Review Just for laughs: The most stupid KOTOR review

[Vault Dweller]

Tags: BioWare; Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic

Another idiot has decided that he's up to the challenge of writing something stupid. In other words, <a href=http://www.the-laser.com>The Laser</a> posted a rather idiotic, full of errors, <a href=http://www.the-laser.com/knightsofrepublic_pc.htm>review</a> of <a href=http://www.bioware.com/games/knights_old_republic>KOTOR</a> made by <a href=http://www.bioware.com>"Role-Play Game design guru Bio-Ware"</a>. Let's play "Spot the error"
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<blockquote><b>Read this paragraph carefully</b> Set 1000 years before the events found in the Star Wars films, KOTOR takes place soon after the infamous Mandalorian Wars. Although victorious, the Republic Army has weakened significantly due to the years of strife and battle with the bloodthirsty Mandalore Empire. Two rogue Jedi Knights seduced by the power of the dark side of the force have resurrected the remnants of the ancient Sith Empire, seizing control of half of the remaining Republic Forces.
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You can choose from several character 'classes', including Scoundrel, Soldier, Thief, etc. The interesting aspect of Bio-Ware's RPG engine is that players do not have to stick with their initial class. As experience is gained, players can use the extra points in any fashion they see fit: that includes building up upon the original skill traits for their chosen character class, or adding points to any other set of skills or abilities. Players have direct access to what skills or abilities they can obtain with XP, or they can bypass the whole system itself, opting for the auto-update of character skills. This system allows the game itself to delegate experience into the proper channels for a chosen profession, strengthening the pool skill base of the players chosen class. This goes for the standard RPG classes found in the game, as well as the Jedi-Knight profession that can be obtained later on in the game.</blockquote>On word: What?
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Spotted at: <A HREF="http://www.rpgdot.com">RPG Dot</A>

 

[Anonymous]

Two rogue Jedi Knights seduced by the power of the dark side of the force have resurrected the remnants of the ancient Sith Empire, seizing control of half of the remaining Republic Forces.

Also, I wonder how untrained rogue dark Jedi could pull off such a stunt..

If I recall correctly, you gotta be trained by the appriate person to become a full Sith, like how to become a Jedi Knight, you gotta become a Padawan to one.

Edit: On a similar note, I find it strange a Jedi Knight would go to the Dark, after all that training to will away such things..

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Jesus (f-word) christ! I guess there's some reviewers who won't bother to check the facts. Spot the errors, eh? Okay, I'm up for it. Let's see...

It's 4000 years before the events of Episode one! Not the Mandalorian (f-word) wars. That was, like, ten years ago (well, speaking SW-time here...). First error noted.

The Sith ain't ancient and they (Revan and Malak) didn't resurrect it. They JOINED. Second and third error noted.

"Role-Play Game design guru Bio-Ware"... Please kill the bastard! Both grammatical and idiotic errors noted (fourth and fifth).

Scoundrel, Soldier, Thief etc... Uhh... No. The scoundrel is actually the thief, except he/she ain't got the skills. Another error. Did the reviewer actually play this game? Sixth error noted.

"While the RPG and combat systems within KOTOR are intensive..." No (f-word) way! Seventh idiotic error noted.

"For example, instead working out a non-violent solution with a group of Trandoshan thugs..." Alright, so he's making up examples? Eight error noted.

"Superb combat system, challenging quests and intuitive character creation/skill system..." Oh, my, God, please, rain, fire, and, hell, on, this, idiot. Please? Ninth, tenth and eleventh errors noted.

So in conclusion: the reviewer is a moron worthy of getting hanged with a X-Box controller wire. Thank you and good night.

 

[Volourn]

Reviews of ancient games. Tsk, tsk. That's the biggest error yet.

 

[Vault Dweller]

It says "Just for Laughs", doesn't it?

 

[Volourn]

Not you, the actual reviewer. Don't be defensive. If I wnated to "attack" you, i'd make it clear.

 

[Vault Dweller]

Ok, then, carry on

 

[S4ur0n27]

You can choose from several character 'classes', including Scoundrel, Soldier, Thief, etc.

