Review Zero Punctuation: The Escapist still hates The Witcher

[Ausir]

Tags: CD Projekt; Witcher, The

In <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/zeropunctuation/2831-Zero-Punctuation-The-Witcher> the latest Zero Punctuation</a> video at <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/>The Escapist</a>, Yahtzee Croshaw gives his first impressions of CD Projekt's <a href=http://www.thewitcher.com>The Witcher</a>, and finds it "boring and stodgy". He also calls it a single-player MMORPG (as those are known for their choices and consequences).
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Just when I thought Zero Punctuation was the only decent part of The Escapist left... At least unlike <a href=http://www.escapistmagazine.com/articles/view/editorials/2672-Review-The-Witcher>some others</a> he doesn't call his first impressions of an unfinished game a "review".

 

[Madman]

What a fuckin' bastard. Whatever he wants to say, he simply can't compare TW to MMO! If so, Oblivion would be a classical single RPG, not MMO clone:/

 

[thesheeep]

Wtf?

Is this guy desperately trying to be something special or is he really THAT dumb?...

 

[Edward_R_Murrow]

I'm okay when somebody finds RPGs to be pretty "boring" and "choresome". A lot of my "real life" friends do, and I don't really hate them at all for that. It's all a matter of taste.

But what makes this guy a freakin' hypocrite beyond all measure is that he likes Oblivion, finds that "not boring", and hates the Witcher for being boring. Hello, does not compute. Factor in his Paper Mario obsession to crank the hypocrisy to maximum levels, as Paper Mario is exactly the same type of minimally interactive combat a the Witcher, except it has no challenge whatsoever. Also consider how linear and "fetchy" the quests in both Paper Mario and Oblivion are and the hypocrisy just cranks up to eleven.

The guy's funny as hell, but maybe should actually focus a wee bit more on actually making a coherent argument that doesn't render him a massive hypocrite every other review.

 

[Fat Dragon]

TW is like an MMORPG? WTF? Is this guy inbred, or just naturally dumb?

 

[amorax]

First impressions people! Just wait till later when he updates his site. Most people have already said that their first impressions of the game were poor too.

I'm okay when somebody finds RPGs to be pretty "boring" and "choresome". A lot of my "real life" friends do, and I don't really hate them at all for that. It's all a matter of taste.

But what makes this guy a freakin' hypocrite beyond all measure is that he likes Oblivion, finds that "not boring", and hates the Witcher for being boring. Hello, does not compute. Factor in his Paper Mario obsession to crank the hypocrisy to maximum levels, as Paper Mario is exactly the same type of minimally interactive combat a the Witcher, except it has no challenge whatsoever. Also consider how linear and "fetchy" the quests in both Paper Mario and Oblivion are and the hypocrisy just cranks up to eleven.

The guy's funny as hell, but maybe should actually focus a wee bit more on actually making a coherent argument that doesn't render him a massive hypocrite every other review.

When does he say he likes Oblivion? And also, his arguments are pretty good. For instance, nothing he said in that review was wrong. If you're actually looking for gameplay, the witcher isn't all that good. If, however, you're looking for a role-playing experience, welcome to heaven. As for why Yahtzee would be playing an RPG if he's looking for an action game, well, this game's name has been thrown around a lot, so it's hardly surprising he decided to take a look at it.

 

[Starwars]

Lulz, this guy always makes me laugh.

Think he's got a few good points (I don't give a damn if it makes sense in the game, the kill/collect quests suck in any game), but all in all I think he's got shitty taste.

Funny though.

 

[Fyz]

But what makes this guy a freakin' hypocrite beyond all measure is that he likes Oblivion, finds that "not boring", and hates the Witcher for being boring. Hello, does not compute. Factor in his Paper Mario obsession to crank the hypocrisy to maximum levels, as Paper Mario is exactly the same type of minimally interactive combat a the Witcher, except it has no challenge whatsoever. Also consider how linear and "fetchy" the quests in both Paper Mario and Oblivion are and the hypocrisy just cranks up to eleven.

The guy's funny as hell, but maybe should actually focus a wee bit more on actually making a coherent argument that doesn't render him a massive hypocrite every other review.

QFT

Yahtzee's reviews although un'professional', and inconsistent are funny. You might find it 'not funny' when he's raping your favourite game, but actualy he is.

That said, i wouldn't go as far as calling the game a mumurpuger, but as I already said in the the other thread many quests and aspects of the game (obviously not the deep RPG, cchoices-consequences, but the grindy ones) feel like Oblivion's or any MMORPG's.
Just try saying "Yahtzee is a hypocrite, because he likes shit games, and hates good ones" and "Collecting X*Y monster parts at each chapter is not only a deep RPG experience, but it doesn't resemble MMORPGS at all" while keeping a straight face.

