Interview Todd Howard needs help

[Levski 1912]

problems of Morrowind, fixed they are.

In fairyland you be
Disappointed you shall be
This isn't supposed to be Disney shit
That's why we're bitching about it.

 

[Blacklung]

I don't think shoot and foot rhyme.

Never stopped a lot of famous poets. :wink:

 

[RpgMage]

Complaining not I am
Close to my heart is this gem
Or at least gem it could be
But my eyes they do not deceive me

Methinks what might lack in this creation
is sufficient imagination

Of long loading times our fan complains,
so large cities became the birds bane.
Of his favorite gimmick Gavin speaks,
"it's all dumbing down!" the fan-boy shrieks.
"I have no blades to throw" cried the thief,
"bow and shadows" he sighed with relieve.
Extremely weak the pure-mage used to be,
staffs are swords to this mage, don’t you agree?
So why does this boy bring out the sticky tar,
problems of Morrowind, fixed they are.

 

[Drakron]

The sound of hoofbeats 'cross the glade,
Good folk, lock up your son and daughter,
Beware the deadly flashing blade,
Unless you want to end up shorter.

Black Adder, Black Adder, he rides a pitch black steed.
Black Adder, Black Adder, he's very bad indeed.

Black: his gloves of finest mole,
Black: his codpiece made of metal,
His horse is blacker than a vole,
His pot is blacker than his kettle.

Black Adder, Black Adder, with many a cunning plan.
Black Adder, Black Adder, you horrid little man.

 

[Micmu]

Hey Tim, lets go talk to Howard.
Yeah that's a good idea.

Hey Howard, how are you doing?
Yeah Howard.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHHHHAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAAHHA
You guys are crazy man!

Hey Howard, i was breathing oxygen today.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Howard, i was wondering if you had like, that Oblivion game?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Oh, you guys are insane!
You guys are crazy!

Hey Howard, I was walking on the sidewalk today.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Hey Howard, I was wondering, you know like,
you like have a pencil or something?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

[Fresh]

Stop the presses! .OB totally ripped of the poisonous apples idea from 'Hunting Humans'!

http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=3524

 

[POOPERSCOOPER]

California, Present Day

The first shots of the marines rang through my head and brought my wandering mind back into focus. This is the funeral for one of the last Carebear members, Megatron. A man who once saved my life, but more importantly, he was my friend. Cancer ate him to the bone, like an enemy in the night. I set a guitar on his dead body and told him to “Rock on, old friend.”

As I walk back to my car, with my wife waiting inside, I see a man lighting a cigar underneath the shadows of a tree. I should have known he would come but I was never quite sure. He was now over 300 pounds and had to use a cane.

“You look like shit, what’s your secret?” said Killzig between his wheezing breaths for air.
“shut up why are you here?” I said.
“I have a mission for you”
“I’m retired, why don’t you get solid snake or sam fischer?”
“Cause I need….THE BEST”

“Come one, I’ll brief you on the helicopter” Killzig said.

I look over to my wife who has gotten out of the car and taken off her cloths and pumping her vagina with her finger and her thumb and the shape of it on her forehead. She gives me the crazy eye look but she knows what must be done and punches through the car window.

I jump onto the helicopter with Killzig and he begins briefing me the mission. The destination is E3 in Los Angeles.

Spazmo………………………………………as Spazmo.

I put on my leather chaps and a T-shirt. Killzig says “This is a knockdown mission with two targets and lots of civilians in the area.”

Pete Hines……………………………………as Pete Hines.

“What are the targets danger level?” I Said.
“It’s off the charts, extreme caution is advised.” I put on my leather jacket.

Todd Howard………………………………..as Todd Howard.

“Anything else?” I said
“yes, there is a hostage that must get out ALIVE, spazmo”
“HURRRRR.” I strap my shotgun to my back.

MSFD………………………………………..as MrSmileyFaceDude
We start closing in on our destination. “Spazmo there is one more thing. If you fail I will loose my bet with the other guys at work.” I get onto the Harley fatboy and start it up. I turn my head around to face Killzig and I say “Trust me.”

