Ah, so I found what he was talking about.
I did not ignore you because of that. I ignored you because every thing you said to me at that time was a trolling attempt of some kind I was getting tired and wasn't a pretty happy person at the time. Before you started acting like I jerk I used to be quite nice to you, or at least I believe I was.
Other than that, where's the big discovery? I said so myself: One of the first personal things I did talk about here was that I could not afford people to link the real me and the online me to one another, because that would end my life and probably get my dad to kill me. It follows while all the stories I have told are in some level -true- they are heavily edited and twisted to make it impossible, or at least very hard, for people to follow them back to me. I do not even like anime beyond a short number of movies and a couple of shows, for fuck's sake.
I never came here to share my innermost worries with you nor did I came here after a point to talk about role playing games, as one of the first things I removed from my personality once I learned to remove parts of it was liking role playing games to begin with as that would have gotten in the path of -learning to be- popular. I came here, or kept coming here beyond a certain moment, because this is one of the few places I have found were I do not have to keep up the charade of not being completely broken. In that way I am not that different from Prosper, or Drog, or you yourself. *shrug*
But I wasn't particularly -trolling-. I was just having the kind of fun I usually can't have any other way because -mind your manners- and -speak properly- and -haven't you gained half a gram? you should be ashamed of your lack of self control, I do not pay you a gym for that-, and romanticing the way my life sucks to forget how much it actually hurts. Thus my ex is not just a sociopath delinquent who enjoys torturing people, studying the occult is actually a fun and lighthearted adventure about brooms and pointy hats instead of serious business that screw with your head in ways most of you are not going to understand anyway, and I am not going to die a day at random because my health collapsed all of a sudden, etc. And I am not forced to be the girl who is always expected to be proper and distant in all her relationships with people, I can share whatever I want as long as it is only -symbolicaly- real.
Yet, to be honest, I hate all of you. Or, say, most of you. No, scratch that. At some level I hate all of you, even the ones I actually like, and a couple of you I actually like a lot (as friends, don't get ideas). You are all the kind of people I was raised to despise: You are nerds and geeks, and misfits no one likes, and weak willed louts. You are improper and have no manners, you are loud and dirty, and the only standards most of you have are about -videogames- of all things. Yet behind it all that's exactly what I would have liked to be, and then I hate my guts even more than I hate you all. I despise this retarded airheaded persona, I despise enjoying your puppy like antics, I despise coming back even after what she did because I can't escape being myself in any other place, and I despise having fun in such a place even more than I despise everything else.
I -hate you all-. You are shameful excuses of human beings, all of you. Which makes me one too.
I don't know why "Erika" did what she did, and you can believe she's a voice in my head, an imaginary friend, or a familiar spirit for all I care. At that, how can I be sure -you- are not all voices in my head and imaginary friends I created to deal with my issues one way or another? As far as I know something went spectacularly wrong with my experiments and research, and I went bonkers. Considering the kind of experiments I tend to do that's quite possible, and it's just my luck as a result I would get an army of nerdy voices angry over videogames instead of, say, a bunch of incubi.
But I digress. I believe this is exactly why she did it regardless of she being real or a particularly nasty Tulpa, I don't really care one way or another as long as the consequences of her actions I have to bear with. I am tired of this shit. I am tired of you all, I am tired of this persona, I am tired of this place. I thought this would be fun but there's no style on this. Even when fun it is ugly, even when amusing it is disgusting. The only thing that remains is that it is -easy-, which is an adjective quite absent from the rest of my life.
Or, at least, that was the only thing that remained, but it seems I don't even have that now and my stay here will be just having to read jokes about stuff I don't want to read jokes about, which kind of supercedes this place's function in me getting as far away from my life as possible.
So, uhm, conglaturations. You discovered something I told you myself a couple of years ago. @_@
About fucking time, too.
I guess that means this is it. *shrug*
Gee, well. It was fun while it lasted, I guess. Maybe the next time I feel like hanging with you guys I'll just be as I am the rest of the time instead of keeping the stupid persona, though for that I'll just hang around the civilized 99% of the internet instead.
But there's one thing you were wrong about Andhy. Make that two, actually. Or, say, three, but one I already mentioned up there.
1. That's the fantasy of -all- teen girls, not only the proto Hamburger Helper ones.
2. I go to an all girls school, so the guys my psycho ex tend to hurt are obviously not from my school. Though I have a couple of classmates I wouldn't be surprised if they were to change their name to Mario and grow a dick in the coming years.