NSFW Best Thread Ever [No SJW-related posts allowed]

[Fez]

This thread isn't epic until it reaches a thousand pages.

 

[Kotario]

101, what a fortuitous number.

 

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]

 

[Jasede]

lol wut

 

[Fez]

    ______
^. .^_____\9
(oo) _____/
    WW  WW

WHEEEEEELCHAIR WAREZ PRESENTS
A WHEELCHAIR WAREZ RELEASE!
Jasede's yiffy story! (dun dun dun)

BREAKING NEWS! HORRIBLY YIFFY PM INTERCEPTED! TURNS OUT TO CONTAIN A HORRIBLY YIFFY STORY WRITTEN BY NONE OTHER THAN OUR RESIDENT FURFAG! ORIGINAL PM REPRODUCED IN ITS ENTIRETY BELOW!

[I know my writing needs a LOT of work. For all I know, I might even be completely talentless. I mean, it's impossible for me to judge my own talent. This has, I think, a few good but more bad parts. It's my very first English fictional text, so any help is appreciated.]

The Beach
Emotions


The beach was almost empty. Few people were there at this time of the day, the sun about to set, announcing the coming night, even though as for now, it was still bathing the few visitors of the place with its orange-hued radiance. Among those people was Erik Elymandias, a dragon of stout seven feet, sporting a lithe, agile build. His raven scales flattered by the sunlight, he would silently walk along the sandy shores, leaving footprints in the sand, a solemn figure with a long shadow; a shadow not caused by some dark, glum predestination, but, much rather, simply by the angle of that setting orb of crimson.

Erik was a young dragon by most standards, having turned sixteen years many weeks ago. He usually didn't walk, but rather, strode about, each step a carefully calculated depiction of motoric grace. Today, however, he seemed broken, shattered. An onlooker wouldn't have recognized Erik - his shoulders were slumped, his body bent.

Going for a walk was a bad idea. Though warm, the sea's breeze kept annoying the trenchcoat-clad dragon, creeping under his garbs as if the very air had come alive with a desire to make the lizard growl, to make him feel both pestered and frustrated. Why had he come? Why had he come here in the first place? He posed this question to himself, again and again, just standing at the sandy shore and gazing at the sapphire-hued depths that extended endlessly in front of him, the vast bodies of water akin to a fence that prevented him from ever reaching the state of calm he longed for. He went on this trip to clear his mind and to relax, to rid himself of the thoughts that kept plaguing him.

He failed.

Everything kept reminding Erik of the demon that seemed to have infested his very being. Even the horizon, far away, seemed to make fun of him... for Erik was realising that, just like he could never reach that horizon, no matter how many miles he would swim towards it, an elusive, infernal mockery of his state of calamity, so could he never escape the sense of longing he was filled with. The very air he was breathing, clear and fresh to most, felt like some devilish mist that wanted to choke him; his heart was racing. Without noticing it, Erik had stepped a bit too far towards the water, now caught by the rapidly advancing waves, thundering against his body, soaking him, robbing his very breath.

--

The incubus appeared on a Sunday evening. He was always with Erik, his whole life, but it was on that day when the devil that possessed him dropped his masquerade. The whole ordeal happened a fortnight after the young dragon's 16th birthday, a day of celebration and joy, a vain ritual to welcome the new responsibilities of a young man. It was getting late already. Soon, Erik gathered, the family would decide to call it a day and pack up the things to go home. They were at the Gulf Shores of New Orleans, spending what Erik's father liked to call "A day with the family". A good label, it made this day seem special, and that it was. Only rarely did the black-scaled dragon's family come together like this.

A few doves were circling over the sea which glistened in a deep blue, looking like it was cut and pasted from an advertisement for some elusive holiday resort for the rich, just like the perfect white sand that extended for miles and miles into both directions. "We will have to go soon...", Jerry murred in his usual baritone, laying flat on his scaly belly, gazing towards the horizon. Only Erik heard his fellow dragon and long-time companion and friend. Nodding, he laid himself next to Jerry. He never really noticed how much envy he felt for his friend's scales - a perfect shade of blue, dark blue as the ocean would look like if it was painted by an old master onto a canvas, a blue so deep that it seemed to dare one's eyes to drown in them.

