Completed EU3 Magna Mundi: Serbia Strong REMOVE KEBAB

[Kashmir Slippers]

Don't do it. It would never work and would just make you a new enemy.

I also have to ask if you have changed how the Istanbul/Constantinople province works. I read earlier that you were thinking about using the navy to blockade the strait, but MMU made it so that Constantinople straddles the water and allows the Turks to move troops across in spite of ships. No amount of ships would keep the Turkish swarms on the other side of the strait.

 

[Cassidy]

I also have to ask if you have changed how the Istanbul/Constantinople province works. I read earlier that you were thinking about using the navy to blockade the strait, but MMU made it so that Constantinople straddles the water and allows the Turks to move troops across in spite of ships. No amount of ships would keep the Turkish swarms on the other side of the strait.

I see, I suppose it's more realistic anyway, like in Hearts of Iron games where owning the province linked to the strait allows you to block ships from crossing it and not the opposite.

I'll be honest, I already managed far more than I expected and kept the Turks at bay thanks to a mighty network of alliances and guarantees with neighbors but I doubt I'll ever manage to remove kebab. The Turks claim in Serbia wil expire in 1599, and usually, I have witnessed to AI to very rarely not declare war when one of their claims is about to expire. If I ever manage to upgrade Serbia provinces to a strong economy to support technological supremacy on at least ground forces then I may, in the 17th or 18th century, have a shot against the Turks.

Finally, I forgot to mention that if Serbia does nothing there is a strong likelihood that the next Austrian king will be of the same dynasty as the Serbian king... which means high likelihood of alliance. So it's a choice between a significant likelihood of another strong ally like Russia and again Poland(which apparently will manage to avoid a partition despite what happened) or a low chance of something that could end very gloriously messy.

 

[Merkwürdigliebe]

Looks like you're trapped between two blobs. If you need to grow stronger before removing the kebab you could consider expanding into southern Italy. Those lands are fairly rich and Naples shouldn't be to much of a problem.

 

[TripJack]

MMU made it so that Constantinople straddles the water and allows the Turks to move troops across in spite of ships. No amount of ships would keep the Turkish swarms on the other side of the strait.

that is a bummer bro

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

I also have to ask if you have changed how the Istanbul/Constantinople province works. I read earlier that you were thinking about using the navy to blockade the strait, but MMU made it so that Constantinople straddles the water and allows the Turks to move troops across in spite of ships. No amount of ships would keep the Turkish swarms on the other side of the strait.

I see, I suppose it's more realistic anyway, like in Hearts of Iron games where owning the province linked to the strait allows you to block ships from crossing it and not the opposite.

I'll be honest, I already managed far more than I expected and kept the Turks at bay thanks to a mighty network of alliances and guarantees with neighbors but I doubt I'll ever manage to remove kebab. The Turks claim in Serbia wil expire in 1599, and usually, I have witnessed to AI to very rarely not declare war when one of their claims is about to expire. If I ever manage to upgrade Serbia provinces to a strong economy to support technological supremacy on at least ground forces then I may, in the 17th or 18th century, have a shot against the Turks.

Finally, I forgot to mention that if Serbia does nothing there is a strong likelihood that the next Austrian king will be of the same dynasty as the Serbian king... which means high likelihood of alliance. So it's a choice between a significant likelihood of another strong ally like Russia and again Poland(which apparently will manage to avoid a partition despite what happened) or a low chance of something that could end very gloriously messy.

And as I mentioned, the Union process can be a pain in the ass, especially with a massive country like Austria. Better have them as an ally and remove kebab from everywhere.

 

[StreetPizza]

I signed up just to tell you how awesome your glorious campaign of kebab removal is.

Also, calling Montenegro to arms against Ragusa was a really clever idea--you benefit regardless of whether or not they join the war. If they join the war, you have more allies. If not, you've just saved yourself a few diplomats since you don't have to manually break the alliance before you declare war to claim their throne. Serbia really does have wisdom of the falcon.

 

[Cassidy]

I'm bumping this thread for more votes between either majestic fuckup or great victory with Austria or SERBIA STRONG alone.

Also to tell the truth the major difference if I were to do this with Wallachia would be the soundtrack:

Instead of REMOVE KEBAB it would be this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWZ5tM314S4

And of course, more grimdark and tr00 and kvlt instead of memes and lulz.

 

[Gondolin]

If you have a good chance to make the PU work, do it. You need the additional money and manpower to permanently remove kebab from premises.

 

[Commissar Draco]

So THAT'S how it is! of EU!

Kebab on stick, laughed into my Coffe , So Vanila EU3 with all expansions is more fun to play then Magna Mundi? Are there any mods both stable and fun to play with Eastern European nations? And bumb for Glorious Kebab removal.

 

[Fafnir]

Serbia seek possible grettest might as futur Serb-Austro-Hungarian Emprahirie?

 

[StreetPizza]

That feel when glorious Polan (and friend Litva) will never into space because evil evil Russia had to go and make ruinings of everything.

 

[Ulminati]

I'm bumping this thread for more votes between either majestic fuckup or great victory with Austria or SERBIA STRONG alone.

Also to tell the truth the major difference if I were to do this with Wallachia would be the soundtrack:

Instead of REMOVE KEBAB it would be this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWZ5tM314S4

And of course, more grimdark and tr00 and kvlt instead of memes and lulz.

If that's the union soundtrack, then fro gods sake Serbja stronk alone!

 

[Cassidy]

I'm bumping this thread for more votes between either majestic fuckup or great victory with Austria or SERBIA STRONG alone.

Also to tell the truth the major difference if I were to do this with Wallachia would be the soundtrack:

Instead of REMOVE KEBAB it would be this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lWZ5tM314S4

And of course, more grimdark and tr00 and kvlt instead of memes and lulz.

If that's the union soundtrack, then fro gods sake Serbja stronk alone!

No it isn't. The union soundtrack would be COMMANDO SERBIA, TERMINATOR SERBIA or CONAN SERBIA because of Arnie being Austrian. That one was for Wallachia and by the way, one of the symptoms of weeaboo and popamole love is hatred for kvlt.



But I'll consider your vote despite it being made over a wrong assumption because I'll tell you guys: Personal Unions in MM are a bad idea unless you are a much bigger country than the one joining or Potatoland, and even then it's still a bad idea and can go wrong in too many ways to be worth.

*Edit: How could I have forgotten to mention Morea SPARTA in the OP?

All the lame "tonight we dine kebab in HELL!!!" jokes I missed.




*Edit 2: I thought the next dozen of updates would be relatively peaceful. I'll leave this single screenshot as a teaser of what is coming:

 

[LusciousPear]

Isn't the PU process ridiculously expensive? When I was denmark and wanted to inherit Sweden, it cost me something like 1,000 gold and 70% inflation. It was horrible.

 

[Cassidy]

Isn't the PU process ridiculously expensive? When I was denmark and wanted to inherit Sweden, it cost me something like 1,000 gold and 70% inflation. It was horrible.

Magna Mundi modders failing at game balancing and design by changing a feature to have absolutely more cons than pros, therefore making plain conquest totally more effective compared to it, which instead is useless for all but having a "permanent" ally. What a surprise.

=======================

REMOVE KRAUT FROM THE PREMISES

Is this ironic joke? Serb merchant above fencing and fraud therefore shall never trade in kebab trade center.

Treason!

you are the worst german idiot, you are the inbred habsburg smell.

give up try to seize our clay or we crush you krauts like a skul of pig!

ALL SLAVS ARE NOW UNITED TO REMOVE KRAUT! Hold at all costs Serbian glorious patriots we will achieve VICTROY!

: x

Gather at the borders! We must crush the isolated smaller kraut armies and buy time for our potato bros to achieve decisive victroy!

From the Annusary of Stefan IV, Anno Domini 1530

I heard kebab write diary so to not be like worst turk I write my annusal report on my life both private and as king instead. I wished to free Slovenes from kraut oppression but then Hole Roman Emprahirie would declare war on Serbia, instead I shall negotiate for something Serbia will get much STRONG!

Military comand is not my grettest skill but with Serbia long peace we lost much army tradition thus my skills as general equal to Serbia best general at start of war, I will persanally lead Serbia to VICTROY as much as my father and predecesors did.

A small siege in Istria has been crush, now I lead the other parts of our gloroius army as the worst kraut besiege Croaotia to break siege. Battle of Croaotia could be very decisive but we at difficult situation despite outnumber Austrian siege for now.

Because no matter how numberful, our men wepons are backward and there is a point where glorious engineer corps and superior military drill of our great armija shall no long sufice to compensate this lack of superior technology. Yet we have no choice. The Krauts plan to finish war quickly and crush Serbia before Potato and Russia can amass enough force to turn the tide. WE MUST HOLD OUR GLORIOUS COUNTREY AT ALL COSTS until Poles and Rus arrive to reinforce. WE WILL FIGHT TO THE END. TO CROAOTIA!

The battle of croaotia was a victroy but costly. Many brave Serbians had to die to ensure the kraut will not share our countrey spoils with kebab as vulture scum. Yet it was not over. A second wave that failed to arrive in time to help kraut turn tide of battle didn't stop advancing and all Serb armies were now understrength and tired. DEFEND CROAOTIA!

