EA announces Dante's Inferno Action-Adventure

[Rhalle]

EA is like Midas, except everything they touch turns to shit.

 

[spectre]

Aagh, I'd gladly quote all you guys for fucking truth.

O Kurwa, Ja pierdole!

But I'll just quote the pollacks.

 

[DarkSign]

It's really not a bad idea at all. The execution of it will be fail.

 

[spectre]

Well yeah, it's full of really good imagery and neat quotes to drop. But so what, it's a rather safe bet that Lucifer will be the end boss with over 9000 HP and an instakill lightinimg bolt attack.

 

[DefJam101]

I bet this will end up being the next Painkiller, lol.

 

[scient]

Like Dead Space, there's also talk of cinematic action to back it up, with Variety recently claiming that Universal outbid rivals to secure film rights to the EA game.

(source)

Wow...just wow. Failure on so many levels. If EA existed in Dante's time, they'd be frozen solid in the fucking ice.

 

[WhiskeyWolf]

Well yeah, it's full of really good imagery and neat quotes to drop. But so what, it's a rather safe bet that Lucifer will be the end boss with over 9000 HP and an instakill lightinimg bolt attack.

You are wrong, it will be the other way around - you will have 9000 HP and the boss will fall after one hit - remember for who are they making this game.

 

[Emotional Vampire]

EA is like Midas, except everything they touch turns to shit.

That's japs.

 

[WhiskeyWolf]

EA is like Midas, except everything they touch turns to shit.

That's Americans, what a fucking genius I am.

fix

 

[Emotional Vampire]

Cry to your Nanoha pillow.

 

[bat_boro]

Well yeah, it's full of really good imagery and neat quotes to drop. But so what, it's a rather safe bet that Lucifer will be the end boss with over 9000 HP and an instakill lightinimg bolt attack.

You are wrong, it will be the other way around - you will have 9000 HP and the boss will fall after one hit - remember for who are they making this game.

For whom?
I really doubt today's console kiddies have ever heard of Dante's Inferno...

 

[WhiskeyWolf]

Have you forgotten FO3? It's the same strategy - Some KK: Fallout 3 will be awesome, it must be awesome because it's based on some epic games that I have never see and will never play, it will RULZE!!11!

 

[Seldon]

Have you forgotten FO3? It's the same strategy - Some KK: Fallout 3 will be awesome, it must be awesome because it's based on some epic games that I have never see and will never play, it will RULZE!!11!

The thing is Whiskey, that FO 3, actually turned out to be quite 'awesome'. It is at least better than the first Fallout. I am not certain it is quite as good as the second, but it is not that far away in regards to quality.

But I have very little hope for this Danterape that is now being produced. It is simply gross, like being forced to watch 3 consecutive hours of furry, tentacle hentai.

 

[Fat Dragon]

It is at least better than the first Fallout.

Good one.

 

[WhiskeyWolf]

The thing is Whiskey, that FO 3, actually turned out to be quite 'awesome'. It is at least better than the first Fallout. I am not certain it is quite as good as the second, but it is not that far away in regards to quality.

Look man, this is not the point here. I talking about a marketing strategy to sell stuff to dumb people. To say more, if you would sit right next to me this day would probably end for you with my hand one your neck - but that's also not the point here.

 

[Seldon]

Look man, this is not the point here. I talking about a marketing strategy to sell stuff to dumb people.

But the difference is of course that it in FO3's case turned out to be a quite truthful statement. It really does carry forward the spirit of Fallout (we will of course have to cut away the few pieces of hyperbolism you so vigilantly added to your statement: "…that I have never see and will never play, it will RULZE!!11!")

However in Danterape's case it is clearly an outright lie. So the similarities between the marketing of these two games are not exactly astounding. It is the difference between honest truthfulness and vile deception, that I have identified.

To say more, if you would sit right next to me this day would probably end for you with my hand one your neck...

What? You wish to rub my neck? I am sorry Whiskey, but my sexuality is not inclined in such a fashion. Better luck next time. Perhaps one day, you will find the perfect male partner that you so crave.

 

[Emotional Vampire]

The thing is Whiskey, that FO 3, actually turned out to be quite 'awesome'. It is at least better than the first Fallout. I am not certain it is quite as good as the second, but it is not that far away in regards to quality.

 

[DarkSign]

Guys...come on. You know there wont be ANY killing at all. This is going to have other elements:

1. Platforming - jump over the fire and use the hangman's noose to swing across the chasm

2. Diplomacy - Learn about history through branching dialogs

3. Fetching - take the talking severed head to Pope Pius XIII so he will open the gate

4. C&C - depending on your actions you may get stuck in Hell, Purgatory or perhaps find the love of your life Beatrice in Heaven. (Asian Hentai Porn level)

 

[Shoelip]

Guys...come on. You know there wont be ANY killing at all. This is going to have other elements:

1. Platforming - jump over the fire and use the hangman's noose to swing across the chasm

2. Diplomacy - Learn about history through branching dialogs

3. Fetching - take the talking severed head to Pope Pius XIII so he will open the gate

4. C&C - depending on your actions you may get stuck in Hell, Purgatory or perhaps find the love of your life Beatrice in Heaven. (Asian Hentai Porn level)

I dunno why, but that wasn't all that funny.

 

[DarkSign]

I'm low on lulz atm. Sorry I've disappointed you.

 

[TheWesDude]

college teacher:

ok class, today we shall all read an epic poem written in the 1400s, and we will be reading the part called "Dante's Inferno"

fucknob #1:

oh dude i played that game on my xbox720! it rocked hardcore!

fucknob #2:

dude it sucked on the xbrick720, its best experience was on the playstation 5, they got the rumble pak working right and the bloom was just astounding on that cloud level!

college teacher:

uhhh, class i do not know what you are talking about, but this is a poem from the 1400s, not some game!

fucknob #3:

uhhh teach, it IS a game, its a game played on the computer where you are some dude named like manknob or something where you have to kill and slaughter people! i beat it in 5 hrs 23 minutes! it was EPIC!

fucknob #1:

dude i finished it in 2 hrs 15 minutes, didnt you know about the secret level to go from limbo straight to the 7th level where you get to kill mohammed! slay the fucking muslims!

college teacher:

::facepalm::

 

[FalloutBR]

Next stop... Sun Tzu's Art of War A-RPG... or Count of Monte Cristo stealh action game using Assassin's Creed engine...

 

[Pastel]

(source)

There were nine circles of hell in all - limbo, lust, gluttony, greed, wrath, heresy, violence, fraud and treachery - where Alighieri brought poetic justice to the likes of fortune-tellers and money-lenders, who, judging by that BBC documentary on the Medici family the other day, weren't his favourite people.

(Incidentally, you could just read Wikipedia yourself - we've no real education).

 

[Herbert West]

(Incidentally, you could just read Wikipedia yourself - we've no real education).

Only real fools and feminists are proud of their deficiencies.

 

[whitemithrandir]

What the fuck is this, Devil May Cry 5?