Isn't there like 3 classes in that game? He should have proceeded with naming some of them, not all of them.

 

[Volourn]

You are as dumb as he is. there are 6 classes.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

You start out by choosing one of the first normal classes: Scoundrel, Soldier and Scout to begin with. After that you may choose one of three jedi classes: Sentinel, Consular and Guardian. Six in all.

 

[dipdipdip]

Yes. He pulled the "thief" class out of his ass. Be happy he stopped when he did. Were he to keep going, letters and numbers, he would've probably made more shit up like "gymnast" and "street poet." I like how he mentions that a neat feature in the game is not having to stick with the initial classes as if you had some kind of choice (you don't).

 

[Vault Dweller]

Yes, switching a class is a very neat idea, never saw that before.

 

[Volourn]

Saw it before... way back in FF1... :D

 

[suibhne]

You start out by choosing one of the first normal classes: Scoundrel, Soldier and Scout to begin with. After that you may choose one of three jedi classes: Sentinel, Consular and Guardian. Six in all.

Actually, I think you meant to write: "After that you're forced to choose one of three jedi classes...."

Edit: That isn't just nitpicking; it means there's even less flexibility in the game than is immediately apparent. You must choose between only three classes at any given time in the game.

 

[Vault Dweller]

Saw it before... way back in FF1... :D

That was sarcasm. :wink:

 

[Transcendent One]

I thought people joked when saying that some reviewers don't play the games they review. But now I see they don't :shock: That guy needs help!

And I don't find it funny. Itr just shows how degraded society is.

 

[Volourn]

And?

 

[Transcendent One]

What, you disagree that the guy needs help?

 

[Volourn]

Arrogant fool. Did you think I was *actually* replying to you? :wink:

 

[Rosh]

You are as dumb as he is. there are 6 classes.

Wow...Susan's everyone's bitch.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

You start out by choosing one of the first normal classes: Scoundrel, Soldier and Scout to begin with. After that you may choose one of three jedi classes: Sentinel, Consular and Guardian. Six in all.

Actually, I think you meant to write: "After that you're forced to choose one of three jedi classes...."

Edit: That isn't just nitpicking; it means there's even less flexibility in the game than is immediately apparent. You must choose between only three classes at any given time in the game.

No, I really do mean that "may choose one of three jedi classes". You're forced to do it, but why would you want to run through the game as, let's say a scoundrel? Then again; why did they include that class? It's lame and serves no value. Kind of like Interplay these days.

 

[Saint_Proverbius]

Running through as a scoundrel might not be so bad if blasters didn't suck so much ass.

 

[dipdipdip]

My first character was a Scoundrel. I was happy to see a character who would supposedly progress through the game through means other than combat. It's true, he certainly has no talent where combat is concerned, but the game's very much a hack 'n slash, and stealth was never a viable option, it was never useful, so I found myself turning him into a sword-wielding soldier anyhow, which is a bad idea considering the low health.

People still use the class, adapting the way I did, because they do make for good Guardians due to the dmg bonus they receive from hitting an enemy from behind, and they do make good Consulars because they're such big ninnies, but other than that, the class itself seems pretty FUBAR to me, which I just don't get considering how there's only three initial choices. You'd think there'd be some balance.

 

[Andyman Messiah]

Bioware was probably playing Diablo when making up the classes.

Assassin: "Let's call it Scoundrel but let's make it more sci-fi and take away the good parts and add that useless backstabbing-ability."
Warrior: "Oooh... I got it! Soldier! And then, when the character reaches jedi-training we have... the Protector! No! The Guardian! Yes!"
The Allrounder: "Let's call it a Scout and study the Han Solo-dress code."
Magician: "Ain't all jedis fit for fireballs? Consular? Yes, Consular. Wisdom and all that."
The One Left Out: "The Sentinel. Hey, Bastila could be one of those. The misfits. The rebellious! The Sentinels! Great!"

 

[Azael]

Well, Bioware didn't make up the classes, Wizards of the Coast did.