalled three square feet of Lady Talbot-Smythe's prized pink-perpetuals!

Gardensoft is a brand new publishing house that looks set to carve quite a niche for itself in the simulations market. Its press release promises several follow-up games, to be blanket released within the next month or two, such as a spring cleaning game in which you have to rifle through the cupboard under the stairs before you can even start the game proper; a washing-up simulator (which incorporates a drying-up simulator); and best of all, a launderette game in which you have to clean ten large bags of assorted colours and materials. Sounds easy? Well not really, because most of the clothes have missing labels.

All these games sound absolutely ber-illiant, but we'll have to wait and see. As for now? Well, we do have the Advanced Lawn-Mowing Simulation, and that IS brilliant.

It got a 9/10 score on all fronts.

But here's the thing: It was an April Fool's joke. The game didn't exist upon the review being released, and for two years they let the joke persist.

But then they raised the stakes... and actually released the game on the mag's covertape in August 1990!

Sporting a whoppin' six lawnmowers to choose from (but five of them are broken and don't work) it was literal seat-of-your-pants gameplay as you pressed the M-key to mow a single unit of lawn. Hold down the button for enhanced gameplay! But after mowing a few lawns the game auto-kills you as your lawnmower hits a rock and blows up. (Those familiar with Ski Free know the feeling.)

And now, 33 years later... the joke continues.

 

[IDtenT]

Truly an Unkillable Cat.

 

[LESS T_T]

Stella Pastoris, monochrome post-apocalyptic colony sim:

Dire Vengeance, cool-looking stage-based 2D platformer:

Into the Pit, another boom boom shooter published by Humble:

Stray Blade, some action RPG published by 505 Games:

Lenny Loosejocks Goes Walkabout, rerelease of some obscure(?) Shockwave game. Apparently they're looking for fund to make third game:

 

[Black Plague]

And now, 33 years later... the joke continues.

Warning,

Spoiler

 

[ferratilis]

Hell yeah, Valfaris is getting a sequel \m/

 

[Riskbreaker]

Geistjogger is out yo

You boys better be buyin some of that shit.

 

[LESS T_T]

Prisonscape is... alive. (Yeah, I really didn't know there have been activities recently.)

 

[karoliner]

 

[Curratum]

Stop posting indie boomer shooters that will either never get finished or stay in EAccess for 5 years.

 

[Riskbreaker]

I do hope that this thing is actually good, I've been itching for a revival of this style of survival horror what with all these other retro revivals around.
The last game that tried to sell itself as a classic, fixed-camera survival horror with modern visuals, Song of Horror, did nothing for me. This one at least features combat and resource management by the looks of it, so at least that's an improvement over Song of Horror's combo of QTEs and enemy avoidance.

 

[Abu Antar]

JarlFrank

 

[JarlFrank]

JarlFrank

I bought one of these games once.

Not recommended

 

[karoliner]

This one is made by a single guy from Poland.

 

[LESS T_T]

Weird RPGs.

Grim Tranquility, sci-fi roguelite RPG about colonizing alien world:

Circe's revenge, erotic RPG where you are turning into a pig by witch's curse:

(There are NSFW screenshots)

 

[Multi-headed Cow]

Fucking false advertising, you get turned into a man-pig. Here I am getting hard at the thought of turning into a mad rapist boar running around the countryside and I'm met with humanoid screenshots. Pathetic.

 

[zwanzig_zwoelf]

The best Diablo game is finally on Steam.

 

[karoliner]

Who even remembers Metatron?

Denuvo nonsense

 

[lightbane]

Who even remembers Metatron?

SMT fans, duh.

Spoiler

No idea about this game though. It looks like they're making remakes and adaptations of many PS3-era games.

 

[infidel]

I do hope that this thing is actually good, I've been itching for a revival of this style of survival horror what with all these other retro revivals around.
The last game that tried to sell itself as a classic, fixed-camera survival horror with modern visuals, Song of Horror, did nothing for me. This one at least features combat and resource management by the looks of it, so at least that's an improvement over Song of Horror's combo of QTEs and enemy avoidance.

I highly doubt this whole Steam section will ever get somewhere above the level of Silent Hill and Resident Evil fan-fiction. For example, her costume:

The first thing that comes to mind is this ("yeah, like her but make the skirt shorter, huehuehue, oh yeah, and boobs bigger"):

That kind of tells you what are the visual references of the person making this. The next obvious thing is this:

"Yeah, and Imma make a preacher and he's gonna tell shit about God and pray but fail because that's what Silent Hill is about." I wonder if the game creator ever opened Bible.

Gameplay-wise, sure, a copypaste of SH-style combat/camera, could be at least playable. Art assets look fine, too. But as for plot and writing, don't even hope.

 

[MadMaxHellfire]

Who even remembers Metatron?

 

[infidel]

I might need to add some sex into ParasiteRL.

 

[ferratilis]

Free to keep on Steam amigos

 

[Curratum]

Free to keep on Steam amigos

59,56€ Add all DLC to Cart

 

[LESS T_T]

Strategy First rereleases 2002 RTS Dragon Throne: Battle of Red Cliffs: