Let's play Codexian Blood Bowl League

[scratchmonkey]

A new challenger approaches! Ulminati had to drop out due to consistent connection issues and my worst fears of when I volunteered to be a reservist are realized:

MY LOVE FOR YOU IS LIKE A TRUCK

Thankfully, the team is too dumb/drunk to realize the consequences of not taking an apothecary.

The Round One result will stand, the Norse will still get 5 games to play/maim/be maimed.

 

[grotsnik]

Grunker, old chap, what's this 'Nuggle' bullshit? It's 'Nuffle', I believe.

Good luck to young scratchmonkey.

 

[Ulminati]

Linked it in the OP

 

[Grunker]

Link mine too? :D

@Grotsnik: But G and F are right next to each other on the keyboard, mayn.

 

[Grunker]

at least I can beat my fellow codexers in friendly matches.

But do you have an AG4 Werewolf? Huh?!?

Didn't think so!

 

[Grunker]

Once again, it was time for Nurgle's Receivers of Blessing (DeathBunny) to meet The Necromantic Dead Money (Grunker) on the fields of Blood Bowl!

A riveting game, full of excitement, let me tell you! For those who lust for replays, download this game's replay HERE.

For those who just wish a crazy tale told, stay a while, and listen...

Nurgle kicks off, and I pick up the ball with my new, fresh AG4 werewolf. First half isn't very exciting, so I'll stick to saying this: After some blocks, rummaging around the field, and the like, I run for it with a ghoul on the ball. Only dude nearby is a Nurgle Warrior, who has to make two GFI-rolls just to block - no re-rolls.

He does, block my poor ghoul, and a boring first half ends

Spoiler

0-0

Second half is much more exciting! Nurgle pushes a cage down the midfield, and all sortsa blocking and stuffies occur - this results in a K.O. for Nurgle. This changes soon, however, as I get K.O.'ed, badly hurt, K.O.'ed and then badly hurt again. With 6 vs. 9 I'm struggling like an insane person to keep Nurgle from scoring.

We both have our share of bad luck, I fail a GFI, use a re-roll, and fail again, while Nurgle double-skulls.

Meanwhile, Nurgle pushes further and further to his left, my right. I manage to K.O. his pestigor-ball-carrier by selecting a both down on a wolf blitz. Soon after, he K.O.'s my other wolf. We're at 5vs8, and I'm seeing my chances of keeping the tie slip away before me. I 1D blitz with my other wolf on his ball-carrier and... BOTH DOWN. Shit and yes! The wolf is laying there, unable to rise the next turn. Nurgle is now very close to scoring. The ball is on the ground, and Nurgle fails the pick-up.

My turn. I 1D blitz with a zombie on one of the rotter's within ball reach, seeing if I can push him into the ball, so it'll bounce away. I roll and... SKULL.

It's the last turn... One of Nurgle's rotters has to pick up the ball (3+) and make one GFI, and it's a touchdown... The GFI is no problem, but picking up the ball, however, slightly more difficult.

It's 0-0... Last turn... The crowd is holding their breath... DeathBunny's rotter goes for the ball aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...

Spoiler

PICKS IT UP!!!

Only an easy GFI left, my head is on the table, DeathBunny's arms are in the air, he goes for it aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand...

Spoiler

FAILS!!!

FINAL SCORE:

Spoiler

0-0 - but the result lies, it was an utterly intense match.

I won 90.000 gold, and got MVP on my +AG wolf, very nice. DeathBunny leveled up a Pestigor which now has V. I also bought a Flesh Golem, while DeathBunny picked up a new, fresh Pestigor.

 

[Grunker]

at least I can beat my fellow codexers in friendly matches.

But do you have an AG4 Werewolf? Huh?!?

Didn't think so!

the question is, after i'm through with him...
will you?

What's the AV of a Tomb Guardian..?

Oh wait, nevermind, I don't care, I have claw

 

[Grunker]

what's the AV of a werewolf...?

oh nevermind, i got 11 fouling players.

So do I... Only difference is, I can actually pick up the ball

 

[Mantiis]

I really do hope you both get through the group stage and meet each other in the finals.

Really I do.

 

[Grunker]

you can't pick up the ball...if i tear out yer arms!

AH-AH YOU DIDN'T

Shit is on, motherfucker. I'm going to use your mummies' wrappings as toilet-paper for my flesh-golems

 

[grotsnik]

JIM: Hey, there, sports fans! You’re listening to Jim Johnson and Bob Bifford!

BOB: Yeah – you know, those two guys who would be quite amusing if they didn’t have the same five soundbytes repeated over and over by the Blood Bowl game. Meaning you almost certainly have the sound turned off right now.

JIM: Anyway, we’ve got a great game ahead of you today. In one corner, writer of the least popular LP on the Codex, contributor to threads nobody gave a flying fuck about, it’s that guy you never heard of – G-R-R-R-OTSNIK!

BOB: Too true, Jim. And facing him is Exmit, whose avatar looks like an evil grey mushroom terrorist. P. cool guy.

JIM: No love lost between these two, Bob. Last time they played, Exmit’s Drunken Dex Dorfs crushed Grotsnik’s reptilian aristocrats 3-0, no less.

BOB: Ha! What a useless faggot!

JIM: Anyway, it’s kick-off – and, oh, dear, that’s pouring rain. Doesn’t look good for the lizards, who receive.

BOB: Don’t look too soon, Jim – a skink has picked up the ball and successfully caged behind the Sauruses on the half-way line! Even better, the Sauruses have pushed the Dorfs entirely out of contact.

JIM: A Troll Slayer’s stepped up to take on the corner of the cage, and – oh, that’s a re-roll gone and he’s toppled onto the ground like the stupid ginger cunt he is.

BOB: The lizards press quickly onwards, exploiting the gap, barging into the Dorf half and setting up a cage there. The Dorfs try to get back in time but-

JIM: THAT’S A TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN TO THE REPTILIAN NEW WORLD ORDER!

BOB: Looks like Grotsnik didn’t trust his players to stall effectively against the Dorfs. Well, let’s see if that’ll cost them.

JIM: Looks like they just got a helping hand, Bob! The kick-off result was ‘Riot’, moving the game on an extra turn. So it’s turn 4 and the Dorfs have only one re-roll left. Bet that’ll cost them…oh no, they just rolled a 5 and a 6. And another 5 and a 6…and another…looks like they’re lucky over-skilled badger-rapists.

BOB: Careful, Jim – Grotsnik’s obvious bitterness is coming through there.

JIM: Anyway, the dwarves are caging their way down the left wing, bashing out at everything in their path. Grotsnik’s players get up, they get knocked down again. They’re getting dangerously close to the lizard endzone…

BOB: What a coup! The lizards have literally blocked off the dwarven runner with the bodies of his teammates! Not only that, but on a -2d roll, a skink managed to push him back one precious square. Just one turn left before half-time. Surely there’s no way…

JIM: …So the dwarves are DODGING their way through the lizards here. DODGING. Jesus Christ, surely he can’t possibly-
BOB: Ha! No! The runner fails his GFI and falls over. Phew!

HALF-TIME.

JIM: Well, the Reptilians are up 1-0, but there’s a mighty 8 turns of defence awaiting them. 8 turns of defence against cunting blocking tackling dwarves I hate them so much…

BOB: And, as expected, they’re bashing their way merrily through the Sauruses, first testing their weight left, then heading right, K.O.ing two sauruses en route, and – oh, what happened there? The dwarf runner is completely exposed on the right wing!

JIM: A saurus takes him out – oh, but the ball’s bounced into contact with another dwarf…

BOB: Don’t despair, Jim. Through ingenious positioning, Grotsnik’s managed to get three skinks around to 2d that Blocker, knocking him out of the way. The ball is clear! The ball is clear, and there’s a skink right next to it with all his movement left, ready to…

JIM: Oh. He failed the 3+ pick-up. And then the re-roll.

BOB:…the Dwarves surround the ball. A skink gets injured.

JIM: The Reptilians keep fighting. Another injury and they’re down to 7 men on the field. The Dwarven runner gets to the endzone on turn 16.

Match ends 1-1!

GROTSNIK: NO! NO! FUCK YOU YOU LITTLE BEARDED COCKGOBBLERS! I’M GOING TO SHOVE A RADIO MAST UP ALL OF YOUR ARSES AND TWIST YOUR PRICKS UNTIL I CAN PICK UP THE LATEST TRAVEL, WEATHER AND SHOWBIZ NEWS FROM SIR TERRY MOTHERFUCKING WOGAN TWENTY YEARS IN THE PAST!

*

A good game, Exmit played well. But I am so, so very happy that I will never have to play dwarves again.

 

[Mantiis]

I was wondering where your write up was - lucky I checked the let's play thread! Fun read. I especially liked this bit:

JIM: A Troll Slayer’s stepped up to take on the corner of the cage, and – oh, that’s a re-roll gone and he’s toppled onto the ground like the stupid ginger cunt he is.

A good game, Exmit played well. But I am so, so very happy that I will never have to play dwarves again.

There is a chance that you two will face off in the final....

 

[MicoSelva]

Cool writeup. I only started playing the game recently, so Jim & Bob still have some entartaining value for me, but turning them off is just a matter of time, I feel.

Anyway, 1-1 with dwarves - nice.

 

[grotsnik]

Cool writeup. I only started playing the game recently, so Jim & Bob still have some entartaining value for me, but turning them off is just a matter of time, I feel.

The odd thing is that for a game where the loading screens are all written in broken English and the 'story' setting is barely intelligible, some of their banter is actually pretty well-written (like if the player concedes a match and they decide to go down to the stands and beat the shit out of him). But the designers seemed to think it was necessary to have

'He'll have trouble blowing his NOSE after that one!'

repeated every time a player falls over. Which, as you say, gets annoying fast.

There is a chance that you two will face off in the final....

With my 3-0 deficit in the books? Ho, ho, I doubt it. I'll be nice and safe in the losers' corner while your thralls are getting dwarf-molested.

 

[Grunker]

Good plan Grotsnik! Go into our match with that attitude :D

 

[Mantiis]

With my 3-0 deficit in the books? Ho, ho, I doubt it. I'll be nice and safe in the losers' corner while your thralls are getting dwarf-molested.

I havent played shuma yet, i barely beat Castanova and Comrade considers having double the players that the opponent has left on the pitch as a win ignoring the score completely. I really doubt I will get out of the group stage. You on the other hand are playing lizzies and you are starting to get some skills. There are 4 more match days!

 

[grotsnik]

Good plan Grotsnik! Go into our match with that attitude :D

Oh, I am *so* devoting all my energies to trying to kill your werewolf.

 

[MicoSelva]

Cool game. I would REALLY like to see a replay of it. Yes, this is a hint.

 

[good little toastboy]

It's in the other thread: http://rpgcodex.net/phpBB/viewtopic.php ... 02#1489302

 

[MicoSelva]

Thanks, I somehow missed it there.

 

[scratchmonkey]

Matchday 4 - The Dandy Fops vs. Ragnarok and Roll

A rematch of a brusing 3-0 defeat by the Fops in the first game, where the elves showed they mean business, beating the Norse at their own game -- reducing how many teeth the other team has left (they also outbashed Chaos in their match, which makes me wonder just how foppish they really are).

The game starts with the Norse kicking off, taking a very aggressive flat formation with 5 players on the LOS. The kick goes short and all the way off to the side. The elves pick it up and take it deep before doing some damage along the front line, Lord Byron K.O.ing a berzerker along the flanks and then Badly Hurting Ronnie James Frio.

Fen Danzig retaliates by crowdsurfing James Abott McNeill Whistler, resulting in a pinched nerve. With the ball deep in his thrower's hands, Toast blocks a catcher free, who then seemingly inexplicably runs off next to Fen Danzig. All is made clear when a lineelf then returns the favor by blitzing for a crowdsurf. The thrower then runs and passes the ball to the catcher with no Norse anywhere nearby.

The Norse Runner, Rob Halberd, dodges out of a mark and successfully blitzes the catcher, getting only a push to put him closer to the sideline. None of the other Norse are close enough to make any difference.