Our victory achieved, I order men to hunt worst kraut before they regroup with one of their large armies, and thus we march to Slovenia.

Our pursuit costly, we would never do this if not support by two Potatoes, but I never flinch, I never doubt we would win. Thus I leave Grigor to lead a siege and led the rest of our glorouis army in pursuit of kraut scum in person.

Past Karsten they retreat to large formation we give up pursue. Our army need reinforcement with urgent but equally we need decisive victroy, thus I take risk of ordering a split to siege and seize Slovenia, which is more akin to us than to worst kraut.

The reports inform independent artillery regiment supporting Montenegro, they achieve together first major victroy in this war, Austria big army no longer at border with potato this very dangerous but we will not run away like coward! I will fight together with my men and may God favor Serbia! Thus I watch and wait, grett plans set to crush numerically superior kraut army advancing toward Cilli. Fools send horsemen ahead of main army and from this our grett plan shall draw

Without mercy they are wiped out, a grett small victroy. And then I, may God forgive me, order my men to set up their corpse and their horse over wooden stake so scare the shit out of rest of kraut army and convince them to get the fuk out thinking I as merciless as Vlad Tepes who also fought to REMOVE KEBAB but ultimely failed. How would they know the men and horse on the stake were already dead anyway when they were impaled? They didn't know so when they see it they run away!

YES RUN AWAY KRAUT COWARD THAT GUIDO MACHIEVILLI WAS RITE IT IS BEST TO BE FEAR NOT LOVE!!!

(I dunno what happened, but the cavalry was defeated at the same day the other large force arrived and somehow this led their entire army to retreat from Cilli.)

austria do not forget ww2... oh wait forget what I said. Our victroy at Cilli however was temprary and I knew it. I however out of honor and because we must buy time for allies to crush kraut, have chosen to fight until we can no longer fight, to the bitter end. Our armija sufered too many loss we will have to rebuild it again eventually I thank all those who hate the kraut for their war subsidies.

Almost fifteen thousand. We had no time to retreat and only a worst Turk coward would leave his men to die and run away. This must be how Leonidas felt before the battle of Thermopylae, I was very worried I would not live to see victroy and the same trik would not work twice. This time, we would hold long enough to form a cohesive retreat west, and at Krain I shall make my stand.

WE MAY LOSE THIS BATTLE BUT WE SHALL FIGHT WITH HONOR AND WE SHALL WIN THE WAR!

To me brave Patriots! FOR SERBIA AND ALL SLAVS!

Eventually we had to retreat, and so we did.

We lost this battle and would lose Krain, but it was a phyrric victroy for our enemy. I am proud of this battle I "lost", for despite vastly outnumber and technologicly behind we inflict devastating casualties against kraut infantry thanks to our glorouis Serbian engineers and superior training as the 300 Spartans so did against Persians regardless of having lost the battle.

Unfortunate I am not very proud of our retreat to Croaotia.

I buy time and the kraut have lost much territory already thanks to our ultimate sacrifice. Now I order all men to disband for our army have fought to the last, we like glorousi firebird rise from ash and shall again fight kraut and the partisan continue struggle underground. Only artillery support to Montenegro remain intact but despite how devastating this war has been for our force I am more than confident of victroy.

HOLD OUR FORTS! STAY STRONG! SERBIA STRONG! NO MATTER THE COST! WE WILL PREVAIL!

SERBIA STRONG! NOT A SINGLE SERB FORT HAS FALLEN WHILE KRAUT SUFFER LOSS AFTER LOSS!!!

WE HAVE ENTRED WORLD HISTORY TODAY! Our victroy shall be sung though the ages!

kebab you live in a hovel! SOON Serbia will be very rich we will have GOLD!

Romanian are bros together we shall fight to remove kebab and kraut from the premises!

Croaotia has fallen but irrevelant. Yet driving a crushing victroy on kraut shall be decisive to put end to this war. They march to Osijek, which they will never take! The new army gathers to strike Osijek and put end to this.

They patient wait for cavalry too, Osijek garrisson hold at all costs!

SERBIA IS NOW AT THE GATES OF VIENNA! TO VICTROY

To Osijek we shall charge! Yes, I know they are technology superior but we shall prevail and after such victroy then we will be able to crush the austria.

The Battle of Osijek, legend, myth, grett victroy and final battle of war, for now the Austria got in thick head they lost.

after all,

austria we kill the heirless king, REMOVE HABSBURG FROM THE PREMISES, and we almost kill the new king too.

Wish we could seize valuable gold mine ourselfs but it was not our army that won over the goldmine. Thus instead we plan wisely to seize the two most valuable provinces out of Hole Roman Emprahirie and to give to Rumanians a new free countrey hoping they will reward us later with lots of gold! REMOVE KRAUT AND MAGYAR FROM TRANSYLVANIA.