We know that the witcher is like a gust of fresh air that blows into the chamber of rotten mainstream rpgs, but when someone criticizes something exaggeratedly for the sake of lulz (and thats his job):
-Do not take it seriously
-Accept the truth behind his words

 

[Section8]

Meh. The game sucks early on so I understand where he's coming from, but to give up on it altogether given some of the other shit he's reviewed? Lazy.

 

[Naked Ninja]

Hehe, I love this guy, he's hysterical. Also, maybe chill out and take his opinions as a joke? Like, you know, a rip off comedian?

This is a bit like the people who write in to Maddox going "I thought you were really funny when you were ripping off [entertainment I don't like] but then you ripped off [entertainment I do like] and I was just like WTF dude!! [entertainment I do like] is the greatest!! I'm not reading your site anymore!!"

 

[Andyman Messiah]

He's funny.

(Now delete all other posts except this one and lock this dangerously stupid news thread, you eurotrash hippies.)

 

[Madman]

Yahtzee's reviews although un'professional', and inconsistent are funny. You might find it 'not funny' when he's raping your favourite game, but actualy he is

Ok, it is, but he should try use some reasonable arguments. Comparing TW to MMO is piece of shit. I like when something is funny AND inteligent.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Oh, he's a smart fella. What he is, however, is ignorant to your concerns, tastes and interests. And that's why he's funny and you... you're... uh, something. I dunno.

 

[dragonfk]

First impressions people! Just wait till later when he updates his site.

I dont think he will update any further on The Witcher.

As for the review. I watch ZP only for the fun factor, so I dont have any problems with him bashing this game or any other game for that matter.

 

[Crichton]

I've never heard the Zero Punctuation guy reference Oblivious either so as far as I know that charge is baseless.

I've just barely made it the big city myself so I'm no better a position than he is to give a FULL REVIEW. Re: his comments-

1) Gameplay is sorry. I agree. This is the "one button combat" that that Fable guy is always raving about and yet after jumping on him about it, the codex gives the Witcher a pass (blame polish nationalists?) Personally, I think even Lego Star Wars has a vastly superior combat system since I can use my one button to block and use jump + my one button to initiate a special jump attack.

2) Storyline / Writing is juvenile. I'll agree with this one as well (from what I've seen of the game, I've heard that it gets better). A lot of the characters are just sad, porno cards appeal only to 14 year-olds, et al. I find myself faced with really "grey-area" choices like 'would you like to save the innocent (though not blameless) and beautiful young witch who sells you books, buys about 150 barghest skulls from you, takes in stray orphans and offers to fuck you or let her be burned by the angry mob of guilty people led by an ugly old, ignorant, racist hypocrite who hates you and refuses to even act civilly?'

Bonus LAFFO moment: Geralt finally gets his stupid "pass". He then proceeds directly to the gate to talk to the guard. The pass is from the priest and the guard is a follower of the priest, so far so good. The problem? The priest just died in a huge fiery bloodbath about 50m from where the guard is standing and earlier that evening Geralt threatened to kill him in front of about 75 witnesses. Oranthall Geralt Simpson doesn't care, he strolls right up to the gate, bold as brass and tracking blood from the massacre and even gives the gate guard some shit about a girl he (the guard) raped. The gate guard then hands the pass to his boss who informs Geralt that the pass says it's for a Knight Templar, not a mutant (Geralt can't read?). Geralt then cries about racism. Next Week: Johnny Cochran defends Geralt.

3) Too much running from place to place fetching shit. Agree

4) Too complex. WTF? If you can't be bothered to look at the manual, and skipped the tutorials, the keybindings are listed under "Controls". It's not that hard. As for alchemy, you click on the potion and it automatically loads in appropriate ingredients for you if you have them. You never have to work out what to do next because not only is it listed in your journal but Geralt will tell you in a voice-over and there will generally be a cutscene showing you. How much more hand-holding could they possibly fit in the game?

5) As for the generic "it's boring" complaint, there's no accounting for taste, but there's plenty of stuff to see and do. A lot of work clearly went into it. It's been easily able to hold my interest so far, backtracking across country roads notwithstanding.

 

[Serious_Business]

Just when I thought Zero Punctuation was the only decent part of The Escapist left

Wtf?

Is this guy desperately trying to be something special or is he really THAT dumb?...

TW is like an MMORPG? WTF? Is this guy inbred, or just naturally dumb?

he should try use some reasonable arguments

For your mighty service agaisnt the scum villainy of the "Codex" and "gamers" everywhere, I now present these badges of honour to Major Yahtzee Croshaw.