FALLOUT SITCOM: THE FINALE IN 3-D

“ZOMG thatz the best graphix I have ever saw” – IGN reporter
“Omg the back part of the helicopper is opening lol” – gamespy repoter

I explode out of the back of the helicopter with my harley while the helicopter is still in the air. I land on these two faggots that are crying because I broke one of their little bones. With the momentum and full speed I give the harley, I drive through the glass entrance sending glass shards everywhere that are stabbing people in the faces. I see an E3 map and I look for the Bethesda presentation time schedule…its just about to start.

Chapter 3: Powa point
I’m doing Todd Howards nails who insists that he is equivalent of a Hollywood celebrity and must be treated like one. Some Asian immigrant is giving his hair a perm while Pete Hines is watching us with his solid black eyes.

“Is the PowerPoint ready, MSFD?” says Todd Howard.
“Yes, sir” I said.
“Mr. Hines, can you please give us a moment in privacy?” There is no response from Pete Hines he just grabs the Asian lady by the hair and drags her outside and closes the door behind him. Todd jumps from his seat and slams my face against the wall and draws his body ever so close behind me. He unzips my pants and lets them drop to reveal my bare ass. He slams my head into the wall one last time before putting his cock into my ass.

I scream at the top of my lungs but no one wants to get involved when they see Pete Hines in front of the door protecting it from intruders with his press release papers. I can feel my asshole being torn because of Todd’s massive pig cock. I feel like I’m about to pass out but then Pete knocks on the door and says “It is time for the presentation Mr. Howard.” Todd stops his animal instincts and removes his cock from my ass allowing me to drop to the floor face down. He grabs some Neosporin and injects the whole tube in my ass.

He pats me on the back as he leaves.


Chapter 9: THE FLOOR
I drive to the back of the auditorium to where the Bethesda presentation was supposed to be held, like the guy at the Obsidian booth said. I then hear a voice of a kid with a hotdog down his throat saying something like “BUFFEDA PRESUNTATun BEING HELD ON EAST SIDE OF stadium”

I peel out and accelerate full speed to the obsidian booth and slap that faggot in the face while on my way to the mission zone. I hear little girls calling the man, “Uncle Furgie.”

CHAPTER 1: BROADWAY

The stage goes dark while a man on a microphone says “Imagine if you will, a world filled with adventure and mystery. A world that has been lost for hundreds of years…only to then be found so that everyone can see for the simple price of admission.” A spotlight comes on and focuses on Todd Howard in the middle of the stage with his head lowered. He slowly raises his head to face the audience and after a long pause he shouts “I GIVE YOU OBIVILION.” Images of a dragon flying around a ruined castle filled with photo realistic graphics, shows up behind him. The audience gasps in shock and then claps and screams in joy. “No longer do we have to imagine what it will look like because now we can REALLY immerse ourselves in the adventure.”

The doors to the theater slam open with a mysterious fog flowing in. A man in the fog screams “TOODDDDDDDDDD, YOU ARE A FAGGOT”

Todd draws in a deep breath through his nostrils that sucks up all the fog to reveal the man of mystery. It’s a lone warrior on a motorcycle.

“WHO IS THIS WHO CALLS ME THAT?” says Todd.
“I am spazmo, the last of the carebears” says the lone warrior. The crowd is in shock for they are in the time of a legend.
“THY NOT CARE WHO THY IS BECAUSE THY WILL KILL YOU LOL” says Todd who then gives a nod to Pete Hines to go get him.

I jump out of my stalker position and dive on top of Pete wrapping my legs and arms around him and screaming like a girl. “WTF are you doing MSFD?” said Todd.
“I’m doing what I should of done a long time ago, DOGGY STYLE” I said.

Chapter 7: Hurry up god damnit
I see all three subjects. I’m supposed to kill 2 of them and the other I’m supposed to do something other than kill him; I don’t quite remember what it was.

I drive top speed down the alley toward the three with my shotgun drawn in one hand. I hit some baby on the ground that launches me and the bike into the air at the 3 subjects. The one named “Todd” dives out of the way and hits the XBOX key on the power point computer. The one with the black eyes waves a press release paper as a shield, but oh no that will not save you mister, and I take off his head with my front wheel sending him and the guy on his back into the worm hole with me.

