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Mass Effect BioWare Montreal's Mass Effect: Andromeda - where element zero meets trisomy 21

Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
9,302
Location
Italy
"download only - no disc included"
i wonder what the fuck i am buying if you're offering the same service of skidrow and reloaded.
 

Padzi

Liturgist
Joined
Feb 24, 2017
Messages
1,046
Location
Auschwitz-Birkenau
I finished reading Nexus Uprising several days ago, but only now after sleeping it off I was able to collect my thoughts and write out my summary.

Why you ask?

The first half of the book was passable. The book is insanely stupid and its internal logic just falls apart (I'm not even able to list all the examples here), but yeah it was passable. Unfortunately the further I read, the worse it got.

- Krogans turned into the Keepers of Nexus station. They are the only ones fixing shit on the Nexus (despite they were defrosted to serve as muscle and to perform physical labour, not maintenance)
- Humans on the Nexus have one collective hobby. Mass brawls when some dangerous situation arises.
- It seems that Nexus colonists took more alcohol than actual food with them. They never are running out of booze, but food shortages are abound.
- Like I said everyone is starving, so they rationing what ever chowder they have left. And because of this people are angry, so what is the best way to show their displeasure? Sabotage. I KNOW LET'S SET FIRE TO THOSE FOOD RESERVES THAT ARE LEFT! (the person that does it at the end of the book even dares to say that they are hungry! Ayyy lmao)
- There is a mutiny on the Nexus?! What should we do?! Let's wake up 1200 Krogans! I'm sure they will be enough to silence a 100 - 150 weak, malnourished, desperate civilians (I'm not making this up).


Ok, that was bad, but still I would be able to withstand the stupidity of it. But Sloane Kelly made me really hate her character. It's been long since a character from a movie/book/comic made me this disgusted.

For example this is a comparison of Tann's and Sloane's behaviours in the book:
Jarun Tann - Logical Salarian that brings a slew of new ideas to the table, always trying to think of a new way to survive or improve their situation. He is able to recognize his mistakes and take responsibility for them, he still wishes that Jien Garson survived and is interested in well being of others (except for Sloane Kelly, but I can't blame him).
Sloane Kelly - Her brain was replaced with a rabid uterus, she doesn't have any ideas for the Nexus, she doesn't contribute anything and yet she is actively blocking all initiatives. She is constantly furious and wants to fight other people. She is always insulting Tann despite the fact he didn't do anything to her and wants to rule the Nexus on her own (actually he did... one really weird action in this book). She is a raging cunt and I still don't understand why is she in a position of power.


Sloane Kelly should be killed every time when a player has the chance do it during ME:A. This women should've never been brought to Andromeda.

The funniest thing about is that Tann and Addison are only able to make a decision when Sloane is gone for 2 days. Why? Because they were afraid she would again block them again.

:hmmm:

MY THREE FAVOURITE PLOT THREADS THAT MADE MY JAW DROP:

1 Jien Garson believed in second chances, so she allowed thousands of people with criminal pasts to venture with her into Andromeda (What can go wrong?)

2 Sloane Kelly didn't want even one shuttle leave the Nexus for a planet scouting mission, because they might need them later on. And yet 1200 Krogans leave the station using said shuttles. So how many did they have, a 100, a 200?! MORE?! I fucking hate Sloane Kelly.

3 At the end of the book Sloane Kelly punches Tann so hard he is thrown back and cries out how much he is in pain.
In response Kesh bitch slaps Sloane and she isn't even fazed by it. Fuck. When a Krogan hits you like that should at least fall down unconscious (her head should've exploded and the problem would be solved). I was thinking that maybe this will be the reason why she has those weird scars in the game, but no - this plot thread is just dropped.

TL : DR
Nexus Uprising really sucks.
 

Freddie

Savant
Joined
Sep 14, 2016
Messages
717
Location
Mansion
I finished reading Nexus Uprising several days ago, but only now after sleeping it off I was able to collect my thoughts and write out my summary.

Why you ask?

The first half of the book was passable. The book is insanely stupid and its internal logic just falls apart (I'm not even able to list all the examples here), but yeah it was passable. Unfortunately the further I read, the worse it got.