FUTUR SERBIA-TRANSYLVANIA SHALL BE GRETTEST COUNTREY THAN GRETTEST GRETT TIMES GRETT IMPALE AND REMOVE KEBAB

 

[Kashmir Slippers]

Wow. Kudos on beating Austria like that. Very impressive.

 

[Cassidy]

Not that impressive when you have Poland and Russia on your side. Defensive focus can be very useful for countries with limited armies threatened by much larger ones. Scorched Earth too but thanks to the alliance it was never needed.

 

[Gondolin]

Nicely done. You need to grab more land from Austria. I mean: remove kraut from more premises!

 

[Cassidy]

Nicely done. You need to grab more land from Austria. I mean: remove kraut from more premises!

Worst turk warned they will declare war on Serbia as soon as Serbia declares war on anyone, I'm not sure when these warnings expire. And my infamy is pretty bad right now as well. Not as bad as when Croatia and Montenegro were snatched, but still bad.

Serbia is in a really bad shape economically. 33% inflation and growing, and inflation also makes research more expensive. I really should have done everything possible to have occupied that gold-producing Transylvanian province with Serbia because it alone is probably richer than the entire Serbia in yearly production, right now. The only good news is that it is completely possible at this point to keep minting at zero with a positive yearly income, but because of how terribly crippling this level of inflation is, I'm seriously considering to go bankrupt on purpose to reduce inflation*

And it needs both more cores and an administrative monarchy, for government efficiency continues to fluctuate between capable and competent.

*Yes, I know that makes absolutely no sense but this is how economy works in both vanilla and Magna Mundi.

 

[Kipeci]

Maybe nabbing Slovenia is a possibility, after all.

Their gold mines wouldn't hurt, at least.

 

[Cassidy]

Slovenia has no gold mines in Magna Mundi, and AFAIK not in vanilla either. And more importantly, Slovenia is considered part of the Holy Roman Empire which means lot of bad events and the possibility of the entire Holy Roman Empire declaring war on Serbia if they seize it. Transylvania is where the gold of Serbia is because of Alba Tupac.

 

[Vaarna_Aarne]

Could you have let the war carry on a bit longer? If you had gotten Vienna, you could have seized Banat and other Hungarian provinces as well, thus opening a direct path to Tupac's gold.

 

[Cassidy]

Could you have let the war carry on a bit longer? If you had gotten Vienna, you could have seized Banat and other Hungarian provinces as well, thus opening a direct path to Tupac's gold.

Poland and Russia could demand separate peace at any time and despite my victories I relied utterly on them to defeat the Austrian armies, for even after the certain recovery of the disastrous result of those battles at Slovenia* my army as a whole would still be outmatched at full strength against Austria. SERBIA FORT STRONG was the reason for the victory combined with superior siege capabilities. And those provinces linking to Tupac's gold were already seized, but by Poland, and to hell with giving land to Poland while the one to take the infamy is Serbia and then having all that mess of government infiltration - support revolt, then even more infamy as the rebels proclaim Hungary and Serbia has to seize it by force to build the land link to the very rich province of Alba.

And there is also the growing chance of worst turk seeing a long war as an advantage to crush Serbia. Better not take any chances.

But I got benefits: Transylvania will definitively provide quite generous war subsidies if more shit happens.

*I overestimated the ability of my forces sieging one of those slovene provinces quickly enough. When the last of the losing battles happened one of them was like 100% and walls breached for over two months and it could have fallen before but... in one of the things I mostly hate about EU3, sieges as much as combat depend a lot on pure luck, and Montenegro vassal had more luck than Serbia in their sieges.

Besides, eventually I'm definitively going to edit files to change Serbia's dynasty surname to Dracul-Brankovic instead of only Brankovic... and make the style of writing of following updates after it reflect the change in more ways than just mentions of Vlad III. IMPALE AND REMOVE KEBAB SERBIA STRONG TRANSYLVANIA STRONG!!!

*Edit: Even better if I ever manage to REMOVE KRAUT from Slovakia then Dracul-Bathory-Brankovic I don't care on how over the top it sounds.

 

[Gondolin]

Worst turk warned they will declare war on Serbia as soon as Serbia declares war on anyone, I'm not sure when these warnings expire. And my infamy is pretty bad right now as well. Not as bad as when Croatia and Montenegro were snatched, but still bad.

Yeah, I saw that 14.9 thingie. Well, you managed to win once, you might be able to pull it off again, provided that Poland doesn't occupy Transylvania first. Uh... Tupac gold help beat worst turk. Alburnus Maior good, worst turk bad!

 

[Merkwürdigliebe]

Gold mines further increase inflation, just sayin'.