He kept his eyes trained on his fellow dragon. He knew Jerry for as long as he could think past, and every moment without him seemed to be just a grey, dull facade of what could have been. He was, by any definition of the word, handsome. Well-toned and proportioned, he looked a bit like a scaly David chiseled by Michelangelo, his taunt body a pleasant sight to behold. He was a bit shorter than Erik, but he made up with it by sheer perfection of his features, his thighs firm and strong. He was beautiful beyond being handsome, as his sculpted exterior sheltered a keen, intelligent mind, always quick to pick up new things. All this didn't help Erik - Erik who felt confused, angry and without orientation... and it was Jerry's fault. 'How dare he keep intruding into my thoughts?' Erik wondered, shaken by some ire that wasn't really directed at Jerry, but much rather, himself. The intrusions had been going on for days now... Thoughts that terrified Erik more and more, deviously deviant thoughts which he knew were wrong were torturing him. He tried to ignore them, which only made them all the more penetrating.

This was concerning.

Jerry kept reading, the sapphire dragon never seen without a book. He didn't notice Erik gazing upon him. He did, however, notice Erik's hands on his back. They felt warm and somewhat greasy, due to the sun lotion they were spreading. He hadn't even realised they were there for quite a little while, too deeply absorbed by his lecture. With a bewildered tone of voice Erik's friend snapped "What in blazes are you doing?". Erik stopped dead in his tracks. "I thought... the sun... it's very fierce today and... well..." - "Yeah, whatever! We will go soon anyway. Seriously, that's not cool. Now cut it out!".

And cut it out he did. What drove him to do this? He didn't know. He didn't know, and that was the worst thing. Sombrely, Erik looked up at the setting sun, but it had no answers for him, and that only added to his discomfort. "Why the hell did I do that?" he kept asking himself, trying to rid his claws from remains of the sun-blocking concoction, rubbing them against the sand. The young dragon awkwardly tried to avoid Jerry for the rest of the day, as much as it, for reasons he couldn't divine, pained him..

"Why did I do that?" - the question repeated itself inside his mind, again and again, like a woodpecker that was drilling right into his skull. His mind remained silent. There was no why. He always held a strange sort of admiration for Jerry. When he was lonely and distressed he would think of his friend and feel better: when he was happy or cheerful he would speak to him in order to share his joy with someone. In his whole life, no one quite held the fascination to him that Jerry did. The jet-black dragon didn't know why, no matter how much he thought about it. Was it just a normal sort of deep friendship, some sort of kinship? He tried to take his mind away from those thoughts..

They remained. They lingered. Like impish demons that were sticking forks into the sinners, those thoughts kept poking him, as if the strange, inexplicable attraction he felt was his very own fork, delivered by a particularly cruel denizen of hell. It robbed him of his sleep during restless nights, it sapped his concentration during fruitless days. To feel things he couldn't really place, to feel an uncanny attraction to someone he shouldn't feel it to - a male, a male who was his friend for so many years - those things scared and confused Erik, and the louder he demanded answers from some higher authority he used to believe in, the more silence would meet his prayers. Silence, utter, complete silence, like a gloomy blanket of darkness, muting him and leaving him alone and abandoned.

And Jerry didn't ever look at him again, didn't grace his admirer with one further smile, word, gesture, for weeks and weeks, denying him what Erik was longing for - a resolution.

--

A machine beeped steadily. Sheltered in the confines of a white room, a black dragon finally was given the chance to rest his mind of his doubts and troubles. Heavy blanket draped over his scaly body as he was sleeping, he was, at last, at peace with the world and himself.

"Do you think he'll be okay?" Jerry asked, his voice filled with concern for his old friend. The doctor, a tall and well-groomed lion dressed in the usual white garments of his craft, turned to face him, taking his eyes off a clipboard. "Yes, he is very stable and should recover very soon. We got the water out of his lungs and the hypothermia left him without any permanent damage. All he needs is sleep and rest. Was this his first suicide attempt?"

Jerry froze. Stammering, he quipped, "Suicide? But... no, he's not the type to try something like that. He must have gone for a swim and forgotten about the tide. I am certain." - "With his clothes on?" the physician retorted his voice revealing him as a calm, educated man. It was futile to argue, but deep inside, Jerry knew that his friend Erik wouldn't ever do something like this consciously, not him, Erik Elymandias, this dragon he knew even long before he could think, walk or speak. He was his friend. There was nothing left to do for him but wait for his recovery.

"I'll check how he is doing tomorrow, doctor..." the blue dragon said, turning to the door. Before he left Erik's room with the lion, the doctor just said to him: "I am sure your brother will be well soon, Mister Elymandias.". And then he went home.

The window of this hospital room allowed the outlookers a marvelous view onto the sandy shores of New Orleans, the nearby beach dotted with folks here and there. The sea was, for just a single moment, calm.

Good god, will it never end?

---------------

Wheelchair Warez is a pretty new group, but don't let that stop you, we'll be flooding the scene with quality releases in no time. 

