Consolefag talks shit about Witcher 2 - The Article

[Dexter]

http://www.grantland.com/story/_/id/7878694/on-cd-projekt-game-witcher-2

If you are primarily a console gamer, however, Tusk's gesture was an incredibly frustrating piece of news to hear. At the time, The Witcher 2 was available to play only on PC — and only on highly powerful PCs at that.

I have one console-gamer friend who was so desperate to play The Witcher 2 that he tried to run it on a six-year-old Dell, which proved capable of getting the title screen up and running before spectacularly crashing. It was, my friend optimistically reported, a very good title screen.

I played The Witcher 2 for only six hours

As for what playing The Witcher 2 is like, I'll say this: Never have I been more content to be a console gamer. PC gamers like to lord over console gamers and claim that console games irrevocably dumb down PC game experiences. The PC Witcher 2 is said to be an unusually rich experience, but my suspicion is that it's actually just an incredibly complicated experience. Why is a more complicated experience a priori better anyway? Why are more options preferable? Any idiot can design a game with an elaborate interface system, just like any idiot can write confusing, muddled prose. The art of game design, like the art of writing, is to communicate non-simple things simply.

The Witcher 2's inventory system feels like reading a bus schedule in another language on another planet. When the game tries to help you, it often makes things worse. Yes, The Witcher 2's tutorial does the impossible: It somehow succeeds in making its already too-complicated gameplay systems harder to understand. It took me six and a half minutes to figure out how to make one potion.

I should not have been obligated to stand there like a moron waiting for fake time to pass.

The environments, however finely rendered, are rarely convincing and almost always have the feel of digital Skinner boxes. Your character less moves through the world than ice-skates across it; there's just so little apparent friction between objects and characters and environments of The Witcher 2.

everyone at CD Projekt deserves immense credit for making such a big, complicated, compulsively playable, and largely handsome game

He liked Mass Effect 3 and used the word "emotional" a lot.

Kind of reminded me of this guy:

 

[DragoFireheart]

What do you expect from ConsoleFags?

It's like complaining that ants bite when you pick them up. Yeah, it's a fucking ant and it's going to bite you. Stop playing with it and rip its head off or something.

 

[Dexter]

I'm just finding it hard to swallow that they find an already "streamlined" action game too/incredibly complicated and "hard to understand like a bus schedule in another language", what the fuck would the games they DO want to play look like?

 

[Infinitron]

Already posted

 

[Excidium]

I'm just finding it hard to swallow that they find an already "streamlined" action game too/incredibly complicated and "hard to understand like a bus schedule in another language", what the fuck would the games they DO want to play look like?

 

[Gragt]

TW2 felt like a console game from the very start. It was easy to tell it was designed to be played with a pad, and some design choice were clearly reminiscent of that of console games. Even if it was developped for PC first, it was obvious it was designed to be ported later.

 

[DragoFireheart]

I'm just finding it hard to swallow that they find an already "streamlined" action game too/incredibly complicated and "hard to understand like a bus schedule in another language", what the fuck would the games they DO want to play look like?

It's got romances and dual-wielding swords. Instant win.

 

[Dexter]

I'm just finding it hard to swallow that they find an already "streamlined" action game too/incredibly complicated and "hard to understand like a bus schedule in another language", what the fuck would the games they DO want to play look like?

Too complex, didn't you see how bad that tanked? It sold even worse than Witcher 2.

 

[Multiple Sarcasm]

How dare that cur slander this prestigious pretentious storyfag game with shit combat and boring leveling! How dare he!

 

[Wirdschowerdn]

If I wanna have a console experience, I just pop in my 360 gamepad into the PC, and voila, I haz console experience (plus better framerate, higher res).

Can consoletards also have a PC experience on their shitbox?

 

[DragoFireheart]

If I wanna have a console experience, I just pop in my 360 gamepad into the PC, and voila, I haz console experience (plus better framerate, higher res).

Can consoletards also have a PC experience on their shitbox?

No, we can't.

<---- Owns a Xbox 360.

 

[Helly]

Mediocre PC game became a mediocre Xbox game, what's the big deal here ?