The scenery changes to medieval times with dwarves running around when a dragon is destroying the place. A dwarf tries to grab my gun from my hand in my moment of daze but I punch him in the face. It felt like punching a kid in the face.

The dragon takes notice of us and I look back through the moving wormhole to see Todd playing on some xbox 180 controller, the faggot has control of the dragon. I remember the mission and look at the little girl still holding onto the headless body on the ground. She looks back at me and she reminds me of myself when I was younger. I offer my hand and say “Come with me if you want to live.”

Once she gets onto the bike with me we race off driving through all the dwarves in the way. I see the giant dragon flying behind us at massive speeds and begin to blow out fire. I grab the girl and put her in front of me to protect her from the heat. The massive heat catches my back on fire. I see the wormhole up ahead and look backwards at the dragon with my shotgun in hand. I fire at its foot and it moans like a cow before diving into the ground.

Chapter 13: Rock On
“GOD DAMN CAMERA SYSTEM GIVE ME A BETTER VIEW” says Todd. Spazmo and MSFD are coming towards me so like right and left are reversed for the dragon and it gets all confusing shit *SOB*.

When my dragon drops I hit the fire button because I’m pissed but then I’m like “LOL OH SHIT WORM HOLE”

Chapter 13: Rock on Part 2
The dragon makes a massive burst of fire that propels us at massive speed back through the worm hole and we see Todd Howard looking at us like a kid through a window. We catch Todd onto the front of my handle bars. We go through E3 audiotorium at 200 miles per hour making people in our wake burst into flames.

We are outside of the E3 and into the dessert as Todd slams his feet down making the bike flip over its front wheel. I grab the little girl and do a barrel role in the air so that I land on my back to protect her from the ground. We slide at least 20 feet and I can feel the rough dessert tearing my skin.

I look up into the sky and see the helicopter coming. I relax and look at the little girl and I see that she is crying.

“Why do you cry?” I said.
“Because it hurts and stuff” said MSFD.
“You’re such a little girl. You have to toughen up and stuff.” I said.
“I’m a fuckin 30 year old male you, asshole” Said MFSD.

At that moment Todd jumps at me and puts his hands around my throat. I grab a susan shot out my pocket and stab him in the face. His face starts to bubble and grow.

“GET TO THE CHOPPA, MSFD” I said. He jumps onto the chopper and I give Killzig the patriot look and he knows what must be done. He tells the pilot to lift off and get as far as way as possible. I whisper “Rock on, MSFD, rock on.”
I look Todd Howard in the eyes and say

“YOU ARE SUSINATED” before we blow up into oblivion…


Chapter 16: Candle in the wind

“MSFD your back, where is Todd and pete?” said some Bethesda employee.
“…they wont be with us anymore.” I said
“Well what are we supposed to do about Fallout 3? Is it supposed to be first person or isometric? Turn-based or real-time? What will the story be?” said the employee.


I look to the ceiling and see the ghosts of The Carebears staring back at me and Spazmo in the middle.

“Rock on, kid, just rock on” I said to the kid

I give one last look to the carebears ghosts and they give me a salute and I give one right back to them.

The End

(To get the 3-d effect you have to cross your eyes while you read and listen to this http://media.putfile.com/Depeche-Mode-- ... Are-People

 

[Elwro]

Touching.

*sobs*

 

[kingcomrade]

It's wonderful! Pooper you just made up for every single retarded post you ever made.

 

[Thrawn05]

*holds up lighter and swings arm*

 

[Fresh]

Hahaha, good story!

 

[dunduks]

Such a great story, brought a tear to my eye!

 

[Fresh]

Speaking of MSFD, anyone seen him around lately? Is Todd keeping him locked up somewhere?

 

[Thrawn05]

Speaking of MSFD, anyone seen him around lately? Is Todd keeping him locked up somewhere?

Think the ESF lock policy on the Codex effects BethDevs as well. Bethesda's minders watch the Codex to make sure MSFD and kathode don't post here anymore.