- Krogans turned into the Keepers of Nexus station. They are the only ones fixing shit on the Nexus (despite they were defrosted to serve as muscle and to perform physical labour, not maintenance)
- Humans on the Nexus have one collective hobby. Mass brawls when some dangerous situation arises.
- It seems that Nexus colonists took more alcohol than actual food with them. They never are running out of booze, but food shortages are abound.
- Like I said everyone is starving, so they rationing what ever chowder they have left. And because of this people are angry, so what is the best way to show their displeasure? Sabotage. I KNOW LET'S SET FIRE TO THOSE FOOD RESERVES THAT ARE LEFT! (the person that does it at the end of the book even dares to say that they are hungry! Ayyy lmao)
- There is a mutiny on the Nexus?! What should we do?! Let's wake up 1200 Krogans! I'm sure they will be enough to silence a 100 - 150 weak, malnourished, desperate civilians (I'm not making this up).


Ok, that was bad, but still I would be able to withstand the stupidity of it. But Sloane Kelly made me really hate her character. It's been long since a character from a movie/book/comic made me this disgusted.

For example this is a comparison of Tann's and Sloane's behaviours in the book:
Jarun Tann - Logical Salarian that brings a slew of new ideas to the table, always trying to think of a new way to survive or improve their situation. He is able to recognize his mistakes and take responsibility for them, he still wishes that Jien Garson survived and is interested in well being of others (except for Sloane Kelly, but I can't blame him).
Sloane Kelly - Her brain was replaced with a rabid uterus, she doesn't have any ideas for the Nexus, she doesn't contribute anything and yet she is actively blocking all initiatives. She is constantly furious and wants to fight other people. She is always insulting Tann despite the fact he didn't do anything to her and wants to rule the Nexus on her own (actually he did... one really weird action in this book). She is a raging cunt and I still don't understand why is she in a position of power.


Sloane Kelly should be killed every time when a player has the chance do it during ME:A. This women should've never been brought to Andromeda.

The funniest thing about is that Tann and Addison are only able to make a decision when Sloane is gone for 2 days. Why? Because they were afraid she would again block them again.

:hmmm:

MY THREE FAVOURITE PLOT THREADS THAT MADE MY JAW DROP:

1 Jien Garson believed in second chances, so she allowed thousands of people with criminal pasts to venture with her into Andromeda (What can go wrong?)

2 Sloane Kelly didn't want even one shuttle leave the Nexus for a planet scouting mission, because they might need them later on. And yet 1200 Krogans leave the station using said shuttles. So how many did they have, a 100, a 200?! MORE?! I fucking hate Sloane Kelly.

3 At the end of the book Sloane Kelly punches Tann so hard he is thrown back and cries out how much he is in pain.
In response Kesh bitch slaps Sloane and she isn't even fazed by it. Fuck. When a Krogan hits you like that should at least fall down unconscious (her head should've exploded and the problem would be solved). I was thinking that maybe this will be the reason why she has those weird scars in the game, but no - this plot thread is just dropped.

TL : DR
Nexus Uprising really sucks.
Thank you for summing up your complete experience with fun side product BW has produced for their fans to enjoy. Oh well, actually it sounds fucking terrible, but hey, isn't it the idea of tie-in products that they share similar style and feel of parent product?

After reading this final update I still can't figure to whom these products are targeted. Other than trannies of course.
 

ColonelTeacup

Liturgist
Joined
Mar 19, 2017
Messages
1,433
ifI5J47.jpg




Apparently you can buy Andromeda for 3 bucks at Wallmart :P
Ha. Not even half a year and it's already 3 dollars. Only a matter of time until it's got its own spot on a dollarstore shelf. Andromeda is the gift that just keeps on giving.
 

Dexter

Arcane
Joined
Mar 31, 2011
Messages
15,655
The truth is they were expecting Andromeda to sell at least the same amount of copies as ME2 did over it life span so around 4.5 - 5mln. But EA was hoping that this time Andromeda will move 5 mil for full price. And yet the game is already on sale, there is a huge drop off and it seems they only managed to sell the same amount of copies as ME1 did (while the game probably had a much higher budget being 5 years in production with a larger team).