Members:
Ian "Rex Exitium, of Leafcull" Miles "Sol Invictus" Cheong "The Baron of Pepsi" Wen "Spinepunch" Xian

Contact me at rexdeux@msn.com (or come to #hellgatelondon on EnterTheGame) if you have any beans to spill. Feedback is appreciated.

Le Twin de Susaine!

wut lol?

 

[kingcomrade]

Hey do you still have the link to the SWF of that with the music, Jasede? That thing was so awesome

 

[kingcomrade]

<Cedric> http://fchan.hentaiplanet.net/src/m_117 ... dansen.swf
<kingcomrade> there is something about a flash animation with a dancing furry dog and cat, dancing in the silliest possible manner, with a techno song in Swedish about a mod for a video game....
<kingcomrade> I think it sums up the Internet pretty well
<Sovy_Kurosei> Yeah, sounds about right.

edit-
This is the original, the one I wanted:
http://redfox-media.de/riox/flash/displ ... t=0&pos=21

It is my life goal now to actually see a woman dance like this.

edit2-
[03] <kingcomrade> I also masturbated in public pools
[03] <kingcomrade> I would put my crotch next to those jet streams
[03] <Cedric> kingcomrade: Hey I did that too.

 

[dongle]

Dog & Cat??

I think they're rats.

Got rat tails, that's for sure. Little rat horns too. Do some rats have those?

But, yeah, 10,000 years from now, some anthropologist wants to know what teh internet was, just show 'em that. . . .

 

[Sovy Kurosei]

They are a dog and a cat. Those horns are supposed to be ears.

 

[Nog Robbin]

They are a dog and a cat. Those horns are supposed to be ears.

A dog and a cat dancing together? What madness is this! :D

Next thing I know the lions will be laying down with the sheep, then we know we're in the shit.

 

[dongle]

They are a dog and a cat.

OK, which one's the cat; The purple one, or the green one?

 

[kingcomrade]

You can tell by looking at their tails. The one on the left has a doggie tail, the one on the right has a kitty tail.

 

[Excrément]

and why is this thread in the general rpg forum?

 

[dongle]

Those horns are supposed to be ears.

Nope, definitely both ears and horns:

Note; Ears are body color, horns color same as the rat-tail.

Prolly a whole genre of Japanese pr0n about this, I just don't know about (yet)?

 

[dongle]

You can tell by looking at their tails. The one on the left has a doggie tail, the one on the right has a kitty tail.

OK, I must be looking at a different hente-furry-swedish-techno-game-mod-silly-dance?

Cuz, tails look same to me. . . .

 

[dongle]

and why is this thread in the general rpg forum?

Because, it's not a specific genre of hente-furry-swedish-techno-game-mod-silly-dance, just a general one, thus the general RPG forum.

 

[kingcomrade]

dongle we're talking about the other video.

I just remembered that I made a similar Flash video a long time ago.
http://rapidshare.com/files/32704604/Me ... e.exe.html

haha it's so crappy. Man...

 

[dongle]

dongle we're talking about the other video.

OK, fchan.hentaiplanet.net link's dead for me. So, I'll continue talking about the green and purple rat version. That one's better anyways. Awesome played back in full-screen. Gotta make it my screensaver here. . . .

http://rapidshare.com/files/32704604/Meanwhile_in_space.exe.html

Oh no, already clicked two of your links tonight, I know better then to click a third. :shock:

 

[sportforredneck]

Oh no, already clicked two of your links tonight, I know better then to click a third. :shock:

It's not like the link is this:

http://rapidshare.com/files/32704604/Meanwhile_in_space.exe.html.

 

[dongle]

Oh no, already clicked two of your links tonight, I know better then to click a third. :shock:

It's not like the link is this:

http://rapidshare.com/files/32704604/Meanwhile_in_space.exe.html.

Yeah, but a furry/techno flash created by KC? Packed in an .exe??

Could be worse then TG.

If that's possible?

 

[Excrément]

and why is this thread in the general rpg forum?

Because, it's not a specific genre of hente-furry-swedish-techno-game-mod-silly-dance, just a general one, thus the general RPG forum.

do some stats and count the number of posts in this thread with a link with "RPG" , it's below 5%.

 

[dongle]

do some stats and count the number of posts in this thread with a link with "RPG" , it's below 5%.

You can have an RPG without stats.

 

[Suicidal]

Needs more SC screens

 

[Section8]

Dolphindave rates that flash animation as "simple but very enjoyable". I rate Dolphindave's review as "simple but very enjoyable".

 

[Admiral Rimjob POOBUM]