 

[Infinitron]

Listen, and understand. The decline is out there. It can't be bargained with. It can't be reasoned with. It doesn't feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop, ever, until you are consolized.

 

[I_am_Ian]

Console gamers are essentially NASCAR and wrestling fans who eat Applebee's and drink bud light. If you could take one of these old chaps out to hear Luciano Pavarotti (RIP) and dine at the French Laundry you would certainly except them to describe their experience as boring, pretentious and faggot-filled. The best course of action concerning these consoletards, god bless their little hearts and minds, is to avoid them altogether or at most view them with a sort of contemptuous detachment.

 

[deuxhero]

Hey! I make good money off the NASCAR idiots! (I live in relatively close to Daytona Beach)

 

[Whisky]

The game lets you speed time via meditation, but you can only come out of meditation during dawn, noon, dusk, and midnight.

Hey buddy! I see you're having trouble selecting the right time to stop meditation. Gosh, I mean, I know there are four big buttons, but if you notice that thin line connecting them in a circle, kind of similar to an advanced machine known to us as a "Clock," you might be able to come to the conclusion that you can select the exact time you wish it to stop at.

 

[Konjad]

wow, so games like the witcher are now complicated?

 

[Father Walker]

Wtf. Does this kind of stuff pass as reviews these days? 75% of this "review" is just gibberish.

Ok, let's read his other "reviews":

Not only was Oblivion the first game I bought for the Xbox 360; playing it probably changed the course of my life. Before Oblivion, I went months and sometimes years without turning on a console. After Oblivion, I somehow became a video-game critic

Bingo

 

[sea]

I like how he attacks The Witcher 2 for its "complexity" even though his much-loved Oblivion is, frankly, much more mechanically complex and even has more difficult menus, more options in building character, more items, more spells, etc. Funny how the quality of a game and the basis for that quality can change so radically depending on how many pageviews are at stake.

 

[Lautreamont]

It took me six and a half minutes to figure out how to make one potion.

Is this our new generation? People who can't stand putting their brain to work for 6 minutes to figure something out? And alchemy was dumbed down from Witcher 1. God forbid he try alchemy in the M&M games - it might confound him for a whopping 15 minutes.

 

[Phelot]

wow, so games like the witcher are now complicated?

That's what's so strange about this. The Witcher 2 has a lot of short comings, being complicated isn't one of them.

 

[Malpercio]

What if like both console games and pc games?

 

[Condiments]

wow, so games like the witcher are now complicated?

That's what's so strange about this. The Witcher 2 has a lot of short comings, being complicated isn't one of them.

Yeah the "complicated RPG systems" could easily be grasped within the first half an hour of the game. The biggest problem with the game was the action combat. It was clunky and not that much fun to play.

 

[Demnogonis Saastuttaja]

TW 2 sucked, why not make a PC game where you have to rapidly hammer spacebar. Yeah what kind of a noob are you that you don't have a turbo keyboard and mouse? I bet next you are going to complain it's difficult to pull off DP motions with the arrow keys you faggot you.

The Twat 2 had cool graphics. Everything else sucked balls and I doubt I'd have liked hammering X any more had I played it on the Piece of Shit 3.

 

[attackfighter]

Witcher 2 was somewhat complicated. You had spells, oils, bombs, alchemy, fighting styles and a bunch of other features to wrap your mind around. Could be daunting for someone new to RPGs. A truly simple game would be something like Fallout, where everything is so simple it doesn't require any explanation at all, basically just point and click in that game. But I don't see why Witcher 2 is so complicated that he feels the need to complain about it - if he took the time it took to write that review and used it to play the game some more instead, he'd probably be able to learn all that stuff to the point where he's no longer angered by it.

 

[Excidium]

Wtf. Does this kind of stuff pass as reviews these days? 75% of this "review" is just gibberish.

Ok, let's read his other "reviews":

Not only was Oblivion the first game I bought for the Xbox 360; playing it probably changed the course of my life. Before Oblivion, I went months and sometimes years without turning on a console. After Oblivion, I somehow became a video-game critic

Bingo