3.5 sounds great on paper - but not to EA - because they are faced with reality that it underperformed.

Reboot when?
Where are people pulling these "3-3.5 million" numbers from? Their ass? Provide some citations, and no some YouTuber talking his ass off doesn't count. EA/BioWare would probably be bragging in Press Releases if it managed 3 million.

VGChartz so far got it listed for 1.5 million sales talking Retail (0.9 for the XBots and 0.5 PS3): http://www.vgchartz.com/gamedb/?name=Mass+Effect:+Andromeda

http://www.vgchartz.com/article/268...-103m-units-first-week-in-the-west-at-retail/

Now this ain't taking Digital into account, but I doubt it's going to be 1.5-2 million.

They got Mass Effect 3 at 5.7 million: http://www.vgchartz.com/gamedb/?name=mass+effect+3
And Mass Effect 2 at 5 million: http://www.vgchartz.com/gamedb/?name=mass+effect+2

Compare weekly projected sales for the first 10 weeks and it looks rather grim, more of a Dragon Age 2 trajectory (and that game had like a year of actual development time compared to 5+ and a much smaller team/expectations):
http://www.vgchartz.com/game/44118/mass-effect-3/Global/
http://www.vgchartz.com/game/83369/mass-effect-andromeda/Global/
http://www.vgchartz.com/game/44012/dragon-age-ii/Global/

Also:
 
Last edited:

decaf

Learned
Joined
Apr 21, 2017
Messages
351
Even mexican pirated music sellers give you free flash drives for your music.
Box with only numbers in it is decline.
 

whatevername

Arcane
Joined
Sep 2, 2013
Messages
666
Location
666
Well, this game sucks. Hostile npcs are inactive until they see you or something so you can pop everyone in a camp from not so far away with a sniper rifle and they won't shoot back. Then I shot 8 of them through a thick door from almost point black with a sniper rifle while they just occasionally ran back and forth, unable to open THEIR OWN door to fight me until they died.
I'm pretty sure npcs could open doors back in Half Life 1; what happened to them in MEA?
 

Padzi

Liturgist
Joined
Feb 24, 2017
Messages
1,046
Location
Auschwitz-Birkenau
You really like this game, do you?

Yeah, I liked ME trilogy back in the day. Now I just need a place to squeeze out all my venom on Bioware. Here at least I can say whatever I want without some pansy mod silencing me. I can finally say what I think about all this mess. I wish they would finally let this horse decompose in peace.
Also get a load of this. I sent ONE tweet about not liking voice acting in Andromeda and that I didn't like the game. And what happened? I got banned by that blue haired woman that voiced Sara Ryder. No shit. And that tweet wasn't even directed at her.
Probably some sjw blacklist bot banned me. This is modern gaming.
 
Joined
Mar 3, 2010
Messages
9,302
Location
Italy
i uninstalled this today. i did all my best to make myself like it but i just couldn't, it sucks too much. after the boring desert planet, after the absolutely boring ice planet, there comes the supremely boring jungle planet. it was either uninstalling it or shooting my nuts.
truly one of the worst games i've ever played, and daaaaaamn i finished just cause 3 only for its settings and graphics.
 

Drakron

Arcane
Joined
May 19, 2005
Messages
6,326
Probably some sjw blacklist bot banned me. This is modern gaming.

Nay, thats just Twitter ... are you actually banned or just blocked because there are some SWJ-block bots but that is not for the entire Twitter, just the special people with their special needs that need to be protected from reality that use them.
 

Vorark

Erudite
Joined
Mar 2, 2017
Messages
1,450
Also get a load of this. I sent ONE tweet about not liking voice acting in Andromeda and that I didn't like the game. And what happened? I got banned by that blue haired woman that voiced Sara Ryder. No shit. And that tweet wasn't even directed at her.
Probably some sjw blacklist bot banned me. This is modern gaming.

Reminded me the other day I saw a blue haired gal and later a pink one. I thought they only existed on the SJW infested internet hellholes and animu. They ARE REAL! :negative:
 

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