Long live the Queen
Dieu protège la reine

 

[Claw]

I still find <s>Zer</s> Retard McSpackypants funny. PC Gamers Master Race? I luvit.

For instance, nothing he said in that review was wrong.

Yes, he said something wrong. You can't feasably beat a goat to death with the manual.

 

[User was nabbed fit]

But what makes this guy a freakin' hypocrite beyond all measure is that he likes Oblivion, finds that "not boring", and hates the Witcher for being boring. Hello, does not compute.

Actually, it makes perfect sense. Oblivion != RPG. Which is why he liked that, and not something like TW which is (? haven't played it) a CRPG.

:wink:

 

[Fyz]

Ok, it is, but he should try use some reasonable arguments. Comparing TW to MMO is piece of shit. I like when something is funny AND inteligent.

I don't think so.
If you were to write a 'zero punctuation' review for The Escapist on the witcher, i wonder which aspect would you pick to complain about.

I find it reasonable that he bashes the MMORPG like grindquests. Apart from that and the sex cards, I don't think there are any other aspects in the game he can complain about in a funny style.
Of course he could say in the end, that "the game has meaningful choices in the other half of its quests", and thus write a positive review like for the Orange box, or Crysis, but keep in mind that he doesn't care about RPGs, and he only completed the first half of the game.

Funnyly enough, i stopped playing the witcer a bit after the start of chapter 4. I had enough if the MMORPG feeling the sidequests gave me, and I lost most of my interest in the main quest, due to my shitty localized version.

I've never heard the Zero Punctuation guy reference Oblivious either so as far as I know that charge is baseless.

Edit:On the ME review, he show a slide with Oblivion 'hanged', while saying "if you don't like rpgs..."

 

[Suicidal]

I expected his The Witcher review would be like that, since his ME review clearly showed that he hates RPGs. But I was pretty surprised that he actually made a Witcher review, since he mostly reviews console games.

 

[MasPingon]

Finally, I was waiting for a Yahtzee review of the Witcher for a long time.

I found Painkiller ending funny, as for the review - it's totall ass. After Mass Effect review you could expect that, but the thing about MMO makes him look like an idiot. Anyway, I don't think there is someone who is watching his reviews for a reason other then a good laugh.

/fake EDIT

Excellent job Yahtzee, especially since I was considering buying it.

I was wrong

 

[Bradylama]

The guy has to come up with a new video every week, I'm really not going to blame him if he gives up on an 80 hour game, as much as I love The Witcher. Of course, the fetch and retrieve monster quests aren't even a plurality of the in-game quests, but if you're not looking too hard and have to meet a deadline I'm sure you'd see it that way.

 

[Hory]

I've only played through the first act of TW, and I also find it boring and with retarded quests so far. The review is not "totally ass".

 

[doctor_kaz]

My God this guy is an utter retard. This, folks, is why we get shitty games like Deus Ex: Invisible War. I've got no problem with the guy not liking the game. It does have issues. But one of those issues is not that it's complex and hard to play. The Witcher is incredibly easy to pick up and play. I never even cracked open the manual. I didn't even notice that there was one in the box. The alchemy system is basically "click on the potion that you want and then click mix". The interface is about as easy as it gets. You've got a character screen, inventory screen, alchemy screen, and a journal screen. The only thing that confused me at first was that the unused talents don't show up unless you are meditating. Is there too much fetch questing and back tracking? Yeah, I'll give him that.

 

[Brother None]

Yahtzee's reviews although un'professional', and inconsistent are funny. You might find it 'not funny' when he's raping your favourite game, but actualy he is.

That's true. He's not really a reviewer, he's just someone who rags on games and it's really funny. Well fine, it works!

It's not his fault that the Escapists makes him review/first impress' cRPGs. Hell, the Escapist probably shoved the Witcher in his hands just out of spite for what happened with their ultra-professional-we-don't-have-to-answer-to-you-peons Witcher "review".
He doesn't like RPGs. I doubt he'd be reviewing any RPGs except Bethesda's product, but the Escapist pays him, and they make him do it. That's hardly his fault, it's his job.

That people take his reviews seriously is slightly disturbing. Sure, it's fun and when reviewing shooters he often makes a lot of very valid points, but considering Zero Punctuation is nothing but a one-sided exercise in being critical, it doesn't give the full picture and should never determine purchasing decisions.

PS: holy shit I just scrolled through the comments. Apart from my run-ins with the Escapist's rather blunt-headed staff, my experiences with their readership have generally been that it's a fairly intelligent, loquacious bunch. But these bunch look like they're from a hybrid of Something Awful and GameFAQs. Holy shit what a bunch of retards.