Spoiler

The elves use a reroll on the block targeting Rob Halberd to get a Defender Down and a K.O., giving Oscar Wilde plenty of time to saunter into the endzone. 1-0 Fops

Ragnarok and Roll do get one player back, so they're only two down again. Without their Runner, they use a reroll to have a Berserker pick it up deep in their half. A blitz with Fen Danzig results in having to take a Both Down and it's a turnover.

The elves bypass the clogged middle of the field and converge on the inadequately protected ballcarrier, who is quickly left completely defenseless with his lone escort blitzed down. Dane Mustaine, the ballcarrier, gambles with a blitz to get the ball into a scrum of retreating Norse trying to tie up the onrushing elves. The melee in the center of the field continues with a Norse journeyman lineman scoring a Gouged Eye on an opponent.

Next turn the elves block the ball free, dodge Oscar Wilde out of a mark, he picks it up and passes it downfield to a partially-caged Richard Nash.

Spoiler

Fen Danzig manages to blitz into the cage and the Norse get two marks on the ballcarrier. This counts for nothing as Nash prances away for the score. 2-0 Fops.

The kick goes off the field and Ragnarok and Roll get the ball right to their balhandler. Stupidly, they start unloading blocks before moving their players and are rewarded with a double-skulls from a blitzing werewolf, giving them another turnover with the ball in a very vulnerable position. The elves reward this decline by gang-fouling one werewolf (only stunning him) and K.O.ing the other. The elves then fall a dodge twice and it's another turnover.

A blitz frees the ballcarrier and the Norse drunkenly (I had started hitting the beer by this point in the match) attempt a rudimentary cage in the middle of the field. With two turns remaining, two lineman streak downfield, much to the amusement of the spectators.

The elves then get a Defender Down on a one-dice block, knocking the ball free. Rather than attempt a risky pickup, they decide to mark the linesmen downfield and get an elf right next to the ball.

Spoiler

A blitz clears all elves away from the ball and a Norse journeyman makes the 4+ pickup. He then makes the 4+ pass, the elves miss the interception, Scott Freezin' makes the 4+ catch and then the 5+ dodge and goes in to score as the bell rings for halftime. Fops 2-1 Ragnarok and Roll.

The kick for the second half goes barely into the Norse half and a cage quickly gets formed around it. Fen Danzig then rages downfield, smashing Benjamn Disraeli's skull in. Death, and the Norse now have a one-player advantage. They burn a reroll picking up the ball though.

The scrum continues in the middle of the field for a couple turns, the Norse seemingly happy to hold possession. The cage is reformed, then Fen Danzig Badly Hurts Oscar Wilde and a succession of blocks frees the Norse to try and run the ball down the right side.

The elves manage to dodge out of their marks successfully and manage to pen up Rob Halberd just over the halfway line. One of the elves gambles and loses, attacking the Yheetee and getting K.O.ed for his trouble.

Now with a 3-man advantage, the Norse try and break the ball free with 4 turns remaining. Another K.O. and the elves are seriously outnumbered. However, all of the elves save one are around the carrier and their Sidestep and Dodge abilities make it difficult to get free. An attacker down roll with no rerolls creates a situation where the elves actually have more men near the ball than the Norse.

With three turns to go, the Norse are actually going backwards, although they still retain possession. With Yheetee Malmsteen stranded thanks to Wild Animal, the Norse blitz the left side free of its solitary defender and then gamble, dodging Rob Halberd free on a 4+ with no reroll to try an end-around, with all the Norse moving to mark up.

Two turns to go and the ball is two squares from midfield. Another excellent blitz from Dane Mustaine clears the defenders from in front of Rob Halberd and all the other Norse move to get inbetween the elves and the path to the endzone. Halberd moves to a position where he'll score next round.

Spoiler

With their best blitzer out of range, the elves just try and free up an elf to force a Dodge roll. With no Norse reroll, it's a good move. Unfortunately, Charles Baudelaire fails both the first and the reroll of his 3+ dodge and Halberd runs it in on Turn 15. All tied at 2-2.

With only one turn left, the elves try their best to injure the Norse; they only manage to get some stuns though and the game ends.

Spoiler

A 2-2 tie and a pretty lucky one for the Norse, I have to say. That score at the end of the first half was just plain fluky.